I call an Uber to get home because I'm way too drunk to drive. I wait outside, goosebumps rising on my arms from the night breeze.
"I had a fun time with you tonight, Brendon." I recognize her shrill voice and hide myself from them by crouching behind a wall.
"Yeah. I mean, yeah it was great." I almost laugh at how nonchalantly he speaks to her.
"So do you wanna head back to my place?" I'm taken off guard. For whatever reason, I wasn't expecting her to be the kind of person who wanted sex on the first date, but I guess I was wrong. I feel uneasy as I wait for his response and I try to tell myself that I don't give a shit about what he does. If he goes back to her place, fine. Whatever.
"I actually have somewhere to be tonight." My chest lowers as I free the breath I was holding in. She giggles, as if he's joking because she's just that irresistible.
"It's like ten at night, where are you going?"
"My parents house." He leaves it at that, and I can almost feel Kylie deflate from here. I know he's lying, though. He said his family lives back in Nevada still. But why would he lie to her? "I can just-"
I hear Brendon grunt and I peek around the wall to get a better look. The view in front of me makes my throat sting like barbed wire is wrapped around it. Of course they'd kiss after a date. It's not like they already haven't, but for some reason, this hurts so much worse.
I'm not completely sure why, but I expect Brendon to pull away. But obviously, he doesn't. Why would he? He doesn't have any obligation to. We aren't exclusive and are in no way dating. Instead, he kisses her back the same way he kisses me. He holds her and runs his hands through her hair and- look away, dumbass.
I fall back, my head hitting the wall behind me. I hold my hand to my mouth as I hiss in pain. Finally, my Uber pulls up and I slowly back away from the wall and quietly make my way to the car. I tell my driver where to drop me off, and suddenly I feel overwhelmed with exhaustion.
The car ride goes by quickly and I hand my money to the driver as I get out of the car. I hug myself while walking up to my building, up the stairs and into my apartment.
I sit on the couch, the heels of my hands pressing into my eyes to hold back a sudden rush of tears. For the first time in forever, I feel homesick. Although things back in New York weren't healthy for me, I can't say this is better anymore. I'm not sure how much longer I can stay here. My parents already found me, so what's the point in hiding?
I pick up my phone and dial an unexpected number. He picks up the phone within the first two rings.
"Hey, Courtney! What's up?"
"Can you come over? You're the only one I can talk to right now and I need help."
"Of course. I'll be there in 5." He hangs up and I contemplate whether or not I'm going to share the entire story with him.
5 minutes passed and sure enough, there's a knock at my door. I spring up from my place on the couch and open it, embracing him before he can step in.
"I've missed you, Connor." He wraps his arms around me as I smile.
"I've missed you too. Now tell me what's wrong." I pull him in and we sit down.
"I got suspended from work." He tilts his head.
"What? Why?" I roll my eyes and sink into the chair.
"Because Emery decided she was going to be a little bitch from now on." He looks taken aback, and I realize that I haven't updated him on that whole situation. Has it really been that long since we've talked like this?
"Emery and I aren't talking anymore. Last month, we got into a huge fight and we've barely talked since then. Then this weekend at a party, we got into another argument and I punched her. Not a big deal. Come to find out, she feels like I'm a threat to the people I work with. So, she's being a bitch." He nods as he processes the information slowly.
"What was the whole fight about?" I shrug.
"She thought I was hiding something." I decide to be vague in hopes of concealing the truth for just a little while longer.
"Hiding what?" I fall silent and pick at my fingernails. "C'mon, you can tell me."
"She thinks I'm sleeping with Br-Mr. Urie." I feel myself turning red as he looks away from me.
"Well.. are you?" His eyes meet mine, and I feel like he'll be able to tell if I look back at him, so I don't.
"No, of course not. I wouldn't do that. I'm not that kind of person." You're such a liar.
"Maybe she was just hurt. She wouldn't act like that unless she felt like she had a reason. She's not a bitch." I sense an unsteadiness in him as he speaks about Emery and I realize that it probably wasn't the smartest thing to invite him over to talk about his ex.
"You still love her, don't you?" He doesn't say anything, which gives me the answer I need. I go to grab his hand, but the door swings open.
"What the fuck-"
"Shit."
"Mr. Urie?" I immediately stand up from my spot. Connor looks from me back to Brendon and I try to pretend he isn't here.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I hiss as the door shuts behind him.
"Why is he here?" Connor's voice echoes behind me and instead of answering the question, I turn back to Brendon. I grab a fistful of his shirt and drag him into my bedroom, slamming the door.
"What the hell, B? What are you doing here?" At this point, I'm basically yelling, fully knowing Connor can probably still hear.
"I wanted to talk about what happened tonight. How was I supposed to know he'd be here?"
"You know what could've helped? Knocking. That's usually what people do when they want to come inside someone's house." I run my hands through my hair. "Jesus Christ, you've got to be kidding me. Of all the times you could've showed up, it had to be right now?"
I take a deep breath before I start to panic.
"Shit. Okay. Stay here and we'll talk about it, but for now, I have to fix that." I point behind me to the door and Brendon nods, a lot less angry than he was when he came in.
"Fine." I open the door to reveal Connor exactly where I left him.
"Let me explain."
"So you are sleeping with him?"
"No! Okay, yes, but-"
"Seriously? Are you kidding? You tried to get me to sympathize with you or whatever, by lying?" I squeeze my eyes shut, mostly in embarrassment. "Were you ever going to say something about it? Or did you just want to complain about losing a friend because she thought you were doing something that you were actually doing? Things probably would've ended differently if you would've been honest with her." His tone suggests that he isn't as angry as I anticipated, but he's definitely not happy.
"What do you think?" My throat tightens as he sighs. He lightly shakes his head and his hands slap his legs as they swing down.
"I think you're being a dumb-ass. But it's your life. If you want to spend it screwing your boss, who am I to get in the way? It's not like I work with you guys anymore." I suppress a smile of relief and breathe.
"I'm sorry. I should've said something, but I got scared. I didn't want you to get angry, and I sure as hell can't lose another friend."
"You don't have to worry about that." He glances over to my bedroom door. "He's still in there?" I nod. "I think you should bring him out." I lightly groan as I open the door. Brendon's eyes meet mine and he looks like a kicked puppy.
"Come here." He doesn't question it as he gets up and walks out cautiously.
"Hey, Connor. What's been up these days?" I elbow him in the side and he curses.
"Don't make it weird, jackass."
"Fine. Bitch." He mutters the last part under his breath and I elbow him again. I guess we're both still angry at one another for what happened tonight. For some reason, that feels like it was forever ago, but the image of him and Kylie all over each other still burns behind my eyes.
"It's already weird." Connor looks between the two of us, an uncomfortable look on his face. "So.. are you guys.. dating?" In unison, we say:
"Kind of."
"No."
We wildly look at each other in confusion and Connor chuckles, grabbing his jacket and keys off the table.
"I'm gonna head out. I think you guys have some stuff to sort out."