Zayn
"Is that enough?" Hannah asked me, the serving spoon hanging just above the pan as she glanced at my plate.
"Yeah, it's good, thank you Hannah," I said, feeling my cheeks warming up as I noticed Hannah's father and brother both looking at me.
I had never liked much attention, and especially not in situations where I would be the center of attention because I'd be new, or notable in ways I didn't know of.
Though, I was kind of used it, because who had a child at that age? I heard it multiple times before and people always stared and judged because of it. I was the center of attention in my family, at work, even in those stupid baby stores at that time.
Now I couldn't quite read her father's face, nor from her brother and girlfriend. They all seemed super friendly, but my trust was damaged many times before and so I didn't really know what to think.
What did it matter, anyway. It wasn't like they were going to be part of my life, right?
"What do you want, Zeph?" Hannah asked, and my lips curled up at the sound of it. Natural. Like it was, once again, supposed to be like that.
Zephaniah unconsciously reached for my hand and glanced at David and Samuel, his cheeks slowly turning the lightest shade of pink.
"You can tell Ms. Hannah," I mumbled, softly poking his cheek with my finger. "Do you want everything?"
Zephaniah looked up at me and blushed even deeper. I could see the slight look of desperation in his green eyes, but I knew I also had to push him to do things himself sometimes.
"You can tell her, Zeph. You know Ms. Hannah. You'll be fine." I whispered into his ear, briefly kissing his cheek after that.
He glanced at David, Samuel and Ruth again and stuffed his pinky into his mouth, his lips curling up as Cooper dribbled over to him.
"Hey, Zeph?" Hannah asked, pointing at Cooper. "I think he wants to take your order," She smiled, her dimples appearing on her cheeks.
Zephaniah giggled, already completely lost in his own world together with Cooper, "Fries, chicken.. veg-veg.. vegetables," He stuttered out, kissing Cooper's head tenderly.
Moving my head up, my eyes met Hannah's ones and I couldn't help but look at her in admiration, because she somehow always knew what to say to Zephaniah.
Her dimples deepened, her eyes squinting lightly as she smiled at me. I felt the corner of my mouth moving up as well, and my heart swelled with love for a split second.
"Okay, Zeph, if there's enough on your plate, you ask for Cooper's paw, okay?" Hannah simply said, stuffing his plate full.
Zephaniah glanced at his plate three times, then turned his attention to Cooper, "Give m-mme your paw, Cooper,"
Cooper immediately placed his paw on Zephaniah's lap and he smiled brightly when he looked at me, his hand reaching for my cheek for a short moment.
"Good job," I murmured, searching for his hand this time.
Because for some reasons, Zephaniah was my biggest source of confidence and encouragement, even when oppositely, I was that for him too. I always had to stay tough for him, even when I felt insecure and shy at times too. He unconsciously pushed me to cross my own borders, which I was super grateful for.
"You're a big eater, Zephaniah," David smiled, pointing at his plate, which was fuller than mine.
I swallowed, glancing at him as I knew he was sensitive when it came to comments, thinking it'd be a bad thing to be a big eater, but, yet again, there she was.
"Which is a good thing! You still have to grow and become even stronger than you already are." Hannah said as she sat down at the corner of the table, Zephaniah basically beside her and me.
Zephaniah simply blushed and held his hands together, closing his eyes as he clearly waited for someone to pray for his food.
"Uhm, I usually pray with him for his food," I said, looking at David and Samuel, as Hannah obviously knew.
David gave me a smile, folding his hands together, "We do to, Zayn." His voice was calm, almost soothing. He reminded me a bit of my own father. A little distant at times, but the warmth and love were definitely there.
I smiled and as we stayed silent for his prayer, my heart jumped a little as he prayed for me and Zephaniah, saying he hoped we'd feel at home and have a safe trip back home for when we would be going.
Internally smiling again, it made me think of how welcoming her family and even if someone important was missing- the warmth hadn't left.
Would Zephaniah feel it too with me only?
I could only hope for it.
"Would you like some beer, Zayn? Without alcohol," Samuel asked me, faking a frown as he looked at his sister. "She cooked, you might need it." He whispered, his eyes squinting as he started laughing himself after that.
