|Revised|
V's Eyes Pt 1
It was never my intention to do what I did. Things were going smoothly on my half, and some things seemed to be going well on his, too. Despite the name-calling, he'd end the day with a small grin and a fantastic comeback.
After the night I came home battered up from my trip to Bighit, I felt a slight change in me. Whenever I looked at Jungkook, I didn't feel as tempted to hurt him. To strangle him. I felt mad staring at him but the times I caught him staring back, that subsided and part of me felt grateful for being noticed, even if it was for a stupid thing.
Helping Jungkook make pancakes was my first step in trying to change my hatred toward Jungkook into something less. After dealing with Bighit and knowing they wouldn't take me back, I confirmed that the only choice I had was to get along and play nice. It was clear that even if I killed him now they wouldn't take me back. They were finished with me all thanks to Taehyung.
We finally found someone who accepted us for who we were and he fucking blew it. Blew it all away and leaving us alone. All alone. With no one who would accept both. Come to think of it, we were never both accepted. They loved me because I followed their rules and restrictions and because I was good at my job. They only liked Taehyung because he was the ideal idol. Sweet to fans and everyone around him, even people he didn't know.
It was sickening.
But I was always skeptical that they only liked the idiot. I caught him on multiple occasions speaking with them without me knowing, and if I didn't take control who knew what the conversations would've escalated to. Maybe I was afraid of what would happen, so I never allowed it to go further.
Helping Jungkook with pancakes seemed to backfire, though. He wasn't fond of being around me and I couldn't blame him. He ended up getting us both hurt, and even though I still acted pissed off, I was worried about how bad the burn was on him and, honestly, I was mad at myself for letting him get hurt.
So I tried helping by putting the rag on the burn, and he didn't seem to mind too much about it. He stared at me softly. Even though his words were harsh.
I ended up I blowing up on him, told him not to touch me because I didn't fucking like him, that it was all his fault, all because I was mad at myself. Not at anyone else but me. And because of my anger, it was clear no one was going to let me go anywhere near Jungkook until I calmed down.
When he called me a brute I took the opportunity to get close to him, stomping right up to him and grabbing his shoulders. His big eyes stared at me like they were scared but his expression was the complete opposite like he was trying to prove something to me.
To prove that he wasn't afraid of me even though his eyes said otherwise. It hurt. When he started shaking I loosened my grip on him, hoping he'd calm down. I didn't want to hurt him.
If you continue to try and get close to him you'll ruin both of our lives, V.
Taehyung's voice was one that had been nipping at my mind for a while. No matter what, he was always there. Talking. Nagging me. Trying to parent me. I didn't care what the fuck he wanted with me. I didn't care about him or what he wanted because it was his fault I tried killing someone I loved dearly.
His fucking fault.
Tell him to leave us alone. I don't want you hurting him. And I don't want us to get hurt. Just leave him alone because you can't afford to love him back, befriend him or even care about him. Cut it off, V. As much as I hated Taehyung and wanted him to shut the fuck up, I did know he was right about that. So I told Jungkook to back off. To leave me alone. To leave us alone.
Then I left.
Made it to my room and froze. I was planning on getting some shut-eye or even to meditate again like Namjoon had told me to do long ago. I use to think it was bullshit, how meditating could help me calm down and clear up my mind, so I always gave him shit for it. But when I did try it, I concluded that I was wrong. And I felt like a prick. But what stopped me from meditating was the man standing in the center of my room with a picture in his hand, smiling at the fetus me with two other people.
"So. This is where you've been huh?" Jackson asked me, turning around to face me. His smirk made my stomach twist and turn in ways it shouldn't be able to and I balled my hands into fists, ready to fight my way out of whatever it was he was planning. I watched his eyes shoot down to my hands and he laughed.
"No one knows I'm here. No one followed me either so don't think I came here to hurt you, because that's not the case." He set the picture down and scanned me over.
"How did you-"
"Survive the fire you put on me or find where you live?" he asked with a sneer. "I'm suffering from a lot of burns but I'll be fine. As for finding you?" He smiled. "I got the information from Hoseok. Not willingly, obviously. I snuck into his office after hearing him talk to someone on the phone who I thought would be dead by now."
