"If I could do it all over, maybe I'd do it different." - Dove Cameron
Unlike when we were teenagers, I did not wake up early to flee to my bedroom so Ian's parents wouldn't see us. I stayed as close to Ian as I could for as long as time allowed. When we did have to wake up and get ready for our day, neither of us talked about the fact we just spent the night in a shared bed for the first time in over four years. It felt natural.
I scurried across the hall to my bedroom and pulled out an outfit to wear for the day. Hayden said he wants to show us around the MIT campus and tell us some of his college stories. I'm not going to lie, I'm intrigued because I want to know when Hayden turned so professional and gave up his party animal ways.
By the time I was done getting ready, including brushing my hair and doing my makeup, Ian was out of the shower. I knew that because he was walking down the hall with nothing but a towel around his waist at the exact same time I exited my room, causing me to bump into it him.
"Whoa there," Ian chuckled, his hand instinctively going out to grab my arm to steady me.
"Sorry." I could feel my cheeks heating up. We were standing too close for one of us to be naked.
"No big deal, Papps." Ian was enjoying watching me squirm due to our close proximity and I could tell by his smug grin. Jerk.
I squeezed past him and went to the kitchen to sit with Ian's parents and wait for Hayden to arrive.
For once, I'm ready before Ian is, I'm definitely going to have to use this against him.
"Where's army man?" Hayden asked as he made his grand entrance to the house, not even bothering to knock.
"Getting ready still," I playfully rolled my eyes, acting as though it was normal for Ian to take longer than me to get ready. In the decade I've known him, I don't think this has ever happened.
Ian walked out of his room, fully clothed now. He had a pair of navy blue khaki shorts on and a button up white t-shirt. Don't get me wrong I always think Ian looks incredibly hot in whatever he wears and I can usually hold myself back from gawking, but I couldn't help it right now; he looks sexy.
"Ready, kids?" Ian and I both rolled our eyes at Hayden.
Since it's summer, the campus was relatively empty, but there were people walking around from building to building. They all looked to be on missions though, so they are probably here for business.
"You said you still have business here?" I questioned, taking in the campus. I've never visited MIT before, so it was all a new sight for me.
"Yeah, sometimes," he nodded. "The company I work for does business with several universities on the east coast, MIT being one of them."
"Wow," Ian exhaled after a moment of silence. "It's been a while since I've been here, I forgot how beautiful it is." I watched Ian's face as he took in the scenery that could've been his home for the past four years if he hadn't enlisted when he did.
It's crazy to think that Ian was supposed to live here and get a degree before going away. I always wonder what life would be like for us.
Seeing Ian for the first time in 3 months... I'm scared to say the least. College changes people. Not to mention he's away at one of the top universities with smart peers and pretty girls with bright futures. What if he's realized the world is bigger than Miami, Florida and other girls have more to offer than I do?
I'm overwhelmed.
"Hey, Josie," Ian answered the phone. I'm aimlessly walking around a campus I've never been to before with no idea of where to go next.
"Hey, E, I'm here... I don't really know where, but—"
"Okay, see that big tree in front of you?" I looked at the tree and nodded.
"Yeah I see it." That's when it dawned on me. I quickly turned around frantically to find Ian Miller standing behind me in all of his glory.
My love.
He was dressed in his full ROTC uniform, the whole camouflage get-up. He must've had training earlier.
I bee-lined right for his arms.
In that moment, I did not care if Ian invited me all the way to Massachusetts to break up with me. All I wanted was a hug and kiss from the love of my life. His heartwarming hug and breathtaking kiss was reassuring enough.
"How's training been going?" I asked, adjusting the collar of his jacket. His hands remained around my waist, staring into my eyes.
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead before putting some distance between us. "It's been real good. My SAI actually knows my JROTC instructor from Florida. They were deployed together a few years ago." Without even having to ask, Ian picked up my suitcase that I brought for the weekend and started leading the way to his dorm.
"No way! Did you tell lieutenant Marlow?"