I laughed too, the last nerves completely ebbing away, my goofy side coming up instead. "She did? Then I might have to leave completely,"
"Hey, watch your mouth. Went to bed after 10 pm, old man?" Hannah challenged, her eyebrow raising playfully.
I pouted for a moment, turning my face to her, "You know it, Ms. Hannah." Thanking Samuel as he placed the beer in front of me, I looked at Zephaniah as Hannah pointed at him.
"Well, at least someone likes it." She smiled as Zephaniah was humming while eating, his legs swinging back and forth as he couldn't reach the floor. He was completely lost in his own little world, his eyes roaming all around the room, them stopping at unnecessary details- for us at least, not when it came to his autism.
I smiled back, playing with his soft hair as I watched him eat his fries, completely oblivious to the adults staring at him.
"He's a special kid," David smiled lightly, Samuel and Ruth nodding in agreement. "You know the sentence protect someone at all it costs? That's what I feel when I see him,"
I blushed lightly, reaching for one of his hands underneath the table, "Yeah, me too."
"I can understand why Hannah comes home happy all the time," Samuel mixed himself into the conversation, making me blush even deeper, though, I did look up at her, because was it true? Would she really come home happy because of her workday with Zephaniah?
Hannah simply smiled at me, her eyes squinting, dimples appearing.
"How old is Zephaniah now?" David asked me, but Zephaniah's head perked up when he heard his name, looking up with big eyes full of wonder.
"He asked how old you are, buddy." I whispered into his ear, Zephaniah blushing instantly when he noticed all of the attention was on him.
Zephaniah fiddled with the hem of his sweater, looking down. "Seven," He said quietly, now playing with a fry.
I chuckled, exchanging smiles with Hannah as I briefly glanced at her. "Hey, it wasn't baba's birthday a few weeks ago," I teased him, poking his side.
He squirmed and laughed quietly, stuffing the fry in his mouth. He glanced at David, quickly looking away when they made eye contact. "Eight," he then whispered.
"So you're becoming a big boy then, aren't you?" Hannah's father smiled. I noticed Samuel had the same smile as him, though I could also see the slight resemblance between him and Hannah.
Zephaniah nodded, secretly studying all of them once they weren't looking at him.
"Hey, Zephaniah," Samuel started, swallowing his mouthful, making me smile as I liked it when people made a small talk with him, as he had been ignored by people many times before. "Who gave the better present? Me or Ms. Hannah?" He grinned, wiggling his eyebrow.
Zephaniah actually started smiling a little, his hand covering his mouth, but when he glanced at Hannah, his cheeks flushed red.
"That's mean, Sam!" Hannah huffed, shaking her head in disapproval. She knew he wouldn't choose because first of all, he had trouble choosing, second of all, he was going to disappoint one of them with his answers and he didn't like that.
So as Zephaniah grabbed his water bottle and started drinking, glancing at Samuel and Hannah, I decided to answer. "I think he liked both presents equally, didn't you, Zeph?"
Zephaniah nodded, laying his head against my shoulder.
"That's good. I was just teasing you, buddy. Do you like playing with Ms. Hannah?" He questioned, exchanging smiles with me this time.
Samuel was a nice guy. Laid back, down to earth and surely easy to talk to, which made me feel better. He didn't seem to judge me by my situation, as I knew we were the same age, but it seemed like he respected us and he treated Zephaniah the way Hannah would, the way no one else besides me, my parents and two youngest sisters would.
Zephaniah nodded quickly, observing Samuel with a slight frown. I knew he was deep in thoughts, though I'd- sadly- never know what was going on through his head when he was looking like that. "Like Ms. Hannah. She very sweet a-and nice," He blushed deeply, looking down.
I looked up at Hannah, seeing how she was already looking down at Zephaniah, her expression giving nothing away but pure love.
I bit my lip, thinking about my mum's words and for some reasons- I didn't even feel jealous about Zephaniah's words anymore. Probably because I could.. relate?
"I like playing with you too, Zeph! Do you remember when we went to the park?" Hannah said joyfully, though I could tell she was rather emotional. Perhaps, because of her own mother, even though I didn't know what had happened.
