Trigger warning: Mention of attempted suicide. Reader discretion is advised.
"I can swear, I can joke, I say what's on my mind. If I drink, if I smoke, I keep up with the guys," Maggie sang softly as she opened the door to her sister's home. "And you see me holding up my finger to the world. F-."
Lauren's hand immediately went to cover her sister's mouth. "O-okay. No swearing. Izzy is here."
Maggie laughed. "C'mon. This is a bangerrrr." She pulled Lauren into a hug. "Please don't make me go. Please don't make me do this."
The elder Jauregui sister laughed loudly, patting her on the back trying to comfort her. "You're making it sound as though I'm forcing you to go to school or go to a job interview you don't remotely like."
"You're making me go to visit...the family," Maggie cringed. "The last time all of us were together was for my graduation from high school," she trailed behind Lauren. "When I was 16!!!"
"Hi, aunty Maggie!" Izzy greeted her aunt, hugging her tightly. "I missed you so much."
Maggie stopped her bitching about her family for a moment and looked down at her niece. She felt a pang if sadness in her chest. She could've had this, had a child but she didn't think she was ready. "Hi, baby girl. I missed you too." She bopped her on the nose. "How has your mamas been treating you?"
Izzy sighed dramatically. "I asked mummy for a puppy but she doesn't wanna get me one." She bent her head in sadness. "I even have a name picked out for him."
"Aww," Maggie stooped to the child's height. "What type of dog do you want?"
"Nope. There'll be no getting of any dogs anytime soon," Camila popped into the kitchen. She planted a kiss on her sister in law's cheek. "Sup, loser? You look rather cute today. Love the shirt."
Maggie looked down at her ripped jeans and camouflage t shirt, paired with a combat boots. She shrugged, "I just tossed this on. But I do look cute every single day, boo."
Camila laughed. "Do you want anything to eat?"
"I lost my appetite, days ago when your beloved wife asked me to hang with her and the family," she sighed and picked up her niece. "You're the only family I need, Izzy. Don't make me goooo."
Izzy giggled and held her aunt's face in her hands. "If you go, I'll spend the night with you, and we can watch Frozen!"
"Why does this sound like a lose lose on my part?" Maggie kinked an eyebrow, causing her niece to pout. "Ugh fineeee. Just because I love corrupting your innocence. But! We'll be watching Coco or the Book of Life, now those movies are lit."
Lauren rolled her eyes, taking Izzy out of her sister's arms. "It's time for the munchkin to head to school. Camz?"
"Mmm?" She was busy stuffing her face with food.
Lauren smiled. There was a tingling sensation that ran through her body just from looking at her wife. "You're adorable. You know that?" Camila blushed. "Anyway, you're sure you can drop Izzy to school? You're hanging with Becky right?"
Camila nodded. "Yes, Laur. My driving is getting better. Promise, babe." She kissed her wife on the cheek. "And yes, Becky doesn't have any school today, so we thought we'll go see a movie and have some lunch together."
"Wait you're going out with the hot sister in law?!" Maggie piped up. "Can I be a Cabello too? And might I add, Maggie Cabello sounds pretty good. And we both hate our dads, so we can fit right in."
"You don't hate dad, Mags," Lauren said. "You're just hurt. And I can understand why," she wrapped an arm around her sister's waist. "You're too nice to hate anyone."
Maggie whined into her sister's shoulder, while Izzy patting her head. "Somebody just revoke my Jauregui card. I don't want it anymore. I'll get a new name, call me Lindemann. Maggie Lindemann."
"That's a dumb surname," Camila pointed out. She grabbed Izzy's lunch bag. "C'mon, princesa."
Izzy kissed Lauren and Maggie, then headed out the door with her other mother. "Bye, mama. I love you! Bye, tía. I love youuu."
Lauren grabbed her sister by the arm and dragged her out of the house. "Who's car are we taking?"
Maggie shrugged. "We can take yours. I don't wanna go so I might end up speeding away."
