On the way back home, Sanem kept quiet. Emel glanced at her several times, hoping that she would open up to her, but Sanem kept quiet. The old lady decided to respect her silence and started to talk about Metin.
"Sweetheart, Metin was so sorry to hear you had been unwell ... He sends you all his best ..." she informed her.
Sanem didn't answer and just smiled. She was tired and she just wanted to lay her head on the pillow of her bed. She just wanted to awaken from the nightmare that was her life at the moment. She just wanted peace.
"So ... What did the doctor tell you then? What happened?" Emel carried on, ignoring her passenger's muteness.
"He said that I really had to eat more ... and he prescribed some vitamins as well ..." said Sanem. "Grandma Emel, I'm so sorry ... I didn't want to be a burden for you ... I can leave if you ...." but she wasn't allowed to complete her sentence.
"Stop the drama Sanem! You know very well that I don't want you to go!"
Fifteen minutes later, after a relatively quiet drive, they were home. Emel insisted that Sanem sat on the settee while she was fixing up some soup and bread for their dinner. She came back with the plates and they started watching TV. The old lady was a fan of romance and they drank the soup while watching "Kiralik Aşk" ... Sanem was unmoved by the troubled relationship of the two main characters. As Defne and Ömer were kissing on the screen, Emel's voice surprised her. Chatting was usually forbidden in these moments ...
"Sanem? Can I ask you a question honey?"
"Hummm."
"Who is Can?"
Sanem almost choked on the soup in her mouth, coughing for a few seconds. She glanced at Emel who stared at her with an innocent look on her face. Sanem cleaned her mouth and drank some water. It proved difficult for her to catch her breath.
"Are you okay, girl?" kept repeating Emel as she was tapping Sanem's back.
"Whaaat? Can? Can? Can who? But ... I don't understand ..." mumbled Sanem.
"When you were unconscious, you kept repeating that name ... Who is he?" insisted the old lady.
"Hum ... He ... He is ... Hum ... He is my boss ... Can, that is MISTER Can is my boss ..." she explained.
"Your boss? So you mean Can Divit?"
"Yes. That's him. Can Divit", repeated Sanem.
"I've already met him ... He was one of Metin's best friends at school, did you know that?"
Sanem nodded and the old lady carried on.
"I've seen him on TV recently .... He's quite a hunk, is he not ...Hey? What do you say?"
Emel's comment caused Sanem to choke for the second time ... She could feel her cheeks getting quite flushed ... What the ...? How could an adorable sweet old lady come up with such inappropriate comments ... Her inner voice was boiling inside.
Metin's grandmother laughed at her confused face and concluded, "then you think so too."
Sanem kept quiet, looking at her feet, not knowing what to say.
"Don't be so embarrassed Sanem ... I might be sixty-eight years old but I can still recognize a handsome man when I see one ..." and she winked at her.
For the first time in weeks, Sanem laughed whole-heartedly. And Emel imitated her.
"Actually ... you're right ... he is very handsome ... what did you call him?" asked Sanem.
"A hunk, honey ... a hunk!" exclaimed Emel, "Ömer is a bit of a hunk too ... What do you think?"
Ömer and Defne were already lost to Sanem ... Only Can "the hunk" Divit remained in her thoughts ...
* * *
A month later, she still hadn't told Emel what had led her to hospital. The old lady had never pressed the matter but Sanem felt observed and her every move watched. Ever since her dizziness episode, Emel had insisted that Sanem would only work in the mornings for the time being. Therefore, that day, at almost four in the afternoon, Sanem was lying on the settee, reading "Sense and Sensilibility" for the thousandth time when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Oh it's you my boy!"
"How are you?"
"Hmmm ... Hmmm ..."
"Oh that's fantastic news ..."
"What's her name?"
"Anela?! Very pretty ..."
"She's fine ... No don't worry ... Everything is fine honey!"
"Do you want to talk to her?"
"Ok, sweetheart. Ok. We'll talk later then."
"I love you too."
"Have a good evening."
Emel hung up the phone.
