Ever since Jamie's mom died, we had a tradition where he'd come to my house the morning of his birthday and start the day with a celebratory family breakfast. I knew that he secretly liked feeling part of a cohesive family again, and we always tried to make it special for him. Stretching my way out of bed, I looked at the clock and knew there was a very slim chance that he'd be up and functioning any time soon, especially after how he'd tied one on the night before. I felt myself flush with embarrassment remembering my idiotic attempt to make him jealous. What a joke. It had been a complete and total failure, and all it had done was reinforce what I knew but hadn't wanted to accept.
"No fuckin' cryin' today Leila and no mopin' either," I scolded myself out loud, trying to keep my emotions in check. "You'll have plenty of time for that later when yer tryin' to figure out how to put yer life back together. Today is about Jamie...and it might be the last birthday you'll spend with him for a while."
With that sobering thought, I dragged myself off to the shower and got dressed in shorts and a cute tank top before packing an overnight bag. I didn't know what he wanted to do, but I figured I'd bring some extra clothes along so I'd be ready for anything. Heading downstairs, I said hi to the family before raiding the fridge for breakfast makings, and then loaded everything into my car and headed over to Ron and James' place.
Sure enough, there was no response to my knocks on the door. Using the extra key kept hidden outside, I let myself into the house and dumped off the food items before making my way to Jamie's room. The curtains were closed, but in the dim light I could make out the lump that was my best friend. Deciding against my first impulse, which was to yank the curtains open and jump on the bed, I put down my overnight bag and quietly crawled up on the bed next to him. His face was smooshed into the pillow as he lay sprawled on his stomach, and I very lightly stroked a few strands of hair out of his face, squashing the desire to kiss him awake. The soft touch was enough to alert him to my presence, and one eyeball opened blurrily as he began to stir.
"Leila?" he croaked, and I winced at the sound.
Laying on my side, I brought my face down at level with his, almost passing out from the residual smell of vodka.
"Hi," I whispered, giving him a small smile.
"Hi," he whispered back, his answering smile quickly turning into a grimace.
Gently, I swept a few more strands from his eyes.
"I imagine you don't feel so good huh?"
"Probably about as good as I look."
"Wow, you must feel like total shit then," I teased.
"Nice, kick a guy when he's down," he grumbled, but I could see a hint of a smile.
"Sorry." My tone made it clear I wasn't. "Would it make you feel better if I told you I was here to make you breakfast?"
"It might." He pouted playfully as he turned over on his back and stretched, his bare chest coming into view as the blanket slipped.
Feeling my fingers itch to touch him, I sat up abruptly and looked down at my hands, willing them to stop wanting the impossible.
"Hey, what is it?" He sat up too and then took a whiff of his underarms. "Do I smell that bad?"
"You do reek." I nodded, waving a hand in front of my face. "But you get a free pass today."
"Oh yeah, why's that?" he asked, his eyes alight with humor.
Like he didn't know. I figured I'd play along.
"No reason."
"Really?" He raised an eyebrow. "Maybe today's special."
I shrugged.
"Nope, nothin' special about today."
"Are ya sure?"
"Oh wait, there is something special about today."
"Hah! That's because today is—"
"Today's the day I'm takin' my car in for an oil change. I knew there was something important goin' on."
I couldn't hold in my giggles anymore, and Jamie growled low in his throat as he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me up against him, using his knuckles to give me a noogie on the top of my head; not enough to hurt, but enough to make me laugh harder. Finally he let up and I was able to catch my breath, realizing then that I'd ended up half sprawled on top of him. The reasonable side of my brain told me I should quickly untangle myself and move off of him. The other part of my brain was not listening to reason. Instead, I stretched my leg over so that I was straddling his waist, trapping him underneath me. Leaning forward, I braced my hands on the bed above his shoulders, bringing my chest to within inches of his, our faces close together. Hoping that my eyes weren't giving away the desire that was barely being held in check, I bit my lip to keep from groaning. Forcing a playful smile, I looked down at him.
"Happy birthday Jamie." The words came out huskier than I intended.
He was looking up at me, his face unreadable. Before I let the tension stretch out too long, I leaned down and gave him a giant wet zerbert on the side of his neck. His reaction was immediate as he let out a yelp, and I quickly jumped off of him and out of his range in case he had payback on the brain. Cackling with delight, I headed for the door.