"It won't be that bad, and if it is," Lauren opened the door for her sister. "We can always leave."
The younger Jauregui took a seat and stared at her sister. "Are you sure?"
Lauren nodded. "I promise. If you don't want to stay anymore we can go. You have my word. Scout's honour." She raised her right hand.
"You were never a scout," Maggie rolled her eyes playfully. "And if you were, I would've wished that a bear attacked your ass."
Lauren flipped her sister off before climbing into the driver's seat and starting the car. "Off we go to see la familia."
Adults who were hurt as children inevitably display a certain type of strength. An intense inner wisdom, a phenomenal creativity and insight. Deep within them; just beneath the wounds they were dealt in their youth, lies a profound spiritual vitality. A quiet knowing and a way of perceiving what is beautiful. Since the early experiences in their life were so dark and so painful, they have spent much of their lives in search of the love and happiness that they could have only imagined in the privacy of their minds and the depths of their heart.
Maggie and Lauren didn't have the ideal childhood. Sure, they had money that was easily accessible but money cannot buy happiness. It cannot nurture your children. It cannot replace someone who's absent in your life.
Money only simply acts as a distraction.
Lauren pulled up to the gate that would allow them to enter their old family home. It had architecture like no other home in the area. Their father had recently done some renovations, and by some renovations; it meant millions of dollars were spent just to keep his house as being the best. There was an open porch at the front that held up with most ostentatiously detailed pillars, painted in brilliant white. The lawn was well manicured, with a water-fountain situated at the centre, spewing water out through the jaguar's mouth.
"Damn. Dad didn't have to go all out," Lauren said in awe. "It looks beautiful though."
Maggie snorted as she stuck her head out through the car window, admiring their old home. "Beautiful? That's like 100 million worth of real estate, this is fucking spectacular," she breathed out. "I wish the house looked like this when we lived here," she exited the car, slamming the door shut. "I would've definitely hopped in that fountain."
Lauren laughed. She locked the car as she exited her vehicle. The mansion's front door was opened as soon as the Jauregui sisters stepped onto the porch.
"Lauren, Margarita," the butler bowed. "It's a pleasure to have you home again." He smiled a sincere smile at the two women.
Maggie hugged the greyed man. "No need to be so formal, Jeff. I missed you, old sport."
"I don't ever recall us being on a nickname basis, Margarita," the butler laughed. "But needless to say, I do happen to miss you and your shenanigans. You should come home more often, even if it's just to see me."
"Damn," Lauren feigned hurt, clutching her chest dramatically. "I can see where the love lies, Jeffery." The butler pulled her into a hug. "I missed you, man. It's been too long."
Jeffery nodded, his smile never leaving his lips. "The house isn't the same without the two of you. But, let's head inside shall we?" He ushered them in. "Your parents are out back. Should I call them in?"
"Everyone needs a house to live in, but a supportive family is what builds a home," Anthony Liccione once said. Maggie's eyes traveled from object to object in her parents' home. They had the nicest appliances, vases, pictures, curtains, anything you can think of, but yet something seemed so off about the house.
And maybe it was because it wasn't a home.
Being bound by blood and sharing the same surname doesn't make you a family, it's the relationship that you cultivate over the years. A house is just brick walls and possessions, but a home is something that takes time to build but with a family.
"You think they'll notice if I steal this?" Maggie asked her sister. She was eyeing an expensive looking bottle of wine, the only one that was on the table top, so I guess you can figure out that her parents would in fact miss it if it did go missing.
Lauren laughed, taking the bottle from her sister's hands and placing it back on the table. "I'm pretty sure they would, Mags."
"But they owe me!"She whined. "Please?"
"They owe you for what?"
"For fucking up my life?" Maggie shrugged as though it wasn't obvious. She glanced outside through the glass door and saw her parents sitting by the pool deep in conversation. "Ugh. Let's just get it over with so I can go back home."
