Rip ran around in a hurry, trying to fix the wiring in the walls of the ship. He sighed, as the wires sparked rapidly.
"Professor Boardman has suffered severe internal injuries, and our cloaking shield and aft entrance have been significantly compromised, Captain," Gideon announced.
"Yes," Rip sighed again. "I can see that, Gideon. Prepare the med bay and station us in the Temporal Zone while I work on repairs, please."
Gideon went quiet, probably so she could do as she was asked. The team moved to their seats, as things finally calmed down. Rip gave the hawks directions to the med bay, and they lead the injured college professor down the hall.
The ship slipped through a small opening, like it had before they'd left Star City, and soon the Waverider was surrounded by green waves again. Deserey looked out the window, astonished. It was as though they were suspended in mid air, just hovering there like a balloon.
There was nothing to see for miles, except those green waves, drifting gently back and forth like the sea on the beach. She found it strangely soothing.
Ray glanced at Rip, as the captain hurried into the office connecting to the main room. (The bridge, apparently.) "Temporal Zone?" the Atom asked, moving next to Deserey to peer out the window too.
"Yeah," Rip said, hastily grabbing some tools. "It's essentially a time limbo. We can hide out here for a bit. Another temporal jump would risk revealing our position."
He walked back over to the wall, where he'd removed one of the panels to work on the wiring. Rip slowly took out the tools, taking great care and caution, as he began fixing the damage.
(He'd already fixed the window a few moments ago. It was an easier fix than Deserey would have thought. Apparently, Time Masters busted their windows a lot, because Rip had simply pressed a button on one of his many remotes and a brand new window popped out of the frame work.)
"A time limbo," Stein muttered, glancing out the window with a broad smile. "Astonishing."
"Oh, there's something you people don't know about time travel?" Rip said snootily. "That's surprising isn't it? Considering none of you have ever time traveled before?"
Deserey blanched, taken aback by his sudden attitude. She looked down, feeling guilty. She hadn't actually done anything wrong, she knew, but she wasn't exactly in the right head space to take getting yelled at. Besides, it was only a matter of time before she screwed something up, anyway. So, he might as well be yelling at her.
"Bringing a family member from the past, breaking out and carousing around the 1970s. We've barely begun and already this is the worst, unmitigated disaster of my career."
Deserey shifted, blinking rapidly. She didn't want to look like a baby in room full of bad asses, but the captain's words were really getting to her. She had never been very good at handling yelling. It always made her feel small, insignificant. Worthless.
She was about to apologize, when she heard a loud smack!
Deserey's eyes widened, as her head snapped up.
Kendra had just decked Rip in the nose, and she was towering over him, fists clenched at her sides. Her eyes were dangerous, like a wild fire. Carter walked in a moment later, coming to a stop next to Mick and Leonard. He didn't look like he had any intensions of stopping his soul mate's hostile mannerisms.
Mick laughed out loud. He leaned close to Carter, like he was going to tell him a secret, but when he spoke it was loud enough for everyone to hear. (It was the second time the arsonist had done that, which left Deserey wondering if personal space was an issue for all criminals or if it was just his way to make himself look more insane.) "I see why you've got the hots for that one."
Kendra gripped Rip's shirt, twisting the fabric in her fists, and slammed him into the wall. She glared at him, her eyes like daggers. "My son is hurt because of you!"
"Son?" Deserey asked. All her sorrow from before was replaced by confusion now, as she watched the scene unfold before her.
"Professor Boardman," Ray explained. "Apparently, he's Carter and Kendra's son from one of their previous lives."
"That's...interesting," Deserey said slowly.
Kendra ignored them. "Who attacked us?" she demanded, still glaring at Rip.
Rip sighed, like this was all a terrible inconvenience. It was almost like he didn't understand that Kendra was probably going to kick his ass. "It's something of a long story," he said.
"Better tell it fast, Rip. Doesn't look like the lady's in a patient mood," Leonard said. Though from the look in his eye Deserey could tell he was enjoying the show.
Carter stepped forward, an angry look in his eyes. He looked just as homicidal as his soul mate. "Neither am I," he hissed at the captain.
