The rest of the week carried on like normal; Thursday went on as normal at work for Charlie, and she met up with Sickboy afterwards at her flat. He proceeded to spend the night again, so Friday they woke up in each others arms. The spent the day together and before they both knew it, Saturday crept up on them like a gun chasing its victim. However much charlie tried, she kept on getting these nervous feelings about the weekends up and coming events. She tried all sort of tactics to try and make herself feel calmer, but none of those seemed to work; hell she even tried meditation, but that got her nowhere. However much she did tried to get ride of those feelings, she kept on hitting the brick wall that was worry. She was worried to meet all of his other friends, worried about what they'd say, worried about what they'd think and most of all worried about what sickboy would do once they had got to the party; like worried squared or something. She had known that his friends and the people he hung out with were addicts , it wasn't that hard to figure out; ironically enough that's the one thing that her and renton could bond over when they were at there parents stupid posh parties. That might of been her then, but it wasn't her anymore. It was all well and good to go to the party, but she was scared of going there and becoming who she used to be, and getting back on the dirty tracks that she had been on in the past. She could guarantee as soon as she walked through the door she'd see a stray needle or something in the first twenty seconds. What happened if sickboy just cooked up and soon as they got there and he tried to force it on her, what would happen if she got there and then happened across a stray needle or something; what if in the moment she succumb to pressure and started taking again. She hadn't been able to escape those thoughts from the moment she woke up properly that morning that he asked her to come to the party. She was drowning in her thoughts sitting in front of the mirror in her room, brushing her hair over and over, until her thoughts were soon interrupted when she heard a knock at her door; the dog barked, and for a moment she had forgotten what she was thinking about, but reality soon came crashing back to her. As she walked over to the door she felt stuck between a rock and a hard place, still unsure of what to do about the party and if she should go or not, but ironically enough as if her thoughts had been heard, she saw sickboy at the door through the peep hole. She had mixed emotions seeing him there; she felt glad to see him, missing him since the last time she had seen him. But she was also nervous, seeing him there meant that he was here to pick her up for the party. She still hadn't gotten dressed or even ready for the party (apart from brushing her hair) and she knew that was the first thing he was going to ask when he saw her. She decided to bite the bullet and just face Sickboy once and for all.
'Can't leave me alone for more then an hour can you?' she joked trying to keep it light with the conversation whilst opening the door to sickboy. She stood there with one had on her hip and the other holding the door open waiting for his reply.
'Nice to see you too' Sickboy sarcastically punched back whilst waltzing into her place, pecking Charlie on the lips and then going to give her dog a few strokes.
'Why aren't you dressed yet?' he commented as he turned around to face her and looked down to what she was wearing; Some old baggy shorts and one of his t-shirts, something she only wore when she was just lazing around. She shut the door behind him, trying to brace herself for what was to come. She knew that he was coming to pick her up, so he was confused as to why she wasn't ready. She was also so punctual and now she was the one that wasn't ready in time.
'I don't know about coming tonight sick' she said slowly, looking down at her feet, coming across rather shy whilst saying this statement. She didn't know how he would react and if he would go asking questions on why she felt this way. She hadn't actually prepared anything to say to him, and she didn't know if she wanted to tell him the truth straight away. She looked up briefly to try and see if his facial expressions would give anything away, but she had no such luck. ; so she looked back down to her feet bracing herself for the worse possible answer that was to come.
'What, why? You seemed fine about it the other night, you scared you will actually have a good time?' he jokingly replied, smirking lightly remembering what had happened the other night when he asked her. She looked up through her eyelashes laughing a little at his response, but still didn't say anything.
'No but honestly, why all of a sudden? Are you actually scared or something?' He laughed while looking through the fridge for something to eat. He picked up the last couple of cocktail sausages that were thrown in there and some strawberries, still waiting for her reply. There was a brief pause, followed by another pause. After a couple of moments, her silence filled the whole apartment; and with that silence also came her response. He got his head out of the fridge and closed the door behind him, before looking back to her.
