Being on a train was different but fun. I looked at my pictures on my phone that I took while I was in Paris. Kouyou saw them too and said they were very nice, putting his around me. Ever since I passed out, everyone has been acting...gentle towards me which is something that I needed right now. Even Yuu was holding back on his frequent teasing. But with all of this, there was only one person that I wanted to take care of me. Akira hasn't really talked to me but has been engaging in conversations that I'm apart of and I;ve tried to talk to him but he would seem hesistant to respond. I shouldn't have fought with him. He was just trying to help and the fact that he loved me, it made everything I did to him worse.
"Are we going to eat after we get off the train?" Yuu asked, he was sitting next to Tetsuya, who has been acting very disturbed lately. Does he know that I told Akira about what happened? I was careful not to mention him at all. But maybe he didn't care about that. My heart raced again. I closed my eyes and turned towards the window and watched the French scenery. A river came into view and the water gleamed from the reflextion of the sun.
"Pretty, huh?" I heard Akira ask. I turned my head and didn't know he was sitting in front of me. He glanced down and looked about out once I didn't answer right away. I heard him sigh. He was trying even when it was I who told him off.
"Yes, it's very pretty." I replied, looking at him. He turned to me and held out his hand. I breathed out. I was scared of taking his hand, I didn't want to hurt him again. He began to put his hand away but I grabbed it before he could. I held it tight and smiled at him. "I'm sorry." I whispered. He shook his head.
"Don't worry about it. I was just scared that we were going to go back to how it was. Not talking to each other."
"You can always talk to me. You know that." I wanted him to hug me like he did. "I can't stay mad at you for very long, I realize this now." I confessed laughing a little and he smiled.
"Good, I don't want you to stay mad at me at all." I noticed Akira expression changed and he put his middle finger up. I looked next to me to see Kouyou smiling at us.
"Kouyou, mind your own business." I said, smiling but my face was getting really hot. I looked towards the window, not letting Akira's hand go.
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"Taka? Can we talk?" Tetsuya asked. I looked up at him as I was trying look for some clothes to buy. I backed away a little and started to scan the store for Akira. "He's not in here, so don't worry about him. I need to talk to you, now."
"No, stay away from me." I said and began walking away but my arm was grabbed and I was pulled away, my mouth was covered and I was pushed into the bathroom. I was breathing became erratic and backed away from Tetsuya who locked the door. My back hit the wall and I was blocked off as he was inches away from me.
"You didn't tell anyone, did you?" He asked, his voice was demonic and instantly brought back terrible memories. I was frozen. I didn't know what to say. "Did you!?"
"No! No, I didn't! Please stop." I begged, starting to cry. "I didn't tell anyone. I swear." My phone vibrated and I knew it was Akira. I wanted to scream out but I was too terrified of what would happen if I did.
"You're a terrible liar. Are you sure you didn't tell Akira?" An abundant amount of bravery boiled within me and I used all of my strength to push him against a stall door. He fell and bolted towards the door, unlocking it and yanking it open. I tried to look as normal as possible and I saw Akira towards the entrance. I walked away from the bathroom, forgetting about the clothes that I wanted and grabbed his arm.
"Oh, you scared me. I had no idea where you were." He stopped and turned my face so he could look at me. "What happened?" His voice was deep and shook my head, more tears falling down. He looked back inside the store and saw Yuu talking to Tetsuya. He left my grasp and I knew where he was headed.
"Akira, no please." I begged but he didn't hear me. He went over to Tetsuya and I couldn't hear anything. I could tell Akira was angry. Angier than I've ever seen him. Yuu got in between them both but Akira kept going until they were asked to leave the store. "Akira." I said again, quieter than a mouse. Kouyou came up behind me.
"What happened?" He asked. "Akira what the hell was that?" Kouyou asked furiously. I was deaf again. This was all my fault. We were outside now and I could see Tetsuya looking at me. Akira was pissed, more than pissed. I wanted to go over to him but I was afraid. Yutaka finally came and calmed everything down. And I could suddenly hear again.