"Wash that stink off," I threw over my shoulder. "I'm makin' breakfast."
I didn't wait for his reply as I hurried to the kitchen and out of his line of sight; I knew my cheeks were a bright red and I was trembling. Taking a few deep breaths, I heard the shower turn on and forced myself to focus on the task of preparing his birthday breakfast.
By the time he'd showered and gotten dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, I had bacon, eggs and toast ready. I doctored up some tomato juice and added a little vodka, hair of the dog I'd overheard someone mention one time, good for hangovers. The piece de resistance was one of my mom's delicious homemade blueberry muffins with a single candle stuck in the top. Jamie looked at my handiwork and got a funny smile on his face.
"I can't believe you went through all of this for me."
"Why would you say that? It's yer day, it should be special."
I could tell he was really touched as he gave me a warm smile.
"Thanks Leila. I mean it."
Ducking my head shyly, I scooted him over to sit and blow out the candle before it dripped all over the muffin. We took our time eating, enjoying the fact that we had nowhere to go and nothing to do. Ron came out at one point dressed for work, and grabbed a slice of bacon and toast on his way out the door, promising to be back later for any evening festivities.
After breakfast, we hung around for a while since Jamie was still feeling the lingering effects from the night before. We thought about going to the beach, but neither of us felt like making the effort, instead, we drove a short distance to a county park and took a hike through the hilly wooded area. It felt good to get my body moving, and I could see that the physical activity was sweating the last of the alcohol from Jamie and he looked more like himself and less green around the gills. Returning to his place, we each got cleaned up and then lazed the afternoon away, watching old movies on tv and even playing a little music. At one point, we both fell asleep on the couch and I woke up with a giant foot in my face. Laughing to myself, I moved it out of the way and pushed myself up to a sitting position. Looking at the other end of the couch, I could see that James was still out cold. He was on his side, his back against the couch and arm flung out, and though I knew I shouldn't, I took it as an invitation. Gingerly spooning up next to him, I rested my head on his arm, nestling in against him. Almost immediately, his other arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me up snug against his chest, though I was certain he had no conscious idea of what he was doing. Letting out a breath, I closed my eyes and fell back asleep cradled in his arms.
~
The distinctive sound of a Polaroid camera clicking and whirring as a photo was taken and the print ejected from the case, was the first sign that James and I were no longer alone. Opening up an eyeball, I looked up into the grinning face of my soon-to-be-roommate as she held the print in her hand and fanned it in front of me. I tried to snatch it from her but she easily moved out of reach. My slight movement caused James to tighten his grip on me and I remembered then how I'd snuck into his arms while he slept. Feeling guilty, I carefully extricated myself and motioned for Kelly to follow me into his bedroom. Closing the door behind us, she sat herself in the lone chair in the room while I flopped down on his bed, burying my head into my arms.
"Don't say anything," came my muffled command.
I could almost see Kelly's feigned look of innocence.
"I can't believe you think I would..."
I'm pretty sure the pillow I threw hit her as I heard an "oof" followed by a "hey". Sitting up, I leaned back against the wall, letting out a deep breath. Kelly picked up the pillow and took aim, but then she caught the pain on my face and instead came over and scooted next to me. Handing me the photo, we were quiet for a moment as we watched the image finish developing, a single perfect moment captured, never to be duplicated.
"Keep it," she murmured quietly.
"Thanks."
I gazed down at the picture of the two of us, thinking how anyone who didn't know Jamie and me would surely think we were lovers, looking completely natural and at peace in each other's arms.
"You know this is as close as I'm gonna get Kel. This right here, this is it."
"Hon, you don't know—"
"I do. I do know. I let myself believe that there was a chance still, that maybe I was missin' something...but I'm not. He doesn't want me. Not like that." I sighed in defeat. "I tried to change the game up, tried to dress sexier, tried to create intimate moments, but nothin' has worked. Last night...last night was the kisser." I let out a small humorless laugh at my unintentional pun. "I wore the tight clothes and nothin'. Well, at least nothin' from him. I got hit on by one of the guys from another band, and Jamie saw us and he was pissed. So I thought, finally, maybe he's catchin' a clue. Turns out he wasn't the slightest bit jealous about me, it was all some male ego shit, some competition between the two bands."
