It takes a moment for me to realize that the bullet isn't coming, another one to force my eyes open. Tobias is still holding the gun to my head, his eyes narrowed and his face hard, but he doesn't shoot. That's when I realize his heart is slamming in his chest beneath my palm. It beats as rapidly as my own and I remember, he's Divergent, he can fight the sim, any sim, and that's what he's doing now, that has to be it.
"Tobias?" I asks in a low whisper, "Tobias, I'm here."
I take my free hand and place it on the side of his face. He twitches, pressing the barrel harder into my head.
"Hey," I say, running my thumb over his cheek, "it's me. It's me, Tobias."
His heart is still beating into my palm and it stutters when I say his name. I take my hand away from his chest and wrap it around the barrel of the gun and pull it away, he lets me and it clatters to the ground beside my head.
The hand that held the gun grabs my shoulder, right on the space where it meets my neck. His fingers dig into my skin harshly, so much so that a whimper leaps from my lips before I can stop it, my mind falling into the idea that he's to far gone and that he plans to kill me a harsher way than a gun.
The grip, instead, instantly loosens at the sound and he gasp lightly, "Mor?"
And then his lips are on mine and my fingers are griping at his short hair. He's back, I got him back. He sits back on his heels, bringing me up from the ground, hugging my body to his so tightly that I can hardly breathe, but I don't care. His face and neck are slick with sweat and he is shaking beneath my hands.
He pulls away from me and I gasp in a small breath. His eyes are searching my entire face and one of his hands reaches up to follow the trail of them. My eyelids, my nose, my cheeks, my lips, his rough fingers lightly trail over all of them one by one, memorizing the shape and feel of my skin beneath them.
A sound, a sob or a moan I don't quite know which, leaps from his lips and he kisses me again. His tears land on my face, my neck, my fingers. I've never seen him cry, and it settles weirdly in the pit of my stomach, a need rises to make sure he's ok, to soothe his fears, anything.
My own tears are falling heavily in response and I have to pull away from the kiss so that I can sob. I bury my head in his shirt and sob, gripping the fabric in my hands, tethering myself to him so that he can't slip away.
He holds me the same way, like he thinks I'll fade away to nothing if he even thinks about letting me go. His arms are locked around me and his fingers hold tightly to the fabric of my shirt. I can hear him breathing in, as if I am his only source of air.
"How did you break free?" I ask through a hiccuped sob.
"I don't know," he says on a broken tone, "I just heard your voice."
It takes me a few moments before my mind registers why I'm here, what I need to do. I pull away from Tobias, it almost breaks me to do it but I have to, and wipe my face of the streams of tears. I turn my head to look at the screens on the wall.
Tobias looks at the screens to and we both stare at them for a moment, mostly the one flashing code. I know what he's thinking, because I'm thinking it to, how could this control all of the people?
"Was I the one running the simulation?" he asks.
I shake my head, "I don't think you were running it, just maintaining it. If Jeanine hadn't figured out a way for this to be self sustaining I doubt she wouldn't be here watching over everything. It's already complete."
"It's incredible," he says, shaking his head, "Terrible and evil, but incredible."
My eyes snap to a screen that suddenly has movement. It shows Tris, Caleb, Marcus, and Peter on the ground floor, Dauntless soldiers with guns raised surrounding them.
I stumble to my feet, "T-Tobias!"
Tobias jumps to his feet and runs towards the computer and begins to tap it with his finger. I don't watch what he's doing, my eyes stuck on the screen. Caleb holds the gun Tris gave him out in front of him like he is prepared to do it, Tris is staring at him with wide, fearful eyes, her gun nowhere to be seen. Don't shoot. I beg Caleb in my mind. If he shoots, those Dauntless will kill them all, and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. Don't shoot.
A flash of white crosses the screen and I take in a small gasp of air. All of them fall to a crouch on the ground, their arms raised over their heads, Tris struggles to keep her hurt arm above her. After a moment, they stir and I know they're alive. The Dauntless advance on them, towards Caleb who took a stand in front of all of them.
"Tobias," I say, "hurry."
He presses the screen once again and everyone on the screen goes completely still.
Their arms, their guns, drop to their sides.
And then the Dauntless are moving again, but this time, of their own will. They drop their guns, their mouths move like they are shouting. Some start to shove each other, others sink to the floor and rock back and forth.
My legs suddenly feel unable to support my weight and I sink to the floor, breathing deeply to steady myself, it's over.
Tobias kneels down next to the computer and pulls the side case off.
