Please. Read with caution. This chapter contains things that could be triggering for someone who is in recovery!!
Adelaides POV
I walked through my front door a literal mess, feeling like complete shit for completely shutting Demi out, who cares anyways? Right? She didnt understand me, even though she tried. No one truly "cares" about me. I shouldn't feel bad about finally shutting someone out before they were able to do it to me. I have to protect myself. I know how this goes. It's like a broken player stuck on repeat, different people, same old music. I'm tired of this shit. I need to let it out. But honestly I don't feel like self harming. I would. But the feeling I'm looking for, is numbness, and bliss. It's been 27 months since I've been clean, but I can feel myself slowly starting to slip as the thoughts flood my brain. I finally shake it off and get in a hot bath after feeding the pups and letting them out.
I need to take care of myself and pamper myself right now. Just worry about me. No one else. That's my problem. I want to help everyone. But never have time to help me. It's really getting old.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts when my phone goes off.
New message: Hey bumblebee
I stare at my screen, thoughts rushing to my brain.. knowing fully well that only 1 person has ever called me "bumblebee"
-Who is this?
I bite down on my fingernails waiting for a response
Unknown Number: Don't tell me you've forgotten all about me ? I sure haven't forgotten you
Panic soon sets in, as I bite down more in my fingernails, blood starting to drip down my hand from how far back I'm biting
-Gabriella..?
Unknown Number: There we go, I knew you wouldn't forget me. Meet me at the cafe downtown, MiMis, in 15 minutes. I just want to talk. I won't do anything, plus we will be in front of a lot of people. So no need to worry. I just want you to hear me out. Ok?
-You'll have 10 minutes to talk. That's all I'm giving you. Then I'm leaving.
Gabriella replies with a simple "see you soon"
I can feel my heartbeat pounding, but I try to compose myself, there's a lot of unanswered questions that I need to ask her. We will be in front of a lot of people, I will be fine. I just want to hear what her pathetic ass needs to say. I want to laugh in her face at the possible excuses she could possible try to come up with to make it seem like she wasn't doing something horrible. I've been mentally preparing myself to come face to face with her since I escaped. She needs to see that I'm not that broken little girl anymore. And that she doesn't affect me any longer. I need to prove to her than I've become stronger because of the shit she put me through.
I get out of the bath and dry off, quickly putting on a plum colored hoodie, and some grey yoga pants, I put my dark brown hair up in a messy bun, do my makeup quickly and grab my keys and phone, quickly getting into my car and driving off to MiMis cafe.
I arrive and look around the place but don't see her so I sit down and wait, I'm feeling very confident in myself, I don't know where this confidence came from, but I like it. I know I can get her to finally leave me alone. That's why I'm here. To show her I'm stronger, and to get her to finally leave me the fuck alone.
5 minutes after I arrived I'm met with someone tapping on my shoulder, I turn to see Gabriella standing there in an all black dress with dark maroon heels. Hasn't changed a bit. I feel a sudden rush of fear but quickly shake it off, we're in public. She can't hurt you. She smiles at me and sits across from me.
"Oh how I've missed you Bumblebee, nothing is the same without you around"
I roll my eyes at her fake interpretation of a "nice" woman.
"So. What do you want?" I spit, her face changes to confusion. Someone's surprised that my balls finally dropped in the last 6 years since I've been away I assume.
"I just miss you, I looked everywhere for you, but couldn't find you" she pouts
"I mean yeah, that's what happens when people don't want you to find them." I roll my eyes again causing her to sigh
"I miss you in my life, but I understand, I need to win you back, and I will. For now, all i can do is just make you happy & comfortable"
I was about to speak but she cuts me off as she opens her purse & turns it so i can see what's inside, 6 huge bottles of pills.
I stare at her confused
She smiles at me
"I know very well that oxys and coke were your favorite"
I get up from the table and turn to walk out of the cafe, she's following closely behind me, I shake my head as I walk towards my car unlocking it as i walk to it but her arm stops me and I turn to her
"Listen. I've been clean for 27 months. Okay? I don't want your fucking drugs. You just want me to be all high and dumb again so you can manipulate me. Just like you did when I was a child." I say through gritted teeth, my eyes radiating anger.
"I'm not, I promise, I just know how happy these things made you, I just want you to be happy. Okay?" She flashes an evil smile, I can see right through this fake ass persona.