"Oh...that sucks."
I snorted at that. "That's not the worst of it. He basically told me the only reason the guy was remotely interested in me was because he was tryin' to piss Jamie off and not because he was attracted to me."
"He said that?"
"Yep. So I tried to prove to him that not all guys were uninterested in me, and I walked over and kissed a random dude."
"Wow Leila, good for you! What did he do?"
I looked down at my lap, my voice quieting. "I dunno, I didn't bother to stick around to find out. The guy kissed me and I cried. I fuckin' cried, because I wanted it so badly to be Jamie and it felt awful to be with someone else. I went outside after and I thought about everything, and it just seems so clear now that it's not gonna happen. Ever."
"Leila..."
"It's ok Kel, you don't hafta try and make me feel better, I know you wanna" I leaned against her for a moment. "Anyway, I told myself I wasn't gonna think about it today. I just wanna enjoy Jamie's birthday, be in the moment, cuz..."
"Cuz you don't know how much longer you'll be able to remain friends."
Her eyes were wide with sympathy.
"Yeah. Not that I'm dwellin' on it or anything." I made a weak attempt at a smile.
Suddenly the door swung open and James walked in, coming up short upon seeing both Kelly and I sitting on his bed.
"Shit, did I interrupt some girly stuff?"
"How did you know?" Kel plastered on an overly bright smile, giving me a chance to pull myself together. "We just finished talkin' about our feelings, next we're gonna discuss our periods. Wanna join?"
Jamie's eyes widened in horror and even I had to laugh, though I think it was tinged with just a slight bit of hysteria that only Kelly noticed.
A short time later, Ron came back from work and then some other friends started showing up and the partying began. While the boys had the stereo and beers going in the living room, Kelly and Mel and I primped in Jamie's room. After shaking her head no at the jeans and t-shirt option I'd packed, Kelly pulled out a bag of items that she had brought, knowing I would be woefully unprepared. I looked at the array of outfits, make-up, and hair products as if they were openly mocking me.
"It doesn't matter anymore." I sighed. "What's the point of gettin' all glammed up when it's just wasted on him?"
She came to stand in front of me, putting a hand on each of my shoulders as she looked me square in the eyes.
"The point, is you do it for yourself and not for him. You do it to remind yourself that yer a gorgeous, smart, amazing girl, even if James is too idiotic to have figured that out." Her gaze was unwavering. "You are all those things, no matter what happens with you two."
My heart exploded with gratitude.
"I love you Kel."
She let go of my shoulders and smiled saucily. "That's sweet, but I'm already datin' someone."
Mel and I busted up laughing, and then the two of them went about getting me ready for our night out.
Thirty minutes later, we were all happy with the results. Light make-up but a pop of pink on my lips, hair was loose around my shoulders, skin tight jeans, heels, and a sexy strappy tank top that left a lot of skin showing. I finished the look with some cute gold hoops and of course I had on the necklace that Jamie had given me. Grabbing my purse, the three of us headed out to join the rest of the group who were getting rowdy in the living room. I didn't see James at first, but ran into Lars and Dave who had showed up while I'd been getting ready.
"Hey Lars!" I gave him a warm hug before turning to greet the guitarist with a decidedly cooler tone. "Dave."
"Leila." He smirked. "Lookin' extra fuckable this evening."
"Jesus dude," Lars groaned. "Lay off will ya. If James hears you, he's gonna be pissed."
"Whatever. I need a beer."
He headed off towards the kitchen and I breathed a little easier.
Lars and I chatted for a few minutes and then Mike got everyone's attention announcing that we were heading out. Peripherally, I noticed James come out of the garage with one of the guys and then stop short, but I wasn't sure what had caught his attention as I was distracted by Jim asking the group who was up for driving. Volunteering, I grabbed my keys from Jamie's room and came back out just as everyone was heading out to the cars. I was the last one in the house, and the birthday boy himself was at the door waiting to lock up behind me. He gave me a strained smile as I walked past him, and I was left to wonder what was wrong as I waited for him. We headed down the walkway before I spoke up.
"You ok? You seem a little...I don't know...something."
