The next morning I am graced with a headache that feels like a bulldozer is smacking me in my head. I roll over onto my pillows. My alarm blares a song from the “Catching Fire” soundtrack. I pull out my phone to shut it off and notice the ten texts from my mom, dad, and sister. Sterling has not texted me though. Quickly, I text my parents and sister back about my first day of college. It is still early enough that they probably are still sleeping. Elle doesn’t have class until eleven today. Presumably, she is still in bed. Jane knocks something off of her dresser and hits our adjoining wall. She swears too loudly which earns a yell from the people next door to us. Our walls are paper thin. There are a few other loud noises coming from her room. Ignoring them I rush to the bathroom before she can make it in there. I let the hot water beat down on me. Jane is now in the kitchen making something on a skillet. Or at least that is what it sounds like. Who knows with her though. For the short time that I have known her, I know she’s a little ditzy. I get out of the shower and do my usual morning routine. An hour later I am eating cereal in an orange sundress when a knock sounds on the door. Jane has just left to make in time for one of her classes. Of course she left five minutes late for it.
I open the room to Jeremy. Today he is dressed in sports garb with running shoes on. “Hey, is Jane here?”
“Nope. She was running late to one of her classes. What’s up?” I ask him because his face looks worried.
“Family stuff.” He doesn’t add on so I don’t push him further. “Anyway, you look nice today. What time is your next class?”
I still feel a little awkward around him since I ran out on him yesterday morning. His smile started to fade the longer I stood there without speaking. “It’s at 11:15.”
“That’s good. I don’t have class until after one. I like to go for my jogs earlier in the morning, so later classes are always a plus.”
“You run? I do too.” I mentally slap myself. I don’t want him to get any ideas.
“Maybe we can run together some time.”
Too late.
“Uh. That would be fun.” Nice going Piper. Now he really thinks you’re into him even though you have a wonderful boyfriend already.
“So, what’s for breakfast?”
“Excuse me?”
“Jane usually makes me breakfast on Tuesdays. It has been a tradition since we were like ten. But it looks like she cleared out before she could even make anything at all.”
Looking in the kitchen I see a plate covered in plastic wrapping. I go over to the counter and smell the cinnamon before I can see what is under the wrap. Jane has a note attached to let me know these are what I should be giving Jeremy.
“Looks like she made something, actually.” I give him the plate of cinnamon rolls. He takes them without saying anything. His eyes meet mine and look at my cereal resting on the kitchen counter.
“I think we should share these,” Jeremy says. He makes his way to the counter and sets aside my bowl. The cereal is probably soggy already. Sitting down, he hands me a roll covered in icing. The icing seeps off the roll onto my hands. We both laugh at the mess that the rolls are making.
“Jane has never been great at making thick icing. It always comes out really light, but nonetheless very delicious.” Jeremy licks his fingers and stuffs the rest of the roll into his mouth. I can’t help but watch as he does so. Something about us eating breakfast together seems so intimate and inappropriate. Hastily I hop off the chair and make my way to the sink. I busy myself while he finishes off the second one by washing the dishes. His stare pierces my back. Willing myself to act normal, I turn around. Jeremy is standing up now. He walks to the dishes and brushes past me to set the plate in the sink. I flinch at the sudden contact of our bodies.
“Sorry,” he says a bit sheepishly. I smile to let him know that it’s all okay. He stands there silently for a while until he finally makes his way back to the door. I stay near the sink. He says good bye to me. I wave back suddenly feeling sick. I couldn’t possibly be attracted to him or him to me. That doesn’t just happen when you are in a committed relationship. Or does? My fingers hover over the call button below Elle’s name. If there would be anyone to talk through these unwanted feelings, it would be Elle. She knew more about boys than I did. She wasn’t a stranger in the whole dating world. She had confidence that drew all the attractive boys to her. Her latest boyfriend eventually got bored with that.
