Everyone was silent, looking at Sam with varying degrees of concern on their faces, except for Tom who seemed ready to murder someone. Sam half-wished he had sunglasses on.
"I..." he tried again, but failed. Fortunately, no one prodded him. Kay just squeezed his shoulder in a show of support.
Why did she give him more support than Christine? Why did everyone in that room?
Jessie took his mug and fished the bottle of bourbon out from a cabinet again to fill it up.
"What are you doing?" Jerry asked, alarmed.
"Shush, he needs liquid courage," Jessie said, leaving the bottle out this time.
Sam wondered just how much he'd have to drink until he could finally open up. It turned out, not much. The anger and the pain were exhausting, and that combined with lack of food made him tipsy after only half the mug.
"Don't you have liquid amnesia or something?" he mumbled.
"Not funny, Sam," Tom growled. "Are you ready to tell us what happened?"
Sam nodded and took another swig of his mug. The alcohol burned his throat, but the effect was a loosening of his tongue.
"I had a bad feeling about Christine," he said, staring at the brown liquid in his mug. At least Jimmy had the sense not to give him whiskey. "Suspected she might be cheating on me. Turns out, it's true."
There was a sharp intake of breath and a mumbled curse, but he didn't care enough fo raise his eyes and see how everyone reacted. Getting the next part out was more important.
"Harry told me during the ball at school. The reasons he knows is because he's the one screwing Christine behind my back."
"Motherfucker," Tom growled.
"What?" Angie asked in shock.
Sam raised his eyes, finally ready for reactions. Jerry had his hand over his mouth, his eyes wide with shock. Jessie and Kay seemed gobsmacked too, confusion and anger battling on their faces. Kyle looked pretty confused too, though the anger was obviously winning.
Jimmy and Tom on the other hand looked ready to murder someone. Probably Harry. Or Christine. Or both.
"Did you know about this?" Tom asked, turning to Angie.
"Of course not," she said, her voice higher than usual. "She'd never tell me something like that. She knew I'd tell you guys immediately."
Tom relaxed at this and Sam was once again reminded that Angie and Christine were great friends. It was so easy to forget because he always considered Angie his friend, not hers. Fortunately, this mess didn't mean they'd have to split their friends.
"I still can't believe this," Kay whispered.
"I can. I'm a little surprised it took her this long," Jimmy mumbled.
"Really, Jimmy?" Jerry asked, reproach in his voice. He stood from his chair and put both hands on Sam's shoulders. "I know that you're hurting right now, but we need to know more. What did you do to Harry?"
Of course Jerry would pick up all the little order and discipline details.
"I knocked him out," Sam mumbled.
Jerry patted his shoulders and moved away which Sam took to mean he didn't agree but was aware it was the best possible outcome.
"Does Christine know you know?" Jessie asked.
That memory was probably the most painful of all and Sam had to admit he was impressed how his body could pick out the most agonizing bit in a ball full of agony. He rose the mug to his lips again and downed more alcohol.
"Oh, yes." It was fascinating how his voice could come out light, amused, as if it were nothing but a funny traffic tale or something. Like it wasn't killing him slowly but surely from the inside out. "I went home to face her, but she wasn't there so I went back to school. Found her and Harry together, talking. She was so sure she could get me to believe Harry was lying. Too bad she decided to kiss him to win him over."
His voice died on the last word. It came out slurred and trembling as his eyes stung and his nose clogged. He'd hoped being half drunk would take care of that, but apparently it only made tears harder to control.
Jerry winced and Kay and Jessie pulled back from him, disgust etched on both their faces.
"Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry," Angie whispered.
Kyle, Jimmy and Tom didn't make a sound and Sam was sure that it was only because what would come out of their mouths was unfit to say in front of the girls. Which reminded him there was another issue which couldn't be discussed in front of the girls. But he wasn't sure if he could bring it up in front of his brothers either. He felt like an idiot enough.
"Did you break up with her?" Jerry asked.
"Of course he did," Tom snapped before Sam could even open his mouth.
"Don't speak for him, Tom," Jerry chided. "You have no idea how he could've reacted in a time like this."
"No, Tom's right. I did break up with her," Sam said. Though, looking back, he wished he'd been more cutting. That he could've said something along the lines of 'I can do better than you'.
Except he wasn't sure he could. The simple thought of dating again, of finding someone to love, was draining. Especially because anyone new wouldn't know about the Agency, about him just disappearing at a moment's notice. How was he supposed to build a relationship based on lies?
"How'd she take it?" Kay asked, and Sam understood the real question was if she'd spewed venom at him.
He wasn't getting into that either so he just shrugged and sunk his face in his hands. This time no one pulled him up and forced him to face reality. Wise since he didn't want to be touched at the moment.
I needed a man, Sam!
He apparently wasn't one. Just a poor stand in, an idiot who thought he was doing her a favor by holding back, being sensitive and understanding. Nope. She apparently had no problem screwing other people without any weddings involved.