"I think I'm still a little hung from last night." He shrugged.
I looked at him sideways. "Are you sure you wanna go out? We could stay here and have a quiet night."
I saw his mouth spread into a slow smile and my pulse leapt a little.
"That actually sounds really fuckin' perfect, but I don't think we'd hear the end of it if we backed out now."
"Yeah, probably not." I sighed.
"I'll be fine, I think I'll just go a little easy on the booze tonight though."
We reached the street and everyone was scrambling in and out of vehicles, trying to jam as many as possible into the least amount of cars. I unlocked my car and James and I climbed in the front while Ron, Kelly, and Hugh squeezed in the back. With KISS blasting from the stereo, we led the caravan to the local drive-in for food and then to a club near the beach that was hosting a full slate of metal bands that the boys were all psyched to see. I parked and everyone climbed out, laughing and yelling to our other friends as they parked and got out too. I was locking the car when the sound of the ocean a block away caught my attention. Catching Jamie's eye across the top of the car, I knew he was thinking about ditching the club and sinking his feet in the sand and sea instead. Silently I communicated my wish to do the same thing, and he grinned, as instead, we followed the group to the club's entrance.
There was bit of a line but it didn't take long before we made it inside. It was actually pretty crowded and we had to fight our way towards the far side, away from the stage, where it was a little less congested. I noticed, as we made our way through, that some in the crowd recognized the Metallica boys and were stopping James to say hey or high five. He seemed surprised at first, but gratified by the recognition.
We were just getting settled and pitchers of beer were being poured and handed out, when the first band started. I was surprised that Jamie stuck close to my side, I'd assumed he'd want to get a closer look at the bands along with Lars, Dave, and a few of the other guys who'd made their way into the thick of the crowd in front of the stage. He seemed perfectly content though to hang back, and we shared a cup of beer as neither of us was inclined to overindulge.
The first band was not all that great, though the crowd was pretty forgiving anyway. I could see our friends in the crowd, banging their heads in time to the music, fists pumping in the air.
"Are you sure you don't wanna go out there with those guys?" I leaned in close to Jamie's ear.
"You tryin' to get rid of me?" he asked teasingly.
"Nope. Just don't wanna keep you from havin' fun."
"Who says I'm not havin' fun?" He smiled at me. "I'm exactly where I wanna be."
I tried not to smile too wide as I turned my attention back to the performance.
The first band finished and our group reconnected, ordering more rounds of drinks and laughing and talking. Everyone was having a great time and I could see that James was really enjoying himself, despite his reluctance earlier to go out. After a short break, the next band started up and were considerably better than the first. They were from the Bay Area and seemed pretty talented, especially the guitarist, who looked like he was twelve but shredded his solos.
"Kid's really good," I shouted over the music to James, who'd come back over to stand next to me.
"Yeah, he is."
"Think he'd wanna join Metallica?" I asked, feigning an innocent expression.
"Leila."
"What? Just in case Dave's fingers fall off. He fucks a lot of skanky girls, he's bound to catch some kind of disease at some point."
"One that makes his fingers fall off?"
"It could happen."
Jamie burst out laughing, shaking his head at my not so subtle dislike for their current guitarist.
"Well if we're ever lookin', I'll keep this guy in mind."
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a guy staring at me. Finally he made as if to come over, but when he got within ten feet he stopped suddenly, his face going a little pale. Wondering what had caused his strange behavior, I looked to Jamie and caught him staring the guy down, his eyes narrowed in warning. The guy's cheeks went red and then he turned and hurried away. When I looked back at James, he was back to watching the band as if nothing had occurred. I didn't know what to make of Jamie's actions, but I didn't make an issue out of it.
Just then, the band finished a song and I could see Lars and Dave talking to the lead singer and pointing in our direction.
"Shit, what are those two idiots up to?" James wondered out loud, his voice uneasy.
We didn't have to wait long as they motioned him over. Giving me a reluctant look, he left my side and waded through the crowd to the stage. I watched as he joined the conversation, and I could tell from where I sat that he was not exactly thrilled, but eventually he shrugged and nodded. The boys climbed up on the stage and the band performing handed them their instruments. Dave leaned into a mic.
"McGovney, get your skinny ass up here."
