"If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
**
I chew on my lip, lost on words. My brows only crease deeper the more I replay Harry's warning around in my head. The whole thing has given me a horrible feeling in the pit of my gut.
Harry reaches over, smoothing his thumb over the crease between my brows "Dont think so hard, you'll hurt yourself sweetheart"
I scowl at him swatting his hand away "Oh shut up you"
"Why don't you make me? I know I'd love you to" he smirks.
I give him a flat stare "You can be a real dick you know that?"
A wide smug smile comes over those perfect lips of his "If I remember correctly, you were pretty fond of my dick, so I guess I'll take the compliment"
My cheeks heat as I try to keep my deadpan expression from faltering "You're not funny"
"I wasn't joking"
I huff, slumping back against the couch.
The dynamic I have with Harry is so fucking strange and unlike anything I've had with another person, I don't even know what to call it.
He said we aren't friends, he doesn't care about me, and we aren't dating or sleeping together, regardless of how bloody hard he's trying to change that - so I'm lost as to what this relationship with him is.
I'm lost in general with him.
Tonight as been one confusing turn after the next, and I just can't keep up with it. I'm use to things being simple, predictable, safe. It's been the polar opposite of that since he opened the door.
I'm the one who's going to need a stiff drink after this.
I look around the lounge room lost in my thoughts until my eyes land on the wall of VHS tapes, and I can't help but ask curiously "What's on all of those tapes?"
I look back to Harry, seeing his expression dropped into a passive mask and his body become tense "Nothing important"
Bullshit.
I raise my brows suspiciously "That sure is a lot of not important tapes"
His face is blank as he stands from the couch, looking down to me and extending his hand "Let's go to bed"
The tapes completely wipe from my mind as my eyes go wide "What?"
He motions his head to the hallway "My room is this way, let's go"
"I'm not sleeping in your bed" I agrue out incredulously.
He raises a brow, keeping his hand extended "And where were you planning on sleeping?"
I pause, thinking for a moment, realising I hadn't actually thought that far ahead.
I was too concerned with everything else going on that, that idea hadn't even crossed my mind.
"I can sleep on the couch" I offer quickly, patting my hand against the cushion.
"Not Happening" he dismisses bluntly. "Get up Abby"
"Harry I can't sleep in the same bed as you, I have a boyfriend, I'm fine just sleeping on the - Ah!"
I yelp as Harry cuts me off by bending down to pick me up, scooping me effortlessly in his arms underneath my knees and around my back like I weigh the same as a paper bag.
"Put me down!" I shriek, staring slack jawed at him as he keeps his eyes straight ahead, and starts walking towards the hallway.
"Harry! Put me down now!" I demand louder, my voice cracking from the shock.
He ignores me without so much of a blink, as he walks down the hall until he reaches the door at the end "I mean it! Put.me.the.fuck.down!"
I'm becoming more irate and irritated, wriggling frantically around in his arms to get loose but he only tightens his grip around me.
He opens the door and shuts it behind him with his foot as he enters the room and I'm just about yelling at the top of my lungs.
"You better put me down or I swear to god!"
I scream as Harry tosses me, and I land on his bed with a dramatic bounce, my hair sprawled all over my face as I lay on my back "What the fuck Harry!"
I hear the door click, and sit up bolt straight, frantically wiping my hair from my face as I glare at Harry standing in front of his door trying to suppress a smug grin ".....do not tell me you just locked that door"
Harry holds up the key in his hand, inspecting it before he looks over to me "Okay, I didn't lock the door"
"Are you kidding me! Yes you did!" I snap, just about ready to rip my hair out of my own head.
Harry gives me a patronising look "Make up your mind love, you told me to tell you I didn't lock it, so I do, you tell me to put you down, so I do, and now you're angry about it - you're hard to please, you know that?"
I swear my eye just nearly twitched.
I push myself up off the bed, stomping towards him and holding my hand out "Give me the key"
He cocks his head, creasing his brows "You really want it?"
I nod firmly, extending my hand further and talking through my clenched teeth "Now"
"Alright" he smirks, shoving his hand into the front of his jeans and then pulling it back out and waving his empty hand at me "Go and get it"
My jaw nearly falls to my feet "Are you being serious right now?"
