"Are you sure about this?" I yell over the pulsing music. The psychedelic kaleidoscope of lights flash on Minhyuk, Shownu, and Wonho, bathing their faces in multicolored lights. I know I've lost when the light shows their awestruck expressions.
Well, as long as everyone else enjoys themselves...
I drop my head and do a gesture of 'go on' to the three of them.
"Go," I say tiredly. "Have some fun for me."
It's almost comical the way they race off the second I say they can, like I'm their mom and they're my children asking if they can go over to a friend's house for the day.
I watch them run off, Minhyuk and Shownu going one way, probably for the bar, and Wonho goes the other way, probably towards the women, knowing his looks and way of life.
I retreat to a secluded high-tabled bar I noticed when I first came in. I huff down in the swivel seat and sigh.
Alone again.
The bartender notices me from a few seats down and comes my way.
"Anything you'd like?" He asks. I'm feeling so sorry for myself that I barely look up, nearly missing how hot he is.
Jesus. Wow, is he hot. His eyes and hair and dark and mysterious, a midnight stranger beckoning to come hear his secrets. Those eyes are smirking now, probably picking up the gay vibes I no doubt exude, and realizing the effect he probably has on me.
I sit open mouthed, unable to form an eloquent response.
"A margarita, maybe?"
I find myself nodding, almost in a trance, even though I don't comprehend what he just said. It isn't until he walks away to get my drink that I realize my mistake.
Margarita? MARGARITA?
A drink? With real alcohol?
I stand up abruptly, startling everyone around me, to tell him to stop! It's a mistake! I'm a good kid! but when the bartender turns to look at me, the source of the noise, his dark aesthetic silences me yet again, and find myself slinking back into my seat.
I sigh in frustration.
I must be crazy! How can I go from wanting to squeeze Wonho's cheeks to wanting to kiss someone that I've never met before?
I growl and slam my head on the table.
"I must be insane," I murmur, my head resting on my arms crossed at the bar table ledge.
"Rough day?" I look up to see the bartender with my drink. His eyes look more daring than confused, almost as if they're baiting me, a tall glass of wine to an alcoholic.
I almost can't believe that he's talking to me, a nobody, even asking how I feel, when I realize it's probably just part of his job.
"I'm just... I'm just confusing myself." I admit this quietly. It probably sounds bad, but I say it anyways.
His smile grows to a devilish smirk. I swallow at his expression. What's going on with me?
"Does it have anything to do with that guy you walked in with, giving your forlorn eyes to?" he speaks in accented English. He leans over the the bar, held up with his elbow as I am taken back.
I'm taken back at him... the way he seems so focused on me, the way he guessed so dead on.. but at the mention of Wonho, I find my heart distancing itself from this man, who yes, I feel an undeniable attraction to, but don't know.
I open my mouth to dismiss his question, to make something up, but I give up. I'll just have to get used to the fact that I'm whipped and that it's apparently clear to everyone but me.
"Yes!" I moan, dropping my head back on the table with a loud thud.
"It's all so confusing," I say, my voice muffled. "I don't know what I want or what he wants or what I should even do about all of this."
I've been so scared to even consider it, to think of how badly this could end, so this is my first time really thinking about it.
"Well, honey, I'd start with a drink. I bet you didn't know that a bit of alcohol is extremely gifted at unveiling those hidden thoughts you can't seem to figure out so hidden in your brain that the logic part of you can't access it. It's also incredibly stupid, and I wouldn't recommend making any rash decisions while it's got you, but it really is good at helping you to find out how you feel nonetheless."
I slowly lift my head.
What have I got to lose? There's nothing here to be in my way; no parents, no school in the morning.. nothing.
So before I think better of it or consider the consequences it could have, I grab the drink, tip it back, and bottoms up.
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"And so can you believe what I said next? He said, he said," I stop to take another swig, oops, I mean a chug, of my shot.
Evan stares at me with glassy-eyed wonder.
"What?" he asks, leaning towards me, his voice slurred.
"He said he didn't even have a car!" We both bust out laughing. I pat his knee in laughter. It's just so funny! Laughing is just so fun when you're with your friends! Yes! And Evan! Is definitely my best friend in the whole world!
Evan laughs so hard he falls into my lap, smelling like fun! And booze... but that also smells like fun right now too!
I hug his laughing frame.
"Wow, Won," I hear him say through my curtain of bliss. "You're so cool!"
I laugh. Cool. What a weird phrase. Calling someone cold is an insult, but cool is good? How strange.
"Thanks!" I bite back a hiccup, smiling. "You're cool too... I think." I giggle at my own wittiness. I should be a wonder to the world, with how smart I am! I am the world's smartest person! I deserve an award!
The world feels so far away and I'm just so happy! So happy that I barely even notice when Evan leans forward, planting a sloppy kiss on my mouth.
Woah woah woah. Either my reflexes are slow, or my heart is, because it takes me a second to kiss him back. Why wouldn't I kiss him back? My heart feels so free. My heart said to ride the freedom on the wings of a multi-colored phoenix to happy land! And Evan's lips are the wings!
I want to kiss him back, but with all this talk of freedom, my mouth just wants to sing about it! Singing is so fun! And my voice can sound so pretty when I move it up and down...
I demonstrate it a little bit for Evan, but he must not like it that much, because he just goes back to kissing me.
Evan's hands frame my sides. It feels weird all of a sudden... all cold and sticky. I look down and seeing my bare skin all wet, I... wait... where's my shirt?
I look around clumsily for my shirt, which must of just fallen off or something, because I'd never just take it off like that or anything, but Evan drops his lips onto mine again.
I want to fall into it like before, but something is starting to feel off.
I tap on his chest, asking him to let me up, but his lips just deepen in intensity. I make a noise deep in my throat, panicking a bit, when he finally listens.
"Thanks, " I murmur, smiling again now that my best friend in the whole world Evan has returned again!
He smiles back, then snatches off his shirt too, going back to kiss me again.
Wait, what?
My limbs feel submerged in water. I try to push him off, but his weight, but it's too domineering.
Then all of a sudden, faster than a drunk or not even drunk brain can comprehend, I hear a growl, and Evan suddenly slides off of me.
My eyes finally focus, just in time to see Wonho.
Panting and angry, but Wonho just the same. Wonho, with a fistful of Evan's shirt in is hand, Evan's body elevated and pushed against a wall. Wonho, his fists slamming into Evan's face over and over again.
It takes a while, but seeing the blood from his nose, the screaming Minhyuk being held back by Shownu, the horrified expression on everyone's face, the thought 'this is isn't right' breaks through the fog, and wakes me up.
What do I do? What can I do?
Still drunk, I do the only thing that I can do.
I stumble towards them, my only thought to stop him, to stop all this, it's wrong.
I make my way to them. "Wonho, stop," I yell drunkenly. "Please, stop!"
I grab at his elbow, pulled back to punch Evan again.
Instead of stopping like I thought he would, like the Wonho I knew would, he looks back at me with such a ferocious expression I freeze, my grip on him staying, then he throws his elbow back at me, it aimed sharply at my chest, disengaging my grip on his elbow and throwing me to the ground.
Still filled with alcohol and shocked as possible at Wonho's reaction, I clumsily fall onto a glass table, it falling and shattering, surrounding me with glass.
I gasp in pain, looking down at my arm. A cut about 6 inches long and deep is bleeding on my forearm.
Wonho looks back at me, his eyes clearing, becoming apologetic the longer he looks at me.
Those eyes, so sorry, are the last thing I remember before I pass out.