"Yeah, he was like, wow I can't believe I forgot to tell you! So when I talked about applying to MIT, he literally knew the instructor." I chuckled at that. Lieutenant Marlow was Ian's JROTC SAI throughout all of high school and Ian looks up to him so much. As much of a role model as he is to Ian, he is definitely a loony old man. I'll be honest, he probably talked about Ian to the MIT SAI and didn't even realize.
"Have you decided on your major yet?" Ian asked.
"Nope. If I don't decide by second semester, I'm just going to go with business. Nice and neutral." Ian looked at me weirdly when I said that. "What?"
"I just don't see you in business is all," he shrugged. He's been telling me for years that I should go into psychology, but I just don't see it working out. Not only are the classes and work load hard and demanding, but so is the career and finding a job in the career.
I shrugged too. I'm here for a weekend and I'm really not trying to get in a couples dispute with him. "Have you decided?" Yes, go Ian and I because we both went into college, completely undecided with our major.
"Nope. Honestly, I've hardly had time. I've been putting so much into ROTC..." I'm not even surprised; it's his passion. "Sergeant Kane and I have been meeting often and just discussing my plans after college, involving the army."
"E, ya know you gotta pick a major before you graduate and make post-graduation plans, right?"
He chuckled softly. "I know, I know, I'm just antsy."
After graduation, Ian brought up to his family and I that he wanted to enlist early, and go to college later. He explained that he felt it was his time to serve and do what he needs to do for our country, but Mrs. Miller immediately shot the idea down. I'm not even going to lie, I helped talk him out of it too. Ultimately, it was his decision to not enlist, but seeing where he is now I do feel bad.
He may be enjoying himself here at MIT, but it's not his dream. His dream is to be serving and I held him back from doing so.
"Jos," Ian's real-life nudge knocked me out of the trance I was in, imagining what life would've been like if Ian came to MIT first.
"What?" I asked softly, still shook after my imagination had gotten the better of me.
"I just wanted to show you how awesome that building looks." He gestured to a beautiful, ancient looking building. "Are you okay?" His voice was laced with concern and his eyes flooded with worry.
I wrapped my arms around him and leaned my head against his chest as I sighed. I'm not sure where Hayden is, but I didn't care that he wasn't around.
"I'm glad you went away, Ian," I said softly.
"What do you mean, love?" The way his hand made its way gently through my hair seemed so natural. The way love just rolled off of his tongue made chills run down my spine.
"It truly was exactly what was supposed to happen," I started. "If you hadn't gone away, I wouldn't have met Joel and built a new friendship like I had, you wouldn't have lived your dream out when you wanted to. I wouldn't have discovered psychology was totally possible for me. You wouldn't have discovered that you want to be an ROTC instructor after you were finished serving. Everything that has happened was meant to happen. I see that now."
Ian's face was inching closer and closer to mine with only mere millimeters between us when Hayden re-entered the scene, talking loudly about something that sounded like it was related to his work. Ian and I immediately jumped apart and casually put space between us. Luckily Hayden was too oblivious to notice anything.
~•~
I knocked softly on Ian's door, hoping he was awake. We got home from MIT about two hours ago and we both hit the sack for a nap. I don't know why it was so exhausting walking around a campus, but Ian and I had both been tired.
"Come in," Ian mumbled. I pushed the door open and found him laying on top of his covers with his arms behind his head.
"Did I wake you?"
"Nah, I haven't really slept."
"Are you okay?" I let myself fully enter his room and sat at the foot of his bed.
"Just a lot going through my mind right now," he murmured. I wonder if it was maybe going to MIT that was stressing him out. The thought of what could've been.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.
He shook his head, "Not...not right now." I nodded in understanding. "It's just something I want to talk to Hayden about first, ya know?"
I offered him a small, reassuring smile. "You don't owe me an explanation, Ian, it's okay."
Not to throw myself a pity party, but I miss when Ian felt comfortable going to me about anything and everything, whenever and wherever. Circumstances have changed though, and what's going through his mind is probably linked with his service anyway.
"Hey, bro," Hayden said, pushing the slightly opened door fully open.
"I called him a few minutes ago," Ian explained. "Can we have a minute?"
"Of course, E." On my way out the door, Hayden gave me a reassuring look, as if to tell me he'd make sure Ian is okay and that I shouldn't worry. Obviously, I still will, but it's nice knowing Hayden is there for him too.
