The summer was passing quickly, and I guess I shouldn't have been surprised considering how much I'd managed to pack in. As expected, Jamie and I tried to make up for lost time by hanging out as much as possible. I went to all of his shows and the demo recording, while he came with me on a couple more open mics. We went to hear live music, threw more than a few parties at his place, and spent many nights in the park on the hood of his car staring at the sky and talking.
Melissa, Kelly and I also spent a lot of time together and as a group with James, Ron and Jim. If Jamie felt awkward about hanging out with couples while we clearly were not, he didn't show it, and I tried not to feel jealous at the sweet displays of affection between Mel and Jim, or the fun flirtatiousness as Ron and Kelly became closer. Jamie was immune to all the rampant romance, instead he'd roll his eyes at me in jest when anyone got lovey-dovey. I'd just match his attitude and pretend that I didn't wish he'd fucking catch a clue.
He didn't know any of this though as I sat next to him as he drove us in my car to their second show at The Troubadour. Looking over at him now, I was surprised to see that he was shooting me a sideways look, his brow furrowed in concern.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice rough. "You seem sad. Did something happen?"
Sometimes I hated that he knew me so well.
"I...I just realized its August and I have to go back to school at the end of the month."
James' lips twisted into a scowl. "Fuck, I'd almost forgotten. Actually, I was just tryin' to ignore it." He looked back over at me with a hangdog expression. "Shit, now I'm bummed."
He looked so miserable, that I unintentionally laughed.
"Seriously, now yer laughin' at me?!" he asked incredulously.
"I'm sorry, you know I have terrible timing when I get the giggles. I'm not makin' fun of you Jamie, I'm really not."
He gave me a raised eyebrow but then his lips spread into a slow rueful smile. "One of the things I like best about you Lei, is you never really act like a girl."
"Umm...thanks?" I said sarcastically.
"Nah seriously, I mean that in a good way. You don't get all dramatic about stupid shit, or act like an idiot over romantic stuff like other girls do. I could never hold a real conversation with a girl and not wanna blow my brains out."
"I think there was a compliment in there somewhere."
"It was!"
"So I should feel honored then that you don't wanna blow yer brains out?"
I gave him a sideways smile and he grinned back at me. "Hell yeah."
"Wow, the list of compliments from you is gettin' lengthy Jamie. Now I can add one more to the...how many are there...oh yes...to the one other compliment I got from you back when we were fifteen."
"Hey, I think I gave you one when we were in Mexico."
"OK, fine. Three whole compliments!"
"Well, I don't wanna be responsible for givin' ya a fat head."
He gave me a smug smile and I burst out laughing. He started laughing too, and we finished out the rest of the drive giving each other nonsensical compliments.
When we arrived, the rest of the guys, and also Hugh, had already unloaded all the equipment and were hanging at the bar waiting for the band's set later in the evening. Ron, Hugh and Lars each gave me a friendly hug, and even Dave had recently toned down on the aggressive flirting towards me, though it didn't stop him from eyeballing me from head to toe, taking in my Kelly approved outfit of skintight ripped jeans and fitted low cut Metallica t-shirt. I ignored him as I sat down on the bar stool that Ron kindly offered me as Jamie ordered a couple beers. He handed me one and took a long swallow from his, starting his pre-show regime of beers and shots. Even though it bothered me that he felt that he had to get himself buzzed to go on stage, I also completely understood how standing in front of a room full of strangers and putting himself and his music out there for their judgement, went against every one of his introvert instincts. For that, I cut him slack and kept my own drinking limited, knowing someone had to be sober enough to get us back home safe.
"So who are the other bands, anyone worth checkin' out?" I asked as I took a small sip of beer.
Lars, James and Dave all snorted in disgust, so I had my answer.
"Bunch of fuckin' posers," Lars sneered as he looked to the stage where the first band was getting ready.
I followed his gaze and could see the band was definitely more of the glam metal variety that was so popular in the L.A. area. I didn't understand the girls who swooned for those kind of guys; eye liner and sparkly shirts weren't really my cup of tea, but more importantly, most of the music was gimmicky and unoriginal. Of course, maybe I was a little biased towards the type of guy who didn't try so hard to get noticed, but got it anyway because of his talent. I hid a smile behind my beer as I took another sip and watched the first act get underway.