"We should just go back to the hotel, alright?" Yutaka finished. I missed everything. Did Akira tell him he knew. What did Tetsuya say to Akira. I felt so small among everyone. My breathing was far from normal, and stood in place. Yutaka came over to me and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me along.
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We went back to the hotel in Toulouse but the ride there was utter silence. I felt as if I was going to either faint or scream. I couldn't look at Akira, I was too scared of what I would see. He scared me today. I know he was just being protective but it was scary. It was an Akira I didn't want to see ever again and it was all because of me. It was my fault. I shouldn't have told him what happened because now I think he knows that Tetsuya was definitely involved and if he had a hard time not telling anyone then, he was going to have a hard time now. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I wasn't in my room. I decided to go have a drink in the lobby bar. Well, a few drinks. Alcohol was how I got fucked up in the first place and now I was resorting to it to numb my depression. Great Takanori, looks like you'll become a alcoholic.
I downed another shot and asked for another one. I gestured to the tender to leave the bottle. I was going sit here and kill myself with alcohol poisoning. I hiccuped and took another shot, pouring more vodka into the small glass. I stopped and looked at the bottle. Stolichnaya, Russian. It was so fucking good, I drank it from the bottle. The tender didn't seem to care. I guess he symphazied with wanting to drown your own sorrows. I hadn't noticed Yuu walked in.
"Are you kidding me Takanori?" He said sitting next to me. I didn't look at him. Or maybe I did. Everything was blending in together, I could've swore I was looking at the other variety of alcohol on the wall that I wanted to try. "Is it good?" He asked, taking the shot that I neglected and trying it for himself. "Wow, that's strong." He commented squinting his face from the burning. I had gotten numb to it, like I was with everything else happening in my life. "Takanori, please look at me. What's going on with you? You never did tell us what was wrong."
"H-have you ever looked at your life. Like really l-looked at it, and asked 'why is my life so fucked up'?" I asked, taking a huge gulp afterwards. I looked at the bottle and it was almost empty. I thought the tender opened this? I gestured to him, asking for another bottle of the same brand. Maybe if I drank this fast enough, I would poison myself in time before Yuu could answer.
"Mmm, I don't think the staff will pay for a second bottle." He said with a smile. I'll fucking bash this bottle on your head, you traitor. Another bottle was placed into of me and I took it before you could grab it from me.
"I'll pay for it! You just answer the q-question or go back to your room."
"It's not the matter of paying. You just don't need it. But anyway, no. I've never given much thought to it but if the result of thinking like that looks like you, then I don't want to." I looked at him disgusted. I took another gulp from the bottle. Some of it dribbled down my chin.
"You, can go to hell." I said smiling. "You have no idea of what I've been through. And for you... and I... and him. Why him?" I wasn't even making sense anymore but Yuu faced remained unmoved. Expressionless.
"Tetsuya? What about him?"
"He's a monster, you know." I said, smiling before taking the last drops of my first bottle in. I put it on the counter causing it to make a loud clang. Opening up the other one and swallowing two gulps. I cringed since it was a fresh bottle. Yuu took it from me and drank some of it. I couldn't get mad at him for that. "He has zero respect, for the words like 'please' and 'no' and 'i dont want this'. He's a creep, and you're with him. So I'll ask again, why him?"
"You're making him sound like he's some kind of rapist, Taka." Yuu replied, making a grimace. He was insulted that anyone would say that about his precious Tetsuya.
"And the winner is! Yuu..." I looked at his eyes, trying to find some sort of sign that he understood what I was trying to say. Instead, I got a quickly-numbing yet powerful stinging slap across the face. The slap was so loud it echoed out of the bar and into the lobby. I wouldn't be surprised if someone at the top floor heard it. "You got some hand there."
"You're sick, and you need help. I suggest you find some and stop trying to get attention." And with that he left the bar. I touched my cheek. It was warm, I'm sure he left and mark. I pulled out my wallet and left more than enough money for the bottle, and took it with me.