In front of me right now is Chuuya, sleeping in my arm. Nuzzling his small button nose on my chest. His ginger locks are messy but beautifully placed on his silky skin. His eyelashes shine with the all-white background. He is wearing peach-blush simple but wavy knee high dress. (Wait, a dress? Well, I will just continue, ignore it.) Pink sweet and soft sheen lips. He looks like the Chuuya I know. Chuuya is always that gorgeous.
But this is not the ordinary Chuuya. This is the different version of Chuuya or I can say, the perfect Chuuya.
When I woke up, I have this heavy feeling on my chest. Sure, it's Chuuya. Chuuya is wearing a dress. Where did he even get that? It looks perfect on him. (Don't compliment him, Dazai.)
A simple move is enough to wake Chuuya up. He is now still on top of me, but sitting up, his thighs around my stomach while I lay there aghast. My eyeballs almost popped gazing at Chuuya's too exposed small luxurious body with Chuuya and me in the most awkward position I can think about right now.
I can't help but blush. Chuuya's blue crystalline pupils never leave mine. As he asks the most innocent questions I've ever heard from any person or even kids.
"What's wrong with you face? It's red." He tilts his head slightly to the right, raising his ginger eyebrow exhibiting more of his round eye. (Still on top of me of course.)
"Get off me, C-Chuuya." I falter, feeling depressed at how low I am as a man especially in front of my lovely cute love ones. I'm weak when it's about Chuuya, (I'm trying to be honest here.) but I usually don't show it to anyone and mostly, to Chuuya. He finally realizes that he is on top of me as he slowly gets up with an innocent giggle and a 'sorry'. On top of that, he never stops looking at me with that big infant eyes!
I scan around, at all white. It resembles a blank canvas or a pure white sheet. It also looks like the snow when it's hardly snowing in winter, only that it is not that cold. It's actually quite refreshing and breezes out here. Not like I'm outside, or even inside. Where am I? This place doesn't make sense. Can it?
Only one way to find out.
"Where am I? Who are you, Chuuya? And... why are you wearing a dress? It's even a pink dress." You may think that the last question is stupid, but I will regret my life choices if I didn't include that last part.
At last, Chuuya blinks. (He stares at me all the time he has forgotten how to close his eyes. I think.) He smiles softly. I'm melting. Chuuya sits like a sulking high school girl or even more girly than the girls themselves. When I speak, his voice is high notes. Just like a girl's. I can only sit there, processing the situation. Karma...? I don't believe in superstition.
"We are in your dream world, Dazai~" I blush so hard at Chuuya calling me with the long tone and the sweet rhyme really caught me off guards.
"And I am Chuuya! Don't you recognize me?" He makes that puppy eyes, I can't even move. My eye won't stop gazing at that big blue sparkling eyes. He stands up and sways the dress back and forth showing me the detail as the dress shines. " This is peach, not a pink, baka Dazai!" He pouts, showing off his fluffy cheeks.
"Oh, I'm wearing this dress because... you might..." He covers his now blushing red face with both palms. Within a second, he put his hand down, looking back at me while his finger is swirling his red curly hair. Oh, this is a rare phenomenon to enjoy. I'll make sure I cherish it in my brain forever.
He glances away from me and blinks. "Don't you like it?" He shyly mutters, it's almost a whispers thought. Unbelievably, my ear heard it clearly. Very clear I could explode. My body heated up as the natural reaction. I'm all red, gladly, my hair is not red. Or I might end up like Chuuya where we can't even differentiate which is him and which is his hair.
"Or do you prefer when I wore this as a girl?"
I snap up from my daydream and saw Chuuya, now, he is she. Her cleavage is visible in that dress. Did Chuuya just grew a breast?!
I back away as Chuuya came near. Don't give me that looks Chuuya.
"Don't come near Chuuya! I might attack!" I growl, making the petite in front of me freeze. Then he looks at me with that innocent eye again. For I counted, it's the third time?
"You won't attack or hurt me. Will you?"
"I might, so, don't come near me."
"If you wanted to hurt me, you won't warn me like that. That's mean you won't hurt me!"
"Ah, eh, wait wahh!"
