Final Chapter
You don't have to say I love you to say I love you
Forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons
We've been making shades of purple out of red and blue
Sickeningly sweet like honey, don't need money
All I need is you
*
Wade sighs as he sits in the grass, a sad smile flickering across his face. Its been a long time since he's smiled a true smile.
He lays back against the damp grass, eyes lazily tracing the sky. There's fluffy white clouds passing slowly overhead in the bright sky. The sun hangs in the sky, barely above the trees, still on its way to the top of the sky.
He pulls at the grass, uprooting a few strands.
"I knew this would happen," he admits to the emptiness. "I knew that one day you'd die before me. That one day I'd have to move on without you. Being invincible and all."
He lets out a quiet laugh, kicking off his shoes.
"I knew that one day I'd have to say goodbye to the love of my life, that's you, in case you didn't know. We never said I love you and I think that'll be my second biggest regret, behind letting you walk out that night..."
Wade rolls his eyes half-heartedly.
"I miss you, pumpkin," Wade murmurs. "I miss you more than I've ever missed anyone or anything. You were the most important piece of my life since I was sixteen. You were the love of my life even if I do live forever."
He smiles sadly again, watching as a cloud shapes into a bunny before dispersing into nothingness.
"I don't know why you had to go," he says, blinking away the moisture in his eyes. "I don't know why you had to leave us. We were going to be everything for you. You never needed Jason. You had us..."
He sits up, pulling his legs up against his chest, resting his chin on his knees.
"Tony was going to adopt you and I was going to be your wonderful boyfriend and I was going to love you forever. When you graduated, I was going to get us an apartment together nearby whatever University you chose to go to. I was going to propose to you and I was going to marry you one day."
Wade lets out a sigh, watching the soft sway of the grass in the summer breeze. He tugs at the strands, ripping them from the ground and tossing them into the wind.
"I was going to marry you, Peter Parker. But you left me. You left me so early. You shouldn't have given up so soon. We could've helped you. We could've made all that pain go away... I need you back."
Wade blinks away the tears that continue to fill his eyes, but it's no use. They'll keep on coming no matter what he does.
It's hard to speak around the lump in his throat, but he has to continue.
"It's been months, Peter. Seven months exactly. Since... Since you died."
He takes a long breath in, wiping away his tears as they fall.
If Peter were here, everything would be different. Wade would be focusing on the wind in Peter's curls instead of on the grass. He'd be focusing on Peter's face and his bright smiles and his loud laughs and his rambles about anything and everything. He'd be focusing on Peter's hand gestures and the way he moves his whole body when he gets excited about things. He'd be begging Peter to see just how far he can shoot his webs. He'd be kissing Peter and hugging him and running his fingers through his hair and loving everything he does.
Instead, he's sitting in the grass. Alone. Empty. Silence other than his own voice as he finds the courage to speak again.
"It's been seven months and yet I still can't function without you. I still can't get out of bed in the morning, knowing I won't see you. I still can't sleep knowing you're not there next to me. I still can't eat without you there to remind me to eat something better than takeout or pizza. I still can't be without you, Peter. I still can't exist without you."
He sighs again, tucking his head into his elbows for a moment to try to control his breathing. He remembers helping Peter to breathe more times than he can count. He remembers how to control his own breathing so Peter could copy. But Peter isn't breathing at all anymore.
"I can't exist without you... I'm falling apart at the seams and there's no one hear to put me back together."
Wade chokes on a sob, pushing his fists against his eyes.
"You lost everything. You knew what it felt like to lose the people you care about, but you made me lose you. How could you do that? How could you do this to me?" Wade says, the anger swelling up inside him. He's been angry before and he's gone through the motions of grief, but he can't control his emotions. "How could you just leave me in this hell by mysel?"
He turns to his left where the grave stands. It's made of marble, pristine and expensive courtesy of Tony's money. It's not in a graveyard, it's in the middle of an empty field because they felt that he deserved more peace and serenity.
Plus, they've all showed up to the grave in hysterics before. The privacy is better than freaking out other mourners.
"I just- I can't believe you're gone. I still wake up some days and call you, not truly believing you're gone. But it always tells me that your phone is no longer in service. I begged Tony to renew it, but he said it was bad for me to just keep replaying it to hear your voice," Wade continues, turning away from the gravestone. It hurts too much to look at it, knowing he's dead under the ground. "But I miss your voice and your cute little laugh at the end of it and imagining your smile when you're saying it... I just miss you, pumpkin."
Wade stretches his legs out again and tips his head up to the sky, letting out a long breath.
"I miss you so bad every single day... I wake up and have to realize you're not there anymore and everything I do reminds me that you're not here anymore. Everything reminds me of you and it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad to know that you're gone and I couldn't save you. It hurts so bad that you only got your seventeen short years. It hurts so bad that you're just gone."
Wade sighs again, unaware of the tears falling down his face, catching in his scars and wetting his hoodie. Another gust of wind brushes past him, making the grass below him rustle and a few leaves fall from the trees in the nearby forest.
