A/N- In Joker's and Harley's story it will be split into two stories to see how Harley would take care of you vs. how Joker would.
Joker & Harley- One day you were playing with your new mommy in hers and your daddy's bedroom. "Who's mommy's happy little baby? Who's mommy's happy little baby? You are! Wes you are. Oh wes you are, my sweet baby girl/boy." She cooed in a baby voice. "Harley?" "Hmm?" "The boss wants to see you." Frost said. "Okay. I'll be out in a minute. I have to dress y/n. I can't have a naked baby on the lose. Can we sweetie?" She cooed as she tickled you under your chin.
"Aw now you look just like mommy/Daddy. Now let's go see Daddy." She cooed. Your mommy knocked on your daddy's office door. "Commmmme innnnn." "Hi Daddy. Say hi to Daddy, y/n." Your mommy said as your daddy made grabby hands at you. "Well now. Don't we look pretty/ handsome today." He cooed. You sat on your daddy's lap and play with his chains while your mommy and daddy talked. "Well Harley. Daddy has a heist today, so youuuuuuuu will be watchin' lil clown while Daddy's out." "But Puddin' you never get to spend anytime with y/n. When was the last time you did spend time with her/him? Last night, before I got her/him back to bed." He said. "Well I guess I'm the better the parent." She said smartly. "Excuse me? You're the better parent?! I don't think so. I'm wayyyyyyy better at parenting than you are." "Oh really? Wanna bet? If I win, you'll have to babysit y/n for a month. Which means no heists, robberies, etc.. No crime whatsoever. Also none of the guys can't help you babysit." "And if I win?" "I'll babysit for a month plus do whatever you want. Deal?" "Deal. When does this bet take place?" "Tomorrow and may the best parent win." They said as they shock hands. "What do you think lil clown? Do ya think that Daddy's a good daddy?" He asked you but you were too busy playing with his chains. "You love Daddy's chains, don't ya, baby girl/boy? Well when you're older Daddy will get you your own set of chains." He cooed. After a while you got sleepy and your daddy watched as you snuggled into him and gave out a cute little yawn. Your daddy made sure that no one was around so he could snuggle you up and give you a kiss on your head. "Goodnight y/n. Daddy l-l-loves you." He said as he placed you into your pack and play. He went out to the heist, while your mommy watched you. "What shall we do today, y/n? I know. How about we go see aunties Kitty and Ivy? Would ya like that?" She cooed as you smiled and make cute baby sounds. "Alright lil clown. We'll go see them." (Time skip to Catwoman's & Ivy's apartment.) "Selina? Can you get that? I'm busy watering my babies." "Sure. Harley?" "Hiya Kitty." "OMG! I haven't seen you in forever! Ivy! Harley's here!" "So who is that?" "This is y/n. She's/he's mine and Mr. J's baby." "You mean the two of you had-" "No! Mr. J and I found a baby outside of the nightclub one night and became y/n's new mommy and Daddy. Isn't that right my lil Puddin' cup?" She cooed. "Well Harley. Y/n is just the sweetest baby ever." Catwoman cooed. Just then you got hungry, so you began to cry. "There, there y/n. Shh... Mommy's here. Mommy's here." "Maybe she's/he's hungry Harls." Ivy said as she grabbed a baby bottle from the bag. "Here ya go, my sweet baby girl/boy." Your mommy cooed. After you had a full tummy, you got to play with one of your aunt Selina's cats, which was Isis. At first you were afraid, but she was a sweet cat. "So how's the clown taking "fatherhood"?" Ivy asked. "Well..." "Harley. Please don't tell us that it's just you taking care of y/n." "For now it's been me. But I know Mr. J will help out." "Harls. You need to put your foot down and tell him that he's a father now and needs to do his part!" Ivy yelled making you whimper. "Ivy's right, Harley. Joker needs to do his part, because if he doesn't, you should leave him." Catwoman said as she was rocking you to sleep. "Y/n needs both her/his parents, for I seen a lot of single mothers just trying to make ends." Your mommy sat at the counter thinking about what Selina and Ivy said.
After a while your mommy took you back home and placed you in pack and play, while she did some cleaning. A little later you woke in a very dirty and wet diaper and you began to cry. "Oh my sweet baby Puddin'. What's the matter?" Your mommy smelled the problem and knew what to do. "Someone left mommy a little surprise in their diapee-wipey." She cooed in a baby voice. She undid your outfit and began to change you. "All clean, sweetheart, but you could use some more baby powder though." She said as reopened your diaper and add more powder to your little bottom. "Now mommy has a happy baby." She cooed as tossed you into the air, making you giggle. It was only 2:15pm and your daddy won't be home for another hour, so your mommy took you into the living room and had cuddle time with you.