'Wait you cant really be scared to go to a party? It's just me and my mates, your not gonna die or nothing.' He stated looking at her, laughing not really understanding why she was being weird and then heading to the cupboard to pick up more food; he opened the cupboard door and grabbed the last packet of salt and vinegar crisps that were left on the side.
'Not so much scared of that' Charlie started to say, trying to retaliate but when she looked back up to sickboy, she could see the qeustioning in his face almost begging her to go on. She had a brief argument in her head about what she was about to say with him. It took her a moment, but she finally thought of what to say.
'Has renton ever told you anything about me?' She questioned at first, getting her responce pretty quickly as sickboy shook his head at her.
'We used to go the bathroom during our parents stupid parties and cook up' she began, as she moved from the kitchen to the living room, going to sit down on the sofa. She looked up to sickboy who had followed her to the sofa and sat down next to her. He seemed to have a cocky smile etched onto his face. Charlie realised that he didn't quite get the point that she was trying getting to.
'We introduced drugs to each other, I guess it was our way of getting out of our parents shitty parties. We used to sneak off all the time and get doped up, it was sort of our thing I guess; but one time when we were sneaking off in the middle of a party, I wasn't so lucky. I ended up overdosing that time and had to go to A&E. luckily for me, Renton was there to look after me and took me to the hospital without bothering our parents. They actually never ended up finding out about that, which I was grateful for. But it was weird, cause it wasn't the same after that. You'd think I'd learn my lesson and stop taking, but I couldn't - I was already neck deep into the addiction and a month later I was stopped by the police and jailed for a some time cause they caught me stealing some shit from a families home that were away on holiday or something. I was stealing for drug money and when they checked me over and checked my car, they found all the drugs I was keeping and planning on doping up on that afternoon. Strangely enough after the time in jail, when I got released and sent home, I was kicked out of my parents house and they left on the streets. They didn't want a junkie for a kid; according to them I was a disgrace to the family. So I moved out and was on the park bench for a couple weeks; that was until I moved down to London and started actually getting myself off the skag that landed me in prison the first time. In a weird sort of way, I think I was doing it for my parents; I was cleaning up my act for them. I didn't want to be the family disappointment even if I wasn't living with them anymore. Its been a while since I've ever seen any skag and I just don't know how well I'd be able to stay away from it if it was right in front of me' she finished off saying looking down to see her hands. She had been fiddling with her hands the whole time. She was scared to look up, scared of seeing Sickboys reaction. There was silence for a moment until she felt the sofa dip down as she looked up from her hands to see Sickboy moving closer to her, sitting by the side of her. He picked up her hands and placed them in his lap. She looked into his eyes and saw understand in them. She let slip a smile, happy to know that he wasn't angry at her.
'I know your friends are into all that shit and I know that you are too, which I'm fine with by the way, don't think you have to stop for me, but you have to see that it fucked up my life; I don't want to go and get tempted and take some. I don't want you to see how badly it effects me and how much it fucks me up. and I really don't want to mess up what we have' she added, whispering the last part, hoping he didn't hear. Luckily for her, he didn't. She looked up to him again and almost pleaded with her eyes in attempt to get him to understand. She had already seen the understanding in his eyes, but she was hoping that her last little plead would fully open him up to understanding what she was thinking and what she was going through.
'And thats why you didnt know whether or not to come tonight' he spoke finished off her statement in a way, with a hint of remorse, regretting even bringing up the party. To him it felt like he was dragging up the past, something that she didn't feel comfortable with and he didn't want to put her in that position. He cared about her feelings more then his (however cheesy that sounded) and she was all he really had, he didn't want to drag her into a situation that she wasn't okay with. He wanted to make her feel comfortable and didn't want her first meeting with his friends to be awkward and uncomfortable. He for once, was putting someone else above himself; It felt nice to be looking out for someone else other then himself. It felt nice to love someone enough to want to look after them and put her needs before his.