Rip hesitated a moment, reminding Deserey of the way her kids were squirm whenever she was trying to get them to tell her the truth about their failed math tests. She could tell he wanted to lie, but he just sighed again, relenting. "His name is Chronos. He works for the Council of Time Masters...my former employers."
Kendra let him go and stepped back, frowning in confusion. Deserey looked around at the others, her own frown of confusion on her face.
Sara scrunched up her face, as she stepped forward. "I thought you said you were a Time Master."
"As I've expressed, time's not a linear thing," Rip said. But Deserey could tell he was just searching for ways to justify his lies. "At some point, I was, in fact, a Time Master. But -"
Sara cut him off, raising her fist. She swung a punch, popping him in the mouth. Rip's head jerked back with the impact, but he quickly recovered.
"Will you people please stop hitting me?" Rip yelled.
"Start telling the truth!" Sara yelled back.
Rip threw his hands in the air, thoroughly flustered. "I relinquished my position as a Time Master when I commandeered the Waverider," he admitted. "Chronos was clearly sent to bring me in."
"You lied to us," Stein said, sounding a little hurt. Deserey couldn't blame him. In fact, she felt the sharp sting of betrayal twisting in her own heart like a knife.
"Of course I lied to you," Rip said, his voice quiet. It almost sounded sincere, but Deserey figured he just didn't want to get decked again. "I needed your help. You all barely said yes as it was."
"What about the legends part?" Jax asked, folding his arms over his chest. He was scowling. Deserey guessed he must have been pissed that he'd been kidnapped for no reason.
Rip shifted awkwardly, fiddling with the sleeves of his trench coat. He didn't answer the question. He didn't even meet Jax's eyes.
"Ooh," Leonard said, a spark of realization in his eyes. "You lied about that too, didn't you?"
"...I chose you all, because, a hundred years from now, your lives have minimal affect on the time line," Rip said. "I needed your help without disturbing the history of 2166."
Deserey looked down again, as the knife in her heart was roughly removed, replaced by burning sand. She shouldn't have been surprised.
She couldn't do anything for herself. Everything she touched went to shit, falling apart, breaking into a million pieces. She couldn't even do her own laundry without fucking it up. She couldn't keep her family together. She couldn't get her act together to save herself. So how the hell was she supposed to save anyone else? How was she supposed to be a legend? She was a useless nobody. That's all she'd ever be...
Next to her, Ray's face fell. She could tell he was having similar thoughts, and she felt guilty for her initial annoyance and biased opinions about him. Maybe he'd been through more than she'd thought. After all, no one really got a low self esteem for no reason, right? (That was, she supposed, just another reason why she was a terrible human being. She never bothered to get to know anyone, before judging them. She was no better than those jerks from her childhood home...)
"So...we're like the opposite of legends?" Jax scoffed.
"Yup," Deserey said, laughing bitterly. "Guess we all got our hopes up for nothing. Thanks for that, Rip. Thanks a lot." She shook her head, moving to sit in one of the chairs, placing her head in her hands.
Mick growled. "Give me one good reason why we shouldn't kill you." Deserey knew crooks probably didn't like being lied to any more than she did, but she couldn't help wondering why he even cared. He and Leonard were only there to rob everyone across time and space. So, what did all the lies matter to him?
"Ditto the arsonist," Stein said.
"Because Gideon won't listen to your commands, and you'll be stuck here forever," Rip said quickly.
Deserey rolled her eyes, standing up again. This guy had an answer for everything, didn't he?
"Great. So, we're not an elite team of heroes on a sanctioned mission, sent to rid the future of its most horrific bad guy," Ray said, sounding just as bitter as Deserey felt. "We're just a collection of nobodies who time really doesn't give a damn about."
"Yeah," Deserey nodded. "Pretty much. But hey, look on the bright side. We could always just go down as history's biggest losers."
Rip stepped forward, trying to meet everyone's eyes at once. Hurriedly, because he knew he was losing them, he said, "I didn't lie about the mission itself. Or the brutality and ruthlessness of Savage. Or," he added seriously, "my need for your help."
Deserey rolled her eyes. "That's not the point," she muttered. Everyone looked at her, surprised by how worked up she was getting about it. She ignored them and went on. "You made us think we were actually important. Then, you just swept the rug out from under us practically screaming 'haha just kidding.' Do you have any idea what that's like? You can't just promise people the world and then not deliver! That's just..."
