Chapter 88
I stretch then roll over, hoping to catch a few more minutes of sleep before I have to get up and face the day, which is sure to be a long one. Peanut had me up every two hours last night. She's still feverish and quite cranky. Tessa even woke up around 3 a.m. for the first time in a long time to nurse so I imagine I'll be sleepwalking through yet another day.
Tobias must sense that I'm waking because he moves closer and presses his lips to the sensitive spot beneath my left ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine. As he kisses my neck, his hand glides its way down my body and sneaks under my sleep shirt, which is one of his old t-shirts and up to cover my breast. He gently kneads the full mound while he continues kissing my neck. I gasp when he pinches my aching nipple then rolls it between his thumb and fingers. I turn my head, seeking his lips, and he doesn't disappoint. Our mouths meet in a hungry kiss, our tongues tasting each other. I mold myself to him, wanting him inside me right now. He drags his lips from mine and moves his mouth back to my neck while we grope each other.
"Do you want to?" he breathlessly asks against my ear, his voice gravelly and seductive. Like I have a choice. I'm a slave to his touch but I can't help teasing. It isn't every morning he wakes up wanting sex. It's usually me.
"Want to what?" I ask in a surprisingly normal voice. His head snaps back, and he stares down at me like I've just grown a second head. I do my damnedest to keep a straight face but I can't help the giggles that escape my lips.
"You little minx," he says. "Do you want to have sex?"
"Hhm," I say, acting like I'm not already aching terribly for him. "What if I'm not in the mood?"
"I have ways of putting you in the mood," he says.
"And how do you intend to do that?" I ask, running my fingertips down his cheek as my thumb sweeps across his full bottom lip.
"I have a few tricks up my sleeves," he says as he rolls over on top of me, giving me his weight. I toss my head back, exposing my neck to him, and he glides his tongue from my collarbone up to nibble on my chin.
"But you're not wearing a shirt," I pant.
"What?" he asks, genuinely confused but his mouth never leaves my body.
"You said you have a few tricks up your sleeves but you don't have a shirt on," I roughly say, my heavy breathing betraying my arousal. I feel his lips curl into a smile against the base of my neck.
"You ... are ... in ... rare ... form ... this ... morning ... love," he says, placing kisses here and there - my cheeks, eyes, temple, shoulders, neck, jaw - in between words. "I ... like ... it." He suddenly rolls us, our feet getting tangled in the quilt, and we both kick until we are free and lying on only our wrinkled white sheets. He pulls my mouth to his and gives me a hungry kiss. He thrusts his tongue though my parted lips and touches mine. The intimate contact sets off a profound throbbing need deep inside, and I sit back, straddling his hips, and rip his t-shirt off over my head, needing to feel his bare skin on mine. He sits up and again our lips are moving in synchronization and our tongues are dueling for dominance. He flips us so that, once more, I'm beneath his magnificent body. While he drops kisses on my neck, I explore his familiar male form with my inquisitive hands. I feel his rippled muscles harden then relax under my gentle touch. I moan when his hot, moist, talented mouth finds my aching breast and grasp the back of his head with one hand and twist the sheets with the other. He captures the peaked nipple between his lips and sucks it further into his tantalizing mouth. He rakes his teeth over the hardened bud causing a low, lustful groan to rattle in my chest.
"Feels good," I moan then I draw in an agonized breath. As he sucks, licks, and nibbles on the throbbing bud, his fingers pinch, probe, and tease the other nipple into a hard little tip. "Aahh!" I sigh when he drags his lips down the swell of one breast, across my heaving chest, and up the other breast to taste the aching bud with his pliant tongue. He lingers at my breasts until they are well worshiped and I'm writhing beneath him, a thin sheet of sweat covering me from head to toe. He kisses his way down to my naval then French kisses it. I would give anything to grip my thighs together tightly to control the throbbing desire that's threatening to drive me mad but he's lying between them, keeping them widely spread. He kisses my red, jagged scar then kisses my most intimate area, no pretense, no teasing. "Oh, God!" He darts his tongue out and with just the ghost of a touch laps at my pulsating nubbin. I'm so turned on that I doubt I will last long. I'm right. My body stiffens then trembles before I shatter into a million pieces.