Joker- Early the next morning, your mommy got ready, put you downstairs into the living room, where your daddy was still sleeping. She put you in the pack and play, gave you a kiss. A few hours later your daddy had finally woken up to crying. "Harley?! Y/n is cryin." He said as he got off of the couch. "Frosty!" He called but none of his men were around. He came back to the living room and picked you up and soothed you. "Come on little clown. Please stop cryin'. Daddy doesn't like sad faces, Daddy wants a smile. Can ya smile for Daddy?" He cooed, but you kept on crying. He got a little nervous, for he never had taken care of a baby before. He tried bouncing you and shushing you, which helped you a little bit. He heard your stomach and knew why you were crying. "Is my little princess/prince hungry?" He cooed. You held onto to him as he took you downstairs to the kitchen. "Okay. What do babies eat? Hmm? I got it." He said as he grabbed the milk from the fridge and a baby bottle from the cabinet. He poured some into the bottle and heated up. Once it was tested, your daddy picked you up and placed you into his arms and fed you. "All better now, kiddo?" He asked as you began to drink the warm milk. Half way through, you were getting sleepy, since you were up most of the night with your mommy. "Is my little clown sleepy already? Let's get you bed but you got to burp for Daddy." He cooed as he patted your back. You left out a burp and had some milk on your little cheeks. He chuckled as wiped your little face. You yawned and stretched in your daddy's arms, before drifting off to sleep. Joker got a strange feeling in his chest. He felt love and happiness for the first time ever in his life. He watched you sleep for a while until he placed you in your pack and play. He was going to leave you but decided to keep you company and let you sleep on his chest.
After your nap, you woke up crying due do a messy diaper, which your daddy wasn't to found of the smell. "Oh damn. What is that-. Oh no. There is no way in hell that I'm changing that poop filled diaper." He said. Then he remembered the bet with your mommy. He groaned but he knew that he had to prove her wrong. "It's okay lil clown. Daddy's here, Daddy's here. Shh..." He said soothingly. He placed you on the changing part of the pack and play, got everything out that he would need for you and got out rubber gloves and a snorkeling mask. When you saw the mask on your daddy you giggled at him. "Yeah. Yeah. Laugh at Daddy for protecting his nose from your smelly diaper." He said as he began to a task he thought he'd never do, change a dirty diaper. He opened the diaper and began to gag from the smell. "Oh God. Where's Bat brain and boy plunder when ya need them." He said. After you were changed and your daddy washed his hands. He heard you crying. "Aw y/n/n. What's the matter?" He asked as he picked you up. He knew that you weren't hungry and knew that you didn't need to changed, so he narrowed it down and knew what you wanted. He took his thumb and placed it between his two fingers and said "I got your nose. Daddy's got your nose. Yes he dose. Yes he does." He cooed. You tried to get your "nose" back but you couldn't reach it, so you "took" your daddy's nose instead. "Did my lil princess/prince steal Daddy's nose? Did she/he?" He cooed and gave you your nose back. "What shall Daddy do with his lil baby clown, hmm?" You babbled to him, which made him chuckle. "Do you wanna play with Daddy?" He cooed and covered his eyes. "Where's Daddy, lil clown? Where did Daddy go? Peek-a-boo." He said, making you laugh. "You like peek-a-boo, don't ya?" He said as he snuggled your little nose. "How about we go out and get a special gift for mommy?" He said as he put you in your pack and play to change your onesie.
"There we go. All done. Now let Daddy get dressed so we can go out." He said as he kissed your cheeks. "All ready to go bye-bye, my lil princess/ prince?" Your daddy cooed as he put you in your car seat.
Your daddy took you to a fancy jewelry store that held a lot of priceless jewelry. "What shall we get mommy, lil clown? How about another necklace? No, she has like 500 of them. How about another choker? No they don't sell those. What do you think baby girl/boy?" He cooed. You saw a beautiful custom made diamond in the colors of your mommy's jester outfit. "Ga! Ga!" "Hmm? What is it baby? Do ya see somethin'?" He asked. "Ga!" You said as your daddy looked to where you were looking. "A ring? You think that we should get mommy a ring?" He said as you babbled to him. "Alright. Let's see the ring." "How can I help you today, sir?" "I was looking for a ring for my girlfriend." "Well then. She might like this. It's a one of a kind diamond ring with red and black inside the diamond." "How much?" "$10,000.00. "Sold." "Would you like any engraving on it, sir?" "Yes. To my Queen." "Prefect sir. I shall have ready in about an hour." Your nodded his head and took you around the store. After the hour was up your daddy got the ring and took you back home. He looked at you in his mirror and saw you fast asleep. "(Chuckles) I guess shopping wore out my lil clown." He said. Once both of you were home, your daddy placed you in the pack and play for a few minutes before he would pick you up and let you sleep on him. You grabbed one of his fingers and sucked on it. At first he wanted to yank it out but he changed his mind as he heard you cooing. "Goodnight my sweet princess/prince of Gotham." He said swaddling you up in your blanket. You began to cry but your daddy gently rocked you. "Shh... my lil clown. Daddy's right here. Shh... Daddy's here, y/n." He cooed softly.