A few songs in and I had made up my own mind. They were pretty much the way Lars had described, though their lead singer was actually good, even if their original songs were bland and repetitive. I preferred when they stuck to covers, though I could tell James and the rest of the guys were not impressed. Eventually the first group finished their set, and the guys started to head backstage to get their equipment and instruments set up. James waited while I grabbed my beer from the bar and then we followed the rest. He didn't like leaving me by myself during gigs, and since Hugh was helping with their gear during their performance, I was stuck sitting on the wings. I didn't mind really, and it warmed me a little to know that Jamie was concerned for my well-being.
Stepping into the dim interior of the backstage, it took me a moment to process the chaos as the venue's roadies helped pull gear off the stage while simultaneously setting up the equipment for Metallica. I quickly lost track of James and tried my best to stay out from under foot. Stepping back quickly to avoid two guys carrying a large amp, I backed into something solid.
"Hey, watch where you're..."
I turned to find that I'd bumped into the lead singer of the band I'd just watched, and though he'd seemed irritated at first, the words seemed to have gotten stuck in his throat as he gazed down at me. He was actually pretty good looking up close.
"I'm sorry," I started to apologize, "I wasn't lookin'..."
"No, no, I shouldn't have been so quick to act like an asshole," he interrupted, seemingly eager to excuse me of any wrongdoing. "Of course you didn't mean to bump into me, I'm sure it was probably my fault."
"I doubt that, but thanks for takin' the fall."
I grinned then, surprised at how easily I was flirting; there was hope for me yet.
"Yeah well"—he leaned in closer as his voice dropped down a few octaves—"I'm pretty sure I'd do just about anything to put a smile on that beautiful face."
Ugh, that was a clunker. I didn't let my disappointment show though as I maintained a neutral smile.
"Well, I should go find my friends."
"Do you have to?"
He was giving me his puppy dog eyes but I was surprisingly immune.
"I do. They're goin' on soon and I wanna wish them luck."
"Wait, you're here with Metallica?"
I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing in his eyes.
"Yeah, they're the friends I was talkin' about."
"Friends? Those guys are friends of yours?"
"Yep. I've known James and Ron since we were kids."
His face and stance relaxed.
"Since you were kids huh? So now you're a one woman cheering section?" he asked as he gave me a lazy smile.
The look he was giving me would have made me blush, if I was actually still the slightest bit interested.
"Yeah I guess. I just believe in supporting the people I care about."
The obvious interest in his eyes seemed to deepen as he leaned in a little, his voice soft. "What does it take to become someone you care about?"
I didn't know how to answer, but was saved from having to by Ron, who'd come looking for me. He shot the other guy an odd look before addressing me.
"Hey Leila, we were wonderin' what happened to ya."
"Sorry, just got caught up talkin'."
Ron gave the other guy another strange look before nodding for me to follow him.
I had only taken a couple steps when the guy's voice stopped me. "Leila." Stopping to look back at him, he gave me another suggestive smile, one I was sure he'd used a thousand times before. "I'll be seein' you Leila."
I didn't say anything as I hurried after Ron as he led me to the wings on the other side of the stage, which had been set-up as a place for the guys to warm up. James looked up from his guitar, a relieved expression on his face.
"Did you get lost?"
"Sorry." I was quick to change the subject. "So, you ready to thrash the shit out of this place?"
He grinned wide at me. "Hell fuckin' yeah!"
We stood grinning at each other for a moment, until Dave called James over for the band huddle. I gave him a heartfelt hug and watched him join the other guys, before wandering over to hop up onto an equipment case. A few minutes later, they jogged out onto the stage and dove right into their set; their frenzied and frenetic energy amping up some in the audience, though I could tell there were many who didn't seem to know what to make of the band's rawness.
The forty-five-minute set flew by, and soon the boys were coming back off stage sweaty and tired but psyched about their performance. Even though some in the crowd may have been less than receptive, the guys were really coming together musically and tightening their sound. They'd even had a couple fans in attendance waving the Metal Massacre LP, and it more than made up for those who were only interested in the lightweight metal bands.
"How was that one?" Jamie asked as he walked over to me, wiping the sweat from his face with a towel.
"You guys sounded really good."
I pretended not to notice as he peeled his t-shirt off and used the towel to pat at his arms and chest.
Licking my suddenly dry lips, I continued talking, anything to distract from the overwhelming desire to touch him. "I love how much the fans are recognizing the songs more and more, especially Seek and Destroy. Even the cream puffs out there got into it. I think you made some new fans tonight too."
He paused what he was doing to look at me, his head tilted, a pleased smile on his face. "Yeah, ya think so?"
