I realized only when I was walking towards my own rooms that I didn't get the information I needed from Cam. I probably shouldn't go back now though. I wanted to give them time and then maybe they would do something with this perfect opportunity.
I didn't do much during the day, if you haven't already noticed. I thought that when I married a prince I would be doing all sorts of things and maybe visit parts of the country, but that hadn't happened as yet. Thomas seemed to be always busy, but I never really asked him what he did.
I was just making my way back to my rooms when I passed an open door. I didn't think twice about it until I heard someone call my name. I took a hesitant step back, and poked my head into the room.
"That is you. Come in. I don't think I've ever been able to sit down and actually talk to you." I hesitated. I mean, who really wants to sit down and talk to their mother-in-law? But really I'd didn't have anything else to do, and I couldn't think of an excuse on the fly.
I took a seat on a couch a few feet away from where she was sitting. In all the time I had been in the castle, I had only seen her on the day I arrived and the time leading up to my wedding. Of course, I had seen her on the wedding day as well, but that was over six months ago.
Her dark hair was only slightly streaked with grey, and her eyes were as dark as Thomas'.
"So, how are you?" To me, that was always and interesting question. If Jay or Cameron asked me that, I might have a lot to say, but I didn't even know her and it wasn't like I was going to tell her about how I felt at the moment.
"I'm good. And you?" It was times like these when I wished I had been trained as a royal. I felt the need to sit up straight in her presence and reply in a very civil manner.
"Relax, dear. We aren't in court now." She smiled and I relaxed slightly. She looked like Elliot when she smiled, her eyes crinkling the way his did when he was really happy.
I wondered how he was now.
"But I am doing well. I know it's been a while, but I wanted to see how you were settling in. Are you happy here?" I thought about my answer. Was I happy? I didn't have any complaints to make, so that's as good as it was going to get right now.
"It takes some getting used to, but I think I'm settling in. Only..." I stopped, not sure if she was who I would talk to about this.
"Only what?" She nodded encouragingly, and I decided that I had nothing to lose by telling her what I was thinking.
"I just wish that there were more opportunities for me to see my family. I lived with them up until this point and I'm extremely close with them all."
"I see. Yes, that makes perfect sense to me. Your mother probably misses you very much." She had a strange look in her eyes, and I thought she looked almost close to tears.
"I'm not ashamed to say that I miss her quite a bit." I laughed to lighten the mood, and she smiled.
"Yes. Perhaps you and Thomas could go to your parents for Christmas this year." Christmas was soon. Very soon actually.
"Wow, Christmas is only in like two weeks, isn't it?"
"Yes it is."
"Shit! I mean, umm...wow, that's Thomas' birthday too, isn't it?" What the hell was I supposed to do for his birthday?
"Yes, Christmas Day." There was a momentary pause, and I felt the need to say something to keep the conversation going. Before I could, she spoke again.
"I wanted to ask you something." She looked torn, as if questioning whether she should ask me or not.
"About?" She looked down at her hands which she held in her lap.
"I was wondering if you had heard from...Elliot." The way she said his name touched my heart. The look in her eyes when she was talking about my mother missing me made sense now. She missed her youngest child.
"Well, not very recently, but about a week ago I did." I didn't voice my concern about him to her. I'm sure she had many of her own.
"And was he...did he seem okay to you?" She met my eye now, and I didn't know how to answer the question with her gaze holding mine so intently.
"He seemed..." I had so many words that could describe what he has seemed, but none that I wanted to say. But I couldn't lie and say he seemed just fine. "Lonely."
Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away from me quickly. I felt the need to say something comforting to her, but I didn't know how or what to say. If only ever spoken to this woman a few times in my life.
"I see. And, you will visit him soon?"
"In a little over three weeks. He said he was inviting us for Jasper's birthday." She frowned at the mention of his name. "Thomas is going too." I felt the need to add that.
"Oh yes, that's true." She stared out the window, seeming to have forgotten I was there.
"I never should have let him make that deal. The poor boy." She muttered to herself, still staring and paying no attention to me.