Deciding against that, I make my way outside. People are all over the place. Couples are lying on the grass together. I wince as I see Sterling walking with Shai from across the yard. Her head rolls back in laughter at something Sterling must have said. Jealousy takes over. I make my way across the quad to where they are. Shai sees me approaching before Sterling does. She sets her blue eyes on me with cold hatred behind them. Her blonde hair looks a lot lighter in the sun.
I throw my arms around Sterling’s neck. The sudden impact makes him stumble backwards a bit. He laughs and grabs my hips. Shai rolls her eyes at me. She flips me off and walks away.
“Hey Pipe. What was that about?”
“Just because you look really good today,” I pull at the collar of his buttoned down shirt.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I stand on my toes leaning in for a kiss when something knocks me off balance. Sterling and I both go down at the impact. I get off of Sterling before I crush him. I look around to see a boy on his butt as well. He is holding a football in his hands.
“Sorry about that,” the burly football player says to Sterling and I. He brushes off his pants and runs back to his friends. Sterling gets up, but know has a stain on his khaki pants. I put a hand against my mouth to conceal the laughter that is bubbling within me. He looks at the boy who knocked us over. Thank goodness I wore tights under my dress. That would have been quite the show and a reputation that would haunt me the rest of my college career.
“What a jerk.”
I snap my gaze back towards Sterling. He is still glaring at the football player. He inspects his shirt and lets out an annoyed sigh. He unbuttons the shirt and throws it onto the ground. Sterling stands there in a white under shirt still looking much too good. My eyes wander to his chest.
“See something you like Pipes?”
I laugh and bite down on my lip with a nod. Oh yes I see something I like for sure.
Jane comes barreling towards us at that moment. I roll my eyes at the horrible timing that is my roommate. She has tears streaming down her face. “HE LIED. I HATE HIM! I HATE THE HELL OUT OF HIM!”
She stops in front of me, her face flushed with anger and sadness. “What happened?”
“My ex-boyfriend. He said he wanted to break up with me in June because we were going to be too far away from each other. It turns out that he has some skank now.”
Sterling shrugs his shoulders. I look at him for some help, but he has pulled out his phone instead. I give Jane a light hug because I feel like she may punch me in the face. Her face screams that she would be willing to punch the closest person. That just so happens to be me, and I am not up for a black eye so soon in the school year. Her breaths become more soothing as I hug her. She steps out of my embrace, adjusting herself against the tree behind her. “Why would he do that to me?”
Having no idea what I should say to her, I sit down next to her. My curled hair tangles in the tree bark when I sit down next to her. I just sit next to her knowing that my presence will have to do. Her tears stop coming. She blinks away the last few tears and turns to me. Sterling is now leaning against the tree next to me. He drops his hand down for me to hold. I accept it and he squeezes it in reassurance.
“Jane, you are way better than some boy from high school. You deserve a man who will treat you like a princess and who will be there for you through anything. One day you will find that somebody who will never leave you. I can promise you that.”
Her tears start back up again. She swipes them away with the back of her hand. “You think so? God, what would I have done if my roommate was a complete witch? I’m so glad I have you Piper.”
“It’s not a problem. That’s what roommates are for. So, how about we get up and rock this college. You have to show your ex how much better you’re doing without him.”
Sterling lifts me up with the help of his hand. I offer Jane my hand and she accepts. We walk to the middle of the quad where Sterling breaks from us to go to his class. I walk Jane the rest of the way to her theatre class across from the small lake on campus. She squeezes me before walking into the building. I stand looking after her before I run to my class across campus. With seconds to spare, I throw myself in the only empty seat in the lecture hall. Today I have basics of political science. This professor, Professor James, was once a very powerful lawyer known throughout the state of Connecticut. When he turned fifty-five, he retired to become a college professor. Now five years later he is well-known as being one of the best professors at Yale. Professor James is wearing a suit that makes him ten times more intimidating. Students immediately stop any conversation they were in and focus their gaze on the man before them. His stance proves that he will not tolerate distraction.