"Jackson, get out before I hurt you," I growled out, taking a step closer. Jackson just chuckled.
"Go ahead and hurt me, V. I know that you aren't to blame now." He picked up the picture again, studying it. "After a long talk with Jaebum, and yes -surprisingly- he's still alive after you blew his balls off, only to find out that it really wasn't you that night. Taehyung really fucked up your life. It's not fair, in my opinion. After looking back on the footage, it's clear it was Taehyung. I think it was the fact that he was so caring towards a male that threw us all off," He laughed and shook his head.
"Does it matter if he's straight or not? It doesn't affect me in any way-"
"You see, it does, though. Because of his sudden change in preference, he fucked up a mission you've been training for, for years."
"What the hell do you mean? I haven't been training for shit, Jackson."
"I'll explain later. But what's important is that you come back with me."
"To Bighit?"
"Yes. I've talked to them and, despite you trying to kill the big guy, he's willing on letting you continue to work. You do have the contract with us for two and a half more months, V. Knowing that you tried turning Jungkook into us shows you're still loyal and devoted."
"Maybe you should've fucking thought about that before trying to kill me," I spat. "I fucking killed my mind trying to think of ways I could defend myself because of taehyung. But nothing fucking worked so stay the fuck away from us."
"By us, I hope you mean you and Taehyung," Jackson spoke coldly, narrowing his eyes. "I was feeling like this would be difficult. So I planned other things. I know Hoseok's secret and I can guarantee you that I can find out more if I try. If you don't come back with me, with us, then I'll be sure to tell every official about what he's doing behind our backs. And I'm sure you're familiar with what the officials do to traitors, right, V?"
I froze and my heartbeat felt like it stopped. I couldn't let Hobi die because of me. He did everything he possibly could for me while I was growing up. I know I'm selfish and couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else, but this was Hoseok they were talking about. My father figure since I was 13. But I wasn't about to let the threat make me change my mind. Because there was still one thing I was determined to fix and help.
Jungkook.
"Fuck you, Jackson."
Jackson frowned at my answer and clenched his jaw. "V, I advise that you grow the fuck up and stop holding grudges against the people you betrayed. Whether it was V or Taehyung, either one, it's still you. If you don't come with me right now, I'll have Hoseok shot dead with the snap of my fingers. Hoseok and Jungkook."
Jackson started to crinkle the picture in his hand, a sinister grin making its way to his lips. "Don't tell me...you've grown more attached to that poor boy, have you?"
".....What the fuck are you on about?"
"If I remember correctly, you dated Kim Namjoon behind everyone's back, right? For a few years? And you also failed to kill him? Are you, perhaps, still in love with him? If that's the case, then should I just threaten his life?"
As much as I hated Namjoon for leaving me for someone else, I still loved him, but more so as a companion rather than a lover. I didn't want him getting involved with this. Not him, Hoseok or Jungkook. But if Namjoon got involved, then so would Jungkook.
Jungkook would blame me for everything if Namjoon died by someone like Jackson. If Joon was safe, then he would guarantee Jungkook's safety.
".....Don't bring him into this, Jackson."
"Oh? So I am correct? You're wanting to keep him safe.... I guess part of you is grateful for Taehyung fucking up, huh? Thanks to that you've probably rekindled your relationship with Namjoon.....But that's also a problem.." Jackson, with the ruined picture in his hand, rubbed his chin.
"I can't, nor can your manager, have you in a relationship again, V. It's messed with your tasks in the past. The same can't happen again."
"We aren't together but I care for him. Leave him-him and Jungkook alone and I'll go with you. Just like that. Don't try bribing me with anything else. I agreed on going if you left Jungkook alone. That's it.."