I nodded confidently. "I've come to enough of yer shows now to tell you that you get two kinds of people in the audience. First there are the ones who wander in expectin' eye shadow and crap music that's totally commercial and forgettable. I get it, people like what's easy." I paused for a moment, choosing my words. "But then there's the other kind, the ones who come in lookin' for something...something more...something that speaks to them like only music can. Then you start playin'...and it's like they've come home."
As I spoke, the smile had slowly faded from his face, and now he was looking at me with such intensity, I found that I couldn't look away. Finally he broke the stare to look down at the ground.
His voice was quiet, but I detected the undercurrent of vulnerability when he spoke. "I've always played the music I like, music that I'd wanna hear if I were a fan." He looked up at me then, his eyes dark with emotion. "The fact that people are connecting with it too, that's all I've ever wanted."
"Keep doin' that." I couldn't help but smile at him tenderly. "Don't ever be anything other than who you are."
Suddenly, Jamie was pulling me in for a tight hug and I wrapped my arms around his bare waist, trying not to tremble at the feel of his bare skin under my fingers and against my cheek.
"Thank you Lei," he whispered against my ear.
"For what?" I mumbled, embarrassed.
"For bein' the most amazing friend a guy like me could ever ask for."
He gave me one more squeeze before letting me go and heading over to help the guys load the equipment into the van. I stood there for a moment trying to pull myself together as his bittersweet words washed over me. There it was, I couldn't ask for it to be any clearer. He was only reiterating what he'd said to me before, you'd think I could take a hint, much less a sledge hammer over the head.
"For fuck's sake Leila," I whispered to myself forlornly as I watched Jamie grab the other end of an amp and carry it outside. "He's never, ever gonna love you like you want him to. When are ya gonna move on?"
Usually I would have helped with the load out, but I needed space to collect my thoughts. Instead, I turned and wandered back out to the club.
"Fancy runnin' into you again so soon." A voice spoke up from behind me.
Without even turning around, I knew it was the singer from earlier. Part of me wanted to pretend like I hadn't heard him and just keep on walking, but I didn't want to be a jerk. Plus, even I could understand the irony of the moment; I needed to move on, no time like the present, right? Turning slowly, I forced a smile to my lips.
"Oh hey."
He didn't seem to notice my lackluster greeting as he came closer. "I was hopin' I'd get a chance to see you again Leila. My name's Steve by the way."
"Nice to meet you Steve." I forced what I hoped was a flirtatious note into my tone. "Again."
Grinning wide, he extended a hand over my left shoulder to rest against the wall behind me, leaning his weight against it to create a sense of intimacy between my body and his. I didn't feel overly vulnerable, but I also had to suppress the urge to duck under his arm and put distance between us.
"So I stayed and watched your friends' set." He smirked.
"And...?"
"Definitely not what this crowd was expecting."
I snorted at that. "That's putting it mildly. It was pretty funny watchin' them try and make sense of what they were hearin' and seein'. Some of them got it though."
"Yeah I dunno, is there really a market for that kind of music? I mean, maybe the extreme metal types, or idiot teenager trying to freak out his parents, but I can't imagine many people wanna come to a show just to be assaulted by the music. No offense to your friends of course."
I immediately prickled at his words. "I think you underestimate the band's talent."
I folded my arms angrily, but Steve didn't seem to notice my body language as he continued talking.
"OK I'll give you, Dave is alright on lead and Hetfield is a decent enough guitarist, but he has no business anywhere near a mic."
Narrowing my eyes, my lips flattened into a disapproving frown.
Finally, he seemed to notice my brewing anger and immediately tried to change the subject. "Why are we talking about those guys, when what I really wanna talk about is you?" His voice dropped an octave into what I'm sure he thought was his seal the deal voice. "Tell me everything I need to know to make you fall in love with me Leila."
For fuck's sake, really?! OK, I'd really made an effort, no one could say I hadn't given him a chance to come back from his cheesy one liners from earlier, but now he was continuing the corny come-ons and had completely insulted my best friend. I was totally done with this guy.
I happened to look over his shoulder and noticed that Jamie had just come from the backstage and had stopped short upon seeing Steve and I. His face was darkening with anger, though I couldn't for the life of me understand why. He made his way over, his fists clenching and un-clenching with agitation.
"Leila."
His voice was curt, not a tone I was used to hearing from him. He turned to Steve then and I noticed his jaw tensing.
