Tobi's POV,
He sighed, before stumping his blunt out. "Plus sammie won't like me taking drugs." "Sammie Sammie Sammie do something you want to do." He says, I sighed, I only just got good with her again, if she finds out she would leave me, maybe not about cannabis, but anything else.
"You do cannabis, it'll be the best time of your life, than you should try pills, oh my god pills get you fucked." He said, getting excited. "I ain't had a pill in ages." He whispered, looking over at his chest of drawers. "No josh." "It'll be fun! Come on." He says, getting up and heading over to the drawers. My heart rate increasing. But Sammie.
He walked over and opened the drawer. "Is it like an anti depressant?" "Well not the ones you get, theses make you happy, not angry." He says. I nod, feeling that nervous pit in my stomach bubbling like a witches cauldron. "Do you want to do it?" Josh asked, I shrugged, actually unsure for once. "Would I die?" "No, unless it's a dodgy one, but this batch is okay." He says honestly. I nodded, he grabbed the small plastic bag, about five of them in there. All different colours.
"Do you want a punisher or?" He asked me. I shrugged once again." "Which is the tamest one." "Just a normal pill." He tells me. He sat on the bed, staring at me. I looked at the packet. Just don't tell Sammie tobi, you'll be fine, it won't harm you. "Tobi?" "Huh, urm yeah, Pill." "You don't have to do it." "It's an anti depressant, innit, not a drug." I said, more to myself than anything else, an excuse to build up my courage to take it.
Josh smiled at me and nodded, emptying out the packet on the bed before examining them, he finally grabbed one and placed it over to myself, and then grabbed another one, it being orange. "These Get you fucked if I remember correctly." He says, putting the rest of the pills back in the packet and sealing it.
He got up off the bed and put them back in the drawer. "I'm going to go get us water." He says, before leaving the room. Am I a really doing this? Just don't think about it Tobi, what's the worst that can happen, you want to die anyway, this might be your chance, if anything be happy.
But I don't want to leave Sammie.
"You ready?" Josh asks, entering the room with two glasses of water, handing one over to myself. "Yeah." I said slowly, trying to process what was happening. The one thing Sammie is against is drugs, and my mum, I promised them I never would.
Crossed fingers.
Yeah, I remember crossing my fingers.
I looked down at the pill and picked it up, the glass in my other hand, I looked at josh and smiled, someone excitedly but also for comfort. "You'll be fine." Josh says before picking his up. "Okay, 3, 2-"
I'm really doing this.
"1"
I copied Josh's actions, him placing it on his tongue, myself doing the same, the pill feeling familiar, like my anti depressants, it bubbling ever so slightly due to the contact of saliva, he then placed the glass to his lips and started to swallow the water, me following after. I felt the pill go down and quickly run down my oesophagus and landing in my stomach, it dissolving rapidly.
I saw josh start giggling, which made me giggle for no reason, I felt my happy hormone finally come through, and not be shaded by my depression and suddenly I saw why people do it. And how fucking good it makes you feel. I felt alive! That I wanted to be alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere.
I finally felt useful.
I felt my whole body abbreviate in temperature yet I still felt the exact same, in reality I was still the same, my mind was just tricking me. Josh said something but his voice wobbled and became incoherent. I laughed at that. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Which in turn made him laugh. And soon we where both laughing messes on his bed.
Very big messes.
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Po's PoV,
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"What's happened Simon, why did you do it?" I asked him, sitting on his bed, him sitting cross legged, looking down and playing with his thumbs. He hasn't cut on his legs in a while, and now there's cuts all over them. He shrugged but didn't say anything, just sighed and shook his head. "I felt like I needed to." "Josh was saying things about you needing help, therapy, why?" I ask in the softest voice I could, I felt my heart wrenching from sadness and confusion.
Please Simon, talk to me.
"He's lying, I don't need help." He suddenly snapped. I jumped from his sudden change of tone. "Well why would he say it." "He's jealous that I have a best friend and I'm not his." He said, which landed me in even more confusion. "Sorry?" "Hes jealous of Rebecca and he wants me to go to therapy to get her out and replace her but that's not happening, she knows everything." He suddenly snapped, Rebecca? Therapy? Replaced? What the fuck is going on. Who is Rebecca?
"Babe? What's going on, who the fuck is Rebecca?" "He thinks I have voices in my head that tell me to do it, he's accusing Rebecca of telling me to hurt myself when in reality-" He suddenly stopped, looking at me with wide eyes, seeing my expression. It sunk in. He does have voices, my sociology classes and psychology classes teaches me the signs of schizophrenia. How they'll believe they have a best friend, but also an enemy, how they are told about things to do to themselves or told about potentially killing others. And seeing hallucinations and audio hallucinations.
