"Sanem?" said a voice behind her.
It was a familiar voice. One she thought she would never hear ever again. She froze. Unable to move. Unable to speak. Unable to think coherently. Oh my! What was she going to do now?! Don't panic!
"Brilliant plan, Sanem! Now what?" screeched the inner voice.
Sanem zipped up her coat but still, she could not move.
"Sanem?" repeated the voice. "Oh! Sanem ..." The person behind her couldn't hold back her emotions any longer, sobbing heavily now. Sanem was still as immobile as a statue. Two cherished arms hugged her from behind, crushing her so much that Sanem had trouble breathing.
"You are choking me right now ..."
"Sorry ... Sorry .. Oh sis, I missed you so much!" wept Leyla as she was coming round the bench to face her.
She got on her knees and held her in her arms for a long moment. Sanem was restraining her tears.
Leyla moved away to look at her little sister, smiled as she was stroking her face and came to sit next to her, her arm across Sanem's shoulders.
"How did you find me Leyla?" inquired Sanem, worried that Can might have followed her.
"Metin." Leyla paused.
"Actually ... He didn't really tell me ... He had no choice ... You know how persuasive I can be ..." she continued, giggling at her own cunningness.
"I told him that I would ask Emre to fire Anela if he didn't cooperate and spill the beans!"
"You did not!" hissed Sanem. Poor Metin! He was in trouble now because of her. She would have to call him in the morning and apologize for everything.
"Sanem, I'm sorry but I was desperate. Metin understood. He knows how much we worried and cried after you left. He knows. Believe me, he didn't want to break his word to you but ... I won!"
"Humph", replied Sanem. Questions were burning her lips, questions about her parents, her friends ... Questions about Can ... She said nothing though, as the voice within kept on screaming at Sanem's failure to disappear ...
"Sanem, my dear Sanem ... Will you tell me what happened? I know it's related to Can ... What happened?" cajoled Leyla.
"First you have to promise me to keep it secret. To keep everything secret. I mean it, Leyla ... Do not betray me! Can must never know where I am ... Do you understand? Do you promise?" pressed Sanem.
"What about Mom and Dad? What about Ayhan and Osman? Why can't they know?"
"Leyla! Swear to me! Nobody is to know! Absolutely no one! Promise me or you'll never see me again ..." barked Sanem.
Leyla looked cautiously at her baby sister. She had never seen her in such a state of sheer panic and terror. Never taking her eyes off of Sanem's, she nodded and simply said, "I promise".
"I will never come back. As long as he lives and breathes in Istanbul, I will never come back." Tears were starting to flow on their own accord. "I can't ... It's ... I can't", stuttered Sanem.
"Shhhhh, it's ok honey ... Shhhh ... Calm down ... I'm here now," whispered Leyla as she was gently brushing her sister's hair. They did not move for a long time. Neither of them spoke. Enjoying each other's presence was enough ... for the moment. However Sanem knew that Leyla would demand an explanation and she would have to give a convincing one.
"Leyla, listen ... After I gave Fabri my perfume and the formula, I should have told Can straight away. But I didn't. I should have listened to Cey Cey."
Sanem's lips shaped a tiny smile at the thought of her sensible friend.
She carried on, "I should have told him but then his mother appeared out of the blue and I could never find the right moment to confess what I had done ... You should have seen him when he learnt about Fabri's launching a new perfume called "Rare Beauty" ... He knew ... He knew what I had done ... He knew that I had betrayed him again ... He was like a madman ..." explained Sanem.
"He knew that ..." Sanem's voice broke. She breathed in and out and ended her sentence, "He knew that he could never trust me ever again."
Sanem looked away. Losing her gaze on the horizon ... God! She wished she had never met him. She wished she never loved him. She wished she never had owned a heart ...
"Sanem ..." started Leyla but she never finished her sentence as she cradled Sanem against her.
"I know I have lied to him but he lied to me too ... He said that he would never leave me no matter what ... He said that he would always love me ... I believed him ... but he couldn't ... he will never be able to keep his word ..."
Sanem sighed.
"I love him ... I still do. And I know that he loves me too but how long will we go on like that? Always separating and coming back together? How long will we last? How long will my heart be able to stand this?" wondered Sanem.
"I chose to leave. I chose to rip my heart out there and then rather than suffer my entire life at dreading the moment when he won't come back to me ..." she concluded.
"Our love was a beautiful love ... but it was never meant to be. Can and I were never meant to be ..."
Leyla acknowledged her sister's words. She had always thought that, despite the love they had for one another, Can and Sanem were too different to belong together. It pained her. But she had been right all along.
So she decided to keep quiet. She decided not to tell her that Can was the most miserable man she had ever seen. She decided not to paint her the state of agony he was in. She would find a way to convince him to leave Turkey, to go back to his wanderings so that Sanem could, one day, return to them. It grieved her to think so poorly and so selfishly but Sanem was her sister and she would do anything to get her back.
Both women remained on the bench facing the sea until the sun came down. Leyla finally called a cab for the airport as her plane was leaving in the evening. She hadn't told anybody where she was going. She didn't want to give false hope to her parents. She hadn't even told Emre. She had to be back tonight, especially even more so now ... as she had a secret to keep.
They kissed for a long time. They both promised to be careful. Sanem agreed that Leyla would call her once a month to check on her. She reluctantly entered the taxi. Sanem closed the door and placed her hand on the window. Leyla smiled and mirrored her sister's gesture. Sanem's eyes followed the cab until it disappeared. "Alone again", she sighed, looking down at her waist. It was time to go back to Emel's.