"I need to get the data or they'll just start up the sim again," he says.
I watch the screens. The frenzy downstairs must be the same on Abnegation, I look for the screen that shows the Abnegation sector, it's on the far side of the wall. My heart aches when I watch it. Dauntless fire at each other, people are yelling, screaming, running. Men and women in black drop to the ground, sprint in every direction. This is what Erudite has done, made good people into murderers.
"Got it," Tobias says, holding up the hard drive.
It's a small piece of metal about the size of my palm. He offers it to me and I take it, placing it in the single pocket of my leggings.
"We have to leave," I say, slowly standing up again on shaking legs.
Tobias follows my line of sight, which is trained on the Abnegation screen, "Yes we do. Come on."
He places his arm across my shoulders and pulls me to his side. We walk out of the room and to the elevator. My eyes unwillingly find Andrew's body. It's slumped against the wall, a ring of dead Dauntless soldiers surrounding it. I turn my face into Tobias's shoulder, knowing that if I look at the scene any longer I may very well be sick.
He holds me tight, guiding us into the elevator and pressing the button for the ground floor. He hugs me to him and I hug him around his waist. We sit there in silence, listening to the small ding for each floor we pass.
My mind is racing, my vision is turning red. The things we've been through, that every Dauntless and Abnegation person as been through, are things that no one should have endured, all because of Erudite. All because of the selfish greed of a faction and it's corrupt leaders.
The elevator stops and I'm forced to pack away my anger. I pull away from Tobias as the doors open and the sound of yelling reaches my ears.
The Dauntless are still going at it but I look past them, looking anywhere and everywhere for Tris. I don't see her at first, leading me to think that she had already left, I don't know how much time had past from when I left her in that hall, but I don't think it was long enough for her to think the worst.
But then I see her, running towards me with Caleb on her heels. She barrels into me, giving me a hug that could rival an Amity.
"You made it," she says into my shoulder as that is where her head just barely reaches to.
I nod, "Yeah, I made it."
Over her blonde head I spot Tobias as he stops dead in his tracks, right in the middle of a step that makes him stumble just slightly. His entire body goes rigid and I realize that his eyes are in Marcus. I silently swear at myself, I was so focused on the sim that I forgot to warn him.
I pull away from Tris as Marcus walks up to Tobias. He wraps his arms around Tobias's shoulders despite the height difference. Tobias is completely frozen, his arms loosely hanging at his sides and his eyes tilted towards the ceiling as if he wished he could drift away into nothing at that moment.
"Son," Marcus sighs.
Tobias winces, his eyes closing and his brows furrowing in a way that makes it look like he's in pain. His face is so achingly similar to what it looked like in his sim that it breaks something within me.
"Get away from him, Marcus," I snap, stalking over to them and forcing myself between them, forcing Marcus back a few steps, "Now."
Tobias grabs the hem of my shirt, trying to find any tether to keep him on his feet. His breaths fan over the back of my neck, quick and sharp, panicked.
"Stay away from him," I growl, the noise low and animalistic.
"Mor, what are you doing," Caleb asks me.
Marcus gives me a look that portrays hurt and confusion but it looks fake to me, his eyes a little to wide, his mouth to agape. It takes everything within me to keep from walking right up to him and smacking the look off his face.
"Erudite may have been a lying snake of a faction but not every article they wrote was a lie," I snarl straight at Marcus, not even looking at Caleb.
"What are you talking about?" Marcus asks, his facade of confusion still upon his face, "I don't know what you've been told, Morgana, but-"
"The only reason that you are still alive right now, that I haven't taken my gun and shot you where you stand is because he." I nod my head back at Tobias. "Should be the one who gets to do it. You should have the good sense to stay back before I change my mind."
Tobias's trembling hand grabs for my own, squeezing it tightly. I don't move my eyes away from Marcus, who stares me down for a few more seconds, his eyes turning into black pits in my mind, like they were in the landscape, it only makes my glare harder. Marcus looks away first.
"We need to go," Tobias says unsteadily after a long moment, "The train should be here any second."
Tobias and I lead the way outside, walking towards the train tracks. Tobias's jaw is clenched and he stares straight ahead of us at nothing in particular. It's in that moment that I fall out of my anger enough to feel bad. Maybe I should have let Tobias deal with his father instead of jumping in.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly, "I shouldn't have lost it in there, it wasn't my place. I'm sorry-"
Tobias cuts me off, "There is nothing to be sorry for."