Harry pops the buttons to his jeans, gesturing his head downwards "By all means, grab it and it's all yours"
I throw my hands into fists down by my side, growling in the back of my throat to stop myself from kneeing him straight between the legs.
"You can't just lock me in here" I seethe
"Actually, I think you'll find that I can" he notes casually, grabbing the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head.
"What are you doing?" I panic as I take a step back.
He turns looking from his shirt in his hand and back to me "I'm getting ready for bed" he states like it should be obvious.
I blink at him, wondering if he actually has to try to be this fucking infuriating or it's just a natural talent.
I can't tell what's more distressing, the fact he's just locked me in here like some prisoner or that he's standing in front of me shirtless.
It's definitely him shirtless, christ fucking help me.
My poor heart can't take all of this stress.
I don't realise that I've just been staring at his torso, but Harry has, he has the smirk to prove it.
I huff, spinning on my heel to go sit on the edge of the bed, folding my arms over my chest with my face scrunched in annoyance.
I keep my eyes on the floor as I hear the zipper to Harrys pants, followed by them being pulled off.
Just end me, just end it all right now, I'm ready.
After some shuffling around Harrys sweatpant covered legs come into view "Has anyone ever told you how sexy you are when you're angry?"
"No" I reply clipped, looking up to him, squinting my eyes sarcastically "because you're the only person that makes me this angry"
He looks pleased with my answer "Good to know"
He holds his hand out, gripping a shirt in it "You can sleep in this"
I reach out apprehensively, taking the shirt from him "You really expect me to sleep with no pants on?"
"You can sleep naked like you did last time, I don't mind" he shrugs, giving me a cheeky side glance as he side steps, and crawls onto the bed.
I shoot straight up, standing like the bed is made of lava as soon as he's on it, and I turn to face him, clutching the shirt tight in my hands.
"I'm not having sex with you" I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Harry's laid on his back, his arms behind his bed as his eyebrows shoot up into his hair line but his voice stats calm "I wasn't expecting you to, but it sounds like I'm not the one you're trying to convince"
I stare at him warily "I don't think I can trust you"
"Smart girl" he agrees "But if we're being honest here I think it's you that you don't trust"
I throw my head back, trying to find some sort of compsure, it's like he has some secret manual of all of the right buttons to press when it comes to me.
Whether it's to have me in a puddle at his feet or fuming to the point I want to smack the soul from his body, he knows exactly what to say and do.
I inhale and exhale a few calming breaths before I focus my eyes back on him "I'm being serious, if I stay in here with you, nothing can happen"
My voice is pathetically begging him at this point.
The fact the I said if, is absolutely laughable. There's no if in this situation, I'm locked in the bloody room, and the key is sitting in that gloating bastards boxers.
I'm not bothering trying to figure out why I'm not fighting this harder, or why I'm secretly not even that upset or scared by the prospect of staying here, a rational person would be breaking the door down, a rational person would find this entire thing has bat shit crazy as it is.
But rationality can wait until tomorrow, I've reached my limit for one night.
"Relax little mouse, my hands are going to be on their best behaviour" he holds three fingers up in the air, with an innocent expression that is ridiculous on someone like him "Scouts honor"
I shift on my feet, deciding whether I should actually believe that or not.
"You promise?"
His hand rests against his chest, as he clears his throat "I don't make promises, but I don't say things unless I mean them, so that's the best I can do"
I guess that will have to do, I don't think I could expect much else from him.
I let out a resigned sigh, gesturing towards his en suite bathroom "Can you I use your bathroom please, so I can get changed?"
I expect a crude comment from him, but he only nods, watching me with that same intensive stare.
I turn and make my way in there, closing the door behind me, leaning my back against it as I slide down to sit on the floor.
I just need a minute to gather myself together.
I feel like I've been thrown into a time portal, flung straight back to that one night three years ago, the same nerves crawling under my skin just like back then.
I can vividly still picture myself standing there terrified in my underwear, in no way scared of him, but terrified of the unknown, that I had no idea of what was about to happen.
If I had of known then what I know now, I wouldv'e told that nineteen year old girl her fears were perfectly founded.
That nothing would ever truly be the same after that night, that she would never be the same.