Jackson chuckled at me, walking closer. "I can guarantee Namjoon's safety. I'll transfer him to another company that isn't as mainstream in this killing shit show, instead of Bighit since Bighit still wants him dead. But...I can only guarantee Jungkook's safety for a few months. Only if he's not associated with you. Or any of Bighit's idols. They need to get back to work. If they don't and are too busy with Jungkook, I'll personally kill him. Does that sound good?"
Yes, it sounded terrific. So fucking amazing to me. Just knowing Jungkook would be safe was enough for me, even if it was for a few months. Things could be fixed in a few months. It's what I kept telling myself.
If I stopped talking to him, I would still hear about him from others. Still possibly see him on the streets. That bunny smile that would be directed to someone else, that laugh that would be nothing but music to my ears and just random noise to others. Knowing he'd be happy was enough for me.
"Sounds good to me."
Jackson clapped and let the picture fall to the floor. "I'm glad you're a reasonable man, V. now. Let's go. I need to make sure nothing's wrong with you. Just a small briefing and check. Make sure you're still loyal." He walked to my opened window and gestured for me to go first. I walked past him and glanced at the floor, looking at what exact picture it was. Me, Namjoon and Jin, years and years ago.
Don't pay attention and keep walking. You've really fucked this up, V.
Taehyung probably didn't hear everything that went on. Probably only heard about me agreeing to go back to Bighit. He wasn't happy with me, I could feel it mixing with my emotions. But it wasn't near overpowering. I was good. And his anger wasn't directed towards me fully. It was...odd. He should've been happy.
I was saving Jungkook.
I went back to Bighit with Jackson like he asked. He ran me through some tests, lie detectors, stuff like that. To my pleasure, lie detectors never did work for me. I could lie and it would say it was the truth. Because Taehyung and I didn't have the same opinion. And he didn't remember everything that I did or said. It worked out perfectly.
After about four or five hours, they broke some news to me. They would be holding a big private company meeting/party in the next couple of days and they would like me to accompany them. Be the main speaker and explain some things to the crowd. The Big 3 would be attending with all of their artists and actors. I didn't see any problem with attending. I'd just have to find an excuse to tell Yoongi so he wouldn't question my whereabouts from the house.
I got home later on that night, mentally exhausted from all the lecturing and tests they put me through. The downside was that I did have to finish two more tasks to reach 95, because if I didn't then it would be compromising. I had to finish one by the end of this month, November, and the last would have to be finished off by the end of December or very very beginning of January.
I walked through the glass doors slowly to make sure no one was around. I wasn't fond of having to explain where I was. I couldn't let anyone know. I closed the door behind me and headed upstairs to my room but the figure near the pool caught my attention. Jungkook was sitting there, just relaxing. He wasn't in the pool but he was sitting right next to it, leaning over it and possibly checking his reflection.
I was glad he was doing okay and that he didn't bother with the lack of my presence. What caught me by surprise was when I focused my eyes on him, noticing he was now staring right at me. He jumped to his feet and rushed to me, slinging open the door and stomping right up to me. I frowned and took a step back as he grabbed my wrist. "I told you not to-"
"Go to bed. I'm fucking tired."
I blinked a few times, not sure what he meant. If he was tired why didn't he just go to bed? You're a fucking idiot, V. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm heading there now."
"Then go." He let go of me, eyes stuck to my face and making me look away. Damn that fucking brat. As much as i wanted him to live a happy life, I still felt annoyed by his presence. Maybe it was because I was confused.. Annoyed by his attitude and confused by why I enjoyed it.
Annoyed by the way he talked and swore and how he tried to act innocent afterward. But I also enjoyed it.
It was fun in a way.
"Helllooooooo? Aren't you going?"
"Why don't you just fucking go if you're so damn tired?"
"I'm making sure you aren't slipping away again. I was w-worried you weren't- I mean I just hadn't seen you since earlier and I really didn't want you to just disappear and get hurt again- not like I care, but I do? I just-" his face turned red and he rolled his eyes with a small stomp, poking my chest. "J-just go to bed!"
"Why don't you make, huh?" I questioned with a sneer, raising a brow. "And stop fucking touching me."
"Why don't you make me, huh?" he mocked, sticking out his tongue. My cheeks heated up and I groaned at the cute face he was pulling.