His hand still trembles in my own as he squeezes it in a silent thank you. I squeeze back, anytime. He sends me a small grin that says he knows just how serious the offer is. He knows that I'd gladly fight Marcus for him and then again for myself.
"The rest of the group went to Amity," I say, no longer just speaking to Tobias but also to everyone in our small group, "If we take the train heading away from the city we could meet up with them."
"What about Candor?" Caleb asks, "What do you think they will do?"
It's a question that I'm not sure I know the answer to. Do I think Candor will side with Erudite? No, they would never do something so underhanded as this. But do I think they would fight against Erudite? That's where I draw a blank.
We stand in silence as we wait for the train to come. I end up leaning so heavily in Tobias that he is basically holding me up. The events of the day have exhausted me to my very bones and standing there, breathing in his scent, I feel a sense of calm wash over me, not completely, never when Peter and Marcus are this close, but it's enough for now. Tobias's arms are wrapped around me, him supporting me but also me supporting him.
The reality of the situation has hit us both very hard. We travel with the people we hate and fear the most, and we leave friends behind, either dead, or murders. I think of Uriah, Mar, Lynn, and Christina. Where are they right now, could they be dead, do they realize what they've done, do they even know what happened? I wish I knew, I wish I could go out there right now and find them, but I can't, not without risking my life, Tris's, and Tobias's. We've already lost so many people today, I won't be adding them to the list.
The train appears around the corner and Tobias helps me find my balance again before letting go of me. It barrels past us and I run for an open car, jumping in with less grace than usual due to my fatigue, slamming onto my left side and dragging myself to the other side of the car.
The rest of them pile in and Tris sits next to her brother across from me, Tobias sits next to me a wall between me and Marcus and Peter.
The train turns a corner and I glimpse the fading city behind us. A strange feeling settles within me at the sight. I remember being a girl, looking towards the city from Amity, looking at the train and wishing to join Dauntless, to be brave and protect people, a dream that Erudite turned into a nightmare. Now I have to wake up and go back to Amity, but the thing is, I won't be able to stop there. Erudite will chase us and we'll never be able to stop moving, any home I thought I could have, erased by the Erudite's hunger for power. Morals I carried over from Amity, forced to be broken as I pulled the trigger of my gun and cut down my fellow members.
Tobias pulls me toward him and we turn to face each other, locking together like a puzzle piece. Our faces are so close that we take shared breath, his scent filling my nose.
"I thought I had found it," I whisper to him, "the place I belonged, in Dauntless."
His hand lazily runs up and down my arm, "You belong to the better parts of Dauntless, the parts worth fighting for."
"So many people died today," I say, "I killed people, Tobias."
"You had no choice," he answers in a low, comforting, and understanding tone, "You'd be dead right now if you hadn't."
I study his face, his eyes as they study me, his lips as they move, his jaw as it flexes.
"You almost died today," he says, "I almost shot you, why didn't you shoot me, Mor? You had the chance."
"I couldn't," I say on a choked tone, "It-it was like my landscape all over again, I saw your eyes and knew I'd rather turn the gun on myself than shoot you."
He looks pained as he leans closer to me, so close that his lips brush against mine as he speaks.
"I need to tell you something." His voice is somehow deeper than usual.
I trace shapes over his hands and his arms, feeling each muscle tick beneath my fingers as I do. I blink once, telling him to go on in a gesture.
"I might be in love with you," he answers, a small smile on his lips, "but I'm waiting till I'm certain before I tell you."
I grin, "Very sensible of you, do you need to make a pros and cons list or something?"
His low laugh rumbles against my side and his nose trailing along my jaw as he moves his lips to the spot just below my ear.
"Maybe I'm already sure," he whispers huskily, "and I just don't want to frighten you."
Something within in me unravels and I turn my head so my lips are right next to his ear, "Then you don't know me very well at all, Tobias."
I feel the huff of air as it caresses my neck and he pulls back so that he can look be straight in the eye as he says, "Fine, I love you, Mor."
My lips are upon his before I even completely register the words, my hand reaching up to caress his cheek. I kiss him for as long as I want, despite the company we keep, only breaking away long enough to say.
"I love you too, Tobias."
And then I'm kissing him again.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow is when we have to worry about the world, about Erudite and the corrupt leaders of Dauntless. Tomorrow is when I will face what I've done to survive. Tomorrow is when I grieve for the lives lost. Right now? Right now I kiss Tobias, I kiss him better and he holds me together because right now could very well be the last time we can, because this could be the last bit of peace we will have. We live in this very moment because...
Because who knows what tomorrow will bring.