Lauren grabbed her by the arm pulling her back. "Listen, Mags. I know you don't want to be here and I guess I practically forced you to come, but you need to have an open mind," her younger sister opened her mouth to speak but she silenced her. "Shut it. I know how you feel towards the both of them, and I know there's feelings in you that I don't even know about but please, don't do this for me or for them, do this for you."
"For me?" Maggie questioned. "I don't even want this, Laur. I don't want to be here. I feel suffocated just being in this house. Dad can renovate it as much as he wants, but it doesn't cancel out the fact that just upstairs this very room, is the same room that I tried to kill myself. It doesn't cancel out the fact that it was in this very house, my parents tossed me back into when I got out of rehab, not giving a shit if I was actually okay, Laur." She ran her hands through her messy hair. "So I can't 'do this for myself'," she used air quotes. "I love you, Lauren. You know I do, but the only reason I'm here is for you."
Lauren released her grip on her sister. "Maggie, please. Don't make this difficult."
The model shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I really don't want to have to do this. Not right now and possibly not ever. So let's not, please."
"Maggie!" Lauren called after her but she was already out the door greeting their parents.
"Lauren," Clara wrapped her arms around her eldest child, when she stepped into the backyard. "I'm so glad you could make it. How was the ride?"
"Hey mom, hey dad," Lauren hugged her parents. "The ride was fine. I've seen that y'all renovated the place. It looks nice," she looked around admiring their new backyard.
Mike smiled proudly. "Yeah, I realised the house need some sprucing up. I'll give you the tour a little later," he patted the empty chair next to him. "Have a seat. How has work been? I read somewhere that you're working with Nicholas Dos Santos?" Lauren nodded. "How did you manage to snag that? I'm impressed."
Lauren began talking about how her friend; Natasha was the one who managed to hook up the deal for the both of them. She told them about her trip to Milan and how it was such a new experience for her. All the while, Maggie was sat in a corner, sipping on some orange juice and scrolling through her phone.
"How have you been, Maggie?"
Her eyes snapped up from her phone, the glass of juice to her lips as she stared at her mother in shock. "Huh? Who? Me?"
Clara had a small smile on her face. "Do you want to take a walk so we can talk?"
Maggie shrugged and stood, she slipped her phone in her back pocket then helped her mother up. "I've been good by the way," she said a couple of moments into their walk. They were strolling through Clara's flower garden.
"Maggie.." Clara touched her daughter's arm. "You can talk to me."
She nodded slowly. "Right. Yeah, of course."
Clara led her daughter towards a bench, patting the spot next to her. "About what you said during therapy...about your...abortion," she tried to calmly broach the topic as she knew it would've been a sensitive one for her daughter to talk about. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really, no," Maggie shrugged. "I had sex and I got pregnant, that's all that there is to it."
"Maggie..." Clara reached out for her daughter but she pulled away. "Please talk to me."
"Talk to you?!" Maggie scoffed. "Where were you all those years ago when I needed you?!" She stood and glared at her mother. "Where were you when I was crying myself to sleep every night? Huh? Where were you?!" She pretended to think. "OH! That's right, you weren't around for me to talk to you. You were never there!"
Her mother didn't say anything because it was true, she nor her husband were ever there for her especially when they knew that she wasn't okay.
"I needed you, mom. I needed a mother. I didn't need to be raised by the maids, or by Jeffery and I'm not saying that they did a terrible job because I'm not that bad, but look at me!" Maggie gestured at herself. "I'm a fucking mess. I look at Lauren and I see the things that I want," her voice broke at the end. "But I know I can't have it. I don't deserve it."
She turned around and started pacing up and down.
"I have someone who really likes me, mami...and for the love of God, I can't find it within me to allow myself to actually believe that she really does feel something for me. And do you want to know why?"
Clara nodded slowly. She wasn't sure if it was a rhetorical question or not.
"Because I'm just so fucking scared," Maggie whispered out the last part. "I was six years old when I started hearing the bickering, six years old when I first got my heartbroken by my parents. And I so badly want to not be angry about it but I can't. And sometimes, sometimes I'm not even angry, I'm just hurt."
