[amber’s pov]
The candles were almost burnt out and we had all emptied half a bottle of wine each and several pink strawberry daiquiris which Jenny had mixed up. Our plates were empty - and half the cookies Perrie had made for our girls’ night were gone too. The laughter was softer and sounded more raspy after all the several hours of talking and telling stories; everything from Jenny letting me in on awkward stories with Harry and Louis, to Perrie letting us in on the secret behind hair dyeing.
I hadn’t even checked my phone the past couple of hours and somehow almost forgotten about the worry - or so I thought.
“Are you kidding me? Zayn? He actually bought you a teddy from an actual toy-store? Like a real life teddy bear?” Jenny stared at Perrie with eyes slightly swimming; Perrie was nodding and the beam on her lips seemed to light up the place more than the dying candles. I couldn’t stop giggling over the cute act she had just told us about.
“Yup, he even told me this little grumpy five-year old helped him pick it out,” Jenny and I awed in choir while Perrie kept shining with happiness.
“And he had locked the necklace around it’s neck so it was hanging down on the middle of the tummy,” Perrie fiddled with the silver charm of very said necklace, as she for a second was lost in the memory with dreamy eyes. Jenny and I sighed heavily, both completely lost in the cuteness of Zayn’s thoughtful act.
“So what about you and Harry, Amber?” Jenny continued looking at me this time. I looked back at her over the edge of my glass smiling in a smug way, asking; “what about us?” before I took another sip of the pink sweet drink, which Jenny had made several liters of it seemed.
Jenny’s smile only grew wider and she leaned in over the kitchen island where we were all seated on high bar chairs. I had my feet positioned up on the fourth one while the two other girls sat on the opposite side of the kitchen island. The rain was pouring down outside.
“Oh come on! I seriously need - and deserve - some details about you guys. Obviously Harry won’t tell me shit; I’m such a single sucker for romance! You actually should feel sorry for me! Besides Nicholas Sparks’ novels only makes me fucking depressed like shit - I mean come on, help me out!”
I grinned and Perrie giggled over the red haired girl’s cry for stories. I put the glass down checking the time; it was almost one in the night.
“Well,” Jenny was sitting on the edge of her chair waiting for me to share some of the cuteness, but even though it was just Jenny and Perrie, it still felt like sharing something I treasured so much I would never be able to share every detail with anyone but Harry. My head was swimming with several hours of talking, laughing, joking around, adorable notes left behind or fooling around my apartment with my favorite person in the world, but they all felt almost too private to share.
“Well, there was actually a thing last week which was pretty,” Jenny almost fell of her chair as I started talking, “sweet, that he did.”
Perrie got up from her seat with a soft smile resting on her lips as she started clearing the table; I continued as I handed her my plate, “well, I had been at one of the evening courses which ended pretty late because Mr. Calvin wanted us to go through every aspect of the functions of the different administration parts of -” Jenny cut me off before I could explain further, “yeah, yeah - get to the good stuff already!”
Perrie couldn’t help but laugh out loud as she was placing the few items in the sink and I smirked at Jenny, “okay, okay! Well, it ended and I think we were like 20 minutes late anyway I was on my way out of the building with two from my study-group. Harry and I had agreed he would have some sort of dinner or - wel,l probably take-away, something eatable at least - ready for when I would get home. So I was pretty eager to do so obviously. Ehm,” a soft smile crawled into my features as I relived the moment, “and it was kind of raining still. It was that day when it just rained non-stop all afternoon and evening, remember? Anyway the sky was all dark and we just exited the front door of the university where the lecture hall is.”
Jenny was already grinning as she sat there with her head leaned against her fisted hands which pushed her cheeks slightly up; she looked adorable, tipsy, and pretty close to awe’ing out loud with her dreamy eyes like that.
“Well ehm. Leaning against one of the pillars of the building was a completely drenched Harry with - well what used to be - a bouquet of flowers!” My voice cracked at the end, as I felt a wave of care wash in over me; I was one big beam and emotional cocktail. Jenny had simply dropped her head into her arms and was groaning as if she had been hurt or something. Perrie had returned to her seat and couldn’t stop smiling either; “so as surprise he came to pick you up after your course?”