"That was quick," he says as I come down from my high.
"I want you inside me," I plead. "Now, baby, please!" He kisses the inside of my thigh then raises his eyes to mine. I silently beg for him to fill the aching void and he does, just not in the way I truly want.
"I'm not done with you," he says as he gently eases his middle finger into my heated center. "You came so fast, I didn't get my fill ... but I will." He continues kissing my legs, stomach, and hips as his long finger unhurriedly moves in and out of my sex. My breath comes in short, harsh gasps as my body starts climbing again. He soon adds a second finger and marginally increases the leisurely pace then dips his head and captures my aching bundle of nerves between his lips. He sucks it greedily, causing me to arch off the bed and whimper at the intense feeling but it does nothing to deter him. He lashes my nubbin again and again with just the tip of his tongue as he increases the tempo of his hand, and my hips arch toward his exploring fingers.
"Oh, shit," I pant as he pushes me closer to bliss. "Oh, God! Tobias!" My body bucks against his probing digits as I slip over the edge. I still, holding my breath as my body quivers and quakes through its release. I gasp much-needed air into my burning lungs as he kisses his way back up my body until he captures my mouth with his, and I once again become breathless. He pulls his mouth from mine and looks down at me, his look severe.
"So, love, do you want to have sex?" he asks, his face reading complete seriousness before his eyes start twinkling and a sexy smile lights his face. He'll pay for that.
"Oh, I had two orgasms," I say, desperately trying to control my breathing. "I think I'm good." His mouth falls open, and he looks like he's about to pout when he sees something in my face that betrays me and he smirks. His lips forcefully crash into mine but I don't mind. He quickly tears them away and rolls off of me. I'm about to ask what he's doing when he lifts his hips and slides his sleep pants down. The sight of his virile masculinity takes my breath away, and I can't help myself. I pounce. I help him discard the garment and waste no time. I bend over and take him in my mouth, causing him to gasp. I suck on the tip gently, running my tongue along the sensitive underside.
"Shit, Tris," he moans. I take him further into my eager mouth, never stilling my lips, tongue, or hands and he fists his fingers into my hair. He soon is bucking his hips, sliding even further into my mouth, repeatedly hitting the back of my throat. I moan and he says another expletive. "Stop, love. I want to be inside you." He drags me up his body and rolls us over. I expect him to slam into my body, this need we're feeling overwhelming us both, but he surprises me by taking his time, sliding in an inch at a time. He stills when we're completely joined and runs his fingers into my hair and stares into my eyes, a look of deep love and desire on his face.
"I love you," I whisper, my voice full of need.
"I love you, too," he huskily says. "This mouth is wonderful and I love what it was doing a couple seconds ago," he places a soft kiss on my lips, "but I didn't want to come in your mouth. I want to feel you moving beneath me, with me. I want to feel you squeezing me as you come." I clench at his words and he moans. "Damn, just like that. Are you ready? You're not hurting are you?" He's always looking out for me.
"Make love to me, baby," I moan. He gives me a tender kiss then starts to move. He sets a slow, steady pace at first, never letting his lips leave mine. I cling to his frame, grasping his back tightly as I lift my hips upward as he lightly grinds his body into mine. I feel the stirring of another incredible release as he increases the tempo and pushes into me harder, his strokes long and measured. I wrap my legs around his waist, taking him deeply inside my body, and he delves deeper still with each rhythmic push. He kisses me passionately before raising up on his arms and slamming into me with a frenzy. What started out as a solitary spark has now grown into a raging four-alarm fire, blazing through my sweat drenched body. I grip him tighter with my legs as my insides quiver around his invading length. His strokes shorten as he pounds into me with a frenzied fervor. I move restlessly beneath him, pressing my hips frantically into his and then I let go. The explosion is violent, tumultuous, powerful, consuming. I feel it in every fiber of my being. As I continue to writhe beneath him, he impossibly increases his pace seeking his own release. When I hear him call out my name, I feel him explode in my depths again and again. He thrusts twice more then stills before collapsing on top of me. The only sound in the room is our heavy breathing. After a bit, he takes some of his weight off me by raising up on his forearms but he doesn't pull out of me.