The elderly woman, stretched her hand out for her daughter, who reluctantly took it. She pulled her in closer. "Magarita, I cannot take back the years that I haven't been there for you. And I really want to. I want to be able to mend your broken heart; the heart that your father and I broke, but I need you to let me. I need you to trust me with it. Just one more chance."
Maggie's lips were trembling as she tried her best to not cry. She hated crying. She hated showing any sort of emotions in front of her parents but sometimes it was just too much for her to bear. "How do I even know you're genuine, mami? My heart...it can't take any more disappointment."
Clara stroked her daughter's cheeks lovingly. "I know it can't, estrella. And I don't want to hurt you. I love you so much."
If you love and love wholeheartedly, you're going to get hurt so bad that it will ruin you. And if you've got a lot of light in your heart, in your life, well chances are you have a lot of darkness waiting to come too. These things need to be balanced out. You can only protect yourself from being hurt by not loving, but sometimes that's just so hard to do. There's always that one person you'll end up loving no matter how scared you are, how much you try not to, there'll always be someone.
Why do you keep hanging on to someone that you're better off without? It doesn't matter who that person is, why do you do it? If they're constantly bringing you heartache, and always making you feel as though you're not good enough, there's comes a point in your life where you have to stop making excuses for their behaviour and you need to start focusing on your own feelings.
You matter too.
"And I'll prove it to you, mija. I know I can't rewrite the past, but the future is still a thing and I will be there for you," Clara pulled her daughter into her arms, rubbing her back soothingly as the tears began to spill out of her daughter's eyes. "Te quiero, mucho. You are my light. You are my life, my love. I love you. I love you so much."
A few minutes passed until Maggie pulled away from her mother's arms, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this," she mumbled. "I don't know what came over me."
Do you want to know what truly aches? Having so much inside you; so many unsaid things, so many emotions that you don't have the slightest of clues of how to pour it out. Until one day it all becomes too much for you to bear, and everything just comes spilling out of you, leaving you as an emotional mess.
"Magarita..you know it's okay for you to tell me how you're really feeling right?"
She shook her head 'no'. "I can't. I don't really like to feel weak. I don't like connecting with my emotions."
Clara sighed heavily, taking her daughter's hand in hers. "Whenever you're ready to talk, I'm here."
***
Mushroom soup, leafy greens with tomatoes, well done roasted steak because eating it any other way is like simply just taking a bite from the cow, along with some red wine, or scotch; Mike's drink of choice. The maids all dressed in their black and white uniforms came and placed all the dishes on the table, filling their glasses and piling food onto their plates.
"Isn't this a bit extra, father dearest?" Maggie asked. "We're supposed to be bonding, not hosting a gala or something."
Mike looked like he was about to protest but Lauren cut in. "Mags, is right though. But we'll just have to make do with what we have." He nodded his head mindlessly, lost in his thoughts. Everyone dug into their meal. The silence rang throughout the dining room. It was a grand space, to say the least. The huge mahogany table took up most of the vast space. It was left without a tablecloth, as though daring the guests to ruin the perfectly varnished shine with their unworthy fingerprints, and spilled drinks. A single, gold candelabra commanded attention from the center of the table, holding smooth white candles which wax never dripped. Knives and forks hitting the ware plates were the only sound that echoed through the room.
"Well isn't this like old times," Maggie said randomly, sipping on her glass of wine. "Can't say that I missed it," she muttered under her breath.
Clara stared at her daughter for a few moments. She wiped at her mouth until she began speaking. "So Margarita, I saw that you're scheduled to walk the runway for New York Fashion Week for Ralph Lauren. That's really impressive."
Her daughter began choking on her drink. A maid approached her but she shrugged off her help. "I'm fine, Mandy." She turned her direction back towards her mother. "I..uh..how'd you know?"
"Your father told me."
Maggie stared at her father who was sitting at the head of the table. He took a sip of his scotch and cleared his throat awkwardly. "I know Ralph Lauren was always a brand that you loved and you always wanted to model in one of his shows, when you were younger...I...I'm happy for you."