She trailed off with another shake of her head. She had wanted to say "cruel," but she worried that might sound too childish. So, she just let the sentence die. But the others were nodding slowly, understanding what she'd meant.
Rip looked at his shoes, guilt spreading across his face. He looked like a child caught with his hands in the cookie jar just before dinner. He sighed helplessly.
"I don't imagine you're the kind of guy who quits his job and takes on this kind of threat for altruistic reasons," Ray said after a moment. "So, Rip, why don't you tell us: what did Vandal Savage do to you?" He still sounded a little bitter.
Rip hesitated once more. Though, this struggle was different than a liar being caught in the act. This was something far more familiar and personal for Deserey. This was the kind of hesitation a person had, when they were being forced to talk about their inner demons. She'd had that same look many times. When she'd gone to therapy, when Darryl asked her how she was feeling, when her friends wondered what they could do to help...
"The Time Masters discourage marriage," Rip said finally. "They urge against procreation even more." He shuffled, moving his weight from foot to foot and shoving his hands deep into his pockets. A classic move to hide shaky hands. "A Time Master should be free of any personal entanglements that might compromise them. But..."
Rip looked around the room, glancing at anything but the team he'd put together. "I fell in love...and we had a child. A boy. Jonas."
Deserey knit her eyes together. "You told me you didn't have kids."
Rip tensed, almost like he thought she was going to hit him too. He didn't respond to her, though. The captain just stood there, in the center of the room, looking utterly broken.
Deserey felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach, as the daunting realization hit her. Jax and Sara's eyes were down cast. The hawks exchanged looks, and Stein pushed his glasses up his nose awkwardly. Even the two criminals looked somber.
"Savage killed your family," Ray said quietly.
"He slaughtered my family," Rip said. His eyes snapped around, meeting Ray's gaze. "And thousand of other families." He removed his hands from his pockets, his voice rising a little as he got worked up again. "And the body that I swore an oath to serve turned a blind eye." He waved his hand to illustrate his point.
Rip walked to the center of the room, his face cold as stone now. "They continue to turn a blind eye. I won't." His voice lowered again. "The last thing that my child saw in this world was that monster's face. You can be damn well sure that when Savage dies, the last face he sees will be mine."
Deserey felt a lump form in her throat, making it hard to swallow. Her eyes welled up with tears, as her thoughts turned to her own kids. She could understand all the lies, now. (That didn't make them hurt any less, but at least she understood.)
It was hard enough when they had decided to live with their father full time. Deserey couldn't imagine -- she didn't want to imagine -- losing them. Holding her daughter's dying body in her arms. Clutching to her son's lifeless form. It'd just be too unbearable.
The fact was, the day you became a parent is the same day you throw everything else out the window. Nothing else matters. Not your social life. Not your job. Not even your own basic needs. The only thing that matters is your kids. They're all you think about, day and night. You worry constantly, even though they're old enough to take care of themselves. Especially when they're old enough to take care of themselves, because you're afraid they're going to leave and forget all about you.
When they hurt, you hurt ten times more. Even if they think you don't understand what they're going through. When they're happy, you can't help smiling right along with them. You're reluctant to let them go, when they start dating. When they start wanting more space. Your probably even cling a bit too much.
But you can't help it. A parents' kids are, essentially, their whole world. Everything that defines a parent, everything that matters is kept within their child. A parents' kids, Deserey's kids, Rip's son, are the most important things in the entire world to them.
And when the most important thing in your life is taken away, it's only natural to fall apart, piece by piece.
"I understand, given the circumstances," Rip said quietly, "if you wish to return home. We can make the jump once the repairs are done, if and when Professor Boardman stabilizes."
Cater nodded curtly. Kendra walked out of the room without saying a word, and Hawkman followed her.
The others stood around, a dreary air about the room. Stein shifted, speaking on behalf of everyone. "I think we all need a little time to consider our options."
Rip nodded slowly. He watched, as the team exited the bridge, leaving through different door ways. Sighing, he moved back over to the wall, silently continuing the repairs.