That night Harry unlocked a door in me that I didn't even know existed, whether it was out of ignorance or naivety I'll never know.
There would be nights I would lay awake, replaying every second over in my head like a harrowing movie flashing through my mind.
I never thought my body could feel or experience the things it did, nor did I know someone else was capable of evoking those kind of euphoric sensations from me.
Being with Harry felt like I was free, and I haven't been able to replicate that since.
I may have never tried drugs, but there's no doubt in my mind that Harry was the closest I've ever came to an addictive substance.
He was a wicked potion that seeped into every pore and cell of your being, something so potent that even the smallest drop left you with an incurable ache for him that would never leave, it would just taunt you until you learnt to live with it.
I never stood a chance, I was done for the minute he kissed me, I just didn't know yet.
I give myself a few moments, pulling myself together, before I stand and slowly begin changing into the shirt he gave me.
My heart skips when the smell of him hits my nostrils, it's enveloping his whole shirt and I realise it was the one he was wearing tonight.
Snap out of it Abby, it doesn't mean anything.
I give myself one last reassuring deep breath, opening the door and walking out with my arms hugged around myself, looking at the ground.
The lighting in the room is now dim, a faint glow from the bedside lamp barely illuminating anything.
"...Come here" Harrys gentle voice grabs my attention, and I look to him, seeing him with the covers draped over his hips, his head propped up on his arm behind his head while the other is outstretched towards me.
Just breathe.
I take small slow steps towards the bed, feeling a mix of giddiness and the urge to vomit as I get closer.
As soon as I'm in reach beside it, Harrys hand gasps my own, pulling me softly to lead me into the bed.
I shuffle my way in under the covers, laying flat on my back and staring up at the ceiling.
Harry props himself up on his elbow to look down at me "You don't need to look like I'm about to murder you Abby"
Is that an option right now? Because if so, sign me up.
"M'just nervous" I admit softly. Feeling too exhausted to try and have any kind of back forth with him, so I just go with honesty instead.
That rare softness is back in Harry's eyes as he sighs "I know"
He shifts down to lay on his back, motioning for me to come over to him "See if this helps"
I roll over to curl against him before I can talk myself out of it, and he wraps his arm around my back, urging me closer to him until my head is pillowed against his shoulder, and my leg hooks over his.
The sensation of feeling his warm skin against mine again is indescribable, and I'm cursing myself for wanting to cherish it.
We lay in silence for what feels like hours, but in reality was only a few minutes and I get lost in the sound of his heart beat and steady breathing.
Harry's fingers are tracing slow circles around my lower back, while the other rests on top of my own on his chest.
"This does help" I confess, keeping my voice quiet.
I'm unsure why I feel the need to almost whisper, no one would be able to hear us, but the moment feels so fragile, like any sudden noise might shatter it.
"Yeah....it does" he agrees just faintly.
I try not over thinking what he means, but I can't help the hopeful part of me thinking that being close to me helps him too.
"You still feel the same" he murmurs, and I can hear the exhaustion in his voice. "It's soothing"
I fight the warmth spreading through my chest, and I think back to what he said about why he goes to the aquarium. Do I do that for him as well?
I feel like without realising maybe he's given me a small answer as to why he called me tonight, but like everything with Harry I can't really be certain.
I can feel his breathing getting deeper, the steady rise and fall of his chest becoming more rhythmic as he drifts off.
I peer up to see his eyes closed, and just when I think I couldn't be more in awe of him, the serene sight of his relaxed features as he falls asleep has my chest wanting to collapse in on itself.
He looks so peaceful, all of the turmoil, mischief and hardness stripped from his face and I'd give anything to have my camera just so I could preserve it.
I rest my head back against him, trying to savour this while I can.
"I missed you" he sighs out, it's so faint and muffled by sleep that I almost think I'm hearing things.
My blood feels like it freezes in my body and I hold my breath, trying to process what I just heard. Those three words condemning any shred of doubt I had about the feelings I had for this man.
I missed you too Harry.....but I could never tell him that, I could barely admit it to myself.
There's two things I realised throughout that night, first being, that Harry talks in his sleep and secondly, laying here with him, was enough to make me forget just for tonight, why I needed to stay away from him.
***