"You are amazing, love," he says. "That was..."
"Spectacular, wonderful, hot, amazing," I say. His look turns from playful to sincere. I clench around his softening length, and he closes his eyes and moans.
"I love you, Mrs. Eaton," he says. "Don't ever leave me." I gasp.
"What makes you say that?" I ask.
"I had a dream last night. Well, a nightmare is more like it. I'm surprised you didn't hear me," he says. I did. "You left me. You took our kids and you left me. I looked everywhere but I couldn't find you." I lean up and kiss the worry line between his brows. "When I woke up I was so thankful it was a dream."
"Is that why you attacked me?" I ask, wanting to lighten his suddenly sullen mood. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining ... not at all ... but we don't have sex in the morning very often. We should make it a daily habit. I like being woken up this way ... your mouth, your hands, your body." A smile spreads across his face, and I hope he's forgotten his unfounded fears. I would never leave no matter how hard things got. I look over his shoulder and see that our door is standing wide open.
"What's wrong?" he asks as he looks toward what caught my attention. "Oh, we forgot to close the door." And lock it. We're tempting fate. Being caught by our son once was more than enough.
"I hope we didn't wake Tyler up," I say. "We were both kind of loud."
"I think we were enjoying ourselves," he says. He's right but I suddenly have a strong desire to have something covering my bareness.
"Can you get the quilt?" He lowers his mouth to mine for a slow, lingering, tender kiss. After he pulls away, he unwraps my legs from around his waist and pulls out of me, causing a sadness of my own to bloom in my chest. Why did I have to ask him to move? He rolls off of me then grabs the quilt off the floor. I look at the clock as he drapes the quilt over my body then he climbs back into bed beside me. We have time before the kids wake up. I cuddle up into his side, put my leg up and over his, tangling them together, and then rest my head on his chest. He puts his arm around me and pulls me close then I feel his lips in my hair.
"How are you feeling, love?" he asks. "You told me you were sore yesterday. I was rougher today." There's a certain melancholy to his tone. He's always worrying but I can't lie to him.
"I'm going to tell you the truth because I know you don't like it when I sugarcoat it," I say. "I'm still a little sore but it's nothing I can't handle. My body went through a huge change, Tobias."
"You shouldn't be in pain," he sighs.
"I wouldn't call it pain," I say trying to figure out how to describe it. "It's a throbbing ache and, like I said, it's nothing I can't handle; however, if it continues, I'll talk to Isobel about it. I see her in a week for birth control."
"I can live with that compromise," he says. I smile brightly at him. "God, you are so beautiful."
"Thank you," I say. I can't help but believe him because of the awed look in his eyes. "You're not half bad yourself." I feel his lips in my hair again so I plant a kiss on his chest. "So, what's on the agenda for today?" He pauses for a moment.
"I think you should stay home and take care of Peanut and Tessa today," he says. "Obviously, Peanut doesn't feel well. She was up, what, every two hours last night? And was it my imagination or did I hear Tessa, too, in the middle of the night?"
"You're right on both counts," I say, drawing little hearts on his abs. "But I think Tessa's just sensing our stress. I don't think she's sick." I turn my head and look him in the eyes. "I would feel guilty staying home. You need all the help you can get right now. Harrison's gone. We don't know how long Will's recuperation will take, and who knows if Tori will ever be the same again after what those monsters gave her. She might not be able to continue with her duties. I know Zeke and Shauna have stepped up to fill in but are they enough? You need me."
"You're right, Tris, I need all the help I can get, and I do need you. You make things so much easier just by being there," he says. Why do I think there's a but coming? "It hasn't been easy around here since before initiation started, and things seem to get harder every single day. We really need to replace Harrison but I don't want to make a unilateral decision. I guess we should have sat down as a team before Tori went missing and made that decision together." He sighs and mutters something under his breath that sounds like hind sight is 20/20. "Now there are so many unanswered questions about who we can and cannot trust that I honestly don't know who to even consider for the position. But our daughter is sick, and she needs you." Ah, there's the but. "I would stay with her if I could but I can't feed her. I know that we could take her with us like we did yesterday but she needs to rest, not be carted all over Dauntless. Please don't think I'm ordering you around or wanting to exclude you because I'm not."
