"Today's the day because yesterday wasn't." - E.D
Almost a week has passed since Joel left; I'm not even going to lie, I've called him almost every night since. It's hard to just stop talking to the one person you've talked to everyday since practically the day you met.
I had to do it with Ian, it's so hard. I want to make sure Joel and I stay friends and stay in touch, so that when he does come home, we aren't strangers to each other.
In these past 6 days since Joel left, I've become more in touch with my emotions, specifically my emotions toward Ian.
I love him endlessly. I knew from the minute we met that he was going to be someone special in my life. He's my soulmate. Ian leaving took a toll on our relationship, obviously. It was four years no contact. Now, he's a reserve soldier that can be called into active duty at any given moment. I know what it's like to have Ian ripped away from me abruptly; that's when I learned I don't have all the time in the world. That's why I'm done wasting time. If I'm still in love with Ian, I need to tell him before it's too late.
So I knocked on the door to his apartment.
"Hey, Josie Elle, unexpected surprise," he smirked.
I was rather down in the dumps this past week, dealing with everything, and Ian was a huge help, much like Joel was a help to me when Ian had left.
I did see Ian earlier today, for his therapy session, but today was not as intense as sessions in the past have been. He was rather calm afterwards, so we had both just gone home. Well, Ian went home, I sat in a restaurant for like an hour by myself as I thought through what exactly I'm about to say to him.
"Come on in," he insisted, stepping aside.
I've only been inside of Ian's apartment once since he arrived home and that was when he barely had any furniture. Now his entire apartment was filled with furniture, paintings, photos, and knick-knacks. It looked awesome.
"Your apartment looks great," I complimented, still taking it in. It wasn't very spacious, but it was the perfect size for one male. He handled the decorating great, too, as there was a good amount of positive and negative space.
"Thanks," he smiled. "I'm not gonna lie, Hayden's wife picked everything out. I've been redecorating to figure out where I want everything since."
Oh, yeah, I forgot Hayden's married. He got married two years ago, but I couldn't get myself to fly out to Massachusetts and be around Ian's family. I was just learning how to be okay without thinking of Ian all of the time. For my own sake, I declined the invitation to attend and sent my wedding gift through the mail.
"What's her name again?" I asked.
"Penelope," he answered. "I've only met her once, but she's a really great woman. She's a work from home interior designer."
"I can't wait to meet her one day," I said, without even thinking. It wasn't that big of a deal, but it was definitely unnatural considering where Ian and I stand right now.
Moreover, the fact we don't understand where we stand right now.
Ian looked around him for a second as if he contemplating his next words. "Funny you mention that." I can't remember the last time Ian's looked so nervous. "I'm leaving on Monday to go see my family, and I'd love it if you came along."
His nerves made sense now because I could feel them myself. Going to Massachusetts could be a huge step for the two of us, even though he doesn't know I'm broken up with Joel yet. Would telling him before the trip even be appropriate?
"Y-you don't have to, by any means. I know it's—"
"I'd love to," I cut in. "I haven't seen your family in ages." That's what it sure felt like. I'd save telling Ian that I'm officially single for a later date. Right now, we could just focus on rebuilding our friendship.
"Awesome, I can text you the flight details and everything tonight." I smiled and nodded. "So, what inspired your surprise visit?" He picked up an Xbox controller from the ground and glanced at me briefly.
"Oh, nothing, just wanted to hangout."
"In that case," Ian smirked as he knelt down to pick up another remote. "Game on, Papps." I mirrored his smirk and grabbed the remote from him.
~•~
"Sit," I insisted to Kaila, pointing to my suitcase on the bed. Spending the entire week in Massachusetts meant a weeks worth of overpacking. I'm borderline convinced my suitcase could not be zipped. Having Kaila sit on it to put it down while I tried to zip it was my final solution.
She plopped down on it with her phone in her hands as she texted rapidly. She's started seeing this new guy, but refuses to tell me anything about him. Normally, I'd be more offended, but I understand with her relationship history and commitment struggles, she'd rather just keep it personal for now.
"Are you excited, Jos?" Kaila asked after she finally dropped her phone next to her on my bed. I grabbed the suitcase zipper with both hands and tugged with all of my strength until it zipped all the way around.
Man, I really need to hit the gym.
Just before I could answer, the door may as well have been knocked down as Cara and Jocelyn came tumbling in.
"Thank God you haven't left yet!" Jocey heaved out as she and Cara bent over panting. I don't know where they sprinted from, but maybe I could hit the gym with them.
"I am excited," I answered Kaila's earlier question. "But I think Cara and Jocey are more excited than me."
I had to call Mr. Westchester and ask him for the week off and, it being such short notice, he was a little annoyed with the inconvenience. If it weren't for Cara and Jocelyn, I probably wouldn't have been able to come. They volunteered their services to pick up all of my hours for the week they could, then Mason and Kaila took the rest.
Despite how well they knew Joel and how much they loved him as a person, I think it's a fair bet that they are both Team Ian. Many people are though, when they know the backstory.
"Probably," Cara confirmed with a grin. She looked at my overweight suitcase that Kaila was still perched on top of and burst out laughing. "Damn, Jos. We knew you'd overpack, but you overpacked-overpacked."
