My heart beating fast and my mouth going dry, I watch Minhyuk and Shownu pile in first.
I fiddle with my outfit nervously, trying with no noticeable success to calm my breathing.
Wonho and I watch silently as they get comfy, Shownu getting laid back in the seat, all giggles as Minhyuk plunks into his lap and settles in.
It all looks so easy and familiar to them. I wish.
I feel Wonho look at me and I gulp, my heart jumping literally into my throat.
"You ready?" his eyes seem cautious, as if I look so nervous that I can be scared away with a few words, and am a simple creature able to be startled.
I want to say yes, but I'm absolutely sure that my throat wouldn't be able to even carry it, so I just nod instead.
"Um," I manage, coughing slightly. His face seems just as nervous and we both mess around with our clothes. I notice an interested looking Minhyuk peering out the car window at us, hands splayed on Shownu's thighs to brace himself as he ogles.
"You go first." I gesture towards the door.
He smiles a little for some unknown reason, the opens the car door. I watch his head, his well-kept black hair swishing, duck into the car.
My heart thunders in my ears now that it's actually happening, as I watch him finally still.
Come on, Hyungwon. Relax.
Wonho shifts a little as I enter. I awkwardly step between his legs, holding onto the back of the driver's side headrest to steady myself as I get into the right position. I almost slip, but then save myself as I plop indelicately into Wonho's lap.
He gives a huff of surprise and shifts again.
I'm sure my breathing is so loud because of the close proximity, but I can't seem to work up enough sanity or motivation to calm it down.
Even though I'm uncomfortable, half my ass off of his lap and held in the air, I'm too scared to move. Wonho seems pulled so tight already.
"You can move, Hyungwon. I'm okay," Wonho says. He sounds so different so close. Almost gruff.
I breathe 'thanks' and move a bit.
I move closer to the left, but move my head to the right.
Wonho is literally spooning me front to back, all the way from calves to neck.
He feels so different than what I'm used to. He seems so... solid. It's easily to feel the obvious and thick bands of muscle that wrap around him.
We're so close in height that our heads are nearly parallel with each other. In fact, our cheeks, if I just leaned an inch to the left... would be touching.
I'm acutely aware of every part of him. I feel the thickness of his thighs, warm and unforgiving, the buffness of his chest, so tough but yet so easy to sink into, the soft of his neck... so hot.
I'm more than comfortable, but I'm scared Wonho doesn't agree. I move to try to give him anything to make him more at ease, but without warning, Wonho wraps his arms around my midsection and arms.
I freeze in shock.
What's going on? Why is he..? I can't even bring myself to question what's wrong with it anymore, because, wow. Damn. He feels so good.
"Hyungwon," Wonho breaths in my ear. His voice definitely sounds deeper, raspy as though he just woke up all of a sudden. "You're fine. I'm fine. We're fine."
I fight the urge to full body shudder at both his voice, his arms, his flippant use of the word 'we', of the way he said my name...
I finally manage to relax, despite the thousands of nerve endings firing off in my body, though Wonho never does. His arms stay tight around me, and I fend off the creeping questions and feelings by telling myself that he is probably just trying to find a way to get more comfortable.
I feel every move he makes under me. Every breath, every shift. It's bizarre to be this close to a boy. Even more bizarre that I enjoy it so much.
I'm screaming in my head, but blase in my head. I wonder belatedly if he can feel or hear my heart beating or if I feel bony. I've always been skinny, more bones than fat, but I've never wondered if it was apparent through physical contact until now.
Just relax, Hyungwon, I chant as the car finally starts moving, after it feels like forever.
It isn't until we've been driving for a few minutes and we encounter a few bumps in the road that I fully realize the extent of the situation.
I'm sitting on someone's dick.
This is not how friends think about each other, Won. I'd suggest you drop it a few notches.
But the bumpier it gets, the more apparent it seems.
He's not... is he? He can't be... There's no way...
I force a deep breath but realize he may feel it and wonder why I need to, so I pause mid breath.
