The video is totally optional! I love this piano song very much and I think it fits at least some of the chapter
Chapter Eleven
Even after a night of sleep, you didn't feel any less uneasy about yesterday's events. You didn't want to be mad at Suki, she was your friend. You also didn't want to face anyone. It felt like her weird words and her kiss were stuck in your head on repeat, and if you saw anyone the words would spill from you. I don't want to stir up trouble, you thought. It would be better to wait until she speaks to me.
You wanted to imagine that it was all some misunderstanding, that she didn't mean to force herself on you. You didn't like to be hurt. On earth, when you were living, you had experienced betrayals of trust, and it stung every time. Maybe you weren't as good at judging character as you thought. You thought Suki was kind and sweet, but you've been wrong before, and I'll probably be wrong again, you thought glumly. It's possible that you were too trusting. You didn't want to always be on guard; it would be much better to love fully and live carefreely.
You shook your head as if you could erase all the thoughts from your head. I think too much. You sat in anticipation, both waiting and dreading for someone to knock on your door. Maybe you should seek someone out, but who? Before you could mentally sort through the occupants of this Hellish house, someone actually knocked on your door. You quickly jumped up and turned the knob.
"Suki," was all you could manage to say. The words were lodged in your throat like rocks.
"I, Can I," She seemed to be as nervous as you were as she stumbled over her words. "I know I hardly have the right, but can I come in? I want to talk." For a moment you just stared. Part of your brain was screaming the audacity! But you conceded and allowed her entry. She awkwardly walked in and sat in one of the chairs while you sat on the edge of your bed.
"What did you want to say?" You managed to piece together a sentence, but you couldn't meet her gaze.
"I wanted to say," She began but then choked on her words. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I did yesterday. I'm not sure what came over me, and honestly, I have no excuse. I hate what I did, and I hate how I must have made you feel." She paused, and you said nothing. You wanted to express the relief you felt, she apologized, I'm allowed to forgive her now, right?
When you didn't respond, she continued, "'If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than it was because he was he, and I was I...' Michel de Montaigne said that." For the first time, your eyes met her watery ones. You felt like crying yourself. "It's how I feel, (y/n), if I can defend myself. You don't have to reply, but hear me out?" She begged. You nodded.
"When I was... alive, I was constantly thinking about the end of my life, even though I was so young. I was scared at the idea of leaving the world behind, of leaving my family, my friends, and everything I've worked for in my life, but that wasn't even what scared me most. I was really most afraid of dying alone, and after all that worrying, that was exactly what I did. I arrived here, in this house, with no one to miss.
You aren't just someone to fill a hole in my heart, though, although you do it well. I knew in life that even though you were lonely you had to be careful. You have to be patient, you have to accept that sometimes you'll be alone," her voice cracked, "but I met you and something about you, (y/n), something about you makes everything that hurts go away. I can't really explain it, but I think you and I fit together. I'm not playing. It would be dreadful for you to not know. I like you so much that I can't bear to have you unaware of it. I got too excited, and I'm sorry. I know it was wrong." She maintained eye contact with you, and although she wanted to cross the room and hold you in her arms, she knew she had to hold back.
"Suki, I don't know what to say," You spoke softly.
"You don't have to return my feelings," her voice wavered. "But please, if you can, forgive me." You said nothing as you stood and crossed the room. I can forgive her, you thought as you wrapped your arms around her in a hug.
"Ok," your voice was muffled as you held her tightly. "It's ok, I forgive you." You pulled yourself away from her and placed your hands on her shoulders, "I want to trust you, Suki, so I'm going to forgive you. Please, don't do something like that again, ok?"
She nodded her head quickly, "You truly are an angel, you know. I'll be better, I swear." The praise made you a bit uncomfortable, but her promise helped your heart settle somewhat.
"I want to have some time, though," you requested as your hands fell from her shoulders. She nodded slowly at you,
"Of course, I'll go watch TV or something." She stood to leave and paused in the doorway, "Thank you, (y/n), for giving me another chance." She left the room.