I laughed as I hit her with my pillow. "Shut up, I know. I'm already going to hear it enough from Ian." Speaking of, he's going to be here any minute to pick me up and go to the airport.
I threw a collection of items into a carry-on bag and called it a day.
Ian knocked softly on the ajar door, kudos to Cara and Jocey for that, before pushing it up slowly, to make sure everyone was decent.
"Good morning, ladies," he greeted with a grin.
"Morning, Ian," we all replied back in creepy, unplanned sync. He gave us all a weird look for being in sync and chuckled softly.
"Papps, please tell me that is not your suitcase you're bringing..." Ian trailer off as he stared at my suitcase Kaila was sitting on top of. She was back to typing vigorously on her phone.
I just flashed him an innocent smile. Ian groaned, but I could tell by his expression he wasn't actually annoyed. Besides, he may have been gone for 4 years, but he had to have known I would still be the ridiculous over-packer I was when were 18.
Kaila hopped off the suitcase onto the floor with her phone pressed to her ear. As she was passing by, she pulled both Ian and I in for a hug, mouthed a bye and disappeared to her room.
Must be the boy on the phone...
"Okay, ready?" Ian asked when we made eye contact.
I don't know why, but this time, looking at Ian felt different. I didn't just see Ian Miller, the 22 year old guy I once loved that just returned from war, I saw my whole future. Everything I ever imagined for my future, Ian was there too.
I am making the right decision.
"I'm ready to go anywhere with you," I told him softly. Realistically, I didn't plan to actually utter those words, but Ian's bright smile made it impossible for me to regret it.
Without me even having to ask, he grabbed my suitcase off my bed for me and carried it out to his car.
~•~
I think it practically goes without saying that I'm nervous to reconnect with Ian's family. I wouldn't say we've been out of touch in his years away, but we didn't necessarily stay in touch either. When they moved, I kept a relative distance from contacting them to make it easier for me to move on from Ian. Hayden swore to me his family understood my reasoning, so we all stuck to staying updated through Facebook and such.
Now, we will be meeting again.
I'm more nervous to see them now than I was when I met them for the first time in 7th grade, even though we were strictly friends back then.
These thoughts were all that were rattling through my mind the whole time Ian was asleep, which was about the first hour of the flight.
I think therapy and scheduling for school is really taking its toll on him; he's always so tired.
"Morning, Josie Elle," Ian's raspy just-woke-up voice spoke up as he lifted his head off my shoulder. Yes, he fell asleep on my shoulder and it took everything in me to not scream that I'm in love with him right then and there.
Such a small, hardly intimate action had sent me wild.
"It's almost 2 in the afternoon," I reminded him with a small smile.
"Same difference," he winked at me. "Whats on your mind?"
I guess Ian still can read me like an open book. He knows my mind is spiraling with thoughts I don't have any control over.
"I'm excited to see your family." It wasn't an entire lie. I love Ian's family so much and distancing myself was hard to do, but part of me was scared they wouldn't understand why I distanced myself or that they won't like who I've become.
Ian put his hand on my leg, not even seeming to think anything of it, "Hey, I know you're nervous. I can see right through you, but you don't need to be. They are still going to love you."
Just like I love you.
But of course I bit my tongue and didn't spit that out. Besides, I still haven't found the right time to tell Ian that Joel and I are broken up.
"Remember the first time you rode on a plane?" Ian smirked.
Ah, yes. The 9th grade CTE trip to New York. I wish I could say "good times" and mean it.
My parents didn't realize that depriving me of an airplane flight the first 15 years of my life could have the impact it did.
"How could I forget?" I was reminded of it pretty much everyday for at least four months post.
For starters, Ian had to hold my hand through the entire take off because I was on the verge of passing out. Then, I swore to myself I wouldn't use the claustrophobic bathroom, but proceeded to drink at least 3 water bottles. I had no choice but to go, hesitantly. While in the bathroom, the plane decided to experience turbulence and I fell in a 4 foot by 4 foot sized bathroom. I was lucky enough to not fall in the toilet, honestly. One of the parent chaperones that was a nurse was pretty sure I got a concussion, but I ignored it. To cap off the worst plane experience ever, a flight attendant that was strolling by spilled coffee on me.
I was miserable.
It goes without saying that, on the way back, I took the middle seat in a row of three to avoid seeing out the window and getting coffee spilled on me, consumed no water, and stayed glued to my seat.
"Do you have to use the bathroom?" He joked, nudging me playfully.
Never again.
"Shut up, Miller," I laughed.
For the duration of the flight, we reminisced and joked around like we used to do back in high school. It felt nice being normal with Ian. I missed my best friend, and I'm so grateful that he's back home and he's safe.
It was when the pilot asked us to put our seatbelts on and prepare for landing and Ian grabbed my hand that I almost lost it.
Every part of my body ignited at his touch.
"E, I have something to tell you."
"What's up?"
"Joel and I broke up before he left for Michigan."
•••
Sorry I didn't get around to updating last week, the chapter just wasn't ready. I've been fighting through some slight writer's block, but I think it'll turn around soon. However, I think I'm going to take next week off and my next update will be the 28th (my 18th birthday!!!!) just so I have more time to write more and of better quality.
I bet you're all wondering what's going to happen now that Ian knows Josie is single, I know I am ;)
Thanks for reading!
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- Emily