It was fucking irritating.
I threw my hands up and groaned. "Look! I'm going!" I spun around and started walking toward the stairs, grabbing onto the wooden railing. I walked up the stairs with ease, happy to just lay down in my bed and relax. But I was stopped at a small tug to my shirt and I turned to stare down at Jungkook. He frowned and pointing to my neck.
"Why do you have a bandaid there? Did you get hurt?"
Shit..
I forgot to take it off after they had given me a vaccine. I placed my hand on the bandaid and ripped it off, shrugging. "I had a pimple."
"You're one of those people?" he questioned before scoffing, pushing past me. "Stop fucking making me worry over nothing, V. Just....." Jungkook turned to look at me. "Stop disappearing and stop seeming like you're hurt."
After that, we parted ways and went to bed. I didn't really sleep, but I did spend a lot of time meditating and thinking. I laid there restless, really. Before I got a head ache that seemed to be spreading down my spine, and the pain of forcefulness that was all too familiar scared me into keeping my eyes open, getting no rest or ease of my mind. And it was annoying, god I hated this effect.
I wanted to claw at my face and yell for it to stop, yell that I had control and that nothing could take that away from me again.
But then I remembered what a pair of my pants had in the pockets, and I quickly scurried from my bed, trying to ignore the pain. I grabbed the pants, popped the item from the pocket and stared at the bottle of pills I had forced Jungkook to give me when I hurt Jiyong. Looking at it gave me relief. And I felt like I was floating just knowing it was in my possession.
You wouldn't dare-
"It's your fault we were off. You forced me away only because you didn't have this shit,"!7 mumbled, wasting no time in popping open the cap and spilling three onto my palm, downing the few thick pills. I closed my eyes as everything felt dizzy, the symptoms of the medicine coming back and getting me like a relapse.
I wobbled to the bed and sat on the edge, holding my head. "Jesus christ..." I mumbled, finally feeling like my brain could rest. That I could rest without having to worry about waking up to being in a black pit of nothingness and having no control.
In the morning, it was like the ones previously. Everyone met up in the kitchen, ate breakfast, talked, Jungkook and I had small arguments that weren't nearly as bad as they use to be, or usually were, and Bogum and Lisa complained to Namjoon about swimming in the pool at 4 in the morning. But instead of splitting up and doing our own thing until lunch, Namjoon forced Jungkook and me to play board games.
It didn't go well.
I learned Jungkook wasn't very happy about losing.
At anything.
This resulted in him calling me a cheater whenever I won or had more points than him. He got so angry to the point where he actually tried cheating and I still ended up winning. He called me a sorcerer of dark magic and that I should be tested. Please, no more tests.
The next day we were being forced to play soccer with Namjoon, Yoongi, and Bogum. Jungkook and I against the other three. Of course, they put us on teams. They annoyed me. They all fucking annoyed me. Except for Bogum.
Bogum's smile seemed to calm me.
Jungkook was running with the ball and the other two were rushing him. I was opened and continued to wave my arms for him to pass the ball. Our eyes met and I was sure he'd pass it.
But he didn't.
And made us lose the game.
"You fucking brat!" i yelled. "Why didn't you pass!"
"You would've fucked us over anyway," Jungkook spat as he drank from his water bottle. "Your aiming sucks. You wouldn't have made a goal anyway."
"Then I would've passed it back, idiot."
"How if you can't even aim?" Jungkook spat.
I grabbed him by the shirt as he tried sizing me up with his daring eyes and I sneered at him. "You only wish you knew how good I am at aiming, princess."
This resulted in him yelling about how wrong I was, blushing and shoving me away. After a few hours of cooling down, they forced us to play 20 questions.
That...was a complete fail. I would be lying if I said I hated it, though. I learned about things I never even asked about. Like how Jungkook pointed to his head with a finger while he thought about something, how his eyes turned big when he spaced out, how his tongue poked the inside of his cheek whenever he was irritated or confused.
He he gently touched or cupped his ears when he was nervous or excited.
