If you've ever wondered why
Disney tales all end in lies
Here's what happened after all their dreams came true
Mulan
After saving China I went home alone
I was feeling conflicts in my lower zone
I've been dressing like a guy for months
Now I'm losing all control
I think I am a guy in my soul
I wanna be a man
Soldier 1: I've never seen a guy so hot
Mulan: Time to reinvent the new me
Soldier 2: Every time he speaks it makes me want to sing (I'm so confused)
Soldier 1: Be quiet, or we'll get caught
Soldier 3: Maybe one day he'll screw me
Mulan: Now I really get why my nickname is Ping
I've gotta be a man
I've got the brains and the bite of females
Plus the brute and the brawn of dudes
I know I'm ready for transformation
It's time to replace all these useless tubes
(Good for you)
Cinderella
The prince was absolutely the only single wish my heart made
Guess my wish came true
But we never really talked much
Before he discovered my shoe
The night after we got married
I recounted all of my plights
Of how I fit inside a pumpkin
My canines turned to coachmen
Prince threw me in Bedlam that night
The white jackets say I'm nutty (she's nutty as a bat)
Cause my clothes are sewn by rats (put some meds in her food)
But their pills turn my brain to putty
Now Lucifer's not just my cat (I AM SATAN)
Their insulin puts me under
Shock therapy's made me insane
And after years of steady frying
The doctors gave up trying
They stuck 2 steel rods in my brain
Tiana
I spent a bloomin lifetime
To open my cafe
Then I took a dive in 2005
Now it's washed away (it's all washed away)
I was picked up by a chopper
After four nights on my roof
Now my new home is the Astrodome
Cause New Orleans ain't Katrina proof
Ya better carry 'round a shotgun
Or looters take your kids
Ya better pee inside of jam jars
Be sure to keep those lids (ew)
We needed Noah but we got Bush
Our "savior" flew away and hid
Rough seas and levees,
Rough seas and levees,
Rough seas and levees, I'm dead
Elsa
There is no snow on the mountain tonight
Just sulfur in the air
A kingdom of greenhouse gases
Only Bill Nye seems to care
My town is melting, breaking off into the sea
It's time I show the strength of an evil queen
With Germany and Putin, too
I'll free the penguins and throw you in a zoo
We're going green by spilling red
And if you're not dead
I built a hoard of evil snowmen
We're gonna take over the world
Let it snow, let it snow
Now Fox News will need heat lamps
Let it snow, let it snow
I hope you concentrate in camp (Heil Elsa)
We don't care who we have to slay
Let my troops march on
The cold's coming back and it's here to stay
Tiana: I sunk like a brick
Cinderella: Prince thinks I'm sick
Elsa: Ice is melting quick
Mulan: Now I have a lot of self esteem