After a while your mommy returned home to see you fast sleep in your daddy's arms. She smiled and grabbed a blanket to cover both of you. Your daddy sensed someone so he grabbed his gun and held you tight close to his chest. "Easy Puddin'. It's me." "Geez Harley. Don't ever do that. It took me two hours to get our lil clown back to sleep." He said as he readjusted you in his arm. "Sorry Daddy." "I'll forgive ya this time because our little y/n didn't wake up." He said sternly. "So what did my two favorite people do while I was out?" "We did some shopping and got you this." He said as he pulled out the ring. "OMG! Puddin'. I love it!" She yelled quietly so she wouldn't wake you up, because if she did, she was in big trouble. Your mommy went by your daddy and gave a big kiss. "Harley! Not in front of baby clown!" "But y/n's sleepin'. A little kiss won't wake her/him up." She said kissing you, making you stir. "Harley, I swear to God, if lil clown wakes up I'm gonna-" You woke up but smiled at your parents. "Look at you. Wakin' up with a smile." Your mommy cooed. "Well my queen. We have to go to the club, so go freshen up with lil clown and wear somethin' sexy for Daddy." Your daddy said with wink.
Katana & Diablo- It was your first night at home and there was a terrible thunder storm. You cried for your parents, but your daddy came and got you. "Hey, hey. Shh... It's okay my little girl/boy. I won't let anything hurt you. Let's go change that diaper and then we'll go get a bottle." He cooed. "Whose my little girl/boy? Whose my little girl/boy? Y/n is! Oh yes you are." He cooed as he got the changing materials. "I think you need a bath, because you stink." He said making you giggle. He filled the bathtub with nice warm water. "There we go. I better after this you'll feel much better y/n." Your daddy cooed as he washed you. You started to whimper, due to the water getting cold, but your daddy warm it right back up to make you happy. After you had a bath and was changed, your daddy wrapped you up and carried you downstairs to the kitchen to reheat a bottle. You loved the warm feeling from your daddy and your mommy, but he was more warmer than her. He took you to the bedroom and turned the TV on to the lullaby channel to help block out the thunder. You just began to fall back to sleep, when your daddy heard a noise coming from downstairs. "Katana. Katana!" "What is it Diablo? Is y/n alright?" "Someone broke in downstairs. I want you to stay here with y/n." "Okay. Be careful." "I will." He said. He made his downstairs when he saw three burglars in the living room. "I wouldn't do that." Your daddy said as he made his way into the living room. "What are you going to do?" You started to cry and it was heard over the monitor. "Oh boys. Go pay the baby a visit." The leader said. "You will not harm MY FAMILY!!!!" He yelled as the fire God was unleashed. Your mommy took you and got out of the house in case your daddy lose control. He threw fireballs at them to get them out of his home and his family. Once Diablo was back to normal, he went to check on you and your mommy. He looked in the bedroom but seeing that neither one of you were there, he panicked, soon felt a hand on his shoulder. "We're safe." Your mommy said as she gave you to your daddy. You began to stir, but as soon as you felt his warmth, you snuggled into him and went back to sleep. "I think y/n has the right idea. Let's go to bed, Katana." He said as he kissed your mommy and went back to bed with you in the middle.