"It hurts but there's nothing I can do to bring you back... That night- That night when you found out Jason had died and you left like you did... I never thought I'd never see you again. I thought you'd show up late, more emotionally unstable than ever, but fixable. I thought you'd come back, but you didn't and I was worried. We had to go searching for you... Tony tracked your cell and we found you... We found your body, Peter. You had jumped from the fire escape at your apartment and we had to find you like that..."
Wade can't continue what he's saying, tears falling too fast, throat closing as he chokes on a sob. He tucks his knees against his chest again, crying into his elbow. His back shudders with his tears, hands clenching into fists.
"You just- You just left us! You left me! And I can't keep doing this, Peter. I can't keep pretending I'm okay when I'm not!"
Taking a deep breath and wringing his hands as he looks over at Peter's grave, tears never ceasing from his bloodshot eyes.
"Tony's broken, Peter. He's absolutely broken. He never gets out of bed and he drinks his pain away... I'm envious. I wish I could drink this pain away, but I can't even get drunk. Gwen's been just as bad. Not drinking, but working herself to death everyday to keep the memories away. I can't do that. I have no distractions. It's just pain and pain and doing jobs wherever I can land them even when all it causes is pain and guilt because I know you hated what I did..."
Wade reaches out and places a hand on Peter's gravestone. It's cold to the touch and it sends a shiver up Wade's arm.
"I don't know... I'm just sorry, I guess. I'm sorry and I miss you and I love you, pumpkin."
"Wade?" It's Tony, but Wade would be lying if he said there hadn't been a glimmer of hope that it was Peter.
"Isn't it time you passed out after binge-drinking?" Wade responds. His voice is hoarse, rough around the edges, and he's still crying. It's unfair of him to say, but he doesn't know what else to say.
Tony, surprisingly, laughs. "Yeah, probably, but a friend of mine came to visit me and he reminded me that this isn't what he would've wanted..."
Tony sits in the grass beside Wade, a sad smile on his face as he puts his hand on the grave beside Wade's.
"I know," Wade says. And he does know. He knows this isn't what Peter would've wanted them to become.
"He would've wanted us to move on. It's been half a year and here we still are. I know it's not going to be easy, but we've been going downhill for so long that it's about time we start going back up, you know? He would've wanted us to be happy."
"It's not fair! It's not fair that Peter got to leave us! He knew how awful it feels to lose someone close to you, but he still decided to leave us!" Wade shouts, thumping his fist down hard on the marble stone.
"Grief does strange things to people... Peter lost a lot and he was broken. He was so broken that I don't know if we could've helped him at that point. He lost everything... And he didn't think he could lose anymore," Tony explains, blinking away the tears. Him and Wade have gotten close since Peter's death, like they're trying to fill the void that Peter left.
"But we have to lose him?" Wade's voice is small and shaky, almost childlike.
"Life isn't fair. That's proof enough."
"I loved him," Wade admits. "I never told him that... I should've told him how much I love him."
"I loved him too. I'll regret it like you did. He was my kid, you know? I should've proved it to him better than I did."
Wade breaks into sobs, burying his face into his elbow again, body trembling with his pained cries of agony. After a moments hesitation, he's pulled against Tony's chest.
"It's all going to be okay," Tony murmurs, letting my head rest against his collarbone. It's a little unnatural for the two of us, the farthest people apart, to be hugging, but Peter can do things like that. "Everything's going to be okay. Peter would want us to move on. I'm having a Spider-Man statue being built in the center of Queens for him. He'll be remembered, but we need to start moving on."
"I miss him," Wade cries, feeling all the energy leave his body. "I miss him so bad."
"I know. It's hard to lose the one you love the most... And I'm sorry for that. I really am. Nobody deserves to lose someone they love, but you're not alone. I swear to god, you're not alone."
Wade can't find it in him to answer, letting himself cry into Tony's beer-scented sweatshirt, letting go of all the pain that hangs around him all the time.
Tony holds him tightly, his forever present paternal instincts kicking in as he hugs Wade.
Finally, Wade's tears have ceased leaving him with bloodshot eyes, a blotchy face and tear-stained cheeks.
"We need to move on... For him," Tony says, rubbing circles into Wade's shoulders to continue to keep him at ease.
"For him."
He pulls away from Tony slowly, extracting himself from the elder's tight grip. He leans forward and places a kiss against the clean marble.
"I love you. I'll always love you, but if all goes well, I'm not going to be visiting for a little while. I'm going to get better for you. I'm going to move on. I'm going to be happy... For you, Peter Parker," Wade says, resting his forehead against the edge of the marble to give his silent prayer to wherever Peter is.
He finally pulls away and walks with Tony out of the graveyard.
____
Welp this is it I guess??
(I thought about making an alternate happy ending but idk I kinda like this one bcs it matches the blue neighborhood trilogy a little better?? Idk let me know)
In the last one it says the people Peter will lose and It sorta means like if Peter were to die, the people he would lose bcs he wouldn't be able to see them anymore??
Thanks to everyone who's read this. It literally means the world that people will actually read what I write !!
I just made an announcement on my oneshot book recently of the future fics I'll be writing so check that out if you want !
See you in the future,
Lyss