You know. The small things you wouldn't really know about someone.
"Why don't you get along with Taehyung?" he asked as his last question. I was caught off guard and just stared at him. Because you're a fucking control freak-
"We're complete opposites." That wasn't the reason we hated each other or the reason he hated me.
"Why are you so nosey?"
Jungkook pouted and reached over, flicking my nose. "Why are you such a fucking jerk?"
"Nuh uh, princess," I said, waving a finger. "You're out of questions. Answer my question."
"Because I'm fucking curious."
"Curiosity killed the cat, Jungkook."
"But Sympathy brought it back," he said, smiling at his lap and part of me thought he connected it with Jin.
Jin was always a curious guy. Wanted to know everything. Wanted to be apart of everything especially if he knew nothing of it and his curiosity of what it was like being with us did get him killed. But, to Jungkook's demise, sympathy wouldn't bring it back.
Even later, Namjoon took us to a vacant room in the basement where Taehyung usually kept his art supplies since he was, well we both were, into that stuff.
Our job was to paint something.
Paint something nice that reminded us of each other. I wanted to paint a bunny and I was doing a really fucking great job until I looked over at his painting. Jungkook, being the smartass he was, painted a picture of a bunch of dead stick figures that scattered the floor with me standing on them.
'That little fucking, know it all, piece of short ass shit-'
He isn't much smaller than us.
I looked at the beautiful bunny I painted and grabbed a big paintbrush, dipping it into the red paint then smearing it across the white fur, making its black eyes big Xs, then to add the finishing touch, I painted its tongue sticking out.
Perfect.
Jungkook peeked over at my painting and his eyes widened. He was angry. His brows were sharp and furrowed, eyes staring at me as he grabbed another paintbrush and added to his painting.
"You guys!- When the hell did I say paint each other dead?!" Namjoon yelled at us as he held up each of our painting. Hey, at least mine looked fucking decent and showed I actually tried. The fucking brat painted stick figures.
"I can't think of anything nice when I think of Jugnkook. The closest thing to is it a dead rabbit," I stated nonchalantly, leaning back in my seat, tilting it on its back legs. Jungkook stood up and pointed at me.
"You didn't have to be so gruesome, it would've looked so pretty if you didn't smear violence all over it!" Jungkook shouted. "You ruined such a great picture! Sometimes you make me want to-"
"Since when the fuck did you become an art critic for my paintings?" I hissed out, folding my hands behind my head. "I wasn't going to kill it but when I looked over and saw you painting a picture of me massacring everyone, I wanted to kill you. Doing this was the closest thing I could do without getting into trouble."
"They were bad people!" Jungkook almost hollered. "You killed bad people! Maybe if you had waited you'd see me labeling them as bad fucking people, you psycho!"
My eye twitched. The moment I was starting to feel bad he ruined it by the damn name calling. The name I absolutely dreaded. The name I wanted to fucking erase from the dictionary. I flipped him off and sneered at him. "Being a bitch and calling people names isn't going to make you feel any better about yourself, Princess."
His face went red and his doe eyes glossed over and before I knew it, the chair was kicked out from beneath me and I fell hard onto my back, my head smacking against the tile floor. I gasped out in pain and shot up, using the table to help me stand. I grabbed the can of red paint I had and threw it at him, hitting him in the head and splashing the paint all over his white shirt. He threw pain back at me and by the end of our two-hour painting session, Jungkook and I had become the canvas.
I was actually having fun until I noticed Namjoon storming out of the room. Jungkook wiped his bare arms and puffed out his cheeks. "God, you're hopeless...."
"I think the words you're looking for are we are hopeless, Princess," I chuckled out, wiping the paint from my head.
Jungkook glanced over with a frown, walking to where I was sitting and grabbing the painting. "It really would've looked so nice if you didn't ruin it. You're really good at this stuff."
I raised a brow as I tried wiping the paint from my arms, just smearing it. "Yeah?"
Jungkook nodded. "You should paint another one without ruining it."
"Maybe I will. Only because I want to."