"How is Metin doing, Grandma Emel", Sanem questioned.
"He's fine ... He is actually more than fine", she said with a tiny grin.
"He was telling me that he had met a young girl at the agency ... I'm so happy he got over that other woman ... You know the one with that horrible squeaky voice ... Demet? Delma? D... something ..."
"Deren!" blurted Sanem, "Her name is Deren ..."
Then Sanem started to give more information about Anela. How she was an intern at "Fikri Harika" since last November ... That she seemed to be an intelligent and hard-working woman. To tell the truth, Sanem had known her only for a couple of weeks before she left ... Sanem paused and let out a big sigh. She was so happy for Metin and before she could realize what was happening, big tears were rolling down her cheeks ... Why was she getting so emotional for God's sake!
Emel looked at Sanem with an affectionate smile and murmured, "Sanem, Sweetheart ... Why won't you tell me that you are pregnant?"
The words were like a bomb that had dropped on Sanem's chest ... Shocked and appalled, she started sobbing uncontrollably. Emel came to sit on the settee and took the young woman in her arms until she calmed down. She wiped away the last tears and looked at Sanem.
"How do you know? How did you guess?" she uttered.
"Honey ... I'm a woman but I am also a mother ... I can read the signs ... Your breasts look more voluminous and your waist is not as slim now ... I noticed that you cannot stand strong odours anymore and you seem to have cravings as well ..."
Sanem was at a loss ... Time for denial was over ... Time to confess had come ...
"Will you tell me know what has happened?" pleaded the old lady.
Sanem nodded and started her narrative with a broken voice.
* * *
She was cosy and warm in her bed, feeling relieved to have shared her story with Emel. She had listened to her. She hadn't been judgemental, asking for explanation when necessary. It was exactly what Sanem needed and she realized that she should have confided in her a long time ago.
Metin's grandmother had sworn secrecy and she trusted her word. Even though a huge weight had been taken off her chest, Sanem was experiencing mixed feelings about her pregnancy.
Of course she was not a complete idiot and she knew the possible outcome of sexual relationships but when she had made love with Can, the odds hadn't even crossed her mind. Apparently it had been the same for him. Sanem's inner voice sneered, "And you are both supposed to be intelligent and educated adults ... Ah bravo!"
She ignored that statement. It had been such a magical moment ... They had been so wrapped up into each other ... Baby-making had been left out of the equation ... "Well until now!" reminded the voice.
When the doctor had told her that she was pregnant, she felt like the sky had come down on her head. A baby?! Seriously?! But, somehow, it made sense now ... That night, when they had become one ... That blissful night when their bodies had merged into one ... That bond between him and her had come into being ... a human being ... A little bit of him and a little bit of her ... Her mind was already fabricating pictures of a baby boy with large dark eyes and dimples like his father ...
Sanem grinned but the smile quickly faded from her lips ... A baby ... with no father? What about Can? He had the right to know! She would have to tell him ... to face him ... Could she do such a thing? Would she ever be strong enough?
So many questions were torturing Sanem now. And suddenly reality came back to her like a boomerang. She could never set foot in Istanbul again. She could never walk the streets of her neighbourhood again. She could never see her family and her friends again ...
"Yes ... Sanem Aydın ... you shameful girl! You brought this onto yourself", mocked the inner voice.
"Shush! Leave me alone ... I know ...", cried Sanem.
Despite the pain and the sorrow the whole situation caused her, Sanem could not help thinking about Can ... He would have been the best father in the world. She could see him with their baby in his arms ... a beautiful photograph that was never to be ...
Exhausted by the struggle taking place within herself, Sanem laid her hands on her belly and soon fell asleep, her mind ceaselessly echoing the name of her beloved ...
* * *
March was chilly but the sun on her skin warmed her up just enough to not feel cold. Sanem was sitting on a bench, admiring the coast and the sea; enjoying the screams of the children playing on the sand; laughing at the sight of dogs jumping in the waves.
She was so much enthralled by the spectacle that she had not heard the footsteps behind her ...