Tears welled up in Maggie's eyes at the fact that her father had remembered something she told him so many years ago; even if it was something so small. She always thought that he was never listening to her, but maybe he actually was?
"I've also seen that you've been working with a lot of designers that you admired when you were younger...how do you feel about that?" Mike asked his daughter. He seemed as though he was rather intrigued and genuinely curious about what she had to say.
Maggie opened and shut her mouth continuously, her voice and words had failed her. "It feels surreal." Was all that she managed to say. "I um...excuse me, I need a moment." She hurried away from the table, and headed upstairs, her feet leading her to her old bedroom. Upon opening the door, she saw everything to be as it was when she left it. She entered the room, looking on at the place she spent her childhood. Where she grew up. She sat on the bed and picked up one of her favourite dolls, clutching it to her chest, she sighed heavily, her eyes drifting from object to object.
"To think after all these years, Patchy is the first thing you'll hold for comfort," Mike was leaning against the doorframe looking at his youngest child. "You were never creative when it came to names."
Maggie laughed softly. "Yeah, I really wasn't. I just had a..."
"Weird obsession with pirates and you so badly wanted to be one, but I said you couldn't so I got you this pirate doll, just to calm you down," Mike smiled and entered the room taking a seat next to his daughter.
If you've never had your heart broken by your parents, then you'll never understand the meaning of 'true heartbreak'. I'm not talking about the heartbreak you felt by your first high school crush, when they didn't like you back, but something even more painful than that.
They say that your parents are supposed to be the ones who are your biggest cheerleaders, your biggest support system.
A parent's love is unconditional, but what about when it's not?
A broken heart from a parent doesn't just fade away over the course of a few weeks or months. You can't simply cure the heartbreak with a night out getting raging drunk with some friends, binging on junk food and a movie marathon the same way you can with other heartbreaks.
Similarly, you'll go through different phases when your parent breaks your heart, just like with a typical heartbreak. One moment, you'll cry your eyes out and the next, you'll want to scream until your throat is raw. You'll hate them, and feel the rage inside of you every single time they come to mind.
You're their own flesh and blood, but if it doesn't matter to them, why should you even give a shit? You'll promise yourself that you'll cut them off and some of you may actually go through with it.
But...
One day you'll miss them. You'll feel a sense of emptiness in your soul and you would cry for them. An ugly cry with tear stained cheeks and sobs trapped in your throat.
You'll be so miserable and all you would want is them. Is for them to love you the way you wanted them to.
They're supposed to be the ones you turn to when you need support, but how can that be when they're the ones who make you cry?
"I...I can't believe you remember that," Maggie stared at her father in shock. "It was so many years ago."
Mike reached out towards Maggie, but he pulled away. He wasn't sure if he should touch her, they hadn't shared physical contact in so many years. "I know it was so long ago, but it doesn't mean that I'll forget these little things about you."
"I just thought.." Maggie trailed off.
"That I hated you?" She nodded. "I don't hate you, Maggie. I never did."
"Then why were you always so hard on me? Why did you always seem as though you weren't... proud of me?" Maggie asked her father. Her voice was soft.
Mike sighed heavily. "When I look at you, Maggie...I see me. I see myself. I see someone who's young and reckless and I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I just...I wished that when I did the things I did when I was your age, that someone would've told me not to. That someone would've led me down the right path. I was so hard on you because I didn't want you to turn out to be the way I was."
"And what's so wrong in turning out to be you?"
Mike chuckled and shook his head. "You know very well what's wrong with me, Maggie. I'm not the perfect man. I've said and I've done things that I regret and will always regret. I haven't been there for you when you needed me the most. Instead of making you feel loved and wanted, I did the complete opposite," he looked into his daughter's light grey eyes. "I blame myself everyday when you wound up in that hospital. Every waking moment, I wished that it was me laying in that bed hanging on to life by a thin thread. You didn't have to do that. If I had only seen your cry for help, maybe I could've stopped you from doing what you did."