Some hours passed and it was evening. We were forced to cook together and we both knew it wouldn't end well so we agreed on one thing.
Don't talk to each other while in the kitchen.
And it worked.
Around midnight I was heading out. I needed to meet up with Jackson to discuss some things. But, just how most of my problems started, Jungkook ended up catching me leaving. But he didn't seem in the mood to stop me.
He was sitting on the porch, staring out at the brightly lit city far from us. "Ah...." he yawned, looking up at me. "Be safe."
I stood still, waiting for the 'idiot' or 'jerk' to come after, but nothing came. He just continued staring at the lights. What kind of idiot just stared at the lights? WHy not stare at the stars? Or the moon?
"Stars are more interesting than city lights," I scoffed, shoving my hands into my pockets. He nodded and pointed up, making me look.
Oh.
The dark clouds were blocking out all the stars and half of the moon.
I left with ease and didn't come back until later on the next evening. Yoongi yelled at me for disappearing and said they had to teach Jungkook how to use a damn gun because the kid seemed hopeless at this point. Since I had been, what Yoongi said, 'moping around and not contributing' it was now my job to teach Jungkook how to properly hold a gun and how to shoot it. Neither of us were allowed to come up and eat until Jungkook could shoot at least five targets in a row.
I hated Jungkook.
I spent about two hours trying to teach the brat how to shoot but whenever he pulled the trigger he shut his eyes and let his arms go limp. He acted like a rag doll. We started arguing until one of his comebacks were about me being gay.
I had nothing to say to it.
I had met a lot of people throughout my life, whether it was through Taehyung or me, and I had learned that there were two main types of learners. The visual type and the physical type. Jungkook was obviously not a visual type seeing as how he couldn't copy me for shit. So, despite Taehyung's voice yelling at me, I went up behind him when I noticed how stressed he was. I grabbed his shoulders and slid my hands down to his, making him pick the gun back up.
He jumped into me and I stepped forward, pressing against him, He got so flustered. It was hard not to find it endearing. I fucking hated it. I tried giving him tips but I couldn't tell if he was plain ignoring me or was just too lost in thought. That was until he started to yell at me. I pulled him closer against my chest and tighten my hands around his, trying my hardest to explain to him that he needed to relax but not go limp.
And we tried shooting.
And the fucking idiot missed, even with me guiding him. He yelled at me again and said it wasn't his fault. He wasn't a visual or physical learner. He learned from being motivated by something. 'Oh, to fucking hell with it.' I decided to try and guess what would motivate him. And told him I'd do whatever he wanted, including treating him good.
Fuck, he always made everything so fucking awkward.
After talking some sense into him, he finally started taking this seriously. I pressed against him more to steady his body so it wouldn't jerk back and he shot, finally hitting one target. I leaned forward, taking a glance at his face, telling him to continue. And he did. Hit the other three like it was nothing. While he was doing so I was staring at him. I was being mesmerized by him. His smell. His heartbeat. His small noises and breaths. Everything.
His scent wasn't overpowering, and was sweet, an indescribable smell. The closest thing he could think of was a light fragrance from Victoria's Secret with some musk to it. But it definitely wasn't strong. Very light. And I liked it. His back muscles flexed against my chest each time he shot the gun and his body tensed for a split second.
I blinked a little, realizing he was staring back into my eyes. His eyes were full of a type of happiness I hadn't seen him have. A type of emotion that made you want to cry out in joy. His cheeks were turning pink and his red lips were parted.
Fucking hell.
God Fucking Hell.
He was breathtaking.
He turned back around and i composed myself. "One more," I husked out, swallowing the lump in my throat, my voice almost cracking. As he was adjusting himself, I figured it was best for me to detach myself, and I pulled away. Then I studied him from the back. He was beautiful. From head to toe, to back and front.
After shooting the last target he jumped with joy and hugged me. As surprised as I was, I hugged him back, limply wrapping my arms around his small waist, his feet lifting from the floor. Almost as if realizing how close we ere, he quickly pulled away, continuing his small dance. All I could do was stare. Because I couldn't, I just fucking couldn't, look away.