"Edmonds, haven't seen you around for a while." James looked him up and down derisively. "Guess now I know whatcha been doin' with yourself."
"Wait, you guys know each other?" I didn't see that coming.
"Friend of friends," Steve answered me flatly, his eyes narrowing at Jamie even as he straightened up and took a step back.
"I thought you said this whole glam thing was bullshit...guess you changed yer mind huh?" James pinned Steve with a cold stare.
The singer shrugged, trying to play it as though James' words didn't mean anything, but clearly he was bothered.
"Yeah well, we got tired of playin' to half empty rooms, makin' no money, and no chicks showin' up that were worth the time."
"Looks like you really got yer fuckin' priorities in order," James sneered derisively.
"Fuck you Hetfield!" Steve's face was turning beet red with anger as he tried to stretch himself taller. "What gives you the fuckin' right to tell me what kind of music I should be makin'."
"Maybe cuz you used to strut around talkin' about how yer music was yer art and you'd never sell yourself out just to be popular. So fuckin' self-important, and now yer wearin' fuckin' eyeliner and singin' Styx."
"Whatever. My band still brought in the crowd tonight, and, I'll be takin' home the hottest chick here."
In his anger, Steve must have forgotten I was still standing right there, and it was almost comical how his eyes widened in dismay.
I was about to tell him to shove it when Jamie cut me off, his voice deadly serious. "She ain't goin' nowhere with you."
"You don't have a fuckin' say!" Steve tried to puff up his chest in intimidation, but slowly the air went out of him under the force of James' glare. "Asshole," he muttered, before walking away with one last glance in my direction.
It was quiet for a moment. I was steaming mad.
"What the fuck was that?" I growled, briefly forgetting that moments earlier I was ready to tell Steve off myself.
Jamie seemed caught off guard by my anger.
"That guy's a joke, a complete bullshit poser. Don't tell me you were fallin' for his lines?"
"Of course not Jamie, give me some fuckin' credit! But you had no right to bust into the middle of my conversation, and you have no right to decide who I get to date or not date."
"But the only reason he was even talkin' to you was to piss me off."
"And it seemed to work."
"Cuz I knew what he was tryin' to do!" James threw his hands up in a show of exasperation. "His band is for shit and they're jealous of us. He's just tryin' to get to me any way he can, cuz he knows he'll never be as good."
"So you think this was about you and the band? You don't think he could possibly be flirting with me because he might actually like me? Maybe he thinks I'm cute."
"That guy would jump a lamp post if it had tits."
I sucked in my breath at that. James was immediately contrite.
"I don't mean that yer the same as a lamp post..." He tried to backpedal lamely.
"No, I'm pretty sure you did. So I'm a lamp post with boobs, and Steve was just tryin' to make you angry and couldn't possibly find me attractive. Does that about sum it up?"
I was furious and hurt that he thought so little of my appeal.
"Leila, come on. I didn't mean it to sound..."
"No, I think you said exactly what you meant. But if you really believe that no guy would find me attractive, then I'm sure as shit gonna prove you wrong."
I looked around desperately and my eyes fell on a cute guy across the room. He actually looked a little like Jamie, with sun streaked shoulder length hair and a lean build. Without looking back at James, I walked towards the guy slowly, putting a little sway in my walk and intentionally pushing my chest up slightly so that my t-shirt pulled just a little tighter across my breasts. I could feel James staring at me from behind; I wanted him to see what other guys thought of me...even if he didn't.
The guy turned his head finally to see me approaching and his eyes widened. I caught the familiar look as he stared at me, I'd seen it plenty of times but I'd never really encouraged it...at least until this moment. Putting down his beer, he straightened up from where he'd been slouching against the wall. Coming to stand a few feet in front of him, I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't give me the typical guy once over, the one where they don't even try to hide that they're imagining you naked as they look you head to toe. Moistening my lips, I went in for the kill.
"Hey," I managed to get out.
Brilliant opening I chided myself snidely; clearly he'd be putty in hands with all my witty repartee.
"Hey," he answered back, his smile widening.
Now it was back in my court. I'd been so full of fire when I'd walked over hoping to prove a point, but now I felt less sure.
"I was wonderin'..."—I looked down, embarrassed to get the words out—"I was wonderin' if you could help me out."
"I can't imagine ever sayin' no to you."
I cringed a little at the cheesy line, but I was more than willing to give him a pass, seeing as I needed his help. Looking up, I did my best to keep my tone even.
