"Choke this love till the veins start to shiver
One last breath till the tears start to wither
Like a river, like a river
Shut your mouth and run me like a river"
***
As soon as my lips connect with his, and I feel that same sand paper silk I'd had engraved in every part of me since the first time I felt them, my body sparks into fire that slams a hammer down on that nail in my coffin, securing it permanently.
If kissing Harry is sending me to hell, I'll take a one way ticket please, damn my soul and never send it back.
Harry is frozen, like his brain can't process what is happening, his hands are held out stiff beside him, and for once, I think I've managed to do to him what he's done to me so many times.
For once I'm the one that did something he didn't predict.
My stomach curls and thrashes around, violently navigating the exilerating feelings of his plump lips pressed against my own.
I pull my face back, still cupping his jaw with my petite hands, and I lock my eyes with his as both of our chests rise and fall rapidly.
His eyes are wide, hooded by his furrowed brows as they dart rapidly back and forth between my own, his lips parted like he's trying to comprehend what just happened.
The air around us is building with a thick tension so intense that I can feel it prickling against my skin, wrapping around of both us and bending like a piece of wood that's starting to splinter praying to snap.
His eyes go to my lips, and back to my eyes, the bewildered look in them slowly melting away as his pupils blow out when he slips his tongue out to wet his bitten lips as his breathing becomes heavier, like he's trying to confirm that my own were just there.
I wet my own, trying to savour the taste of him as I look up at him under my lashes, his eyes flicking down to watch as they glaze over like he's becoming intoxicated off of the sight.
The pressure around us is like a brutal river, thrashing violently against a damn wall as it starts to crack and the water trickles through.
His eyes go back to mine and the desperate insatiable look in them knots my insides and my knees feel like they're going to give out from underneath me.
He sucks in a sharp breath, like he's bracing himself, before he let's it out and rushes out his words in a frantic sigh.
"Fuck it"
And just like that, the damn wall breaks, and he crashes into me like the uncontrollable brutal force he is, sweeping me away until I drown in him.
His hands snap up and one threads into the back of my hair, the other grasping my jaw as he yanks me towards him with so much force it knocks the breath from me when his lips crash down against mine.
He kisses me with so much hunger like he's a starved man and I'm the first real taste of sustenance he's had in years, folding and caressing his lips against my own so feverishly my head starts to spin.
"Fuck, M'cant get enough of you" he whines against my lips, the words broken and ragged inbetween his mouth connecting with mine.
My hands rove up to knit into his hair, pulling him harder against me and I can't even be bothered to feel the tenderness of my mouth, or feel the pain in my face right now, all I can feel is Harry.
Our frantic breaths are heaving out of our noses and mixing together, mixing with gasps and groans coming mindlessly from the both of us.
"Can't stop, can't fucking stay away from you" he pants into my mouth before caressing his lips madly against mine.
His mindless confessions are pouring into me and sucking me deeper into him, wrapping me up in him so tight I could melt straight into him.
Harry turns me and starts to push me backwards, neither of us caring as we stumble blindly, too consumed in each other and the kiss that's becoming more deranged, nothing but swollen lips and clashing teeth, like we're trying to drink in the essence of each other as if we've never tasted something so addicting.
His tongue teases it's way into my mouth, and I suck it in eagerly, moaning at the euphoria of feeling it dance and tangle against my own.
A low deep approving rumble echoes up from his chest, his fingers tangling tighter in my hair as he laps around my tongue, tasting and exploring every inch of my mouth that he can.
My back hits the kitchen counter and without missing a beat Harry's hands shoot down and wrap around my hips, hoisting me up and slamming me down onto it so roughly I gasp at the shock.
I don't even have time to think before he's snatched my thighs and locked them around his waist, his hands having a mind of their own as they rove around my body maniacally like they can't decide where to go first and want to be everywhere at once.
My hands follow his actions, exploring all over his taught and burning skin, trying to preserve the memory of every dip and crevice of him in my mind forever.
A heated pressure starts swirling deep in my belly, and I tighten my thighs around him. Harry hisses against my lips as my hands go to his back, my nails sinking into his skin as I try to pull him impossibly closer to me as they drag down his back.
His hands snake their way under my shirt, his fingers kneading and caressing every inch of my prickling skin before one hand drags up to engulf my breast over my bra, massaging and caressing it with fevor, while the other finds it way to the fleshy skin of my behind, his fingers bite into it roughly as he snaps me against him, pushing my centre against the hardness of his own.