We made our way upstairs and ate food. I teased Jungkook and he teased me. Namjoon butted in and at that moment I wanted to throw him out the window. What? Was he scared that I was replacing him with Jungkook? Because I really wasn't. He needed to mind his business.
Yoongi joined us and the news he brought with him made me pale. They were planning on attending the party I was supposed to make a scene at. They were all going to learn information that I would be giving out. No, no this wasn't supposed to happen. It really wasn't. I blocked out most of what was said. I was too focused on what the hell I would do. I couldn't back out of attending, but who would I attend it with? Bighit? Or them?
After that, they suggested we start packing but Jungkook said he was going off to bed. I backed the clothes I needed. Clothes I'd be wearing under Bighit's name. The decision was final and I'd just have to go through with it. I was working up a plan to not make them go. To force them to stay at their hotel. To not attend. But I didn't know if anything I said would stop them. Would stop Yoongi.
After about 3 hours, Yoongi asked if I could wake Jungkook up so he could give Jungkook some suitcases and speak to him about some things. But before I woke him up, I let Taehyung come back.
To say goodbye.
After tonight, after this party, I'd never see Jungkook again. Maybe.
I knew that Yoongi was secretly working with the group that all the AWOL artists were to and I also knew that Yoongi was planning on living there with Namjoon after this. And after the talk, Taehyung gave them about Hoseok advising them to send Jungkook away? I knew Yoongi would make Jungkook live with them.
And if they didn't go to the party, people from that group would be there. And they wouldn't allow me to go with. They'd tell Yoongi. And Namjoon. And Hoseok. And Jungkook.
When we found Jungkook in the training room sleeping, I felt soft. His perfect lips were parted and he seemed so peaceful. Away from all the stress in his life. All the rough times. Just clowning around in dreamland. I promised Taehyung he could be there when Jungkook woke up. To say a proper goodbye. But I couldn't stick to it.
I wanted to be the first thing he saw when he woke up. Not Taehyung. And when he did? He was the cutest thing ever. Called me hyungie. Made me feel things I had never felt, not even with Namjoon. Made me feel confused about who I was.
About it I was making the right decision.
Because I wanted to hear him call me that again after just waking up.
After that I walked to the kitchen as he walked to his room, probably to pack. I stared at the pots and pans and frowned to myself. Earlier Jungkook didn't finish all of his food; didn't even eat half of it. He was probably hungry. Starving. What are you doing? You'll burn the house down! I grabbed some pots and pans and chicken and noodles and started cooking whatever was the first thing that came to mind. The easiest for me to cook that would be good. Tasteful. Delicious.
After 45 minutes of cooking, I ate some to make sure it was good. To me, it was. I just hoped he thought so, too. I looked down at my hands and saw the cuts from the knives and the small burns from the pan. It didn't matter. As long as Jungkook liked it. When I went upstairs, I walked into Jungkook's room to see him staring into an empty suitcase. Holding Jin's pillow. That pink and white pillow.
I teased him at first until he told me the second hour started.
Of course.
Instead of playfully teasing him, i decided to open up to him on our last night together. It wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't matter. He wouldn't see me again after tomorrow. He'd only see me on TV and maybe on social media. But nothing else.
He seemed to almost sympathize with me. He didn't make fun of me or tease me. He tried to comfort me when I explained to him about how Taehyung and I were. He still thought Taehyung was the one. The person who owned me. I wouldn't change his mind. I'd let him continue to think that. Why crush the poor boy's dreams? Everyone always fancied Taehyung more than me. Fancied the thought and image of him,
So I didn't let it bother me.
Even though it was eating me alive.
After suggesting he take something of Jin's, I grabbed his black Thrasher hoodie and opened up the secret stairs that led to the roof and set it down. It was chilly. And the sky was clear on this night unlike the night before.
I climbed down and met up with him. I felt terrible for suggesting he go to Jin's room. Jungkook wasn't emotionally or mentally prepared to do so. But he didn't cry. He was close but he didn't. I looked at the same picture he was looking at and it reminded me of the one Jackson ruined earlier that week. I was so young when I met Namjoon and Jin.