"You don't have to use them, just take them"
She quickly opens my car door and throws the 6 giant bottles of oxys and 2 giant block sized bags, which I assume is the coke, she tosses them into the passengers seat and turns to walk away. I know this game. All too well. She gets me to relapse. I act like an idiot, and she quickly controls me again. Without a single complaint from me because of how intoxicated I am. I yell at her to come back for her shit but she quickly gets into a car and drives off. My phone soon vibrates.
Unknown Number: Have fun bumblebee. You can thank me later
I roll my eyes and get into my car and quickly drive home. My hands are sweaty and I can feel the urge to use. As I keep looking down at the items on the seat next to me.
'Just once. You'll feel so much better. Don't you remember how amazing you felt? Don't you want to feel like that again? It's not relapse if you just do it once. You can control it'
I close my eyes tightly as I scratch my arm. Without thinking I scoop everything up and run into my house, closing the door behind me and running into my room, locking the door and throwing everything on my bed.
I stare down at everything as I bite my fingernails. The internal war inside of me won't subside. One side keeps shouting how I have 27 months clean and how hard I fought to get here.
The other telling me to just do it once.
I let out a loud scream as I finally break.
Reaching down with shaky hands as I open one of the pill bottles. Quickly downing 5 pills. Then breaking open one of the packages, it's all been divided into baggies each 1 gram. Perfect for on the go. She knew exactly what she was doing. A tear rolls down my cheek as I place the white powder on my thumbs fingernail, pressing my nose against it and quickly inhaling. My entire body relaxing at that very moment.
I close the baggie and the pill bottle and throw it onto my bed, as I slide down my wall, holding my legs against my chest. Regret trying to set it, but the euphoria overpowering the regret. I know I shouldn't. But fuck. I missed this feeling. Of feeling absolutely nothing.
I stare blankly at the wall, when suddenly my phone vibrates, great. Demi's calling. Fuck. Great timing Demi. Act sober.
-Hello?
Demi: Hey... how are you doing sweetie? I've been worried sick
Her voice sounds hoarse, like she's been crying. Yup, I'm a fuck up.
-I'm doing fine, I feel great, I've just been... you know? Listening to music, took a bath. And played with the pups out back for a while.
Demi: are you sure? You sound really jittery, are you nervous about something? You can be honest with me
Fuck, does this woman see right fucking through me or wtf?
-yeah haha, I'm okay I promise, perfect. Very. Perfect. I need to go to sleep, it's like midnight. Don't worry about me, I'm perfect. Goodnight Demi.
Before she even had a chance to answer I hang up. Thoughts flooding my brain.
Fuck, what if she noticed I was high.
I stare at the wall then get up from the floor, energy is pumping through my veins, I forgot how energized this made me. I run out back with the pups for a few hours then sit on the ground and smoke a couple of cigarettes. I look at the pups who are all drained, but I could've easily kept going.
I smile as I let them in. I go to my bedroom and hide my stash somewhere no one would find it, under the floorboards. Yup. Genius.
I take a couple more pills and soon start getting tired. I lay down and the pups cuddle. Soon I'm out.
~
I woke up to my loudass alarm going off right next to my ear. I feel like complete shit. I probably slept a total of 2 hours max. I roll my eyes at the thought of going to class today. But quickly get up and take a shower to get my body going. I dry off and pick out some black Nike yoga pants, a black long sleeve shirt, and my white vans, I brush my hair, leaving it to its natural waves today. I do the basics to my face. Foundation, eyeliner, mascara, and a dark plum lip. I stare at myself in the mirror for a while, examining my body. I let out a deep sigh as I grab my backpack, phone, keys, some pills, and a baggie, I feed the pups and quickly exit my house. Getting in my car & driving towards the school. 15 minutes later I'm in the school parking lot. I let out a deep sigh as I open the baggie and inhale a good amount, before taking 5 pills. I clean my nose and grab my stuff as I walk to class.
It feels like everyone is staring at me. Fuck.
I couldn't focus all class, and finally saving grace as the bell rings, I quickly run to the bathroom. And calm myself down with a few deep breaths. My hands shaking as I take out the baggie from my pocket and once again, inhale a good amount. My eyes quickly widening. I pop another 2 pills. My body completely drowning in my addiction again. I Wipe my nose and head towards Demi's class. I come in 5 minutes late. Fuck. Now everyone REALLY is looking at me. Demi stops what she's doing as she looks over to me. I stare at her and give her the signature fake Addy smile as I walk towards a seat all the way in the back. I look at her as I sit down, her face confused. She looks like she's got a loooot of questions that I mentally can't bear to answer right now. I zone out the entire class. Focusing on writing some poetry in my journal instead, my leg bouncing at about 1,000 mph. I look around the room as I feel eyes on me, Anthony is staring at me with a worried expression. What? I mouth to him
Are you okay? He mouths back
I flash a fake smile at him and he smiles back then continues to work. I continue on my poem. I don't even know what I'm writing about to be honest.