Zephaniah nodded again, glancing up at me with a smile present on his face. "W-wwent to park and we swing and I sing old m-mmcdonalds ," he told me, though I knew he was actually talking to Samuel, but wouldn't dare to look at him.
I simply smiled back, tapping his nose with the tip of my finger.
"You did? And did you find any frogs?" Samuel asked, but Zephaniah was back into one of his stare moments, his eyes blinking slowly as he stared up at the lamp, slowly chewing on a fry.
"Moment," I mumbled, stroking his cheeks, "Hey, Zeph, Samuel is asking you something," I said quietly in his ear, continuing to stroke his cheeks.
"It's okay, don't worry," Samuel smiled, familiar crinkles forming by his eyes. "Hannah used to search for frogs all the time when she was younger,"
David started laughing, his face turned to Hannah, "All the time. She even kept a few as pets, what were they called? They had names,"
"Really?" I said, looking at her.
Hannah sighed, nonetheless smiled. "Yeah, I did, but I was young! Besides, I had a brother, what could you expect? The names.. uhm, one was Bambi, the other one was called Blakey, last name's nickname," she mumbled, blushing as we made eye contact.
It only made me smile even more, as I realised I hadn't known much about her, but I wanted to. "How cute," I grinned, making her roll her eyes.
"Whatever, Malik. Not everyone has talents to occupy them with, like you." She whispered so her family didn't hear. I knew she was referring to my drawings, writings and singing, though she'd never heard or seen.
It made me blush.
"Your mum, oh, I don't think I can count the times she's told me she didn't understand why you were out there searching for frogs instead of having tea parties with your dolls." David laughed softly, Samuel smiling because of the memory.
Hannah smiled too, though she looked down at her plate immediately, playing with her fork.
"Hannah's mum passed away due to breast cancer when she was five. Samuel was around his age, just turned nine I think, though," David pointed at Zephaniah and I swallowed, hearing the sadness in his voice.
"She hadn't noticed the small bump underneath her breast for a long time, until she started to feel some of the symptoms. By then, it had already spread throughout her body, to her brain." David explained, staying emotionally stable, just like Samuel. "She passed two months after they had found out."
Goosebumps appeared on my skin and I felt awful. Awful, for accusing Hannah of just being curious, snapping at her, pushing her away when she had been through a lot too. It touched me, strongly, as it must've been one of the most difficult things someone could ever go through in life.
"I'm so sorry, that's awful.. must've been a really difficult time for the three of you," I said quietly, voice just above a whisper.
Samuel and David smiled, though the sadness was visible. "Sadly, that's life. You learn how to cope with it, but yeah, it has been very difficult." Samuel answered for his father.
I nodded, glancing at Hannah. My heart jumped as I noticed a few tears rolling down her cheeks. Because although she had seen me crying a thousand times before, I didn't think I had ever seen her crying.
It hurt me, it made me want to cry with her, as she allowed me to share my emotions with her many times before, to lighten the weight on my shoulders.
"It's okay, Hannah." David whispered, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes as well.
I could tell Hannah was trying to hold it back and I wanted to comfort her so bad, but what would her father think? I glanced at them, and decided to let my thoughts just go for one single moment, reaching for her hand underneath the table. I squeezed her soft skin once she found mine, and we smiled.
Zephaniah flapped his little hands, surely noticing the situation because although he could be oblivious to what was happening in his surroundings, he always felt emotions strongly. Sometimes they weren't always correct, as he was just really sensitive, but he could sense everything.
Whether it be a laugh or a tear. He felt it before he had seen it.
He slipped off his chair and sat down on Hannah's lap, wrapping his arms around her neck while he laid down his head on her chest, his eyes watering. His little hand was tangled in her hair, his eyes closing.
Hannah smiled, cuddling Zephaniah close. I allowed and I'd always will from now on, as he was my biggest source of comfort and I somehow wanted her to share her pain with us too, as she had always given us our space to do so with her.
I let go of our hands and simply stared at Hannah and Zephaniah, a small smile appearing on my face.
If this was how it was supposed to be, then it was good.
~~~
Now you know more about Hannah's family situation with her mum.. what do you think of it?
Zephaniah shy and sensing her feelings?
Zaynieee?
Let me know!