{{may be triggering}}
"The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me. It's alright if you don't know what you need. I'm right here when you need someone to see. It's not speak or forever hold your peace, it's alright to take time and find where you've been. You are perfect porcelain."
Michael's p.o.v
I was cuddling with Luke in his room. We've been dating for almost a month now, and it's amazing. We almost never fight, and if we do, it's just about stupid stuff that we get over instantly. I'm in love with him, but I haven't told him yet. I haven't told him I love him, and he hasn't told me that he loves me. I think we're just too afraid to tell each other. I'm ready though. The only thing is, we haven had sex yet and I don't want him to think I'm saying that I love him just to get in his pants. I really love him though, and I want him to know. I was taken out of my daze by Luke kissing my neck.
"Good morning sleepy head." I said, trying to kiss his lips. He pushed me away before I could and I frowned.
"I have morning breath. It's gross." He said, trying to not breathe on me.
"You're fine, Luke. I just want to kiss you." I pouted.
"Let me just brush my teeth first." Luke said, getting up and walking to the bathroom. I got up and stretched. The position I slept in made my back hurt. Right when I was about to sit back down, Luke walked in.
"Done. Your turn." Luke smiled, pushing me out the door.
"Is it really that bad?" I frowned, facing him.
"No. I just want to get dressed and I don't want you to see." He said blatantly.
"Dang it." I fake-pouted, crossing my arms. Luke giggled and pushed my shoulder.
"Go." He said, closing the door on me. I made my way to the bathroom quietly. When I got to the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and put my toothbrush back in the cup. I rinsed my face and went to grab the towel, but it wasn't there. Maybe Luke was just washing it. I started searching the cupboards for a towel. During my search, I found a small box. I got curious, so I opened it. I gasped when I looked inside. Blades. Why does Luke have blades hidden in his bathroom? I was hoping they were just extras for shaving his face, but some were too small for that. I started panicking and then I thought if something. Luke and I have almost had sex multiple times, but every time when I go to take off his clothes, we stop. He says it's just because he's not ready, but I was secretly doubting that. I just didn't want to push him to do something he wasn't comfortable with, so I never went further. I always sleep in my boxers, and Luke sleeps in sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt. And he always wears bracelets and/or a hoodie. The realization of the possibility of Luke self-harming hit me instantly, making me sick. I walked out of the bathroom and slowly made my way to Luke's room, the box still in my hands. I knocked on the door and heard some rustling on the other side.
"Wait a sec!" I heard Luke yell. I started getting really nervous, waiting to hear Luke's response to my finding. The door suddenly opened and Luke appeared wearing skinny jeans and a large hoodie. Of course. I walked inside his room and turned to face him. Luke closed the door and turned to face me. "What's the matter?" Luke asked, his voice suddenly really shaky. I held out the box so he could see. His eyes widened and his face got red. He started shaking a little. "W-where'd you g-get that?" He said, trying to grab it out of my hands. I pulled it away before he could reach it.
"Luke, what is this?" I asked sternly. Luke began crying and I felt my face relax. I put the box on the bed and engulfed Luke in a hug. He started sobbing in my shoulder. I rubbed his back lightly.
"I-I didn't want y-you to... see that." Luke rubbed his eyes and pulled away. I grabbed his wrists and looked up at him.
"Can I see?" I asked, my voice uncertain and shaky. He nodded hesitantly and pulled his sleeves up. I felt my heart shatter when I saw his wrists. There were so many cuts.
"I'm sorry, Michael. I... I just feel so worthless. I don't deserve you. You're too sweet and perfect and I'm just a stupid, disgusting, ugly, useless, piece of shit. You can leave me if you want." Luke cried silently, tears streaming down his face. I was a a complete loss of words. I just looked at Luke and grabbed his face.
"You are NOT worthless, stupid, disgusting, ugly, useless, or a piece of shit. You are beautiful and talented and amazing and if anything, I don't deserve YOU. I'm a terrible boyfriend. How did I not notice you are depressed? I fucking suck. I wasn't there when you needed me most. I'm so sorry Luke. If you can ever forgive me I will be forever grateful. I love you, Luke. There, I finally said it. I am in love with you, Lucas Robert Hemmings, and nothing you say or do will ever make me change my mind. I am hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with you. I will be there for you through everything, no matter what. I'm going to help you, I promise." Luke was still crying, but smiling a little. I let my hands fall from his face and grab his hands. I'm just so confused. How could someone so perfect as Luke be so hard on himself? I feel like I'm not worth his time, not the other way around.
"I love you too, Michael. Thank you so much. You didn't have to say that stuff if you didn't mean it. It's okay. I understand if you didn't mean it." Luke frowned, trying to let go of my hands. I just grabbed them tighter and pulled him closer to me.
"Luke, stop it. I meant every single word. And I need you to know that. I truly love you, is there any way I can convince you?" I kissed his lips, wrapping my arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around my neck, trying to get as close to me as possible. I smiled into the kiss, running my fingers through his hair. He pulled away and smiled slightly.
"I don't know. It's going to take awhile. If it makes you happy, I'm going to try and get better. I promise." Luke looked at me and I swear, his eyes glistened.
"Thank you, I would love that. I need you to see how much you're worth. I don't care how long if takes, because I love you." I kissed him again, trying to put all my emotions into the kiss.
"I love you too."
We stayed in bed all day, cuddling, talking, and kissing. I love Luke, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to show him.