God forbid that he ever said that to her though; he didn't want to come across as a sap or a pussy. He tried to convey all that feeling and emotion into the words that he just spoke to her, but it was likely that it would actually work. He wasn't good with explaining his feeling and he had hoped she would just catch on, so he didn't have to say any of that out loud. They sat there in silence, basking in each others company for a while as they both let everything sink in. As they both sat there together breathing in the truth that Charlie had just unveiled, it was like a weight lifted off of her shoulders and another obstacle that was just tackle, she finally could breath without having to worry about the consequences; she never knew if she was ever going to trust anyone with the information that she just spilled, fearing it might result in black mail or her getting fired (that was if she told her colleagues at work); but as she sat there with sickboy she finally realized that she found someone that she not only felt comfortable enough around, but who she also felt herself with. She was an outcast, someone who never considered themselves normal, but with sickboy there she felt like she had someone to be a outcast with her, no matter the circumstances. She had someone in her corner no matter what happened. Not only did she gain a lover that night at the club where they met, she also met her soulmate that night. She looked over to him one last time and he could feel her eyes on him. He looked back at her and knew what he needed to do.
'Well then, looks like we have a night to ourselves then.' he stated with his signature lopsided smile, grabbing her hands in his once again. She smiled back confused, her eyebrows knotted together. It didn't take much thinking from Sickboy to come up with the idea of just staying at home with her.
'But I thought you really wanted to go? being boys night and all' She replied not knowing what to do with his response. Was he really going to give up a party, just to spend time with her? No ones ever down that for her, let alone a guy doing it for her.
'Well they can just wait to see me, not like I spend enough time with them. Anyway I would like to have one night where spud isn't up my ass when hes doped up on skag.' he told her, insisting it was fine as he got up to look through the collections of videos that she had stored underneath her tv, as he picked up Gold-Finger and showed it to charlie, she smiled and nodded to let him know she thought Gold-Finger was a good idea to put on. She sat there thinking how the hell she was able to get so lucky with him and also thinking when the hell did she get so soppy with a bloke as he set up everything to watch the film. Little did she know, that whilst sickboy was putting in the video, with his back towards her he was thinking the exact same thing. Yet none of them had a problem with it and for once they were letting down there walls without feeling unguarded.
He put the film in and just before it started he asked Charlie if he could use her phone and obviously she agreed. He picked up the phone and dialled in Swanees number. He waited for a moment before someone picked up.
'Hey, swanee?' Sickboy asked straight away.
'YO! Sickboy! Where are you?' Spud answered, clearly high as a kite. Sickboy mentally face palmed knowing it was going to be difficult enough to explain to Spud what was going on and that he wasn't coming if Spud was sober. Harder now to explain now Spud was fucked up.
'I'm not coming tonight' Is all Sickboy said at first. He waited there for Spuds response, but no one was saying anything on the other end of the line.
'Hello? Spud? You still there?' He said down the phone.
'Yeah, why aren't you coming?' Spud replied slowly, it seemed like he was finding it more and more difficult to put together a sentence.
'Cause something popped up, I just can't be bothered to try and do two things at once.' He replied, hoping to get off the phone with Spud sooner rather then later, so he could go spend time with his girl.
'Oh come on man, we had this planned for ages!' Spud slowly whined.
'Oh shut up Spud, just go back to your skag' Sickboy angrily said down the phone and hung up the phone. He most probably shouldn't of gotten so annoyed with Spud, but he knew Spud wouldn't care and would most probably forget about it by tomorrow. He looked over to see Charlie looking back at him.
'Everything okay?' She asked innocently. All he had to do was look at her and he calmed down as if by magic. He smiled back at her before replying.
'Yeah, was just telling the guys I wont be there' He said as he walked back to sit next to Charlie.
'Are you sure that your okay with staying in?' Charlie asked once again looking up to him and she cuddled up to him.
'Of course, why would I pass up this?' He smiled down at her as he pressed play on the remote. He looked back to the tv as the film started. She looked up to him once last time before smiling and looking back to the film. They both felt like they were able to breath and finally relax in each others company. Charlie no longer had that big secret clouding her judgement and was finally able to think about other things for once. She was able to think about how lucky she was to have a guy like Sickboy in her life.