The emotions you were feeling were a little strange, and you didn't know how to gauge them. Maybe Quince has something interesting to talk about, you thought as you also made your way out of your room. You weren't sure what compelled you to seek him out, but you thought it would be ok since he had expressed the desire to get to know you better (and you would certainly appreciate the chance to know him better). You thought it was most likely that he was in the library, but you were wrong. The room was empty, and the bookshelves towered over you menacingly as you dashed out and headed back towards the hallway with all the bedrooms. You knocked on his door and waited. After a few minutes, you wiggled the handle a little but to no avail. Did he lock his room? Can we do that when we aren't in there...? It was possible that he was napping and locked the door to keep other people from bothering him, but you still wanted to look for him in a few more rooms.
After wandering aimlessly around the house for what seemed like forever, you found yourself in front of two glass doors that opened into a radiant outside garden. This must be the garden he mentioned! You thought excitedly as you pushed the doors open. Maybe he would be in here? You gazed in wonder at the luscious leaves and flowers that poured out of every flower pot. A symphony of smells danced in the room. It was lovely but almost too much. A smile stretched across your face as you felt the warm sunlight hit your skin for the first time in a long time. Before you could stop yourself, you plucked a flower from its stem and stretched out on the ground below you. How did the other occupants keep themselves from being in here all the time? I never even realized how stuffy that house was becoming.
"(y/n)? Are you alright?" A voice interrupted your daydreaming.
"Oh!" You quickly sat up, "Quince, I was looking everywhere for you! I just got distracted by this outside world." You smiled sheepishly at him. Before you could stand up, he sat beside you on the floor and stretched his arms behind his head.
"The garden is pretty magnificent," He agreed. "The higherups did a good job at recreating the feeling of sunlight, didn't they?"
"They really did," you nodded.
"You were looking for me?"
"Yes! I just wanted to hang out with you, if that's ok," You smiled as you leaned back down and gazed into the sky.
"Of course, it's ok," He grinned at you. "I've been meaning to spend some time with you as well."
"Quince, do you think there will come a time when all the people on earth will be dead and all that's left of humanity is heaven, hell, and these weird houses?" Your conversation topic turned a little grim. "Will all that's left of humanity be ghosts that are desperately trying to recreate the life they used to have?"
He didn't respond for a short time. Awkwardness began to fall upon the two of you and you regretted asking. It had just been really bothering you how.... Weird this place was. Your grand eternal existence was limited to a house with some people and it was pretty life-like. It was just strange.
"I'm not sure," Quince finally admitted. "I don't think the higherups have much influence over anything that happens on earth. I do know that humanity is the only intelligent species that the higherups have anything to do with, meaning they don't do the afterlife for any aliens or anything like that." He paused and looked towards you, making eye contact. "In the grand scheme of things, life on earth doesn't really affect us, so I don't think about it too much."
"Do you ever miss the people you left on earth?" You asked softly. It was a personal question, which you knew, but you were curious.
"Sometimes I miss my brother. I actually missed him a lot at first, but there's a lot of people that I'm glad to be away from. I prefer this place, honestly. I prefer you." He smiled, and you felt your face warm up a little. How oddly sweet. You shuffled closer to him; the temperature was perfect but had just the edge of a chill to it. "What about you?" He questioned.
"Me?" You thought for a moment. "I don't know. Even the people I dislike I can miss a little. I do miss my friends, but you guys are so much fun that I almost forget. Maybe I'll get really lucky and one of them will show up here." You giggled at the idea.
"I don't want to crush your dreams, but that's a little unlikely," He looked sympathetically at you. "It's true we have two more rooms, but after Seven occupants, the higherups are hesitant to add more. It can become too much."
"Aw, lame," You pouted. "Are six friends enough friends for eternity?"
"Surely we'll be enough to quench your insatiable desire for friendship," Quince teasingly nudged you.