I stare off into space, literally following a fly that's buzzing around the classroom with my eyes for about 15 minutes.
I snap back into reality as the bell rings. I grab my journal and pencils and place them in my backpack and start heading down the row to the door. Not even once looking at Demi.
I feel a hand grab onto my shoulder and I turn to see Demi.
"Addy.. honey.. are you okay?" She says, worry lacing her voice, I smile
"Yeah Demi, I'm perfect, promise"
She stares at me, worry is written all over her face
"Something just seems.. off.." she says causing me to nervously bite on the inside of my cheek
"I've just got a lot on my mind okay? But I'm fine, you shouldn't even waste your time worrying about me. You've got better things to do than that" she stares at me, looking kind of hurt by what I just said
"I do worry about you Addy.. I care about you. Would you like to come over? We can just talk. I would love your company" she smiles
"Um.. sure, I just need to head home first to feed the pups and take them out to potty. Is that okay?" I say nervously, knowing damn well that the reason I want to go home is to grab another baggie and more pills. But I didn't lie about everything. I do need to feed the pups.
I look at her as she gets super excited suddenly, I'm confused.
"What if!!! What if I come with you! That way I can meet the famous house hippos! Then we can head to my place from there! Sound good?!" She says super excited.
I'm fucked. But I can't say no to her and break her heart, look at how excited she is.
"Okay, yeah that's fine. They'll love you" I smile as I grab my backpack and help her with her things to her car, she gets into her car and I get into mine. She follows me all the way to my house, I step out of my car and look back at her, she looks like a child, she's so fucking excited about this. I giggle to myself as she runs up to me.
"Ready to meet the fatties that run my household?" I say as I giggle
She eagerly nods and I quickly unlock my door, the pups running up to me as soon as they see me, Demi's face is a bit shocked, I think she expected smaller house hippos? Not literal fucking house hippos.
"They're harmless and super sweet" I say to Demi as I laugh at her reaction
She kneels down on the ground and calls them over. 4 short, and stocky 60 lb American Bullies run over to her with their tongues flailing everywhere, their huge smiles plastered on their faces.
She giggles as she receives lots of kisses from them
"What are their names?" She says through giggles
"White & grey one is Aida, White & Light brown one is Luna, the fawn one is Skye, you can see she's a bit special, she needed to have an amputation when she was 6 weeks old due to someone abusing her then dumping her on the side of the road, and finally the only boy in the house is the brindle, his name is Stitch" I smile and my heart feels so happy as I see her rolling around the ground with the 4 house hippos rolling alongside with her.
I go into the kitchen and set some food for them down, and open the back door,
"You can go out back to play with them more, they have a shit ton of toys out there, I need to grab something, then we can go" I say to her and she jumps up running to the backyard eagerly the pups following close behind her, I get in my room locking the door, and quickly dump some pills into a keychain pill holder that i normally use for my anxiety meds (oops) then grab 3 baggies. Before closing the floorboards again and putting the rug over it. I let out a deep breath and smile as I hear Demi's intoxicating laugh coming in through the window.
She's perfect.
I come out of my room and find Demi laying on the grass out back cuddling all 4 of the pups, I laugh at her and she looks back at me
"I would never fucking leave my house if they lived with me" we both laugh as I call them inside and help her up, locking the door and grabbing my phone and keys
"You should just leave your car here, I can bring you back later" she smiles
Ah, I see what you're doing Lovato, making sure I'm not able to just up and leave like last time. Nice one. I smile as I nod, we exit my house and I lock the door, climbing into Demi's car.
This should be a great day.
But will it?
Sorry this chapter was suuuuper fucking long. I just needed to perfectly explain Addys relapse. Will she fall deep into addiction again? Will Demi find out? Will Demi save her?? I know Demi wasn't in this chapter much, but I just needed to set the setting of what was going on with Addy. Demi will be more involved in the next chapters. And Demi's Dominant side will definitely start to take hold soon. Comment, vote!!! Your comments mean everything to me. Let me know if you like it, or not!
-Finally published! i'm so sorry i've kept y'all waiting for forever. ive been going through a lot recently.