Deadshot- It's been ten long years since Deadshot was a father and now he's doing it all over again. One day you woke up to see your big sister Zoe looking down at you in the bassinet. "Daddy." "Yeah baby?" "Y/n is up." "Okay. Well good morn' baby girl/boy. Did we have a nice sleep?" He cooed as he got you out. You babbled to him, trying to tell him that you were hungry. "Alright y/n. I'll make your bottle." He cooed. "Zoe?" "Yes daddy?" "Are you ready to go to the bus stop?" "Yes. I'm just getting my shoes on." "Alright. There we go y/n. You're all ready to go see your big sister go off to school." He cooed. "Okay daddy. I'm ready." Zoe said. "Alright. Let's go." You didn't like the cold, so you cried. "It's okay y/n. I brought blankie for you." Zoe said as she pulled out your blankie. You smiled and snuggled with it. "Hey Floyd. Hi Zoe. And who is this little cutie?" One of the moms asked. "Hi Mrs. Baker, this is my new baby sister/brother y/n." Zoe said. As the bus came, you and your daddy waved at Zoe and watched her leave. "Alright babe. Time to go do our errands." (Time skip to back home after all the errands are done) When both of you arrived home, you were fast asleep from long car rides. Your daddy placed you in the bassinet and went to put away everything that he got. A little later you woke up in a very wet diaper. "Aw y/n. It's okay. Daddy will change you." He cooed. He laid you on the changing mat and began to remove your diaper. Just as he was removing your diaper, he felt something wet hit him. He knew it was pee because he saw you giggling. He was proud because you didn't miss the "target" which was your daddy. "Well now. It looks like I'll have a partner." He cooed as he wiped himself with a wipe. After you were changed, your daddy made you a bottle, fed you and played with you until it was nap time.
Killer Croc- It was a cold fall day and you and your daddy were spending time together. "Where's little croc? There you are!" He cooed as the two of you played together, but there was a knock at the door. He placed you in your playpen and went to answer the door. "Hey KC." "Harley? What are you doing here?" "It's poker night and you're hosting." "Oh. I forgot all about it. Sorry." "No prob. I can help ya." Then you started to cry for your daddy because you thought he left you. "KC? What was that sound?" Harley asked. "Nothing." "Well if it's nothing, then I'm gonna check it out." She said running towards the living room. She saw you and picked you up ever so gently. "Crocky. Why didn't you tell me you had a baby?" "No one knows, because I don't want y/n to be taken away from me." He said taking you into his arms. "Listen to me. No one will ever take y/n away from you. Plus it's only going to be us bad guys anyway and Ivy's comin' too." Your daddy blushed when Harley mentioned Ivy. "Do you think Ivy will like y/n?" "I'm sure she will. I know I do. Right y/n?" She cooed as she bopped your nose, making you laugh. "When does poker night start?" "8:00pm." "Alright. See you then." "Bye KC. Bye y/n." "Oh Harley?." "Yeah." "Not a peep about y/n to anyone, especially Ivy." "Got it. My lips are sealed." (Time skip to poker night)
As all the bad guys were coming, which were Joker & Harley, Poison Ivy, Penguin, and Riddler. Your daddy ordered take out, while you were fast asleep in the back bedroom. As they all came in, Harley wanted to see you, but your daddy told her that you were sleeping, but she told him that she would be very quiet. He knew that he wasn't going to win so he let her go to see you. As she opened the door she awed, when she saw you. You began to whimper in your sleep and shake. She picked you up and rocked you and sang a lullaby. Everyone downstairs could hear her sing and all of them were curious, especially the King of Gotham. They all followed her voice and saw her rocking you back to sleep. Your daddy felt ashamed because he had you, a little baby living with him. "Harley? What is that you're holding?" Joker asked, calmly. "It's a baby, Mr. J." Joker came closer to you and Harley. "Who's baby is it?" He asked. "KC's." Everyone looked at him, but Ivy. You woke up and saw all these different people. You didn't like it, so you screamed and cried as loud as you could for your daddy. He came over to you and gently shushed you. "Alright. I know that I went against the "villain code", so if y 'all gonna make fun of go ahead." "We're not going to make fun of you, KC." Harley said. "We maybe bad guys but when it comes to kids, it's different." Ivy said as she walked over to your daddy. "So what's her/his name?" She asked. "Y/n." "It's a beautiful name, Croc. Hi baby y/n." She cooed at you. You stopped your crying and looked at Ivy, who you made grabby hands at her. "I think y/n likes ya, Red." "Hello my sweet little flower. You must be hungry after all that crying you did." She cooed and took you to the kitchen and got a bottle for you. You stayed with Ivy through the whole poker game, winning some hands. Then Joker wanted you because to him, you were a "luck charm". He took you from Ivy, and held you. "Okay y/n. You're gonna help uncle J win this round. And when I do win, I'll take ya to toy store and buy ya whatever ya want." He whispered. And to his luck he did win.
After everyone left, Ivy and your daddy played with you until you wet your diaper. "Aw don't worry little croc. Daddy will clean ya up." He cooed. Since it was close to your bedtime he and Ivy decided to give you a bath and get you ready for bed. Once you were in your crib, Ivy gave you a f/f (favorite flower) in y/f/c (your favorite color). She put it on the night stand and watched you fall asleep with a little stuffed crocodile. "Sweet dreams, y/n." She said as she kissed your head and went to talk with your daddy.