I nodded at her question feeling my cheeks heating up; I had chosen this moment because it had been more public than the others. My study-friends had not been shutting up about the scene the past couple of days anyway.
“Yeah, I just kind of dropped everything and ran over to him not really caring about how he was pretty much dripping from the rain,” a deep sigh was heard from Jenny who peeked up at me before she said, “he totally went Mr. Darcy on you with that one didn’t he?”
Laughter left my chest as I nodded surprised of her comparison; I remembered how Harry’s hair had been even darker and some had stuck to his forehead. How his skin had been clammy and cold but still his lips had been wonderfully warm. Rain drops had been falling from the tips of his hair and clothes. He had smiled and politely greeted my friends, before we went into the toilet of the university to get him somewhat dried before going home. Apparently he had been caught in the rain, as he innocently explained.
We used practically every tissue we could find and I was trying to dry his shirt under the hand dryer while he half nakedly had kept placing steamy kisses down my neck while his damp hair had tickled my skin.
“Actually he tried to blow dry the flowers,” I suddenly remembered with frowned brows as a disbelieving chuckle left my lips; God I missed him right now.
“Okay, okay! That’s enough for today! I now feel single - but in a much more horrible way -” Jenny started to argue as she threw her hands into the air, “all this Mr. Darcy-soaked-university-make-out-session-and-flowers is messing with my fucking heart in a totally not acceptable and sucky way right now!
“What about Louis? What exactly is he if I may ask?” I started, narrowing my eyes at her. A nervous laughter escaped her lips. I got up to help Perrie do the dishes, while Jenny mumbled something about ‘go fucking ask him!’
I was ready to fall asleep with a smile on my lips about 2 o’clock on the couch in Zayn and Perrie’s place, while Jenny took a mattress on the floor and Perrie slept in the only - and very small - single bed in the place.
I was pretty glad the mattress at my place had decent room for two; if I had to sleep with Harry in a single bed like that one, I would probably end up rolling out of the bed several times a night. He had been quite restless during the nights of the past weeks.
I checked my phone under the cover so I wouldn’t wake the others with the bright light from the screen; kind of hoping for some kind of message from the soaked knight who had been armed with a wet bouquet of flowers that had completely stolen my heart. My very own Mr. Darcy.
I had two messages; one from an unknown caller and one from Harry. WIth a fluttering heart I opened the one from Harry first obviously, quickly letting my eyes drift over the words;
God, I miss you - H.
Relief spread out through my veins as I typed him a quick reply not able to stop from smiling over his stupid four words;
We could always just sneak around Jenny’s no-boyfriend-weekend and Louis’ 24-hours-practice-schedule?
I pressed send, knowing he would probably not see the answer till in the morning. I wondered what they had been up to? I knew for sure they had rented one of the available practice rooms at Alex’ music conservatory and apparently watched that crappy Shark movie which Jenny had kept swearing over. They had probably ordered pizzas in tons, drunk beer, watched more stupid cat videos on youtube, smoked, fooled around like boys did. I had noticed the smoking was only a thing whenever Harry was either around Louis or was intensely stressed about something.
I was just about to check the message from the unknown caller as my phone vibrated and a new message from Harry came in;
Are you awake? - H.
The smile spread even wider over my lips here in the dark where the only source of light was truly his message. I almost dropped my phone on my face typing the reply back to him;
Nope, pretty sure I’m typing in my sleep.
I bit my nail as my heartbeat was racing; I felt an absolutely fluttering pink sensation like some first love crazy thing hammer in my chest. I basically clicked the ‘open’ button the second the next message came in;
Me too definitely - obviously because you’re always in my dreams. Too cliché? - H.
I almost wanted to laugh out loud over his indeed completely cliché reply. ‘Of course’ I muttered lowly to myself not able to hold back that single giggle which left my lips here under the duvet. Even though it was terribly warm under the cover I felt my cheeks heating up for other reasons too.