And yet, she'd never said anything. Never asked why he kept stopping at the last moment when he obviously wanted to finish it already. She only sighed, rolled her eyes and turned over. Why hadn't she said anything?
"This is so fucked," Jimmy mumbled under his breath.
"Yes, she is," Tom mumbled. "By everyone apparently."
Sam cringed as Angie nudged his shoulder.
"What? I hope you're not going to defend her!"
"I'm not, but you don't have to be crass."
Sam wasn't sure about that. He felt it would suck for him to verbally abuse Christine, but he didn't mind hearing it from others and Tom seemed to have picked up that bit for him.
"Angie is right," Jerry said, finality in his voice. "Calling her names will not help."
"And what would help?" Tom asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Can you turn back time? Make Sam forget?"
Stupidly enough, at that moment Sam wished he hadn't found out and that he'd be home with Christine, losing himself in her and maybe finally doing it. The thought tortured him because it only showed how weak he was.
"Is there something else?" Kyle asked, as if reading his mind.
"Does it need to be something else?" Sam retorted, though he knew too well that Kyle wasn't undermining his feelings.
"Of course not," Jerry said immediately.
"Not what I meant." Kyle's eyes took in the others, a harshness in them that made Sam shudder. He was pissed.
Sam considered asking to talk to him alone and let it all out. The insecurity, the utter mystery of the situation, the guilt. But it didn't seem fair towards the others.
"Um, can we talk privately?" he mumbled. "No offense, girls."
"Sure," Jessie said. "Want us to go into the bedroom?"
"No," Jimmy said immediately. "You stay here and think if you want any takeout. We'll just move on to the living room."
Sam wasn't so sure about that since there was no door between the two rooms, but the girls seemed to have anticipated that because Angie took her phone out and put on some random music.
They moved deeper into the apartment, next to the bedroom door, hidden by a set of bookshelves which acted as a faux wall. At least the girls were out of sight and Sam couldn't understand what they were saying even if they were talking.
"Kind of sexist to leave them in the kitchen," Kyle pointed out.
"Ruder to ask them to go away," Jimmy pointed out. He looked at Jerry as he said this, since his twin had taken his phone out and seemed to be texting.
"Are we going to hear what she spewed at you when you dumped her?" Tom asked, crossing his arms over his chest again. "Please tell me you dumped her and she didn't do it first for some insane reason."
"No. I actually got the last word in." Sam looked at his bruised knuckles. "That's what happens when you hit stuff that makes loud noises. You control the conversation."
"What really happened?" Kyle asked, his eyes narrowed as if trying to read the answer before Sam said it.
"Oh no, what I told you was the truth. Harry told me out of guilt because I shared some sensitive stuff with him and it sort of went rolling from there."
"Sensitive stuff?" Tom asked. "Stuff we don't know?"
Sam nodded, feeling like he'd betrayed their trust by keeping this from them, but it was an intimate issue.
"The thing is..." He took in a deep breath. Thank God the alcohol helped. "I've never slept with Christine."
Everyone froze, including Jerry who finally put his phone away, all of them staring at him as if her were alien.
"You're kidding," Tom said.
Sam shook his head and looked at his feet. His shoes were full of mud and he'd left it all over Jimmy's carpet. "When Christine started staying over, the professor fed me this bullshit story about how Christine swore to her mother she'd marry a virgin or something. And I believed him. So I tried my best to keep it in my pants."
"How does that even work?" Tom asked.
"I'm so proud of you," Jerry said, almost at the same time. "You don't have to feel ashamed about that."
Sam raised his eyes to him. "You think the professor was telling the truth?"
Jerry switched his weight from one foot to the other. "Well, no. But it's still admirable that you were willing to do that for her."
"Yeah, Jerry's right," Kyle said unexpectedly. "Even if it was bullshit, it's the gesture that counts. She should've appreciated that."
"Tina did," Jerry said with a shrug. "What?" he asked, noticing that everyone was staring at him. "He came to me too, even if we'd broken up. And when we got back together that one time, I told her about it. It wasn't true, but she really appreciated that I was willing to do it if it were."
"Why'd you even bring it up?" Jimmy asked, stealing the shocked question right off the tip of Sam's tongue.
Jerry's face caught a pinkish tinge. "Why do you think?"
Sam's jaw dropped open as his sense of solidarity with Jerry flew out the window. "You and Tina actually...?"
Jerry just shrugged though his face was getting steadily redder. "I tried anything to see if the relationship would work, and this seemed like a big part to leave out."
"Now I'm proud of you," Kyle said.
"So was it a one time thing or...?" Tom asked.
"Is this really what we should be talking about?" Jerry said, clenching his fists. "This is about Sam."
"I'm asking because the first time usually sucks so you shouldn't judge the experience by it."
"It does?" Kyle asked, confused.
"Of course it does," Jimmy answered with a laugh, but stopped. "Didn't it suck for you?"