I looked over at Ron, who swore under his breath and handed off his beer to Kelly before making his way to the stage too. The lead singer of the band we'd been watching stepped up to the center microphone as James and the rest of the guys got situated. A ripple of anticipation went through the crowd.
"Well, we couldn't pass up an opportunity to have these guys play since we're huge fuckin' fans. They've got a demo floating around, and if you haven't heard it yet, you will."
He stepped away and then Dave got on the mic again. "Alright fuckers, hold on to yer tits. We...are...Metallica!"
The crowd cheered as the boys tore into Seek and Destroy. The familiar thrill I got watching Jamie perform reverberated through my body as I sang along, bouncing my head in time to the beat. I looked over at Kelly and she was watching Ron with a moony-eyed look on her face, and I hoped that I was doing a better job of hiding my feelings.
She caught my look and smiled wide. "They're so good, they totally blow the other bands away." She yelled to be heard.
I agreed but I had to laugh, since only a month ago she was completely freaked by the whole metal scene.
"Not that yer biased or anything," I shouted back teasingly.
Instead of answering, she stuck her tongue out and shouted out the chorus. I joined in and was pleased to hear the whole club was too. They finished the song and the crowd was so pumped by the performance, they did Jump in the Fire too. I was singing along when suddenly there was a hand caressing my ass. At first I thought it was Kelly messing with me, but peripherally I could see her to my right and knew she was too far out of reach. Whirling around, I came face to face with some guy I didn't know. He was tall, almost Jamie's height, but more muscular and he was heavily tattooed. Not someone I'd want to meet in a dark alley anyway, but the leer on his face and unadulterated lust in his eyes was making me even more nervous.
"Hands off!"
I tried my best to come off tough, hoping he'd take the hint and leave. He didn't.
"Come on baby girl." He smirked down at me." You can't stroll in here dressed to fuck and think no one's gonna take you up on what yer offerin'. I wanna do things to that body that would make ya walk funny for days."
He slid a hand around my waist and pulled me up against him, grinding his obvious erection into my belly. I wanted to hurl, but instead, I leveraged my hands against his chest, pushing with all my strength.
"Let me go asshole, I'm not interested!"
"Get yer hands off her creep!" Kelly had realized what was going on and was trying to pull at his arm.
"Back off bitch." He sneered down at her. "None of yer business what I do."
The rest of our group was either performing or down with the crowd in front of the stage; even Mel and Jim had disappeared somewhere. We were on our own.
"Well it's my fuckin' business and I said get yer hands off me!" I snarled angrily.
I couldn't get loose, so I used the only tool at my disposal. Bringing my head up fast, I slammed the top of my skull up and under his chin, jamming his jaw so hard I saw spots. The guy was momentarily disoriented, so Kel grabbed me and pulled me out of his grasp as I swayed on my feet. Just then, a flash went by me as James launched himself at the guy, landing a solid hit to his cheek. As dazed as I was, I was able to see the guy catch himself from falling and return the punch, catching Jamie below the eye and sending him stumbling back. Mike and Dave showed up though and jumped the guy simultaneously. The asshole was no match for Mike's brawn and Dave's temper as they landed a couple hard hits before holding him down until the club bouncers showed up and escorted him out.
I was still a little woozy and someone found a chair for me to sit in as I waited for the throbbing in my head to stop. Looking up, I caught James' face and blanched at the swelling below his eye.
"Jamie, yer eye..."
He shrugged and knelt down in front of me. "It's fine, you know I've gotten worse." His brow furrowed anxiously. "Are you ok though?"
I nodded, though it made me feel queasy. "Yeah, my head's killin' me is all."
He reached up and ran a couple fingers down along my cheek, and my breath caught at the tenderness and concern on his face.
"I'm not surprised, you knocked the shit out of him. Nice job Shorty," he added cheekily.
I smiled at his words and then immediately grimaced as the movement made my head feel worse.
Someone brought over a couple baggies of ice and handed them to Jamie, who proceeded to gently lay one over the sore spot on my head. I flinched at the contact but then it got better, especially as James was leaning against me gently. Taking the other bag out of his hand, I carefully applied it to the bruising under his eye.
"Ow, that hurts!" he hissed.