"Can you," he starts. Shit. His voice. It makes my toes curl. It's way deeper than before, a real man voice capable of whispering sweet nothings in your ear. I don't know I'm feeling so much now all of a sudden at such little things, but if I were being honest, it doesn't sound like I'm the only one affected.
"Yes?" I'm sure my voice sounds just as bad but I can't bring myself to care.
"Can you... move down a little bit?
Shit. I'm making him uncomfortable. Or he's just.... no, no, no. No time to go there. No, no, no.
I quickly shuffle down a bit. He moves under me. I try to ignore his body, to close to mine, making movements with mine, unsuccessfully. He loosens his arms from around me, but continues the hold.
I'd almost forgot that Minhyuk and Shownu were even in the same car as us, until I see Shownu tickle Minhyuk, Minhyuk giggling and jerking quietly.
I feel Wonho sigh, and I'm pretty sure I do the same. I wish.
"I'm sorry," I mutter, rushing it out, but knowing how close we are, I know he hears me.
I feel him freeze, then he tightens his arms.
"What's there to be sorry for?" he asks. His voice, which kind of disappoints me and relaxes me at the same time, sounds a lot better and controlled now. It's weird not being able to look at his face to gauge his emotions and just trying to read him by listening to his voice.
"Um," I begin. Where can I even start?
"Well," it all comes out in a rush. "Well, we don't know each other that much, rather at all, until our random meeting and the random trip plan, which I'm thankful for, don't get me wrong, but was definitely weird but cool, but like somehow we're spooning in a car on the way to the hotel we're sharing in a whole different country than we were before after a completely expense paid plane ride where we talked the whole time like old friends, and now like I was saying, we're like really close, like I'm actually sitting in your lap and it's cryptically quiet, no one is saying a weird, which is strange because we are basically cuddling, but you're not saying how you feel or if it's even okay or if-"
I had intended to keep going, but the feel of Wonho, silently laughing behind and beside me pulls me up short.
"Did I.. Did I do something funny?" I ask quietly. I really was just trying to explain this situation to him, but I guess it must have come out wrong because he's not taking it seriously at all.
"Just you being you, I guess, Hyungwon. You're just a funny character, is all." He laughs again, his back shaking. It reverberates in my chest.
Funny character? I'm deciding whether to be angry or happy, when he speaks again.
"I'm really fine. I'm just worried that you're uncomfortable."
I really must have messed up on my speech somewhere, because he certainly isn't picking up what I said at all.
I open my mouth to try to explain again but he cuts me off, squeezing me in a childish hug.
"I just thought you'd be asleep by now. You seemed to tired on the plane, using my shoulder and everything..." His voice is playful, but my cheeks warm. I'm sure they're red as a firetruck when he starts mock snoring.
I close my fist, how dare he?, and hit him in the thigh. His strong, muscled, thigh...
He hugs me tighter.
"Just go to sleep, Hyungwon," he croons. "You're so tense... it's making me tense. No one should be tense when they're on vacation."
My head spins, trying to make sense of so much stimuli at once. First, at the way he said my name again.. at the way he wants me to sleep on him...
But now that I think about it, I am quite tired. It's been a lot of stress in these few hours. Maybe I'm just man deprived. Because the idea that his dick is directly under mine could keep me awake for years.
Geez, Hyungwon. You'd think he'd be sticking his dick in your butt or something with the way you're acting. I blink and shake my head a little bit to rid myself of the way my thoughts are taking me.
I wonder if my nervousness had something to do with this and curse my big mouth.
"Hyungwon. Please." He must know that I can't resist him when I says my name like that. Or at all. It's even worse when his hands circle mine, his hands holding mine.
I gulp, and am sure he hears it, because I feel him laugh a bit more.
As revved up as I am, it's not exactly hard to fall asleep in a hot guy's arms. Though I do snuggle in a bit more when I'm supposedly asleep. What can I say? You have to take those wins when you can get them.