"I'm tryin' to prove a point to my friend back there..."
I didn't turn around, but he looked over my shoulder towards where Jamie was standing.
"You mean the guy glarin' at me? Isn't he the singer for the band that just played, Metallica? He looks like he wants to kick my ass." His voice dropped a little. "Is he gonna kick my ass?"
The guy started to look nervous and I worried that he might bolt before I accomplished my task.
"No, he's not gonna touch you, I wouldn't let him." I gave him an encouraging smile, and just like that, his full attention was back on me. "So back to my favor," I continued. "My friend there doesn't think that any guy would be attracted to me."
"He's an idiot!" he shot back instantly, and my confidence got a much needed boost.
"He has his moments," I agreed sarcastically.
"Doesn't he have eyes?" The guy leaned in closer and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "Does he swing the other way?"
I shook my head. "No, he likes girls just fine. I dunno what his deal is, but I wanna prove to him that not every guy thinks the way he does."
He nodded knowingly. "Yer tryin' to make him jealous."
I opened my mouth to disagree, but then, what was the point if he was right?
"Yeah...I am. Not that it's gonna make a difference, he doesn't see me that way."
"Are you sure he's not gay?"
I laughed appreciatively.
"So will you help me out?"
His smile widened.
"You never even had to ask."
Before I could say anything more, he reached a hand out to my lower waist and slowly pulled me up against his chest. Seeing his head lower down to mine, I closed my eyes, knowing in that moment I desperately wanted it to be James who was touching his lips to mine. The guy moved his mouth over mine as he cupped my face with his other hand, making a real show of it. I could tell he was into it despite my tepid response. For me though it was all wrong; he wasn't tall enough, he didn't smell right, his arms didn't make me feel safe and protected. When finally he pulled back to look down at me with dark brown eyes, not ocean blue, I was humiliated to feel a tear run down my face.
"Hey, I'm not that bad of a kisser am I?"
His joke had the desired effect as I giggled, even as I extricated myself from his arms.
"No, the kiss was great. It's just that..."
"I'm not him."
"Yeah," I muttered, looking down at my feet ashamed. "I'm sorry I dragged you into my little pity party."
"I'm not sorry at all." I could hear the smile in his voice. "I got to help a beautiful damsel in distress. Actually, I got to make out with a beautiful damsel in distress," he amended cheekily.
I attempted to smile at him again, he was being so cool about the whole thing. Why couldn't I fall in love with this guy?
"Thanks for helpin' me out."
"Anytime," he said, winking at me. "I hope you don't mind though, but when I talk to my friends and I mention that I kissed this smokin' hot girl in the club, I hope you won't think badly of me if I make it sound like you really wanted me, but I just couldn't be tied down."
I laughed softly at that, imagining the conversation in my head. The smile on the guy's face faded as he regarded me somberly.
"Not that my two cents matter, but he really is an idiot for not realizin' what he has right in front of him. I mean come on, yer crazy beautiful, and you seem totally cool. If he doesn't get his head out of his ass soon, I'm stealin' you away."
I could see he was earnest and I was touched. Smiling wanly, I walked away, not even bothering to see if James was still watching. What did it matter? All my intentions of making some kind of statement felt pointless. My little stunt only proved that I could kiss a thousand other guys and it wouldn't make me want him any less.
Walking through a side door, I found myself on a deserted patio. A few table and chairs were scattered around, but I ignored them and walked over to look out at the view of the city lights, my heart growing heavier and heavier. So that was it, whatever intimacy or hint of feelings that I had hoped would flourish into something more, had just been wishful thinking after all. Maybe it was the close quarters in Mexico or it was all just pure manifestation in my head, or both. I'd actively flaunted myself in front of him, tried every trick in the book to get him to see me in a sexual way, and I had watched for those moments, hoping to see that look in his eyes again...but it never happened. I can't say that I hadn't warned myself at getting my hopes up, but when does the heart ever listen to reason? I was crushed. The aching in my chest was even stronger now and tears slipped down my cheeks as I felt my last hope slip away.
I stayed out there for a long time until I heard the door open behind me.
"Hey Leila, we're headin' out. You ready?"
I had expected it to be James and whirled around in surprise when it was Lars who came to find me. "Where is he?"
Lars didn't have to ask who I was talking about, but then, I think he's always suspected how I really felt. Sometimes I'd catch him giving me a look, half pity, half sorrow. I guess even he understood how hopeless my situation was.
