Free Me From the Wolves

[16] Decisions

Not too long after Ryder left, he sent me a text asking for my forgiveness because he "had to stay away from me" for a few days. This hurt not only because he was my boyfriend and my favorite person to be with, but more so because it was a full moon and our separation was making me question how I could've built up so much sexual tension within a few hours—or then again, maybe it's been this way since we got together. By Tuesday I was sure that this whole imprinting thing was dependent on us being together during a full moon week.

But it was Wednesday when I started to think about what he told me to think about our future. I knew he wasn't breaking things off, but it sure felt like it considering he sent me that text and refused to go to school. I didn't even need to think about our future. Once before I said I didn't want to end up like Marc and Merida: fitting into a life together. I wanted to make an original one with Ryder. In my mind, as long as I went to college and stayed with Ryder afterwards, I was fine. The specifics didn't matter as long as I had Ryder with me. But that would mean I'd have to talk to him to see what he wanted for his life other than me. I thought that to him several times, but I felt as if he blocked our telepathy. It was driving me crazy.

"Stella," I named afterschool as Bailee and I hung out at her house.

"Yeah?"

"When you were with Ryder, did you ever think about your future together?" I asked her. She stopped writing down on her notebook she was doing homework on in order to look over at me. Even Bailee, who had a handful of popcorn halfway into her mouth looked over at me. I knew the topic was awkward, but I was desperate.

"Honestly—aside from the fact that we weren't even really together...no," Stella answered. Bailee nearly choked on her popcorn in a laugh. I just gave her an incredulous look. "What? I didn't. Even though I always wanted to be with him, I just never thought about it long term."

"Right..."

"You don't believe me?" Stella asked us. "I couldn't exactly picture the town's bad boy wanting to settle down and go to North Texas with me for college and have a grand wedding and live a perfect life."

When she said it, it scared the crap out of me. I didn't want to think about the specific future with Ryder because I thought the same as Stella; he wouldn't want to settle down or go to the same college as me or have a big wedding. Maybe what I wanted wasn't what he wanted at all. And the possibility of him shooting down whatever potential plans we could have scared the shit out of me.

"Okay, so what does he want to do with his life?" I asked her since she's been his best friend for years and should know.

"I don't actually know," Stella said. "Growing up, he never gave an answer for what he wanted to be or where he wants to go. I'd say he doesn't have any plans at all, but considering you came along, maybe that's not the case..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I looked between her and Bailee, who seemed to share a look for themselves.

"Boys change when they fall in love," Stella began. "Ryder isn't even the old Ryder anymore so that should tell you something, but when boys fall in love for real, they'll change their entire lives for you."

"Wait, wait, wait, are you and Ryder having second thoughts just because it's senior year?" Bailee asked.

"You better not," Stella said. "Even though I hate that I lost him to you in theory, I know that he loves you and would drop anything for you. Graduation isn't going to change that. Not to mention it's in, like, nine months—"

"—I know he'll drop anything for me; that's the problem," I interrupted. "I want him to have the life he wants to have, not just what I want or what he thinks I want."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"I haven't seen him since Monday night because he wanted me to think about this," I sighed.

"He's the last person I thought would've been talking about commitments this early into senior year," Bailee expressed. Stella grumbled me too. "Not even Evan and I have anything set in stone."

"Really?" Stella asked.

"Yeah. We'll be able to make it no matter where we go to college or if he ends up owning the café or I'm in Hollywood as some star. We'll make it and as long as we believe it, we get to just live in the moment."

"Ryder loves you. I'm sure he's not going to be stubborn enough to avoid you in order to plan a future together. That's completely ironic," Stella laughed.

"Well it's been two days, so..."

"He'll come around."

"Well, I have a double date to attend to, so I wish you the best of luck with your future planning," Bailee suddenly said and then hopped up.

"Double date?" I asked.

"With who?"

"Me and Evan with his sister and this cute little sophomore boy who's literally always had a crush on her," she answered. I knew exactly who she was talking about and wondered if Miles was having the same gravitation towards Rose like I desired for Ryder. "It's really adorable. He's spent every day since last week with her and by now Evan's protective brother instincts are kicking in. It's hilarious."

"Yeah. It's usually pretty funny when Andrew tries to intimidate Ryder," I laughed as Stella and I began walking her out and then I realized that it was getting late and I should probably go too.

***

When I got home, to my surprise, Aaron was there, sitting on the steps of the porch.

"Aaron...?" I asked as I approached him. He stood and I could tell he was physically awkward...maybe because we didn't really know each other. "Everything alright?"

"It depends what your definition of 'alright' is," he tried to joke and forced a laugh. I lightly smiled so he wouldn't feel stupid, but it fell quickly and he noticed. "Uh, Ryder's not with you?"

"No, he's taking a few days off," I informed with a frown.

"Few days off? Is your relationship like a job or something?" he laughed and I sighed. "Or what about the whole Alpha thing? Isn't that technically a job? He can just up and leave to take days off or what—"

I spun around to face him and saw him scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"Aaron," I named.

"Yeah?" he asked eagerly.

"What are you doing here?" I finally inquired. I searched his face and realized that there was something up with him. He was anxious for something. I should've asked what was wrong instead of what he was doing here because I doubted I could help him.

"I need your help," he said. Great. The exact thing I can't provide.

"My help? Shouldn't you ask Stormy or Ryder or literally anyone else...?"

"I tried and they don't get it," he said.

"Get what?"

"Anything, really," he answered and I looked at him with amused confusion. "Look, for months people have been thinking I'm dead. Then, I come back and everything I know is a lie, not to mention the fact that I didn't really know what was going on before I left. And now I have a girlfriend who's about to break up with me and some guy who isn't just in charge of the town's troublemakers, but me too."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"Well you're new to town and new to this werewolf thing," he answered. "I've decided that I want you to train me."

"Train you to be what?"

"A new werewolf in Ryder's pack."