Saturday was hell for me. My humanity wasn't fighting my wolf for control and that was the problem. Even though I told myself I'd never truly become a werewolf that phased whenever, I expected my wolf to at least try to put up a fight, but nothing happened. And that's what I hated because let's be real...I wanted a challenge.
The fact that I still hadn't talked to Ryder was proof of that much.
As I looked out of my window and saw the sun's angle make the clouds turn pink and orange, someone lightly knocked on my door. I looked over my shoulder and saw Andrew enter with his backpack over his shoulder. I looked back to watch the sky, but realized the sun was setting way slower than I wanted it to.
"When are you gonna get these boxes out of here?" Andrew asked and I heard him slide a box from maybe kicking it. I turned around and abandoned the window in order to sit on my bed. I shrugged.
"I don't know," I said. "I guess I figured not to unpack everything because I won't be here that long."
"That long?" he asked.
"Just until graduation," I nodded. "Then off to college."
"Have you talked to Ryder?" he suddenly asked and then I gulped.
"Why would talking to Ryder have anything to do with my current laziness to unpack and my future laziness for repacking in the future?" I tried to joke to cover up the tension.
"Because—"
"Alalalala, I don't wanna hear it. I know. Future plans," I interrupted before he'd get serious. Andrew smirked at my immaturity but then stood up from where he sat.
"I'm gonna be at the old Everton house tonight if you need anything," he notified.
"Mm, I wouldn't go there; Aaron's gonna be there, I think."
"I know," he said. "I'm the one who told Ryder to take him there."
"I don't think that's—"
"—a good idea with me and Ryder in the same room?" Andrew asked with a mischievous smirk. "Why not? Because you think Ryder's pissed about me training Aaron?"
I was speechless because he hit the nail on the head. Meaning, he and Ryder had talked about it. As long as he's talking to an Everton, I guess.
"He was frustrated at first because you didn't tell him beforehand, but eventually he was grateful because he's been too preoccupied to train Aaron himself," he informed. That only made me roll my eyes at the fact that I should've just told him in the beginning. Andrew continued his route out of the room, but stopped at the doorway. "Stop acting like Ryder's hard to talk to."
"I'm not," I lied in a grumble.
"He's just a guy, Ash. We're not complicated," he chuckled.
"It's Ryder," I reminded and wondered if he even remembered that less than two weeks ago, they didn't exactly like each other. "He's intimidating and stubborn and confusing and—"
"—downstairs in case you want to tell him all of this to his face," Andrew interrupted and all I could do was fall over into my pillow and groan loudly. Through a muffle, I heard Andrew announce he was leaving and then with my enhanced hearing, I was able to make out a greeting between him and Ryder on his way out.
I felt Ryder sit down on the bed beside me before I even opened my eyes to acknowledge him in the process of tossing his backpack near the wall. I had to roll my eyes because even looking at him was a challenge. I was sure more than anything that I was trying to be mad at him, but he was so damn gorgeous that it was impossible. One look at him and I wanted to kiss him, not fight with him, ugh.
"We both know this is gonna be difficult," he began.
"And why would you say that?" I asked with more sarcasm than necessary.
"Because I'm intimidating, stubborn, and confusing," he tried to joke, but I didn't laugh. I just got up from the bed and sat in the chair. He sighed and faced me while staying on the bed. "And because I don't know about you, but I, personally, just want to make up tonight," and then he thought to me or maybe himself 'and kiss you,' but verbally, he ended it with: "But this is more important."
"Who says we can't do both?" I said and wanted to growl at my hormones for trying to be sexy in any way.
"Another difficulty," Ryder noted.
"What, my wolf being immature?"
"No," Ryder said looking over me as if I was a mysterious wonder of the world. "That I actually want to do way more than just kiss you."
I rolled my eyes and groaned.
"Stop," Ryder said. "Look, you're frustrated with me and I'm frustrated with you so I think we can both just—"
I interrupted him with a pathetic laugh. "It's for different reasons, Ryder."
"No it's not," he frowned.
"You're pissed because I assumed you didn't want to talk about future plans and I put it off, while I'm angry about the fact that you want the packs to consolidate and not give Andrew a say in it," I reminded.
"Those are the same thing," Ryder said. I laughed once more in the idiocy he presented me with and that's when he finally scowled. "We're both mad because this comes down to family and you know it."
"Family?" I asked. What the hell did he know about family when his dad was supposed to kill him and his brother was scared of him? I glared at him, but hoped he didn't hear me think that.
"I'm trying to make this a win/win situation in the long run, Ash," he reasoned.
"How does making my brother call you his alpha a win/win situation for anyone but you?" I asked. "Just consider what Trevor said about an alliance."
"I can't," Ryder said raising his voice.
