I was so lost.
Both physically and mentally. The fact that Clayton and I are not together anymore and him becoming a father was too hard to move on from. I hadn't been eating for the past two days, my sleeping schedule was a total mess, and school was just another hell for me. I could hardly focus in class much less my surroundings, thus I had failed to see the wet floor sign ealier and I had slipped, making my flat bottom even flatter.
So here I was now, in front of my locker, contemplating whether I should skip school for today and go somewhere else to ease my mind. If only Claire and Brody are here, they would probably make my day just a little bit better. But, last night they had to fly to New York because their father was hospitalized.
So, yes. I am alone.
I hadn't seen Clayton and his friends all day, scratch that, I had been avoiding them all day. I couldn't stand the sight of him right now. I'm scared I might break down just by looking at him. As I opened my locker and the first thing I saw was a picture of me, Claire, Dean, and Elliot, back in seventh grade. We were at the beach and our parents took a picture of us with our hands over each other's shoulders. It was mine and Claire's first time wearing bikinis and our first time building a sand castle.
Those were the days. I thought.
Then I made my mind. I slammed my locker shut and quickly ran outside. I was skipping school on my own for the first time ever in my seventeen years of life. School was suffocating me and the thought of meeting Clayton haunted me so I'd rather be elsewhere.
I walked down the side road without a clear destination. I was going to where my mind was leading me and then I realized it has been a while since I had spend sometime alone. A time just for me. I was always busy thinking about other things and I didn't think enough of myself. The moment I stopped, I was in front of the cemetery.
Elliot. I miss him.
My mind always brought me here whenever I need to be alone. When Elliot was still around, talking to him would always ease my mind because he was such a great listener and he gave really great advices – the greatest best friend I could ever ask for. I walked to his grave and saw a bouquet of yellow tulips on it. His favorite flowers. Nobody know about this except for me, Claire, and....
"Serena?" a very familiar voice called out.
I looked behind and there stood Dean Parker wearing a black hoodie and black jeans, looking quite sad, I presume. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to read his expressions but nothing comes to mind. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I could ask you the same thing," Dean said.
"I...I just...I wanted to be alone. So I skipped school and came here," I answered honestly. "How about you?"
"Same," He chuckled and sat by the grave, so did I. "You know, whenever I have problems and everything seems to be going wrong, whenever I need to clear my head and just need someone to talk to, I always come here. Elliot was a great friend. Fuck, I miss him." Dean let out a dry laugh as I saw tears rolling down his cheeks.
The last time I saw Dean cry was at Elliot's funeral and since that day forward, he became stoic and quiet – basically emotionless. So to see him breaking down like that, tore me apart. I felt him hurting as much as I am hurting so I didn't say anything instead I gave him a hug. "I can't help but to think it was my fault that he did what he did. I didn't listen to his stories because I was too busy talking about mine. I didn't ask him how his day went and kept ranting about how amazing my day was. I didn't do that. Was I a bad friend? Do you think I'm a bad friend?"
Ouch. That shit hurt so bad.
"No. You're not a bad friend, Dean. It wasn't your fault that Elliot did what he did. It was mine. I knew he was going through a rough time but I didn't do anything about it. I just gave him a hug and told him everything's going to be alright. I am the bad friend. I could've helped him to solve his problems but I didn't. I am the bad friend," I finally let it out. The guilt I have been keeping all this time. I have never told anyone about this, not even to Claire or Brody. At the moment, I didn't care about anything else as I just needed a mental support from my friend. I buried my face in his chest and cried my eyes out.
Dean caressed my head as he tried calming me down. "It's okay to let it all out once in a while. Cry all you want, Serena. If it makes you feel better, just cry."
"Thank you, Dean." I said.
"Love of my life, you've hurt me. You've broken my heart and now you leave me. Love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back. Don't take it away from me because you don't know what it means to me," Dean sang. I remember this song used be Elliot's favorite song and he used to sing it all the time, to the point I was sick of this song. But, now hearing it – my heart broke.
"That was his favorite," I said wiping my tears. "He sang this song all the time."
"He can never resists Queen," Dean chuckled. "It was always Queen this, Queen that."
"So, care to tell my why you came here?" I asked.
Dean sighed. "My mom just got diagnosed with lung cancer, stage 3."
Oh no. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorry I asked," I bit my bottom lip, feeling bad that I asked him such a sensitive question. He must be going through a hard time. One thing I know about him, Dean loved his mother very much and cherished her more than anything in this world.
"Nah, it's fine. My mom is a fighter. She'll get through it," Dean sent me a reassuring smile. "How about you?"
"I..uh..my reason sounds so childish compared to yours," I let out a dry laugh. "It's Clayton."
"I figured," Dean scoffed. "What did he do?"
"We broke up," I sighed. "Well, I broke up with him."
"Is it rude of me if I ask you why?" Dean asked ever so politely.
I chuckled. "Yes. Thank you for asking."
Dean and I ended up talking about the memories we shared with Elliot. I had misjudged Dean. I thought he didn't care when he left, but he had his reasons. It was wrong of me in the first place, I was too quick to judge a person's act. Maybe I did it too with Clayton, but how would you feel if you found out your boyfriend had a child with his ex-girlfiend and he has been lying to your face all this time?
"Serena?" a voice called out. A voice I had been trying to avoid. A voice that I miss so fucking much.
I immediately stood up and so did Dean. There stood, Clayton in his jacket and messy hair. "What are you doing here?"
"I've been looking for you," Clayton said, walking towards us. "Your mom said I could find you here."
"I..uhm...I should probably get going," Dean said and smiled at me. "Bye, Serena."
With that, Dean ran towards his car and left me alone with Clayton. This is bad. I wasn't ready to face him. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there. I didn't have the strength to run, my feet wouldn't budge. "You shouldn't be here," I said.
"You wouldn't answer my calls and your friends wouldn't let me see you," Clayton said, getting even closer. He was now a few inches away from me. I could literally feel his heavy breath. "You were avoiding me at school. How am I supposed to get to you and explain everything?"
"Is there anything else you think I should know?" I asked, trying my best to look strong even if I was breaking down inside.
"The baby isn't mine," Clayton stated.
Excuse me, what the fuck?
I think I almost choked on my saliva. "What?"
"Let me explain, when she told me she just had a baby, I panicked, why? Because I'm the ex-boyfriend. But then when I look back, I didn't even remember doing it with her. We haven't been dating for that long for that to happen," Clayton explained. "When I visited her, she was so convienced that the baby is mine. She told me it might have happened during Ethan's party, but I remember clearly what happened that day. But I couldn't say anything because I felt bad for her so I just went along with it."
"Wait, what?" I asked again, even more confused than I already am. "So, the baby isn't yours?"
"What happened at Ethan's party was, I refused to drink because I was driving so she told me she would do the drinking for the both of us. At first, I tried to stop her but she wasn't listening, so you know, she was drunk as fuck. One thing led to another, she went missing. The next morning, I found her knocked out cold in..." Clayton widened his eyes as if he realized something.
"In?"
Clayton's face showed both shock and horror. "In Ethan's bedroom."
***
Hello lovelies! I've come back!
Sorry for making you wait this long, I have been busy with college and all that stuff. I'm officially a freshmen in college now!
I hope you like this one! Please leave a comment and vote!
Merry Christmas, guys!