Taking notes furiously the whole hour of class, Professor James dismisses us with a packet the size of Mississippi. The packet is thicker than my Calculus textbook. Sighing, I take the packet from the desk as mummers of annoyance erupt around the room. Some kids don’t even bother to pick up the packet from the desk. I’m going to assume they are dropping the class as soon as possible. How could I blame them though?
Professor James gives me a tight smile on the way out of the room. This class is going to be extremely taxing to my mental health. In other words, panic attacks are on the rise. The trek to my next class is pretty long. It is Astronomy 101 which just sounds like a load of fun. I shove my earbuds in my ear to drown out shrills of the people around me. The football players are still in the same place they were over an hour ago. They seem to be engaged in some type of tackle football. The boy that slammed into Sterling and I is no longer there. He must have gotten bored of sacking people. From the corner of my eye I see Luke Allen talking to a brunette. He has his arm around the plain looking girl. Our eyes interlock for a brief second.
He waves to me in a mocking way. I ignore him and keep walking to the science building at the end of campus. The sky is perfect today with little chance of rain. Thank God. My watch reads that class is starting in about ten minutes. I pick up the pace to make it in time. God knows that almost every class I have gone to I have been late. Or at least almost late. Not the best introduction to the school year. Luke is now behind me. I didn’t even hear anyone behind me, but why would I? My music is turned up to drown out everyone.
He slings his arm around my shoulder. I let out a small shriek and shrug him off. That doesn’t stop him however. He puts his arm tightly around me. Panic rises in my throat. Pulling back my free elbow, I hit him in the stomach. Luke drops his arm and bends over at the force of impact. I leave him there and run to the nearest building. There is something about that boy that is dangerous. If I didn’t know any better I would say he was out to destroy Sterling. And what better way to destroy him than to destroy me first. Smoothing back my high ponytail, I walk into the much needed air conditioning. I let out a sigh of relief.
Astronomy passes by in a blurb of terms I have no interest in. Science has never been my favorite. I have always exceled in it, but I preferred English and History over it. The girl next to me asks for a sheet of paper. Reluctantly, I tear out a page and she smiles. When we get dismissed the girl bounces out of her seat with me.
“Hi! I’m Megan.”
“Hi. I’m Piper.”
“That’s a cute name. I always wanted a name that would make people remember me, but my parents were pretty basic with the whole name game. I mean, my brothers names are John and Ryan. Nothing too extraordinary about our names,” the blonde says enthusiastically. Her hair is cut to her shoulders with a sliver of baby blue mixed in it. Her eyes match the strip of blue. She is taller than me by a few inches, but that isn’t much of a shock. I have always been shorter than almost everybody in my grade. My mom is short too. Elle was graced with my dad’s height.
“Yeah it does have its perks, but your name suits you.”
“I guess. So what building are you living in?” she asks me, popping a piece of gum in her mouth. She holds the pack out to me in a form of offering. I shake my head.
“Carter. How about you?”
“No way! That’s where I live. How funny. I’m on the second floor by the stairwell. A lot of commotion all the time.”
“Jane and I are on the first floor which I like a lot. It’s easy to get in and out. Plus my room overlooks the little pond. It’s very serene.”
“We should hang out sometime. My neighbor is throwing a party on Friday. You should come.” Megan bounces.
“Maybe. I don’t really party.”
“Neither do I, but it might be fun to go. We could meet some people and boys,” she coos.
“Okay. Although, my boyfriend probably wouldn’t like it if I went to the party for boys.”
She laughs, “Oh! Bring him with.”
She gives me her phone number and the room number to the party on Friday. I put the piece of paper in my purse. Hopefully Jane and Sterling will be up for going with me. There is no way I am going to the party alone. I have never been to a party that had alcohol, so I wouldn’t fare well by myself. Lucy snapchats me from her dorm room. She starts classes today. Her cheek is pressed against some guy that looks like a younger version of Robert Downey Junior. So very Ironman. I give her the thumbs up and make my way to the lake. People are lying, reading, and doing homework. I pull out a novel that I received yesterday in British Literature. I begin reading until the sun is replaced by clouds. Rolling my eyes, I walk back to my dorm room, but decide to visit Sterling instead. I text him. He tells me to meet him in the smaller library on campus. The other library is like Heaven. It is hands down the biggest library I have ever been in. Books are stacked against the walls. The shelves are packed to capacity.