A guttural growl claws out of his throat and I feel it travel straight down beween my legs and I can't help but whimper at the sound.
He tears his lips away from mine and latches them to my neck, clamping his hands onto my hips and squeezing them like he's trying to cling to the sliver of self control he has.
His tongue laps against my neck as he suctions to it, sucking at the skin greedily and it has my pulse blasting in my ears, my mind numbing into static as my head lulls back and I start to shift my centre against him, creating any kind of friction I can to quell the throbbing that's sending me tumbling down a rabbit hole.
"Harry.." I whimper, sinking my teeth into my lip, completely lost in him.
I can feel his nails dig into my flesh though the thin fabric of my shorts and his teeth grip onto the skin of my neck as a frustrated grunt vibrates in his throat, and he thrusts his hips against me once more before ripping his lips away and resting his forhead against mine, sucking in harsh breaths as he squeezes his eyes shut.
"I can't" he pants "I need to stop, we can't"
I'm panting just as heavily, my arms clung around him feeling disorientated and dizzy, like I've just been chewed up and spit out of a hurricane.
I can't say I feel any kind of rejection from Harry, I don't feel a sinking in my stomach or a swell of disappointment, if anything I'm shocked.
I never thought I'd see the day I would hear him say that. The fact that he's been so persistent these past couple of months, and I've been the one saying I can't, it's hard to wrap my head around seeing the tables turn.
"Are you okay?" I decide to ask instead, because he looks like he's almost in pain right now.
Hiseyes are still clamped shut as he squeezes my hips "Just give me a minute..." he mutters trying to catch his breath.
I bring my hands up to stroke through his hair, trying to soothe whatever is going on with him, squeezing my thighs around him reassuringly but not realising its pressed my core harder against him.
"Fuck" he hisses "Fuck, don't do that"
I loosen my legs, shuffling my hips back slightly "Sorry" I mumble bashfully.
He blows out a breath, wetting his lips as his fingers loosen their vice grip on my hips and he curls his arms around my waist and buries his face against my neck.
"I just can't fuck you tonight - not after what happened to you, trust me...I really fucking wish I could" he murmurs against my neck, his hot breath puffing out against my skin as he tries to steady it "but I can't do that to you, you deserve better than that"
I try not to think about the flutter in my heart, listening to the fact that he cares enough to even think that.
I don't know if he's aware of just how willing he had me minutes ago to do watever he wanted, he could have told me to eat dirt and I gladly would have.
Or maybe he is aware, and maybe that's why he stopped. I can't be completely sure.
I keep my hands stroking through his hair, still feeling drunk off of kissing him. I know that this changes everything for me when it comes to him, but I wouldn't take a single thing about it back.
I would endure tonight a hundred times over if it meant I could kiss him, to finally let go and give in to what I know I wanted so badly, no matter how hard I tried to tell myself otherwise, it ws him.
"S'okay" I whisper, resting my cheek against his shoulder.
"How do you do this to me?" he murmurs sounding like he's completely lost, and he drags his lips across the damp skin on my neck causing goosebumps to flare up over me.
"I could ask you the same thing" I sigh, laughing under my breath.
After a moment I ask the question I'm dreading "..are you going to stay?"
I feel his lips pull into a smile against my neck, and his raspy voice comes out muffled "Depends, do I get to kiss you again?"
I hide my face against his shoulder and shrug "Maybe"
He pulls back, looking down at me with that smirk I never thought I'd be so glad to see "Maybe? Maybe I should go then"
I frown at him, biting my lip to hide my smile "That's not fair"
"Life isn't fair my sweet girl" he clucks pulling back further, untangling his arms from me as his smirk morphing into a playful smile "I guess I'm just gonna leave"
"Harry" I whine "Stop"
"You want me to stay?" he lifts his brow at me.
I press my lips together flatly, slumping my shoulders "You know I do"
He dips his face down to only inches from my lips, focusing his green irises on mine, his voice softening to a whisper.
"....Then make me stay"
My breath hitches in my throat as I stare back at him, and without thought I pull his face to mine, begging him not to leave with a kiss that's nothing like the one we just had.
It's slow and gentle, taking my time to relish in the feel of lips I'd dreamt about, giddy over finally being able to touch them.