Kyle shook his head, still looking utterly confused.
"Seriously?" Tom asked. "But it's just so awkward and you're not really sure what goes where--"
"Ugh, enough." Jerry covered his ears. "Yes, we all eventually figured out what goes where, and the first time sucks if you're not Kyle. Can we get past this?"
"So you did do it more than once," Tom said victoriously and Jerry actually growled at him and shut him up instantly.
Sam just couldn't compute any of this. He really was an idiot. Jerry had asked and gotten his answer and Sam was the only idiot virgin standing and he just wanted to scream.
"That makes no difference, Sam," Kyle said. "If she wanted to have sex, she should've talked to you about it, not look for it somewhere else. This doesn't justify what she did."
"No, but it makes me feel like more of a useless idiot," he muttered.
"She threw it in your face, didn't she?" Jimmy said, his voice blank.
Sam just nodded. "Said she needed a man and I wasn't one."
Jerry huffed. "This doesn't make you less of a man, Sam. She obviously just wanted to hurt you. To shift the blame. This is not your fault."
"The only fault you have is not realizing she's a backstabbing bitch earlier," Tom said under his breath.
"Can we stop calling her names?" Jerry asked.
"Someone has to say it," Tom retorted. "Your ex girlfriend was a whore, Sam. There. Now that's settled there's no use speaking ill of the dead."
Jerry just facepalmed, but Sam was actually grateful the words were out and that he didn't have to say them. Tom has taken his role seriously and was doing the dirty work for him. He turned to Jimmy next.
"Did you mean it that you saw this coming?"
Jimmy sighed. "It doesn't surprise me. I saw her capable of something like that, but I honestly didn't think she would actually do it. I thought she'd just stick to flirting because she needs compliments to fill up that huge hole in her chest."
Was that what she'd meant when she'd said she was lonely?
"No." Tom pointed at him. "I know that look. Don't start justifying what she's done. She and Harry are lucky. If it were me, they'd both be dead and you guys would be out in the park with me, digging holes."
"Don't you think that's a little extreme?" Kyle asked.
"Extremely justified."
Sam's shoulders slouched. His adrenaline was fading now that he got it all out in the open and the pain was making his nauseous again. The alcohol wasn't helping with that either. Worst thing was that he had no idea what to do with himself.
"Do you want to sleep?" Jimmy asked.
He shook his head. No way in hell was he subjecting himself to dreaming. "The thing is, I dont want to go... back." He'd almost said home, but it wasn't anymore.
"You can come with me and Angie," Tom said, his voice more soothing than it had been all evening. "We can play video games until we pass out and take it from there."
"You can always go back home," Jerry said. "That way Mom can look after you for a while. I'll come too if you think it will make you feel better."
Sam couldn't help it. He hugged Jerry and started sobbing on his shoulder. He wanted that. To go back home and just be with his Mom and Jerry and act like he was still sixteen and had no idea what love was. Jerry knew. Of course he did. And even if Christine had tainted that house as well, he could handle it, because it will forever be his home.
Jerry hugged him back tightly and he felt the others joining in, catching him in the middle, putting him back together. When they finally pulled apart, Sam wiped his eyes, feeling a tiny bit better. He was still agonizing, but he was too tired to let it consume him and a night filled with video games sounded wonderful.
"Thanks," he said. "I still feel like shit, but at least I have a plan for the evening. Even if I'll probably pass out on your couch in my muddy suit."
"Don't worry," Kyle said. "I'll swing by your place and grab most of your clothes. Then you can go clean it out when you're ready."
Sam nodded, grateful beyond belief. He wanted his own clothes and Kyle was the best alternative. Christine had no influence over him, wouldn't impress him with potential tears, and he was the least likely to snap her neck.
"You guys are awesome."
"So are you," Jimmy said, nudging his shoulder with his fist. "And don't you ever forget that. I know it sucks right now, but it will get better."
He was probably right even if Sam felt he'd never fully smile again. But at the moment, it seemed at least remotely possible.
"What the hell is in your room?" Kyle asked all of a sudden, turning to Jimmy.
"What?"
"You were so freaked out about going into the bedroom and you're keeping us out here." Kyle grinned. "What's in there?"
Jimmy watched him through half closed lids. "It's exactly what you're thinking."
"Let's get out of here before they start comparing kinky sex stuff or something," Tom whispered.
Sam almost laughed. If there was anyone in this world who could make him feel better, it was his brothers.
♠️♠️♠️
I'm really wanting reactions for this because what happened shows a little bit of everyone. Did their reactions make sense? Is Sam still doing okay on the feelings meter?
I'm no expert on how guys bond, but this seemed to be consistent with their personalities so I hope it worked well. At least some good came out of this crap.
Also, how surprised were you about the Jerry Tina thing? 😅 Honestly.
Leave me your thoughts, hit the star, and here's hoping to more updates this year.