I'm here to go to the bookstore. It's the place that can make me calm. I love reading and dreaming. Not like daydreaming! I'm dreaming right now. Am I? It felt so real.
The bookstore is in front of me. Not just the bookstore. A boy. A boy that has a blue sharp but seriously cute eye and a wavy hair that looks like an orange. I would like to eat some right now. No, not now Dazai.
I bend towards the astonishingly cute toddler. He looks up, making that innocent face you could find on a newborn baby. Or a baby. Yes, both is the same so, don't judge me.
I would never think that a kid is cute. Especially, not a kid that I just met staring at me like I just took his vanilla ice cream and gave it to a stray dog, and that dog share its ice cream with a mere cat. Okay, that's too much. Oh, deal with it. He should be proud that Dazai Osamu just called him cute. But honestly, this kid is beyond cute.
"What are doing here? Are you lost?"
"No" He folded his arm, not answering my first question.
"Who are you?"
"I hate you." He flinched, hugging me.
I stand there, curiously. Why did this kid hug me? While saying that he hates me? Questions are taking over my brain. Leaving me dazed in front of a bookstore with a small ginger kid hugging my legs. (Since he couldn't even reach my waist.)
Girls with sailor uniform were giggling at me or maybe at him. Ah, it's the both of us.
I wanted him to let me go, it's embarrassing to be in a center of people's attention. But deep inside me says the opposite. It says that I wanted this hug badly.
He followed me to my apartment. Not secretly though. He actually took my hand and started to ask questions that I don't even understand while walking fast beside me.
"What is that?"
"It's a cotton candy."
"What's a cotton candy? Is it made out of sheep?"
"No."
"What's that?"
"It's a Sekihan."
"Huh?"
"A rice with red beans where Japanese always make it during birthdays."
"And that?"
"That is Taiyaki, there is red bean paste in it."
"Do Japanese love red beans?"
"Yes, but I don't."
"Why?"
"I love red bean paste, but not the whole bean."
"Why?"
I squinted at him while grunting making the ginger boy look away and muted, his hand never let go of mine. He muted just for a moment though.
"I love Japan. I lived here, but I never seem to enjoy it. I never even went outside from I was an infant." He looked down. I can only see his ginger head whilst he walks beside me. His words seem emotional, I suddenly felt bad for him, not like I know who he is. Maybe... I do know him. He is... it can't be.
"Chuuya?" I squint down.
"Hmm?" He looks up naturally. So, he is Chuuya. He is? I know I shouldn't ask this.
"Why are you here and where did you come from, Junior Chuuya?"
"Just Chuuya." He snaps. I nod, letting him in front of me when we reach the stairs at the apartment.
I open the door and let the toddler in the small room as I lock the door back and join him on the couch. He is staring at the window. It's starting to rain. All the rains look like tears drop. Chuuya's tears drop.
"We are the bad guy's enemy"
Chuuya's voice was playing in my mind. It's when he is sixteen when we fought the enemy together. Outside, it is a sunny day after raining, I caught a glimpse of the rainbow but Chuuya didn't. Since he is in the corruption form that time.
"You know? Rainbows will appear after a stormy day." I say, sighing at his warm smile. It's beautiful, despite Chuuya being a child. Having little Chuuya here is all I can dream of. Well, the real one hated me. I don't care if this a dream, I'm just grateful that I get this chance with Chuuya. I'll cherish this moment a have. Truly.
"I know that! I'm not a kid!" He pouts. I smile wryly, almost laughing. I chuckle anyway. Chuuya gave me a warm smile when I did that and what did I do after that? I blushed. On my face, the fucking blush appeared. Not just that, I blushed to a kid! I will be put in jail for the sake of the law, arrest me. I'm guilty to this innocent soul.
"But, I never saw one. I just look at rainbows in storybooks." Chuuya draw an invisible round shape using his index finger on the couch, feeling down, he starts pouting and bubbling his cheeks. I grab him and hug him tightly only to stop when he wheezes. "Let me go! I'm gonna die!"
I gave him an apologetic grin after decreasing my embrace without letting him go. "I'll take you to see the rainbows then." I smirk as the little ginger creep up to me, staring at me with his huge blue ball eye. Then, he closes his eye, smiling with his shiny white teeth showing.
I hold my pinkie towards the toddler as he caught it in his. His cheerfulness just increases.
"It's a promise then!"
————
It's been two days of raining. All I could do is sit at home and eat leftovers, together with the toddler Chuuya it is. Still no sign of rainbows.
"I want to see the rainbows." He whimpers.
I eyed the ceiling and then to the window. It's raining, always raining. I hope I can make this little ginger's wish come true.
I flinch when I caught a pair of blue sparkling eyes staring daggers at me. Chuuya pouts, crossing his arm as he smiles at the end. Showing the reddish blush on his fluffy cheeks. I can't help but chuckle and softly stroke his red head, gaining another cute and gorgeous view I expected. The little ginger closes his eyes and blushes deeper, enjoying my touches. He only opens his blue eye when I stopped my stroking as I quickly look away.
I can feel his intense gaze now. Even I didn't even look at him. I just can feel it. He moves closer and faced me. I didn't look at him at all, I just know.