He didn't move away though and the two of us sat there icing each other's injuries. I tried not to giggle at the situation as it only made the pain in my head intensify. But Jamie could see how hard it was for me not to and he started to chuckle; I couldn't hold back my laughter, even though it was interspersed with "ow's". We stayed like that for some time while our friends continued to talk and laugh above us.
The next band started up but I was feeling the need for space and quiet.
"I...I think maybe I'll go take a walk and get some air. I'll see if Mel or Kelly wanna go."
"I'll go with you," Jamie immediately offered.
"No, you gotta stay, this is yer night. You wanted to hear this band—"
"I've heard enough. And...I'm not lettin' you outta my sight right now."
He looked up at me, his eyes unreadable in the low lighting of the club. I knew he must be worried about me and though I wanted to insist that he stay; I also knew when his mind was made up. Gingerly I got to my feet and was surprised to feel him loop an arm around my waist.
"I'm gonna take Leila outside, maybe down to the beach," James shouted over the music to Ron, who nodded in understanding. "Come find us when yer ready to go."
Slowly, we made our way through the crowded club, but he kept me tight against his side making sure no one got close, until finally we were breathing fresh air again. Keeping his arm around me, he walked us slowly down the block, the smell of the ocean getting stronger with each step. Stopping at the stairs that led down to the beach, I leaned against him as I carefully removed my heels before we made our way down and then out onto the sand. It was cool beneath my feet as we walked slowly towards the water. Bonfires dotted the shoreline, but it was empty and quiet where we were.
Halfway to the water's edge, we came to a stop and sat down. Fortunately it was fairly mild out and I was still overheated from the club, so the cooler air felt good.
"Man I'm worn-out." James yawned next to me, wiping at his good eye.
He looked like a little boy, and the urge to cuddle him was so strong, throwing caution to the wind, I patted my folded legs.
"Put yer head down and close yer eyes."
He hesitated for a half second and then repositioned himself on his side and laid down next to me, his head coming to rest in my lap. Pushing my luck, I slowly began to run fingers through the long strands of his hair. I waited to see if he'd object, but instead, he seemed to relax into my touch.
"Are you sure yer ok with missin' out on all the fun back at the club?" I asked quietly.
"I don't always need the big group or a party, even on my birthday. Sometimes...sometimes I just want it to be you and me. Just like this. No pressure to make conversation or drink my liver away. Yer the only one I can be myself with and not hafta put on a show. Ya know?"
"Yeah...I do." I kept stroking his hair gently.
"I really am tired too. And I'm still a little...."
"Hung over?" I finished. "You really tied one on last night." I paused for a long moment. "How come?"
I felt him stiffen a little at my question.
"I dunno. It was a great show, the night before my birthday...guess I just felt like celebrating."
"A half a bottle of vodka isn't celebrating, it's....it's a one way ticket to a booze blackout."
"Guess I wasn't really thinkin' that far ahead. Just felt like gettin' shitfaced."
He was staring out towards the ocean and I couldn't really read his face from my angle, but I could hear the tension in his voice.
"Ok," I conceded. "It's just...I thought....I thought maybe you were mad because we fought."
He shrugged but kept his attention straight ahead. I sighed and continued stroking his hair. Deciding to let the matter drop since I didn't want to argue on his birthday, instead, I began to quietly sing a Fleetwood Mac song I'd always loved called Songbird. I'd forgotten how romantic the lyrics were but figured it didn't really make a difference as far as James was concerned. He was silent as I serenaded softly, the sound of my voice and touch quickly lulling him to sleep. Wistfulness crept into my voice as I sang the last part of the song, looking down as he slept against me peacefully.
And I wish you all the love in the world.
But most of all, I wish it from myself.
And the songbirds keep singing, like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before, like never before, like never before.
The last note was still suspended in the air as I felt a single tear run down my cheek.
"No mopin' Leila," I whispered to myself angrily as I wiped the tear away.
We stayed like that for an hour until Kelly came to fetch us. I could hear her approach and looked up to smile at her wanly.
She shook her head at me. "Did I interrupt something?" she asked in quiet amusement, careful to not wake James.
"Nope, just me makin' things harder for myself. As usual."
"Wake him up and meet us at the car." She smiled kindly. "Take yer time though."