Over the top definitely. So how was your day? Filled with sharks I guess?
This time it took a little longer for him to reply and I was just about to check up on the other message from the unknown number while waiting for him, but then suddenly his reply came buzzing in;
Yeah, definitely - watching Jaws was very traumatic to be honest. But great soundtrack. Yours? - H.
I furrowed my brows; I was pretty sure Jenny had been talking all day about a movie named ‘Sharknado’ and not the one called Jaws. They had probably seen both shark movies then. Boys.
I’ve listened to so many disco tracks today; I think I’m turning into a member of ABBA or something. Pretty sure Jenny already is tho. God, I really miss you x
My smile fainted in the dark as I stared at the screen almost hoping he would appear somehow. It was like each word of his was my lifeline.
Can I call you? - H.
I almost sprung out of bed - though trying to do so as quietly as I could with Perrie and Jenny sleeping practically a few meters away. I wrapped my duvet around me and typed him to wait two minutes, while I tip toed through the apartment to get to the front door. The rain was hammering violently against the window pane and silencing my footsteps luckily. As carefully as I could I got the door opened, which apparently wanted to creak to make so much noise it resembled the noisy crackling radio I’d been listening to all day. The black silhouettes of the twiner plants hanging from the ceiling near the large window section looked scary with the dark window and the rain running down over the pane.
I closed the door behind me as much as I could, standing out on staircase in complete blackness with my duvet tightly around me. I took a seat on the step of the stairs and buried myself deeper into the duvet making sure every inch of me was covered; if anybody came up the stairs they would practically just see a duvet mountain sitting on the stairs. I knew it would turn down the sound of my voice so I wouldn’t wake up the others and besides it was honestly a little creepy sitting out here; it was better to be hiding under the duvet.
My phone managed to give off one ring before I answered it, “hey.”
My voice sounded raspy and sleepy but the smile in my voice was so evident I felt the blush in my cheeks as he replied, “this is definitely much better.”
Giggles left my lips and I smiled widely closing my eyes imagining he would be with me, “totally.” It was a miracle just to hear his voice and breathing; he was so close but so far away still it seemed.
“Are the others asleep?” He asked and I recognized something in his voice that seemed stressed; or well maybe not stressed maybe like the way someone would sound after having had a really shit day at work and they were finally home again.
“Yeah, they are - passed out like lights. I’m sitting on the stairs outside hiding under my duvet actually,” I laughed softly and I could almost hear him smile. I could almost see the way his eyes narrowed and his dimples would show. How his green eyes would glow with love. I sighed heavily as the image was shattered by the darkness.
“Outside the apartment?” His voice sounded slightly worried, I nodded but remembered he couldn’t see it, “yeah, well the door is still open so it’s okay.”
He hummed deeply and I imagined him laying on his bed with his eyes closed and his phone up against his ear; “I really wish I was there.” His words were barely audible, more like a whispered burning wish that could never come true in a million years. It seemed like he referred to something else; I mean he could practically be over here in under 20 minutes if he wanted to.
“Are you okay? Was your day okay?” He definitely didn’t sound as if he had just been fooling around watching shark movies and playing guitar all day. He sounded like he had been emotionally stressed for three straight weeks.
I could hear him sit up and breathe heavily as he suddenly stated, “yeah - yeah I’m fine! It was a great day - very nice!”
I didn’t believe a word he said. It didn’t sound like it had been a great day at all; his voice was too high for that. I just hummed in reply; I guessed maybe everything with his father had been tough to have on his mind even though he was surrounded by friends.
“Amber?” His voice sounded almost pleading; reminding me of another phone call with him weeks ago where he had called me from his work and I had rushed over to meet him.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think - you know hypothetically of course, that there’s a limit to forgiveness?” I hadn’t really been prepared for this kind of question, but for some reason I just started talking anyway. Leaning my head in my hand still with my eyes closed, as I imagined him being here with me.