Sterling is sitting by himself at a table near the window. I put my arms around his neck and whisper in his ear, “guess who?”
“Jennifer Lawrence?”
“Ha. Ha.” I take the seat across from him. “I need to tell you something. I-it was kind of scary.”
He straightens his back and focuses his eyes on me. His book slaps shut.
“Today when I was walking to the science building, Ryan put his arm around me and wouldn’t let go. I didn’t know what to do so I elbowed him and ran.”
Sterling looks beyond upset. He puts his fingers to his temples. “I am going to kick his-“
I cut him off, “Please don’t do anything.”
“Piper, he tried to hurt you. That pisses me off enough to think about killing the boy, friend or not.”
“Sterling,” I plead with my eyes hoping it will take off his frustration towards his friend.
“Fine, but don’t think I’m going to be quiet about this. I’m glad you held your own.”
“Don’t I always?”
Sterling lets out a small laugh, “Of course because you are that awesome.”
“I am.” I rest my chin on my hands.
We sit in silence for a few minutes, him working on math equations and me reading a British classic. Not going to lie, this is one boring book. I bet Jeremy might know what is going on… I shake him out of my head. I shouldn’t be thinking about another boy when the one I care about is sitting across from me. The librarian hovers over her desk, watching the students across from us who are rough housing. She shoots them a look, but that doesn’t stop them. Wringing my hands out, I look towards the students. They stop when the dean of Yale walks in. All of them disperse leaving the library almost too quiet. Tapping my pen against the table, I look over Sterling’s head. Of course the person speaking to the librarian now is Jeremy. Because why wouldn’t he be here?
“I’ll be right back.”
I smooth down my dress, going over to Jeremy to talk about the book we were assigned. Jeremy turns around when I poke him in the back. He leans against the counter. “Hey Piper.”
“Have you started that dreadful book that we were assigned yesterday in class?”
“As a matter of fact Miss Hale, I have. For the record, it is amazingly boring, but obviously there is some importance to it if it’s a classic.”
I laugh while glancing over my shoulder to see if Sterling is wondering where I was. He is still where I left him with his nose in his textbook. Annoyed, I talk with Jeremy for a few more minutes about the class. He says he has to go to a night class. We exchange numbers in case one of us needs help with anything throughout the semester. My phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s Lucy again. This time she sends me a text of her dorm room and a long paragraph about how much she misses me. I smile and send her a picture I had taken of my dorm the other day. In the text I also include a few stories of my own. I leave the part out about the awkwardness that has ensued between Sterling and I. It’ll pass in a few days. College takes some getting used to and he’s most likely stressed about the threat to his father. God knows I would be terrified and anxious beyond belief. Sterling is now looking at something on his laptop. When I pass by I take a look at the screen. There is a video playing explaining how to do some math formulas. I practically die of boredom right then and there. So far college isn’t as exciting as I thought it was going to be. College has made Sterling and my relationship extremely platonic.
“There’s this party in my dorm on Friday. Want to come with me?”
Sterling lifts his head, “You don’t party.”
Frustrated, I pull at the fringe hanging off my dress. “So? It’s not like I’m going to drink and do whatever party people do. I want to go so I can meet new people. If you don’t want to come then I’ll go with Jane and Jeremy.”
“Why are you acting like this?”
“Acting like what?”
“Ever since we got here you’re acting all jealous and annoyed.”
Stunned I respond, “You’re the one acting distant Sterling! Talk to me that’s what I’m here for. Not for Shai to listen to all of your problems. Me. I am your girlfriend, not her.”
“You’re jealous of Shai now? This is ridiculous.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Tension envelopes us. Sterling pushes back his hair in annoyance. “Can we forget about this?”