He cups my cheeks with his tiny hands and smile with his red apples cheeks. My heart feels so warm. I know my eyes sparkled at that. This kid, I love him... I love Chuuya.
That night, Chuuya slept in my arms. I embraced him tighter every time he squirms to make he feel secured and safer in my arms. It is the warmest night I've ever slept in.
Your warmth. I miss it, Chuuya.
I wake up when the sunlight from the windows have lightened my room. My hazel eyes glimmers. I can see the rainbow, it's quite hidden because of the trees, but it's visible! I have to show this to Chuuya!
"Chuuya!" I shout, not seeing any ginger toddler in my arms. No answer. I'm beginning to feel at loss. Like I'm losing something.
Chuuya is not in this room. His presence is dull. It's almost disappeared. Should I let it go? These feelings. These feelings I have.
Where is the little Chuuya?
It's a promise then.
My eyes lightens. A promise is a promise and I will do whatever it takes to keep it. Especially when it's a promise I've made with Chuuya. The person, the only person I loved.
I swirl my body, jumping off the bed and put on my coat. When I go out, I rush back inside to get my keys. I'm panicking for no reason. Actually, I have the reason. My reason is him. I run, rushing to wherever the present Chuuya might be, the real Chuuya. I feel it, his presence. It's calling me.
I arrive. At a cafe, my feet brings me here. Chuuya is here! Taller, calmer. He's not a kid anymore. He is sitting there alone, absorbed by some thoughts. No time to think. In a hurry, I grab his wrist and pull him outside. The dazed Chuuya gasps as I pull him further to the destination. The only spot I can think of right now, where we can see the rainbow. Chuuya squirms, trying to shake off my grip, he is so confused, (He doesn't know about the rainbow promise I made with him, the child him it is.),only to stops when he saw my serious face, begging him.
"Please Chuuya. Don't run." We're heading there. I can't see the rainbow here, it's full of trees. By delving the surrounding, my mind caught some suggestions. But I chose only one. The highest place in Yokohama. The Shrine.
"Oi, where are you taking me?" He growls yet softly. Still frowning to my unusual self.
I ignore him, focusing on pulling him to my place. It took us a few minutes to climb the stairs and walk here. We're panting, catching our breath. I need to work on my stamina. Chuuya should too.
My hand never let his go. Chuuya looks at me. I grip on his wrist loosened as I grab his palm, locking our fingers together, tightly crushing his hand on me. He shivers and furrows his blue orbs at me. I turn to look at the blue sky, it reminds me to Chuuya. Chuuya follows my pupils and gasps. He never turns away from the colorful painting on the blue sky. He is amazed.
I took a glimpse at him secretly, hoping that he didn't realize. His blue sapphire eye shines as the lights go through it, igniting his already lighten orbs. Looking at his eyes, mesmerizing. It worth millions way more than any 24 karats diamonds. It's the most beautiful thing you can ever see. I totally forgot about the rainbow I'm running for just now.
It took him a few minutes to stop gazing at the rainbow. I just hope he didn't forget about me beside him, holding his hand. He then turns his gaze to me. Thank god he remembered me.
"This is...!" He exclaims, amuses by the colorful sky I showed him. His face is red, just like his own hair. Is he blushing? Is that means I actually have a chance? I will take this once in a lifetime opportunity. I'll tell him how I feel.
I breathe, passionately gazing him. Cupping his pink cheek with one hand. He didn't reject the touch. My eyes shimmer, smiling idly, happily! I was in a tizzy a little bit. This ginger lad in front of me didn't shove me off. He was waiting. Waiting for me to...
"I love you." This is the magic words that I always wanted to say to him. It may sound easy, but it takes all my courage to complete this old task. I inhale.
Chuuya's face was apple's red and I finally can exhale all the carbon dioxide after Chuuya mumbles this two beautiful words.
"M-me too." He covers his red face with his hands and I bravely yet slowly pull Chuuya in my arms. He hides his flushing face in my chest. I can only pray to god that he doesn't hear my heart drumming inside. This heart of mine might explode.
I raise both hands and wrap it around Chuuya's torso. Chuuya accepts my hug as he did the same to me, caressing my back. He sounds anxious. If he is nervous, I am a thousand times more nervous than him.
Oh, I'm living in a charmed life. How can I believe? This small Chuuya. My big love to him, way bigger than him can be fitted in his heart since I gave all the love to him. While his small love can fill all of me. Love is amazing magic. You can get the very best of it and also the worst. It's up to you choose the path to the very best.
Thank you me, for sacrificing all of your courage.
And thank you Chuuya, for filling the blank space in my heart with just your little love.
_______
Author's notes
This is a long one-shot. Let me hear your thoughts and don't forget to vote! I'll try to improve my writing XO
Since people kept saying this is pedo— I need to tell u guys that the last scene is actually the 22 years old Chuuya. The kid Chuuya appeared out of nowhere to lead Dazai to the real Chuuya and make them live happily together. Little Chuuya came by just to make Dazai realize and tell his feelings to the 22 years old Chuuya and disappears when the time comes. So this is legal 😔✨ Dazai don't need to go to jail.