“No, I don’t think so actually; forgiveness is something you can give obviously. So it depends on whether or not you have the room to forgive someone; if you are too fed up and a forgiveness won’t do anything but eventually hurt you again in the end - well I don’t think it should be given. You know because you don’t have the energy to give it simply. So yeah there’s a limit to people’s ability to forgive, but not to forgiveness - does that make sense?” A hopeless giggle escaped my lips from this sitting-on-a-staircase-two-in-the-night-talk with Harry. Actually I had no idea if my words had made sense. Usually it would be in more comfy surroundings with his arms around me.
“For it being,” there was a short break before he said, “3:16 AM t surprisingly does, make some sense” I giggled but furrowed my brows. I held my phone away from my ear and looked at the small digits which clearly read ‘2:16 AM’.
“I think something’s wrong with your phone because the time is,” I started but he cut me off; “oh yeah sorry my bad; pretty exhausted, didn’t see it correctly.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered with a grin, though finding it strange he replied so rapidly.
I brushed it off; “so hypothetically whose forgiveness are we talking about?” Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to ask him, but something was definitely on his mind that troubled him and if he needed to talk about it I was right here.
“Hypothetically someone who used to be an old friend,” I was relieved to hear him letting me in; this was most likely what had been worrying him. A sigh left my lips; my fingertips were tingling with the longing sensation of pulling him close to me. Lead a hand over his back and play softly with his hair till he would press his lips against mine with a sigh of comfort.
We kept talking for twenty minutes time about everything and nothing in specific. About our plans for the next week and about December coming up soon; eventually none of us could ignore the fact that we should probably be asleep. Harry’s voice sounded like half sleeping mumbles and he groaned as I told him - for the fourth time - I had to hang up on him.
The last couple of words were coming from him saying; ‘I love you too loser’ before I ended the call knowing he really needed to sleep. I was sitting there with a huge goofy smile in the middle of the night on the staircase hidden in a duvet which felt like it was a million degrees; missing Harry so much it was just terrible. My cheeks were buzzing from heat and the tiredness washed in over me as I looked at the ended call. I craved calling him again; maybe just putting on my clothes and go to his place, but Jenny would probably kill me if she ever found out.
I was just about to head back into the apartment eager to meet Harry in my dream instead, but something caught my attention on the phone’s screen; the message from the unknown number. Quickly I opened it with a yawn as I stood up and the duvet exposed my face a little so I could see where I was walking; the cold air washed in over my face, hand, and ankles as I looked at the phone while pushing the door open with my duvet-covered-body. Even though I was only wearing pajamas shorts and one of Harry’s large band t-shirts it still felt like a sauna in here.
My eyes lazily skimmed over the words till I ended my yawn and re-read the words, not having fully grasped them yet;
Dear Ms. Amber Moore, kindly open the letter you received last Thursday. We will expect your arrival tomorrow morning.
I took me a full second to realize what this was; who this must be from. I froze in the middle of the doorway just re-reading the message over and over. Anger and fear started boiling up in me; some weird insane mix that made me want to murder someone right here in my pajamas. Was it possible to strangle someone with a duvet?
‘How fucking dare they!’ I murmured angrily completely shocked with how they could possibly know I hadn’t opened the damn letter yet! I left the duvet behind at the door like some abandoned friend and hurried over to my jacket, leaning on my knees with the phone in a tight fist as I sought through the pockets, ‘come on, come on!’ My heart was beating like crazy and I felt dizzy as the adrenaline made my every sense aware; it felt deeply uncomfortable with the mixture of being terribly tired just few minutes ago.
I didn’t even care about Perrie and Jenny as my fingertips finally found the sharp edges of the letter and I pulled it out with great force. It had become quite crumbled from having been stuffed into my pocket, but with breath hitching I tore it open using my mobile’s screen light to read the words.
The envelop fell to the floor landing against my bare feet; my hands were trembling as I held the thick piece of inked paper in my hands. I could feel there were more than one paper which had been added.