I nodded as I handed her my keys before she headed back up to the street. Looking down at Jamie, I stroked his cheek softly, watching as he twitched a little in sleep before slowly coming to. He yawned and then snuggled back against me, clearly not interested in waking up. I tried again, stroking his face gently while softly murmuring his name. This time, he opened his eyes and looked around in confusion before looking up at me. The smile he gave as he looked up at me, made breathing difficult.
"Hey," he murmured while stretching his body out.
"Hey back." I smiled down at him, not realizing I was still caressing his face.
"I was havin' a good dream." His voice was thick with sleep. "An amazing dream actually."
"Oh yeah? What was it about?"
"It was one of those ones that seem so real, it never occurred to me I was dreamin' ya know? I was performin' on stage in front of a huge crowd; there were people as far as the eye could see and they were cheerin' like crazy. I don't even know what song we were playin', but it was more about the feelin', the feelin' of so much love comin' at me from all these people. I never knew I could be filled with that much love. Ya know?"
"Yeah...yeah I do." It was hard to keep my tone even.
"I felt like I'd never be alone, could never fail, because that love would always be there for me. Crazy huh?" Wonder what it means?"
I shrugged my shoulders, afraid the tears lodged in my throat would give me away.
"Maybe it's a glimpse into the future," he continued when I didn't answer, "maybe I'm psychic and I'm seein' my future and those are all the Metallica fans who'll be comin' to our shows, and that feelin' was all the good vibes they'll have for the band and our music. The connection between us and them will be so strong, it'll be like we're all family. Like you and me."
"That...that sounds amazing Jamie," I whispered as I looked out at the ocean so he wouldn't see my face.
"And you were there."
"I was?"
I kept my face out towards the ocean, but my eyes were clenched shut.
"Yeah. I mean, how could I have an amazing dream like that and not have you in it too?"
"What...what was I doin'? Was I cheerin' too?"
He didn't answer right away, and when I looked down to see why, he had a funny look on his face.
"No, you weren't. I guess I didn't remember till right now, but you weren't cheerin' at all. It's weird, you were standin' in the middle of this sea of people but I could see you clearly, and you were lookin' at me...but you weren't cheerin'."
"What was I doin'?"
He looked away for a moment before looking back up at me, his face troubled. "You...you were cryin'."
I sucked in a breath and James sat up slowly so that he was sitting shoulder to shoulder with me as we looked out to the ocean. I scrambled to change the mood.
"Well I guess that just proves yer not the least bit psychic. Why would I be cryin' at a moment like that? I'd be cheerin' louder than anyone remember?"
"Yeah...I guess. Just seemed so real, and now I'm wonderin' how I could feel that much love and that much sadness all at the same time."
Welcome to my world James. Every damn day.
"I'm the one with the concussion"—I nudged his shoulder with mine—"but I think yer the one who's all loopy."
His lips spread into a slow smile as he looked sideways at me. "How ya feelin' Rocky?"
He put a friendly arm around my shoulders and I leaned against him for a moment.
"Eh, I'll live. What about you Bruiser?"
"Totally worth it." He grinned cockily.
I shook my head in exasperation. "Why is it we can never go to a club without there bein' a fight?"
"Hey, it ain't a good Downey crew night out unless there's a fight. Tonight was epic."
He got to his feet and pulled me up to stand next to him. Sliding an arm around my waist again, we made our way back across the sand to the car and our friends.
"Thanks Leila for makin' this day so awesome. It was the best birthday yet."
Leaning my head on his shoulder, I smiled a little. "I'm glad. You deserve to have a great birthday. You deserve to have a lot of great days."
He squeezed me close. "Well as long as I'm spendin' those birthdays with you, they're always gonna be great."
My heart clenched at his words and I stumbled a little. He tightened his grip on me, and I made a wish he'd never let go. Immediately, I cursed myself for wishing for the impossible.
"If for some reason though Jamie...if for some reason I wasn't with you on yer birthday...just know that I'm thinkin' about you and wishin' you nothin' but happiness. You'd know that right?"
"That's a funny thing to say, but yeah, I know that. It's not even worth thinkin' about though, yer stuck with me on this day and all the rest. Friends till the end Short Stack, nothin's ever gonna change that."
If he'd really been psychic, he would have choked on his own prediction.