How has this happened?
He looked at me, his eyes suddenly glazing over in anger. "You manipulative bitch, you made me say that." He spat, I felt my heart almost get shot like a bullet from the words that just escaped his mouth. Fuck. What the fuck have I done. "I haven't made you say anything." I exclaimed and he shook his head.
"Go away I don't want you here no more." He spat, I shook my head. "I'm not leaving you, I'll help you all I can." "I don't need help!" He rose His tone of voice. "Okay, well just trust me." "I don't trust anybody no more, Josh talks crap about everyone, Harry does, and even you." He shook his head, looking at me in almost disgust. "How dare you accuse me of that, I'm your girlfriend." "Well maybe you shouldn't be." He exclaimed.
I felt my heart break in two.
Two years.
All gone.
"Is that in then?" I ask, he just shrugged, but I could tell the love he had for me was non existent.. like it had just, left him. "What's your obsession with Josh anyway?" "What?" "You talk about him like you love him, and how hurt he has made you." He didn't say anything, his eyes just flared up in more anger.
"Get out of my fucking house, now." He spat, before looking beside him and laughing, i felt adrenaline kick in, fear coursing through my body, fear and sadness. "Please Simon, I've done nothing wrong." "Leave my house before I fucking hit you." He spat, grabbing me and throwing me off the bed, I screamed In fear, am I going to die? He stood up off the bed as I scrambled to my feet, my side now in a small amount of pain, I started backing away from him and shaking my head, This monster wasn't my boyfriend, it isn't the sweet and loving boy I loved and cherished.
It was a monster, nothing could say it wasn't.
I didn't move, it was like I was glued to the floor with shock. He growled before raising his hand, preparing to hit me, I instantly tried to cower away, but he suddenly stopped, snapped out of his trance, and saw my fear, and my sadness, and what he was about to do to me. He retracted his hand instantly and stepped away from me, his eyes wide with now fear.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." He whispered, his hand going to now his mouth in shock, I didn't know what to say, I just felt my heartbeat ringing in my ears.
"I'm so sorry." "You almost hit me." "She made me do it." He whispered, I shook my head, feeling tears about to burst in my eyes. "You pushed me off the bed, threatened me and then almost did it."
"I didn't though, it wasn't me she made me do it." "What just like how she made you cut your legs?" I snapped, the tears now falling.
My heart feeling literally in two.
"No- yes! Yes! She did make me do that I'm so sorry Po please forgive me." He pleads, grabbing my hand, I instantly retrieved my hand back. Pushing him away from me. "Don't you dare touch me." I spat, looking at my hand that he touched in disgust. She will make him do so much more than hit me if I stay and forgive him.
He wanted me to leave anyway.
"I'm going now." I say, looking down and wiping my eyes quickly. "No Po please don't, please forgive me." "You said it yourself, you don't want to be with me, I'll grant that fucking wish." I spat, before turning my back away from him, starting to walk out.
"She made me say it." He exclaims and I shook my head. "She is your internal thoughts, she didn't make you do anything." I spat, before grabbing his door and flinging it open, before walking down the stairs at a fast pace, I see his brother Nick at the door, most probably just coming in.
He looked at me and saw the floods of tears I was in. "Woah Po what's wrong?" "You won't be seeing me again." "What why?" He asked, as I quickly started putting my shoes on. "He broke up with me and cause I didn't go He almost hit me, and pushed me off the bed, have fun with him, he's yours, you can keep him." I spat, putting my last shoe on before leaving the house.
Leaving that house for good.
I flung the front door shut, hearing it echo across the street. I felt tears start falling down my face. I grabbed my phone, and immediately going to Sammie's contact and pressed the call button.
Ring.ring,ring,ri- "hello?" She said through the phone, I instantly started sobbing as her voice sprung to my ears. "Woah Po what's happened?" "Can I come round yours and stay? It's over, he almost hit me Sam he almost hit me." I sobbed quickly, I heard her gasp in shock but I kept sobbing, already heading to her house.
"Yeah of course, Po, stay for as long as you like, my mum won't mind. I'm so so sorry love, explain everything when you get here okay?" She says and I whisper a yeah before hanging up, plunging my phone back into my pocket and heading straight over to Sams.
How could everything just go so quickly?
The sky was just like my emotions, dull, and deep in sorrow. I wanted to do nothing but cry, so I did, I completely let myself go in the middle of the street, walking quicker then before.
I hate this feeling.
How could he, how could he just go to swing for me
And how 2 years has just gone as quick as that.
I really need a shoulder to cry on.
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Deep chapter, but I hope you enjoyed, Simon is slowly spiralling out of control, if you enjoyed, vote? It would be appreciated ;)
Love you all xxx
Sammie xxx