"I think I owe you an apology," I say. He furrows his brows in confusion. "I said some things while I was extremely hormonal that I can't take back and now every time you'd like me to do something you think you have to justify your actions. I never should have put you in that position. I'm sorry. I'll stay with the girls, and if you need me for anything, you know where to find me. Plus it will give you some much-needed one-on-one time with your son."
"I need to plan father-son activities for us," he says. "I think we would both benefit from it."
"I need to do the same thing with him and each of the girls when they are older. Tessa already has a jealous streak when it comes to her sister. I don't want it to get worse." Fussing draws my attention from Tobias, and I look at the clock. "Two hours on the dot." I give him a soft kiss then slip out of bed and slide into my silk robe. I pad into the nursery and pick Peanut up. I change her into a dry diaper then fish the thermometer out of the drawer and put it up to her ear after sterilizing it with an alcohol swab. It's higher than it was yesterday but holding steady from the last time I took it. "My poor baby. I wish you were feeling better." I give her the antibiotic then sit in the rocker and put her to my breast. After a lot of coaxing, she starts to nurse but she just doesn't seem like herself.
"How is she?" Tobias asks from the doorway. Desire spears through me at the sight of him. He's freshly showered, a towel wrapped snuggly around his hips accentuating the bulge between his legs. I let my eyes wander freely over his sculpted body, and my mouth goes dry. "Earth to Tris." I raise my eyes to his, and he's wearing a smirk. "See something you like?"
"Mm-hm," I say and he chuckles lowly. "How's Peanut?" At the mention of our daughter, my head clears.
"She's just not herself. I'm really worried. If this dose of antibiotic doesn't help, I'm going to take her to see Zander again and have her really checked out. He might have missed something," I say. "Her temperature is higher than it was yesterday, and she's having trouble nursing." He comes over and runs his hand over her head.
"She'll be fine," he says.
"I hope you're right," I say.
"I'll get dressed then check on Tyler," he says. He kisses the top of my head then heads out into the bedroom. I look down at my daughter and my chest tightens.
"I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, baby girl," I say. She lifts her eyes to mine, and she looks miserable. "You and sissy are going to stay home with Mommy today. Hopefully, the antibiotic kicks in and we don't have to make a trip to the infirmary." When Tessa hears me talking, she rolls over and starts babbling. "Hi, little one. How are you this morning?"
"I fine," Tyler says as he comes walking into the room followed by his father. "I wanna say hi."
"Did you sleep well?" I ask him.
"Yeah," he says. He goes to Tessa's crib and looks at her through the slats. It's like they're talking to each other through an old fashioned western jail door. She laughs at whatever he's doing, and Peanut frowns deeply but at exactly what I don't know.
"Can you give Tessa a bottle this morning?" I ask. "I'm a little light this morning." I raise an eyebrow accusingly.
"I wonder how that happened?" he jokes as he picks Tessa up out of her crib. "Pebbles, you need a new diaper."
"Hew 'tink," Tyler says, wrinkling his nose.
"I think I can smell her over here," I chuckle. Better him than me. I always get the dirty diapers. My girls are both getting baths after Tobias and Tyler leave. Maybe a bath is just what Peanut needs.
"Tyler, would you like to have breakfast with me in the cafeteria?" Tobias asks.
"Yeah! I have toast," he says. I can't help but chuckle. He gets so excited over the little things. I love seeing the world through his eyes. "Mommy, Tess, and Teags come, too?"
"Teagan isn't feeling well so Mommy and Tessa are staying home with her today," he says. "You're coming with me to breakfast then to daycare." Tyler's bottom lip juts out then he lowers his eyes to the floor. Uh oh! What's this about? My eyes meet Tobias', and I imagine we're both wearing the same expression. "What's wrong, buddy?"
"Can't I stay with Mommy, too?" he asks, his voice hopeful. Oh, my boy. As much as I would love to say yes, there's no way I can keep an eye on him with the girls needing so much extra attention right now.