He breaks his lips away, grinning as he presses another chaste kiss to my lips "Okay. You've convinced me"
I grin back, shaking my head "You're such a dick"
Harry pouts taking a hold of my hands as he urges me down off of the counter "Be nice about my dick, he's having a hard night"
I bite back a laugh, looking at him in disbelief as my feet hit the ground and he starts pulling me backwards towards my bedroom "You're unbelievable"
He wiggles his brows with a goofy smile, dropping one of my hands, and threading his fingers through the other as he turns to lead me into my room.
"Give it a few days love, and you'll be screaming that at the top of your lungs for me"
I swat his arm, cackling at his crude behaviour, finding it odd I'm not I'm not embarrassed like I usually am.
When we reach my room his hands go to his pants and he looks around the room as if he's searching for something.
I sit on the end of my bed, observing him warmly, no longer feelings the need to shy away from him.
"They're on the dresser" I lift my arm and point behind him, and he looks to me lifting his brows like he's surprised I knew what he was searching for.
He slides his jeans down his legs, kicking them off and when I see the hard buldge straining against the material of his briefs, my cheeks catch on fire and look down to my hands and pick at my nails.
Alright, so maybe I'm still a bit shy.
He walks to the dresser, and I hear him pulling on his sweatpants only to moments later see his feet stand in front of me, and he clears his throat awkwardly.
I flick my eyes up to see him standing shirtless still, and grasping his shirt in his hand holding it out to me, while the other one rubs on the back of his neck and he darts his eyes to the ground.
......If I didn't know any better, I could swear mister dark and dangerous is.....embarassed.
"....Did you want me to wear that?" I ask gently, deciding to be far nicer than Harry ever is and not make him squirm like he does to me.
He nods his head shyly, looking like he wants to crawl under the bed with how uncomfortable he feels.
I have this overwhelming urge to tackle this big bad wolf that's turned into a fucking puppy in front of me and squish that bloody adorable face of his.
My heart can't take this.
I clamp my lips together to hide my grin, wishing more than anything I could take a picture of how he looks right now, I've never seen this side of him before and I never want it to go away.
I take the shirt from him timidly, and watch as he stands there looking at the ground, running his hand through his hair like he wants the ground to open up and swallow him.
I think something I never thought I'd think about Harry, he looks cute.
I stand from the bed, and do the only thing I can come up with that will distract him from how embarrassed and confused he looks right now.
I hook my fingers into my shorts, sliding them down and kicking them to his feet before tugging my shirt over my head, folding my hands in front of myself and try to ignore all of the blood rushing to my face.
Harry's eyes snap up, and widen, choking out what sounds like a cough.
I'm on a roll tonight with doing things that he's not expecting, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a thrill out of the reaction I was getting.
He clears his throat as his eyes do a shameless once over of my exposed body only covered by my white bra and underwear, and my legs nearly give out from underneath me when he palms his still very apparent erection over his pants "Abby..." he warns.
"You've got five seconds to put that shirt on"
Excitement spurs in my belly over watching how his demeanour switched from soft to deviant in the blink of an eye, and I like being the one that's the cause of it.
I shrug coyly, biting on my lip "Maybe I'll just sleep like this"
A low growl echoes in the back of his throat as he lowers his eyes at me, lifting his arm to point at the wall beside him "I will have you fucked against that wall faster than you can blink if you don't put that on right now, try me Abby, see if I'm joking"
My body seizes as my eyes widen, and I clamp my fingers into his shirt.
Right okay, shouldn't poke a bear with a stick, point taken.
He cocks his brow with a smirk as I start to pull the shirt over my arms, and I don't miss how his eyes rove over my body until I cloak it with the shirt that stops midway down my thighs.
He walks forward grasping my hand as he leads me to get in the bed, and the minute we're both under the covers I'm pulled against him to curl up against his chest as he wraps his arm around my back, the other resting on the back of my head, his fingers threading into my hair as they stroke against my scalp gently.
I want to freeze this moment in time, preserve it forever and forget the night the lead up to it.
I wish I could bottle this feeling right now, keep it tucked away so I never have to worry about it going away.
A long silence falls over us, the sounds of our steady breathing the only thing filling the room, and I thread my arm around his waist, trying to get closer to him, still feeling that dread in my stomach that he's going to disappear.
Harry let's out a deep breath, and traces soothing circles around my back with his fingers.
"Abby?"
"Mmm?" I hum quietly, trying to quiet the doubts running through my mind.
His hoarse tired voice comes out quiet and tender, as if he's trying to coax me to sleep.
"I'll be here when you wake up, I'm not going anywhere"
***