"Why not? Because you're scared that Andrew's gonna raise his own pack under your nose and get them to turn on you like how Preston did?" I challenged. "What, are you afraid that once the guys hear that Andrew's training Aaron that they'll go to him too? Or—"
"I don't care if Aaron joins your stupid brother," Ryder sneered. "You know what, I wish Aaron would just join your brother's pack, but that's in a perfect world, Ashlynn. In reality, Stella isn't going to phase so Aaron's going to kill Preston and I'll be right back to wanting to consolidate the packs. It's the only option if you know what's best."
I watched his face. His jaw was locked and his eyes were darkened. I was sure more than anything that he was hiding some important factor because he was nothing but serious about this—way past some egotistical reason.
"What are you not telling me?" I finally asked him. He sighed and put his head in his hands...that's when I knew something was really wrong. I got up from my chair in order to sit on the floor beneath him and grab his wrists, but he fought my strength to pull them down. Suddenly, he snapped his head up.
"I don't want anything to happen to your brother," he confessed. I frowned in confusion, thinking it was some joke at first because they've literally been at each other's throats since before they met.
"Why would anything happen...?"
"He's alone," Ryder said.
"Well yeah. It's a full moon and he doesn't want to hurt anyone—"
"No, I mean he's alone," Ryder repeated and then removed my hold on him in order to stand up. I only sat on the bed and watched him pace just once as if doing it in habit and then remembering that made me nervous. "Sure, he's gone this long being by himself, but later on, he's just going to be a werewolf without a pack and that's dangerous, Ash. It's threatening to some and a target to others and I don't want him in that situation because I know how much he means to you. I don't want to consolidate the packs just to be in charge of him. It's just easier for all of us that way."
"Andrew isn't alone though," I grimaced. "He has me."
"Not for long."
"Look, just because I don't choose to phase—"
"It's not about how often you phase or how strong you are. You don't get it," he interrupted. He kneeled down in front of me.
"Then explain it to me!" I finally yelled because he was more and more frustrating with each thing he failed to elaborate.
"You're mine, Ashlynn!" he shouted. "Even if you're part of Andrew's pack—which I doubt you are because of your eyes' impurity, you are mine. You'll be part of my pack."
"Then don't put that pressure on me," I told him and the tone changed. "I've made it this long being your girlfriend and your mate without being part of your pack. I don't see a problem. So don't initiate me, or whatever it is, into your pack because I'll deny you."
Something shifted in the room and Ryder sat back on his heels, looking at the floor and letting out a breath. He looked as if I broke up with him. His physical weakness with that comment only made me reach down and grab his hand.
"Hey," I addressed and he didn't look up. "I still love you. I just—"
"You love me," he said and I wondered if he lacked the conviction to turn it into a question or not. He looked up and his eyes made it clear that he was going to use my love for him in his next reasoning. "That's how I know you're not always going to be in his pack."
"You're not seriously going to make me choose between you and Andrew are you?" I whispered. I felt my heart speed up. I think I was more broken by the assumption because I was more tempted to choose my mate over my sibling. It made me question whose allegiance I really had and it made this whole conversation contradicting if that was the case.
"I would never make you make that choice," Ryder replied to my surprise. He looked back and forth between my eyes. "I think you can understand why I'd respect loyalty between siblings, so if you think I'm making you choose, then break up with me. You have that option. You'll always have that option." The way he spoke was calm and meaningful because we were under the mutual understanding of what our relationship was and the commitment to it, regardless of the option to reject the bond. Him putting that option on the table was a final proclamation of something way more serious than an ultimatum. It was his form of calling a bluff. "But I'm telling you right now that if we don't break up, you're not staying in Andrew's pack."
"I don't know if you read that guide Marc left for you or not, but let me assure you that you're not my alpha to tell me what to do," I scoffed and dropped his hand.
"I'm not saying it as someone trying to be your alpha," he said as his entire face squeezed together in offense. He was holding back more to his answer.
"Then what possible reason do you have for trying to control not only my life but my brother's?" I raised my voice. We hadn't even talked about our future—if we were even going to have one now—let alone involvements with Andrew. And here I was angry at Ryder and trying to settle this, but he was holding something back the whole time. I'd seen his temper flare up time and time again over stupid shit, but something this important, he kept trying to keep it under wraps and denying it had anything to do with his passive greed for authority.
And then he finally exploded in order to make sense.
"Because you're not putting two and two together, Ash! Let's face it; I'm not stupid enough to break up with you, so if you don't break up with me, we're staying together," he yelled and I rolled my eyes, thinking this was one of his super premature life crises again. "I'm not trying to force you out of your brother's pack because I'm the last person who would ever want to force you into anything—let alone that. But us being together while being in separate packs is only fine for now. Later on you'll have no choice but to transfer."
"Why do you keep saying that!?"
"Because I'm going to marry you," he said, still with his voice raised and then I shut my mouth. He looked down at his hands and took a deep breath. Then, three seconds later he looked back up at me with the chocolaty brown eyes I could finally recognize. Oh shit.