She jumps on me hugging me tightly in the air since she can't hug me even on her tiptoes with her height. I felt sorry for her, if I'm that short, I'll kill myself long ago. But honestly, I kill myself too if this ginger guy or girl doesn't exist. No need to live in the world without Chuuya. Nope.
For a moment now, Chuuya kept nuzzling and purring in my arms. I don't know what's into her but seriously, I don't feel bored at all. But somehow, I felt uneasy and different. It's almost like I'm missing something. I thought Chuuya is the only one I need. Do I need anything else? No, I don't think so.
Then, what is this anxiousness?
"Chuuya, what is this? Will I not wake up from this dream? I think it's been a while."
Chuuya frowns, making the saddest face she could found. She stands for allowing me to sit up. "Don't you like it here? I will ensure all your dream came true. I will be the Chuuya without a weakness. I will be the perfect Chuuya for you!" She finally speaks, pulling me up. I muted.
"Would you like me to be a little girl? Or a cute boy? Or maybe a matured women, Dazai? Which do you prefer? Am I not beautiful enough for you?" She squeaks. "Don't I deserve you, Dazai? Can't you just stay here with me? I will be anything you want! I will—!"
I grasp her shoulders softly, preventing her to speaks another word. My hand rises to be able to cups her cheek. Playing her smooth skin under my thumb and then, to her sheen pink lips. The beauty itself is enough to win my heart, but the inside of the real Chuuya has triumphantly gained my heart more than Chuuya's figure himself.
"Wanted me to love you?"
She nods.
"Then be Chuuya. Be yourself."
The foster Chuuya fades leaving only my hand in the air.
Dazai, please wake up. Please...
I walk through the mist. It's very white and bright and empty. But I can feel that the atmosphere is filled with emotions. The unique sensation is floating in the air just like the oxygen, I breathe into it.
I need you.
That voice, the very familiar voice that my heart throb feeling the emotion flowing into me. The voice that once my friend and started to love it more than just a friend.
Dazai, can you hear me?
The voice that I've been avoiding. It hurts to have these feelings. The beating and thumping of my poor heart. I hate it. It only makes my life miserable.
Answer me! You mackerel...
That voice. It's muffling now. My head is starting to get heavier. This place, it's fading, it's dark. I feel like I'm being sucked in a dark hole. Maybe this is it. The time I will leave this world forever.
Dazai!
No, save me! I don't want to die yet. That voice is calling me. At least, I wanted to see the owner. The one and the only...
"Chuuya...?" I whisper. My throat is dried up. One of my eyes is covered by muslins. The lights are stinking my other eye. All of it hurts, even my heart as I feel Chuuya's cold hand on mine. My vision is starting to clear, and I saw Chuuya, a crying mess. His face was soaked by his own tears. He sobs and then moans loudly, hiding his face on me.
"You finally awake! Thank god, I thought that you—" He cries louder, gripping my shirt. It's not my shirt. I never remembered wearing of buying this plain weird shirt.
I touch his red hair, it's still so soft despite being very messy.
"Dazai, please stop doing this to yourself." He says through hiccups.
"Huh?"
"Suicide! You almost die, jumping off the building. You bandages! Stop this! I won't let you alone anymore. I don't care, I will follow you anywhere you go until you become a stupid old man! Deal with it." He shouts, ignoring his environment. It's in the hospital. One of the nurses shushed him. He clicks his tongue every time.
"I don't want live in this world anymore..." I mumble.
Chuuya opens his mouth, ready to argue but keeps quiet when I continue. "Without you by my side, Chuuya." I caress his fingers, it's shivering, despite the warmth it gave me.
In return of my words, Chuuya tears up again. It's the same cries but very different. He was smiling, grabbing my hand in his hands, playing it under his thumbs. He kisses my hand and nuzzles in it. My body is weak, I can't do anything except blushing and smiling all the time as my hand that seized by Chuuya never let Chuuya go.
Not now, not later, not forever.
"You are perfect as it is. The real you is the Chuuya I loved."
The Perfect Chuuya.
______
Author's notes
What do you think of this one shot? Comment and vote too~
I just realize that my fanfics are all in Dazai's POV. Maybe I really love and adore Chuuya just like Dazai (^O^)
I'll try to write more! Cheers!