Dear Amber Moore,
We understand from your external lecture that you are doing exquisitely well at your night course ‘Charity and NGO Organizations; Administration and Financing’; showing outstanding endeavours and participation. Therefore we naturally are elated to exclusively invite you to attend the Annual Fundraising Gala of Chestnut Av., which we are sure you will find more than satisfying in order to improve and expand your educational horizon and stir your interest within this meaningful work field. You will get the unrivalled possibility to be personally introduced to several high-political profiles along with administration parties of well known NGOs, which are all considerably keen on working with you in the future.
We hope you will collaborate with us and take this unique opportunity.
Lastly we would like to thank our main sponsor Senator Mr. Richard Styles for emphasizing your name in such admirable terms.
Greetings,
The Annual Fundraising Gala of Chestnut Av.
I had felt how my jaw had dropped. I read the message again making sure this wasn’t some fucked up nightmare or dream, I wasn’t sure which to pick. Eventually - still not quite believing this - I picked up the extra handwritten note which had been in the envelope too; it had the same handwriting as my written name on the front. Halfly expecting it to reveal this as a sick joke. I couldn’t think straight. Of course I had heard of the Chestnut Avenue Gala; it was one of the most well known events of its kind in the world. With truly trembling fingers I read the note which had been added; the blank ink swirling over the page like black claws dragging me in, promising to never let me go again.
My dearest Amber,
I hope you do not mind, that I mentioned your name for the Chestnut Av. board committee. For years now they have engaged in this secluded project of inviting a few promising young upcoming NGO- and Charity organization leaders, which are being discreetly and precisely chosen based on their achievements and effort so far. I would like to congratulate you for receiving this fine honor and hope to see you on Friday evening, as it would be deeply unwisely for your future career to decline such request and opportunity.
I have taken the privilege to sponsor your flight tickets, hotel stay, and preparation costs for the evening. As you probably know the Chestnut Av. Gala has a strict formal dress code. I hope you will give me the time to talk with you about other pressing matters, which I believe have been led on by misunderstandings and other such ill-spirited confusions.
Yours truly,
Richard Styles, Senator of Illinois.
Chills were covering every little inch of my body as I felt the letter sliding from my hand along with the flight tickets and the check worth one month of my salary, which was signed by Harry’s father naturally. I wasn’t confused; actually I had never felt more sure about what I had to do. It was creepy as hell; what he knew of me. What he had done. The power and influence he possessed, but maybe this was the possibility to change things around. He was openly inviting me - or maybe more like forcing me - to come and talk things out with him; only he didn’t know that I would fight for Harry. Maybe he didn’t know that I knew everything he, Richard Styles, had done of awful things to his son. I could be back before Harry would even realize; I could tell Perrie and Jenny I had to visit my mother. Maybe this could finally fix things and give Harry the peace he truly deserved.
At least I was crazy enough and so deeply in love that I was more than willing to put up the fight that was needed. Fight for the completely soaked boy with the equally drenched flower bouquet, the crooked smile, and gleaming green eyes, who had been standing outside the university building waiting for me. Yeah, I would definitely fight for him.
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a/n: PLEASE READ!
Okay so as some of you may know - I'm making a reaaalllyy cool website for all of my stories. of course ‘The Journal’ will be the largest with character gallery, interviews, trailers, pictures, little nothings song lyrics + harry explaining the stories behind his work, overview of fan art, twitter profiles, bonus reading material, music, Jenny’s Disco mix tape ;) - you can even check out my other stories too or submit art, trailers, songs etc. if you want to as well ! :)
Now the thing where you guys can help me out is; if you have any questions for ANY of the characters or for me, maybe about setting, things you've always been wondering over, side stories you want to know more about, maybe just general questions for harry or amber etc. you should post them in a comment or send them to me! I'll choose a bunch and have them answered by the characters on this website :D Maybe you even just have suggestions as to what you would like this website to include? (so far i have a lot of fun stuff, but your input could be great!) I promise you it's really, really fucking cool and I'm so excited to share it with you, when I've finished it :)
Questions/suggestions can be submitted anonymously here ask.fm: @arietemx
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! x