"Asshole went on a drinkin' binge and is passed out in the back of yer car."
"How did he get so smashed? I saw him an hour ago and he was fine."
"Dunno." Lars shrugged. "He came backstage, grabbed some vodka and slammed almost half of the bottle. He didn't say a word the entire time. Something really set him off."
He gave me a pointed look and I looked away guiltily.
"We had an argument"—I exhaled tiredly—"and he doesn't take it well when we argue. We rarely do, so I guess he gets a little wound up when it happens. Shit, this is my fault."
"Yeah well, you didn't make him drink himself into oblivion, he did that fine on his own. Still"—Lars paused and looked at me speculatively—"yer the only thing that provokes this kind of fire in the kid when he's not on stage. Why do ya think that is?"
I sure as hell wasn't going to read anything into it, not anymore. I knew better now than to romanticize James' motives where I was concerned, that only led to disappointment and heartache.
"I know what yer gettin' at...but things aren't like that with us."
"Are you sure about that?" He arched an eyebrow in doubt. "I watched yer little performance tonight."
My cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. "I dunno what..."
"Cut the bullshit Lei," Lars interrupted, shaking his head at my attempt to deflect, "I know ya better than that. Despite the fact that you could have any guy you want, you don't slut around. I've never seen you really show genuine interest in any guy ever. Unless yer a lesbian...which is super hot by the way—"
"I'm not a lesbian," I stated flatly.
Lars look disappointed for a moment before shrugging and continuing. "Yeah, I didn't think so." He tilted his head as his lips twisted into a wry smile. "I've watched ya since we met, watched how you looked at him when you thought no one was payin' attention. I know Leila...I know yer in love with James."
I couldn't stop a pained expression as I looked down quickly, feeling uncomfortably exposed. Lars caught sight of my face and was immediately apologetic.
"Hey, I didn't mean to upset you Lei, I just want you to be happy. Both of you."
"I know. It's just...hearin you say it out loud, I'm reminded of just how impossible the situation is."
He smiled at me sympathetically. "How do you know he won't come around?"
My lips pressed into a thin line as I shook my head at his question. "He's not gonna magically wake up one day and see me differently, see me as a woman, see me as desirable." I stared out unseeingly at the skyline. "I realize now that he doesn't see me that way and you know what, he's fine with that...he's fine with it cuz he needs me in his life exactly as I am. I'm closer to him than anyone, we've been through too much together and I mean too much to him for him to want me in any other way. There are plenty of girls out there for him to f...fuck or fall in l...love with."
I stopped then, my heart squeezing so hard in my chest I thought I'd cry out from the pain. Taking a breath, I tried to continue.
"But...but...there's only one person he trusts, one person who will always have his back, one person who knows his soul...and he won't give that up. He'd never allow himself to fall in love with me Lars. It would be too big a risk."
Lars stared at me for a moment, digesting my words. "Jesus Leila...this is a really shitty situation all around. I'm sorry...for you...and for James."
I gave a humorless laugh at that. "Why James? He's oblivious."
"Exactly. He doesn't even realize he has the missing piece of the puzzle right here. The thing you know? The thing that would make him whole."
I looked at him perplexed, and he sighed as if he couldn't understand why I was being so obtuse.
"I'm a guy and even I get this." He gave me a small smile. "Love Leila...it's love that's missing. You know it, you see how he is. Hell, all you have to do is listen to his music. I mean, I'm out there too playin' the songs, rippin' it up, actin' like a badass...but I'll tell ya a secret...I'm not angry at the world, I had it good growin' up. But James...he believes what he's singin' about cuz he has a rage in him. He's gonna need something a whole lot stronger than friendship, and even music, to pull himself out of that self-imposed hell he lives in."
I was surprised at Lars' insight, he was a lot more astute than I'd given him credit for. But he'd come to the same conclusions as I had about Jamie; clearly we were both worried about the path he was heading down.
"I'm glad he has someone else lookin' out for him," I said quietly.
"Yeah well, don't tell him that."
I snorted a little, imagining how pissed James would be if he felt like we were both keeping tabs on him.
Taking another deep breath, I followed Lars out to the parking lot, and sure enough, Jamie was passed out in the backseat. Ron could see I was tired and offered to drive the car back, while Dave and Lars drove the van with all the gear. Hugh called shotgun and hopped into the front seat, leaving me in the back with James. Sighing, I shoved him over and climbed in for the long ride home to Downey.