“No.” I shoulder my backpack and push in my chair. I leave with Sterling calling my name. I dare not turn back because I know that I’ll gladly run into his arms acting like nothing happened. I can’t pretend anymore nor can I be a bystander all of my life. Bracing back tears, I throw open the doors of the library. My tears escape faster than I can make it back to my room. Everything blurs around me as I think about what has just happened. It seems like Sterling and I fight more than we actually talk. Fighting is not something I signed up for. If he can’t be more open to me, then why should I stick around? I want someone who will talk to me about everything and anything. This sucks.
Jane is sitting in the living room watching some sappy romance movie that looks like Lifetime. I rush past the TV and slam the door to my room. Hopefully she takes that as a sign of leaving me by myself. No such luck.
She pushes my door open and her face crumbles when she sees the tears falling from my face. “Did something happen with you and Sterling?”
I scoot over on my bed to make room for her. “We just had a fight. It seems like that’s all we do anymore. Everything is just stressful.”
“It’ll get better. He’s probably all kinds of stressed with what is happening back home. You need to give him some space. I am sure he’ll come around eventually. Friday we will go to the party with or without him.”
“I want to.”
“Good because so do I. We deserve to have some fun after a long week of boring classes. This whole college thing is so not fun.” Jane leans her head on my shoulder.
The rest of the week passes by in a flurry of homework, lectures, and essays. Not one teacher has let us off the hook without having some homework to do. Turns out college is mostly composed of outside work. This is so not high school anymore.
Sterling has been distant the rest of the week as well. I gave him the choice to come to the party, I doubt he’ll end up coming with us. The threat over the President has been cleared. The suspect is in police custody.
Jane turns around, showing off the black mini dress she has on. She has paired it with a red necklace and red boat shoes. Her red hair is twisted into a ballerina bun at the back of her head. Jane could be on the cover of Vogue. I, on the other hand, am wearing skinny jeans with a mint green peplum shirt. I am also wearing my pearl necklace and black pumps that give me some height. Jane insisted on doing my makeup and hair. My eyes are coated with black eyeliner and mascara. My cheeks have a light pink blush on them and light pink lipstick smeared on my lips. She had twisted my hair into a chignon. The appearance was classy yet appropriate for a college party. Jane just looked like she was ready to go on a date with a movie star.
“We looks fabulous.” Jane and I standing in front of the mirror she placed in her bedroom. My heels make me the same height as Jane.
Megan had texted me last night to remind me that the party was tomorrow. We have studied together a few times this week. I’m glad I found another girl to hang out with. Jeremy was still Jeremy. We ran in the morning and texted about the book we were reading.
Heading upstairs, we are greeted with a pounding of the music blasting from the room. The room is packed with at least fifteen other people besides ourselves. The desks have been backed up and the beds lofted. There is a desk that has beer and pop on it. Jane grabs a water for both of us. Megan is pressed against the wall talking to a couple of girls. They each hold an alcoholic drink in their hands. My heart rate picks up as I see everyone around me holding a beer. This is definitely not my scene. Boys enter with a cooler. They yell in greeting. Megan makes her way towards Jane and me. She is not holding her drink anymore. Her hair is down in small curls. She is wearing a tight strapless red dress. Her heels are spikey.
“Yay! You came.” She leans in to hug Jane and me. We chat for a while until she is called back by her other friends. The music thumbs against my temples. The room smells like beer, and I am pretty sure I am about to pass out. Social scenes make me wheezy. The alcohol is sure not helping me either.
Just when I am about to head out an hour later, Sterling walks into the room. He looks out of place with his designer jeans and black t-shirt. I make my way to him. He pulls my hands to help me through the ever growing crowd. We are practically pressed against one another with so many people around us.
He leans down to my ear, “how is it going?”
I have to scream to answer him. “I kinda hate it.”
He smiles down at me smugly in an ‘I told you so’ kind of way. I guess I don’t blame him for being smug. I deserved that after I said I would be fine. All I want know is to cuddle on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in between us. He has other plans though.
Sterling pulls me through the throng of people. He reaches the drink table where he inspects the contents. “Have you drank anything?”