However behind a clump of trees, someone had witnessed the sisters' reunion. Sanem's last words had been a surprise though. It was a game changer. It was a way to make amends. It was a way to gain forgiveness ... "at least a way to forgive herself", thought Can's mother.
* * *
March saw nature shed its winter coat. Sanem's appetite had doubled and Emel was delighted to see her young protégée eat at last.
April was dreadful, even though Sanem enjoyed the sound of the rain drops onto the roof. The baby seemed to enjoy it too. Sanem could feel more and more movements as the days went by. She felt motherhood submerging her. She felt unconditional love for someone she had never seen ... The thought made her laugh ... Like father, like son! Even her grumpy inner voice laughed at the parallel.
May was sunny, summer was on its way. Sanem's belly was becoming quite round and her face was beaming. She stopped work at the restaurant now, keeping company to the old lady, who was delighted with the turn of events. They would talk about the weather, about people, about life in general.
June witnessed the return of tourists. Antalya became crowded with foreigners from all over the world. The weather was hot, but Sanem and Emel could still spend most of their day on the small terrace outside where they drank tea and enjoyed the sounds and smells of the summer season.
July and its heat kept them inside, Sanem cursing at her swollen feet. She was quite heavy now and she had trouble to find a comfortable position to sleep. She would turn and toss until, when she was finally at ease, it was the baby's turn to wake up and prevent Sanem from getting the rest she deserved.
August was kinder, letting them breathe whenever a storm broke out. Sanem felt her body getting ready to deliver the precious charge she had been carrying for eight months now. They were often outside, in the shade of the fig tree, enjoying the presence of a visitor who had come regularly to check on Sanem and offer financial support to them both. Sanem had been quite cautious and distrustful at first but Emel had convinced her to give Can's mother a chance to make amends.
Her first contacts with Mrs. Hüma had been quite conflictual when she had tried to convince Can to dump Sanem as she was not good enough for him. She did not have to toil and plot too long as Sanem had dug her own hole ... Two weeks after her arrival, Can and Sanem had broken up ...
Hüma had celebrated this easy success but victory had quickly turned sour. Day after day, not only had she not regain her son's affection but she had to witness the rapid descent of Can into the state of depression. She had misjudged him ... Well she didn't know him any more after all that time away ...
It was just after the meeting they had held to officialise Sanem's disappearance, that she had decided to look for her. She had realized that finding Sanem meant finding her way back to her son's heart and she craved it more than anything in the world. Nothing had ever stopped her to get exactly what she wanted and where there was a will, there was a way ... Especially if your name was Hüma Erdamar ...
She had then kept tabs on Sanem's relatives and friends, staying close mostly to Leyla. She had followed her that day and miraculously found Sanem ...
The Aydın sisters had parted ways and Sanem had gone home, Hüma keeping her distances behind her. She had inspected the whereabouts of Sanem's refuge and decided to come back the next day.
It was about ten in the morning when Hüma knocked at the door.
It was Sanem who opened the door and slammed it back shut as soon as she saw Can's mother on the threshold.
Hüma knocked again and again until Emel opened the door and stepped outside.
"Who are you lady? What do you want?" snapped Emel.
"My name's Hüma Erdamar and I'm Can Divit's mother", she simply replied.
"Sanem does not want to see you. Have a good day!"
"Please, I beg of you, please! I need to see Sanem ... It's important, please ..." she insisted.
A moment later, the three women sat outside around the table, Sanem, arms crossed and a furious light in her eyes.
"Thank you for listening to me ... please give me a chance ..." as she began to explain.
"I have misjudged the love that Can has for you. I have misjudged a lot", she smirked, "Emre is the one that called me back to reality. See, Emre has always been my favourite son and his words caused me quite a shock ..."
Sanem's look had darkened at the mention of Emre ... One could see that she was boiling inside but she kept quiet as Emel put her hand on top of hers.
"Emre told me the whole story, Sanem. I know what he has done and what he has forced you to do. I know. I even start to understand what Can has seen in you ..." she paused.
"Sanem, I have made mistakes, terrible mistakes ... but I want to believe that it's not too late. Thanks to you and your influence, Can has forgiven his brother ... I hope that one day it will be my turn to be forgiven", Hüma's voice full of remorse and regrets.
"Please, help me Sanem. Help me to get my son back", she pleaded.
Moved by the sincerity of her words, Sanem had agreed to regular visits first. And when her state could not be hidden any longer, Hüma had insisted on helping financially Emel and the mother of her grandchild to come. She also had promised not to tell a soul about Sanem's pregnancy.
Hüma had left two days ago and Sanem hoped that she would be able to come for the baby's birth ... The date was set for the 18th of September which meant that she still had 3 weeks to go ... Each day seemed to last more than 24 hours now... September would be here soon she tried to convince herself ...
* * *
Can was standing outside a tiny house on the outskirts of Antalya. His heart was about to explode. As soon as he had seen the pictures of Sanem with his mother taken a couple of days ago, he had rushed to Atatürk airport and been on the first plane to take him there.
He breathed in and breathed out, collecting his courage and knocked on the door.
He could hear some commotion inside and the door opened violently.
Sanem stopped dead. She shouted, "Can?"
"Sanem ..."
"Can!"
"Sanem, I ... I ..."
"CAAAN!" screamed Sanem, "I need to go to the hospital."
"Excuse me?" Can was at a complete loss.
"Can! I need to go NOW! I ... WE are going to have a baby!"