"I suppose so," You giggled. The two of you basked in the sunlight for a few minutes more before you sat up again. "Maybe we should go inside, and hang out with the others?" You offered him a hand as you stood up.
"The others?" He frowned as he took your hand. "I thought you were hanging out with me."
You laughed at his words, not realizing that he was serious, "yeah, I can hang out with you and other people, you know."
-:x x x x x:-
Meanwhile
Jason could sense something was wrong when Suki knocked on his door rather than just opening it. To be friends with Suki usually means to give away your sense of privacy. He ushered her in and pulled her a chair, which she quickly sat in.
"Did something happen?" Jason prodded. For a moment she was only silent, and the room stood still. Even the dust in the air seemed to freeze in anticipation.
"It's all ok, I think," She finally spoke up. "I just want to confess to someone and get this off my chest." Her downcast gaze became watery and she flicked her gaze up to Jason. The emotion on her face was foreign to Jason as he had never seen her so sad.
"Go ahead," He nodded while taking a seat close to her. "I don't mind listening." He told the truth, although his intentions weren't necessarily so altruistic. Jason loved to know more about the inner-workings of a person since the more you know, the easier it is to control them and get them to bend to your will.
"I did something bad," She looked down again. "I'm ashamed but also... sort of not. I'm sort of not sorry at all, which does make me ashamed."
"Ashamed that you're not ashamed?" He raised a brow as he carefully stowed away all the information she shared.
"Yeah, something like that. The other night, after Christmas," She paused. "When I ran off to my room." She stopped. Jason nodded, she had been acting sort of weird. It's nice to know it all adds up, he thought. He struggled to keep down a grin, he was far too excited to hear about her crimes. He kept his face neutral and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"What happened?" He pushed, and what did you do?
"(y/n) came to check on me, I didn't think she would, but she did," Suki smiled softly at the fact. Jason's heartbeat quickened at this, if Suki did something to (y/n) then he really could take advantage of this situation and comfort the girl of interest. "I don't really know what got into me, except I do, it's just I never thought I would be capable of it. She was like an angel, all bright and beautiful. She was trying to get me to come back to the living room, but I just wanted her to stay with me," Suki trailed off pitifully. Jason was on the literal edge of his seat as he leaned closer.
"Did you say something?"
"No, well, yes. But really, I did something. When she turned to leave I grabbed her and held her beneath me... I kissed her," Suki brushed her fingertips across her lips. "She struggled but I just kept her there, until she threw me off of her."
"You forced yourself on (y/n)?" Jason said each word as to burn it into his mind. This was good, too good even. Suki cringed at his words but nodded.
"I just love her so much, all I want is to keep her," Suki tried to explain.
"You don't feel ashamed?"
"I suppose I don't, but I know I should. I did apologize earlier, though. She forgave me pretty easily, honestly. She said she needed some time," Suki stared at the ground solemnly.
Jason let ideas tumble around in his head for a bit. He could reprimand Suki and enforce the idea that what she did was revolting. He could probably convince Suki to stay away from (y/n) for a long time. That probably wouldn't last long enough, though...
"If she forgave you so easily, maybe she didn't actually mind it so much."
"What? You think (y/n) wasn't actually... mad?" Suki's brows furrowed.
"It's possible. Besides, if you love her so much, it's not very wrong to show your affection, is it?" Jason manipulated. It's easier to get people to listen to what they want to hear, anyway.
"I felt the same way!" Suki looked at him excitedly, "It shouldn't be wrong to love someone. But if she wasn't mad, then why does she need space?"
"She might just be confused, Suki. Imagine if one of the other members did that to you," Jason explained, and Suki nodded.
"I can see how it would be... alarming. You think I should still pursue her?" Suki looked to him for guidance.
He made eye contact with her and placed both of his hands on her shoulders, "I think you should take what you want."
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This the end of the first wave
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Check out my "Just art" Chapter if you haven't already! I added a bunch of pencil sketches the other day. The 500 special should be up later this weekend! Thank you guys for all the reads and votes and comments-- They mean the world to me!