My first time seeing them was when Namjoon was a trainee. Namjoon and Taehyung hit it off well. Back then, Taehyung was the one controlling things for the majority of the time. And as a year passed, maybe two, Taehyung opened up about us. And Namjoon wasn't weirded out. He accepted us. And I fell in love.
I was always the cold-blooded one. The one that was stand-offish, anti-social. And he loved that. ANd it made me love him. After being friends for two years, I met Jin, who walked into the studio right by his side. He was fun. But seemed odd. Like he was almost uncomfortable. And as time went on, he acted coldly to Namjoon. And I didn't fucking like that.
"I won't break this time," Jungkook said with a soft grin and i looked at him.
"Promise?" 'Please don't break. Please. Not over me.'
"Promise."
"Shouldn't promise something you can't keep."
"Who says I can't keep it?" he asked, sounding offended.
"Me."
'Oh, brat... I believe you. Don't break.'
After leaving Jin's room, I led jungkook downstairs to eat. He said it was good and I felt my heart flutter. I told him it was from Panda because my ego wouldn't let me say anything else. I didn't want him to know I cared about his well-being. About him as a person. As he ate I leaned against the table and smiled down at him.
"You look tired. Rest a little and don't rush your food down," I whispered. He smiled and nodded, laying his head against the table near my hip. I reached forward, wanting to run my fingers through his hair, to feel just how soft it was. To have the scent of it lingering on my fingers.
But I stopped and pulled my hand away. What was I doing? Why was I doing this? Being overly sweet to him?
Because it was our last day together.
That's why.
Not because whenever I looked at him my heart fluttered. Not because when I heard his voice my headaches and stress went away. Not because his doe eyes got big and he smiled when he caught me off guard. Not because his smell soothed me or because he made me soft.
But because it was our last day together.
After Yoongi had interrupted us, I led Jungkook to the roof and handed him his hoodie. His cheeks were tinted a light pink in the dark and he looked away. I wanted to make him happy. To see him smile one last time. To see him grin at me. To see that I was the one who made him smile.
So I started naming off constellations. And he stared at me in awe with those big eyes. After I was finished naming the ones I knew, it went quiet, but it wasn't awkward. It was serene. I turned and shamelessly stared at him. His light hair blew in the wind and his bottom lip almost seemed to be stuck in a pout. Eyes were closed in peace and a small smile was permanent on his beautiful face.
This nice happy time was turning sour. Because I realized I'd never know what it would feel like to hold him tight. To caress his cheek just because I could, to wipe away tears and tell him I'd be there for him through everything. To kiss his lips. To lay with him and know that he'd be safe.
When his eyes met mine, I grinned softly. He grinned as well and stayed put, just staring at me. His eyes flicked to my shoulder and he started leaning in. He wanted to lay against me and I wanted him to. Wanted to feel how at peace he would be while pressing against me. But as he leaned closer, I frowned. I wanted him....to lean closer than just to my shoulder. Wanted to hold his face closer, not just his body. If this was the last night, then why should it matter whether or not I put boundaries?
I watched as he slowly closed his eyes when the wind blew. Beautiful. I smiled and leaned back a little so he wouldn't touch my shoulder. Then I leaned closer and closed my eyes once I pressed my lips to his. Just the feeling of being like this, lips pressed to each other and hands holding one another. This was the happiness I had one wished I could find when I was little. I wished I could live a life like this. With this happiness.
He started kissing me back and it only tripled the feelings I was feeling. And I couldn't help but squeeze his hand. Trying to tell him how sad I was in this happy moment. How sad I was to watch him leave my life just as fast as he entered it. And, to my surprise, he squeezed my hand back, And I smiled against his lips just as he did. Once we pulled away, I pressed our foreheads together and squeezed Jungkook's hand again. "You feel it, too."
He just nodded and I chuckled. He felt it, too. Fuck yes, he felt it, too.....
I frowned.
Fuck.......
he felt it, too.