On my way out, I shut the door behind me.
"It's hard seeing him like this, isn't it?" Mrs. Miller asked me softly from by the living room. She had tears brimming her eyes. I'm not the only one who can tell something is up with him.
All I could do was nod. Mrs. Miller wrapped me in her tight embrace. I almost succeeded in withholding my tears, luckily only a few fell.
"How about," Mrs. Miller paused to wipe her face, "you join Penelope and I in the kitchen for snacks and cards?"
I nodded, also wiping my face with the back of my hand to rid my tears.
We went into the kitchen where Penelope, Hayden's wife, was sitting and shuffling a deck of cards. I've actually yet to meet her so I was kind of nervous. It's not, like, mandatory Ian's brother's wife likes me, but it'd be nice. Especially if I see a future with Ian.
"Pen, this is Josie Pappstein, Ian's childhood best friend from Florida."
Penelope had light brown, naturally curly hair. It bounced as she jumped up and made a beeline for me with her arms wide open. She's a hugger, apparently. I let her hug me because, well, why not?
"Hayden has told me so much about you! Wow, you sure are pretty," she smiled. "Are you gonna play cards with us?"
I nodded, shyly.
Mrs. Miller, Penelope, and I sat down at the table and Penelope dealt out the cards for a game of Go Fish.
"So, you've known Ian a while?"
"I have," I nodded, spreading my cards out in my hand. "He's been my best friend since we were 12." A whole decade of knowing Ian.
"How'd you two meet?" Penelope asked.
"Pen, hasn't Hayden told you the story?"
"Shh!" Penelope immediately shushed her. She put her chin on her hand and dreamily looked into the distances. "I want to hear Josie explain it. Hayden is so boring when he tells the story."
I blushed, not really sure of what to share. She's married to Hayden, so I'm sure she knows all of the sad little details. I chose to leave them out though. I chose to tell mine and Ian's story from a happier perspective.
"Well, we met when we were 12 after I dumped a whole tray of spaghetti into his brand new white Nike's." And I told her about how we met, including how he sat with us at lunch that day and everyday to follow. "Within no time, we were so close that we'd hangout everyday."
"Truly, everyday," Mrs. Miller intervened with a smile. "I can't tell you how many times James and I caught them sneaking up into that treehouse just talking."
That was news to me. "I didn't know you guys ever really knew we'd go up there." Obviously during the day it was no secret, but when we'd meet up there in the middle of the night...
"Oh, sweetie, we always knew."
Uh, thank God Ian and I never got down and dirty up there. That would've been awkward.
"Tell me more!" Penelope insisted. She reminds me of a 10 year old girl, curious as to how her parents met.
"Ian and I knew each other like the back of our hands." Past tense. Now there are just so many mysteries and secrets between us. "He was my best friend, until I realized there was more to it." And I went on to tell her about how my talk with Anthony that inspired me to tell Ian how I felt.
Instead of ending our story with "he went to war," I skipped that part and ended with "and here we are now."
"I knew you'd tell it better than Hayden," Penelope winked. "So, tell me, is there a future for Ian and Josie?"
I was about to answer when Hayden and Ian walked in loudly, making quite the entrance. Hayden always knows exactly how to make his presence known, but in this case it's for the better.
I wouldn't want Ian to walk in as I'm saying that I want to try again with him.
•••
Yay, another chapter! Not gonna lie, y'all, I whipped this baby out FAST! Super sad my break is basically over. I have a TON of homework to do before Monday, so I gotta do that — priorities :/
Luckily, I have another whole chapter already finished for next week!! So I should be able to stay on top of it. Especially since I have this book planned up to 37 chapters!!!! and that won't even be the end!
Sorry I'm just super excited because I love this story:)
I hope everyone had an amazing start to their new year. Share your New Years resolutions/goals in the comments :) I want to hear what you all are striving for this year!
Mine, in less professional terms, is to be less of a chicken. I want to be braver and say and do things I never thought I'd be able to. I started off small by getting my haircut today, for the first time in 2 years because haircuts always give me terrible anxiety.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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- Emily