"If I don't like how he looks when we get there, I'm taking him home with us, and I know Thomas will agree with me. I don't care if that's allowed or not, and I don't care about this stupid deal your husband and Jasper struck. If he isn't being treated right, I won't let it keep happening. I don't care if that means we have to sneak him out at night."
The look in her face and all the unspoken fears and suspicions between us finally had gotten to me. She looked over at me quickly, her eyes alight with determination.
"And you'll have my support if things get messy afterwards. If you don't like anything at all about how he is being treated over there, then do it. Bring my son home, Alex."
I was still thinking about the conversation I had had with the Queen when I made it to my rooms. I hadn't planned to say what I had said, and I didn't even know if it was possible to get Elliot out of there, but I was going to be now. Especially if I had Thomas in agreements with me.
Which brought me back to my problem with Thomas. He was sitting on our couch when I walked in, but he didn't look up. I noticed the headphones in his ears a moment later. I don't know why it surprised me that he was listening to music, but it did.
I made sure he could see me approaching, and sat down on the other ends of the couch. There were a few feet of couch separating us. He pulled out his headphones, and looked over at me.
"I've been waiting for you." He said softly.
"Really? I thought you were mad at me." He frowned.
"Oh, because I've been avoiding you?" I nodded, and he looked down at his hands. "I'm not mad." I could tell he wanted to say more so I waited.
"I just...I don't deal with my emotions very well. I just walk or listen to music when anything gets to be too much, but sometimes that just doesn't work. And I wanted to talk about it and say what I feel, but I don't know how without..."
He glanced at me, and I nodded encouragingly. He sighed, and looked away again.
"It's been so long since I've actually just let it all out. There's so much now that I don't know how to say it all without falling apart." He bit his lip, still not meeting my eyes.
"And what would be wrong with that?"
"What would be wrong? Princes aren't weak. I can't break down, or show any sign that things get to me. You just learn a good poker face and never let anyone get past it. That's what I've always been taught."
"But none of the people who told you that are here. It's just me and you, and I would never call you weak for being strong enough to talk about what hurts you the most."
He looked at me, mouth parted slightly, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"But you don't understand."
"The help me to understand." I could see the inner struggle in his eyes. The years of holding everything in fighting with his need to finally be free of it all.
"The other day..." I nodded to show that I knew exactly what he was talking about. "I don't know what happened. I think I was triggered or something. I-I had a flashback of what...of what he did to me, and for a moment, I couldn't distinguish you from him. I was terrified. I felt like I was thirteen again.
And all I could think to do was run. To get away from the situation as fast as I could, because I couldn't control it. I couldn't control how I would react. And I hate to feel out of control. I was once, and I can't—I can't get it out of my head!" It was at this point that he finally let his tears fall. He didn't bother wiping them, and I resisted the urge to pull him into my arms. I needed to be sure that he was comfortable with that first.
"I don't want to talk about it much more right now, but I wanted you to know that. And to know that I wasn't mad, I just didn't know what to do. And to be honest, I felt bad about the whole thing."
"Why did you feel bad? I'm the one who screwed up."
"But you didn't. You didn't know that would happen and neither did I. I just felt bad because I ruined our morning."
"Thomas, you are too adorable. You didn't ruin anything." He blushed, but I could tell that he was trying to hold back a smile. "And now that we've discussed this, I'll know my boundaries and we could have a lot more mornings that neither of us ruin."
"Thanks, Alex." I was about to protest, but he held up his hand. "For listening to me." I smiled.
"What were you listening to anyways?"
"Imagine Dragons." It felt strange that I had never asked him about what kind of music he liked before this.
"Ah I see. Well, they aren't really my style from what I've heard of them."
"But everyone likes them! Wait, which sings have you heard?"
"Umm, I think it was called Radioactive." He rolled his eyes.
"Why is that all that anyone has ever heard?" He asked the ceiling. "Don't get me wrong, I love that song, but they have so many good ones that aren't anything like that."
"I am yet to be convinced." He held out an earphone to me, and hit the spot on the couch right next to him.
"Then get your ass over here and let me convince you."