"Not today, Tyler," I say and his face falls. "Mommy had a really long night last night. Teagan is sick and Tessa might be coming down with something, and they both had me up most of the night. When the babies are sleeping, Mommy's going to sleep, too. Then who would watch you?"
"I play in my woom."
"You're going to daycare," Tobias sternly says then his voice softens. "Zane will be there. You haven't seen him in a couple days. You guys can play all day with Elliott, Mia, and Emma. You'll like that and you know it."
"Otay," he says but his spark is gone. I want to drag him into my arms and comfort him but I need to be strong. He can't always get his own way, and he needs to learn that now.
"Do you want to help me feed Tessa?" Tobias asks and his eyes light marginally.
"Otay," he says.
"After she's done, we'll go to breakfast. Tell Mommy we'll see her later."
"See you latew," he says. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I say. "To the moon and back."
"Moon back." He grins from ear to ear. God, how I love that smile. Tobias waves Tessa's little hand at me, and I blow them a kiss before they turn and walk out of the room. Peanut takes her time nursing, and I have to keep waking her up. Poor little thing can't keep her eyes open. I finally pull her from my breast to burp a final time but she never does. I put her back in her crib, grab the monitor, and head into the bathroom for a quick shower. I'm in-and-out in less than five minutes. If there was a competition for the most efficient shower, I'm sure I would win hands down. I forgo makeup and just run a wide-toothed comb through my wet hair since I'm just hanging around the house today. I gently lift Peanut out of her crib being extra careful not to wake her then search out the rest of my family downstairs. Tyler is sitting on the end of the couch with Tessa laying across his lap with her head propped up on a couple pillows. He's holding her bottle as she eats. Tobias is sitting on the floor in front of them with his back to me. His hands are out in front of him, ready to catch her if she falls. I softly pad to the bassinet and carefully lay Peanut down then quietly lower myself into the club chair and tuck my legs beneath me.
"Look! I feed Tess," Tyler excitedly says when he sees me. I think his earlier bad mood is gone or at least I hope it is.
"I see that, buddy," I say. "You're doing such a good job. You're the best big brother." When Tessa hears my voice, she tries rolling over to see me but Tobias stops her efforts and gets the bottle back in her mouth. For now she's more interested in getting her tummy full than seeing me. I carefully get up and head into the kitchen so she doesn't get distracted. I start the coffee machine then open the refrigerator door to see what I can fix myself. When I see the carton of blueberry yogurt, I check the pantry to see if we have any granola left. I actually feel giddy when I find the glass jar of homemade cereal we bought at the farmers market before Peanut was born. This is one of my favorite quick breakfasts. Sometimes I have it as a bedtime snack, it's that good. I fill a bowl halfway with cereal then spoon some yogurt on top and pour myself a cup of coffee then sit at the island. After I finish, I put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher then check on everyone. Tobias has Tessa and is burping her while Tyler tries to make her laugh. She seems to be in good spirits this morning. Hopefully it lasts. "You guys better go before all the good stuff is gone in the cafeteria." Tyler gets up and runs into my arms. I pick him up and give him a big hug, which he reciprocates.
"I love you," he says then gives me a big sloppy kiss while hanging tightly onto my neck.
"I love you," I say. "You be a good boy today. Have fun with Daddy."
"I will!" he says but then he frowns. "But I miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," I say. "But we'll see each other soon. Give me another kiss." He puckers up for another kiss then I set him on his feet. Tobias puts Tessa in my arms then leans in for a tender kiss.
"Thanks for a wonderful morning," he says against my ear. "I needed that. We needed that."
"I should thank you," I whisper. "You're the one who attacked me, remember?" I giggle and he rolls his eyes. "I'll call Mom, Dad, and Caleb and talk to them about tomorrow. That will take one thing off your plate."
"Thank you. Let me know what they say. If Caleb and Cara are too busy to come to Abnegation we have to go to them."
"Let me know how Will and Tori are doing," I say. "If you need me for anything, please don't hesitate to call. Have a good day. I love you."
"I love you, too," he says before hoisting Tyler onto his shoulders. I walk them to the door and give each one of them another kiss goodbye before I watch them disappear down the stairs.