Captain Boomerang- You were having a rough time going to sleep and your daddy tried everything. "Come on mate. Please go to sleep." He begged, but no luck. He called his nana and asked her if she knew how to calm a newborn baby down. "Did you try singing a lullaby?" "Nana. I can't sing." "Well try to sing, if it doesn't work then hum it." She said. "Okay. Thank you nana." He said as he prep his voice and placed you in his arms and began to sing.
Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree,
Merry merry king of the bush is he.
Laugh, Kookaburra, laugh, Kookaburra,
Gay your life must be
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Eating all the gumdrops he can see
Stop, Kookaburra, Stop, Kookaburra
Leave some there for me.
You started to drift off as he sang to you. He placed you in your bassinet and covered you with a blanket. "Goodnight my little kookaburra." He cooed before going to bed. A few hours later there were really high winds that night that made a tree branch hit your window. It woke you up and you were scared. You cried and your daddy came in with his boomerang, incase of break-in. "Hey there my little kookaburra. I'm here. Shh... Daddy's here. How about we have a bottle, but first you need a new nappy." He cooed as he placed you on the changing mat. "Oh good lord mate. What have you been eating?" He asked as he removes your dirty diaper. He cleans you up and puts a fresh nappy under you, powders your little bottom and closes the tapes. "Good as new. Now stay here while daddy washes up." He coos. Once he returns to you he takes you to the kitchen and makes you a bottle. Once the bottle is made, you begin to drink too fast. Your daddy took the bottle away, which made you sad. "It's okay my little kookaburra. Daddy doesn't want you to get sick." He said bring the bottle back. You ate slowly as he began to sing your lullaby again and rock you back to sleep once more.
Dr. June Moone & Rick Flag- You were very sad, because your daddy was gone for a long time. You missed him dearly. So your mommy was taking care of you. One night your mommy had just got you to bed. She knew that you didn't like being alone especially when your daddy wasn't home, so she would put you on his side of the bed. Your daddy had just came home, when you began to stir. He came into his and your mommy's bedroom to you whimpering. He picked you up and took you to the living room. "Hey little solider. It's daddy." He cooed as you began to wake up. "Well hello there, my darling y/n. I missed you so much." He said. As he talked with you, he heard your tummy growl and knew what to do. "You're on my time now y/n. We are going to let mommy sleep, but in the morning she's taking care of you." He said. He warmed up a bottle and took you to the nursery and fed you. He burped you and felt something wet and smelled something smelly. "I think someone needs a bath." He said as he pinched his nose. He laid you on some old towels where he removed the smelly and soaked diaper. "Oh my God. That's just nasty y/n. How did you do this?" He said throwing the diaper away. He filled the bathtub and placed you in it. After you had your bath, your daddy took you the nursery to put you in a fresh diaper and jammies, but before he placed you in them you decided to make your work for leaving. "Not again y/n." He whined as he started to change your diaper for the second time. After you were changed again and were in your jammies with your pacifier in your mouth, your daddy walked around the house, since that would always make you sleepy. As he came to his last lap, he noticed that you were out for the count. He smiled and placed you on his chest and said "I promise I won't leave you or mommy again, y/n. I love you." He said before going to sleep.
Enchantress- Your mommy didn't know much on how to take care of a human child, but she learned from the minds of other mothers. She learned how to feed you properly, change you, give a bath, etc. One day you were playing in your bassinet with your stuffed toy, until your tummy growled. Luckily your mommy knew this ahead of time and made a bottle for you. "You're so prefect, my little heir." She cooed as she felt your tiny fuzz on your head. After your bottle, your mommy would read you a story before your nap. As she finished the story, you would snuggle into her. She smiled, for no one was never kind to her, but when she met you, her whole world changed. "Goodnight, y/n. Sleep tight." She said as she left to check on her weapon. As you woke up from your nap, you didn't see your mommy. Normally she would always greet you, but she wasn't there today. You whimpered just as your uncle came in. "What is wrong, my dear y/n?" He asked. He tried feeding you, but you didn't want it. He changed you even though you were a little wet. You were a little happy, but you still wanted your mommy. "Sister? You are needed in the throne room." He said. "Very well. Make sure that the minions go out and destroy everything and anything that gets in their way. Also no one is to bother me." "Very well, sister." He said as he went to take care of her orders. "Well hello my darling. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, but I'm here now and that's all that matters." She cooed. She showed you everything that you could imagine. You started to feel sleepy once ore and went to sleep in her arms. She smiled and took you to her room, where both of you slept.