Maggie felt her throat tighten at what her father was saying. He was saying all the things that she had longed for him to say, but she just wasn't going to let him back into her life and into her heart just like that.
"I'm not asking you to forgive me, Maggie. I'm not asking you to do anything that you don't want to," Mike said, his eyes were pleading. "But I'm telling you just how sorry I am. Not being there for you is one of my biggest life's regret and I cannot turn back time, but I want to be there for you now, if you'll let me."
Maggie didn't respond for a few moments, but her father didn't say anything either, allowing her to think things through.
"I guess we can give this shit a go again. You know what they say?" Mike furrowed his eyebrows, confusion etched on his face. "Tenth time is the charm."
***
"On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how bad was it?"
Maggie sighed dramatically. "Normally I'll give shit like that a hundred," Ariana laughed, linking arms with her girlfriend? She wasn't exactly sure what they were, but they were definitely something. "But it actually wasn't that bad. My parents are full of shit, so I guess we'll just see how it goes," she shrugged. "You should've been there though," Maggie pouted.
Ariana stopped in her tracks, causing the other woman to stop as well. She cupped Maggie's cheeks in her hands, smiling sweetly at her. "If your parents can't see just how amazing you are, then they don't deserve you."
"Are you gonna kiss me because I could do with a kiss right now," Maggie said teasingly.
Ariana inched closer and closer, until her lips were ghosting Maggie's; she shut her eyes instinctively. She sighed in content feeling Ariana's soft lips on her own. "I don't think I will ever get used to this."
"Yeah," Maggie breathed out. "I don't think I can either." She smiled. "I need to ask you something, while I have the balls to do it, though."
Ariana giggled and pulled her towards a bench. "Lay it on me, Jauregui."
The model inhaled sharply. "I'm not good at this. I'm usually not good at a lot of things, but let's not get into that," Ariana giggled her soft angelic laugh that always made Maggie's heart beat wildly against her rib cage. "I have commitment issues, I'm clingy, I'm annoying and I say the dumbest shit at the most inappropriate times, but I swear when it comes to you, I can't seem to get enough of you. You make my heart..." She made a random hand gesture, causing Ariana to smile. "Yeah. You make my heart do that. And when I see you, I swear to god, no one is as perfect as you. When I look at you, Ariana, I see something, I don't know what it is, but I see a something in you and I really want to follow that rainbow and hopefully there's a pot of gold at the ending."
Ariana's jaw dropped in shock. "Wait you're not...?"
"Even if there isn't any gold, even if we're just a fleeting moment, it would be a pleasure to have my heart broken by you," Maggie touched the woman's face, using one of her fingers capture the first tear to escape Ariana's eyes. "I can't promise you that I'm going to be perfect. I won't cheat, but I'll probably steal your food, alcohol and definitely your clothes. Your sense of style is killer," Maggie rambled. "I'm not the type you can take home to your parents and well, who really gives a shit what parents think anyway? You've consumed my thoughts since I met you. I feel like I've dreamt you into existence." She inhaled and exhaled loudly. "So...what I'm trying to ask you is...run away to Barcelona with me?"
Ariana threw her head back in laughter. "I mean... that wasn't what I was expecting, but Barcelona is lovely. And I'm willing to go wherever you are." She smiled, her eyes glistened over with unshed tears, taking Maggie's hand in hers. "But to make it easier on you...Margarita Violetta Grande...whoops I meant to say Jauregui, will you be my annoying girlfriend?"
Maggie pretended to think for a moment. "I mean there's people lining up to date me," she gestured to the vast horizons of emptiness. "But I've wanted you since I can remember, so, I'll do you the honour of being your novia." She patted her lap. "C'mere lemme make out with my girlfriend in public."
Ariana shook her head but she had the biggest smile on her face. "You're something else, Jauregui."
***
Not one, but DOS updates in ONE week?! Y'all should appreciate this once in a lifetime gift from me.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter 🦋
Smut or whatever is in the next 🙄