I shake my head no. He grabs a root beer and pulls me back through the crowd. Jane is flirting with some guy that I recognize from my Astronomy class. Josh something. She winks at me when she sees Sterling in front of me. I smile and give her the thumbs up while gesturing to the boy she’s with. If Jane is anything, it’s a flirt. Sterling takes me out of the room and into the hall.
“Kind of loud in there.”
I nod my head, fingering the necklace. A pearl is starting to become loose. He grabs my hands in his. “Wanna go to your room and watch a movie or something?”
“I think we need to talk first.”
Sterling nods. We walks down the stairs. I open my room happy to escape from the party. Although I can still hear the music blaring from above us. Looks like I won’t be getting a lot of sleep tonight. It could be worse though.
I sit down on the couch and Sterling follows. “Pipes, I’m really sorry I have been so distant lately. This whole college thing is pretty new. Plus my dad has been on my butt telling me that I need to be aware of everything. I guess I have been on edge lately.”
“You have. I thought maybe you were bored with our relationship. Maybe the reason I was so upset was because I thought you didn’t like me anymore.”
Sterling lifts my chin up with his finger. Our eyes connect and I am struck by how beautiful his eyes are. They are as blue as the ocean in Italy. My breath hitches as he rubs his thumb across my cheek in a soothing gesture. “How could I not like you? Piper, you are so beautiful and smart and funny and caring. You mean a lot to me. I never want you to think that I don’t care about you. I want us to be honest with one another.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. I think back to the conversation I had with President Lewis before we left for Yale. He warned me that I was not to tell Sterling that I was still his personal spy. That would be the worst thing I could do to him. Fighting back the guilt gnawing at me I confess, “Jeremy and I have been jogging together in the morning.”
Sterling drops his hand from my face. His face crinkles in jealousy. “Why?”
“Because we’re friends and I wanted someone to run with.”
“I can run with you.”
“You sound jealous,” I poke his chest with a sly smile plastered across my lips.
“That’s because I am. That guy gives me a bad feeling. I see the way he looks at you and I hate it.”
“There is nothing to worry about. I don’t like him that way,” I tell him.
“Are you attracted to him?” he asks me with a flash of anger across his face.
I hesitate debating if I should come clean and admit that he isn’t that bad to look at. I’m just afraid that if I do, he’ll leave me. “No. I am attracted to this other guy though.”
“Oh? And who might that be?”
“Well, he is of great importance I have been told. He has blonde hair and these blue eyes that make me think of the ocean. He’s a lot taller than me, but that doesn’t really matter. But he has a girlfriend and I hear she is gorgeous,” I say with a hint of laughter in my voice.
“I think I know who you’re talking about. She is gorgeous. I also heard she looks even more gorgeous wearing skinny jeans and a mint top.”
I push his chest with laughter bubbling inside of me. Sterling leans in close enough for our lips to touch. “I also heard,” Sterling breathes, “that she is incredibly hot.”
“Oh just kiss me.”
And he does. Again and again. His lips trail from my lips to my cheek and then to my temples. I clench onto his shoulders as he buries his head in my neck. He lifts his head from my neck and whispers, “she also is an exceptional kisser.”
“Wow. She seems like a girl to compete with.”
There is a knock on the door just as Sterling is about to kiss me again. I look at him questioningly. He shrugs his shoulders, letting me escape from his grip. I walk to the door, sore from the heels I had been wearing for most of the party.
Standing behind the door is Elle. She looks like she has been crying. I look at her over my thick eye makeup. She must have come straight from Princeton where she attends school as a junior.
Her face is registered with fear and sadness.
“Come in,” I gesture for her to come inside.
“It’s Jason. He was severely injured in battle today. The doctors don’t think he’ll be able to make it.”
I gasp and envelop my sister in a big hug before she breaks down and falls to the floor with me in tow. I gesture with my hands for Sterling to grab me the phone. He brings it to me and I call the only person who I know that can help Elle through this: my dad.