Nothing made sense. My world was suspended for what felt like an eternity. I could still feel the pain. But, when I looked down, nothing was there. I was missing a piece of me. A piece that still hurt.
Tears poured from my eyes. My body shook with sobs. I was numb to anything else but the sight of the stump that used to be my leg. It broke off just below the knee and was wrapped in layers upon layers of gauze. It didn't look like my body, my leg. It made more sense that it belonged to someone else and this was just another nightmare. But, I knew it wasn't. In the nightmares, I was always alone. Now, I had someone beside me, holding me up when I couldn't do it for myself.
Samuel clung to me, and I to him. We were two broken beings trying to keep the other from falling apart.
Eventually, I fell asleep. Samuel crawled into the bed next to me, even though he was half hanging off the small mattress. He gathered me in his arms and dried my tears, soothing my sobs and pushing away the nightmare that was now a reality.
When I awoke, he hadn't moved. I rubbed my eyes and buried my face into his arm for countless minutes. Sunlight was streaming through the window though, lighting up the room and introducing a new day. The rays peeking through the window hit Samuel directly in the eye. The longer this went on, the more he stirred and his breathing became uneven. After a while, he took a deep breath and paused, and I knew he was awake. But, he didn't say anything. I didn't speak to him, either. We only listened to the humming outside the hospital room door and the light footfall of countless feet passing by.
The silence was almost peaceful. There wasn't much that could be said. There wasn't anything I wanted to discuss, and I had a feeling Samuel felt the same way. But, despite our preference for a respite in a silent room, the world outside continued to spin. The sunlight left Samuel's face and when it did, he cleared his throat and spoke.
"I should get the doctor. They'll want to know you're awake."
I nodded. Samuel hesitated, then kissed the top of my head before departing. When I had the room to myself, I flipped onto my back and stared at the ceiling. My heart was at war with all my emotions, but I was too tired to fight. All I knew was that Samuel was there to hold me as I fell apart. For now, that was good enough. I didn't care about mates, I didn't care about wolves, and I didn't care about what was waiting for me beyond these hospital doors. Samuel was here and that was enough until I was ready to face the world. Maybe then, I wouldn't have to do it alone.
Samuel returned a few moments later. At his side were Marshall and Dr. Gates. Marshal smiled while Dr. Gates looked over her clipboard.
"We're glad to see you awake, Samantha," Marshall said. "Nice to see that Sammy boy hasn't finished you off, yet."
Samuel shot Marshall a glare as an uncomfortable laugh escaped me. Dr. Gates ignored them both and came to my side, inspecting the machines beside my bed.
"How is your pain?" she asked.
"It's fine."
"It's not fine." Samuel stepped forward.
Dr. Gates nodded and continued her work with the machines. Marshall came up behind her, stopping at the foot of my bed. He placed his hands on the bed frame and looked at me with crinkling eyes.
"Will is getting along great," he said. "He's awake and recovering. You can see him when we're finished with you."
I nodded and smiled. Samuel came up to stand beside me and Marshall gazed at us with a look of adoration. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but he shook his head and watched Dr. Gates, instead.
After a moment, she withdrew from the machines. "Everything is looking well, Samantha. When you're ready, we can discuss further treatment for your leg."
"Or lack thereof," Marshall quipped.
"Marshall!" Samuel shot him a look of absolute fury.
Something pricked my heart, and for a moment I was tempted to do something other than frown. Marshall watched me as my face fought different expressions before he mumbled under his breath and looked at Samuel with a glint in his eyes.
Dr. Gates ignored us all and walked around my bed. She hung the clipboard at the base and said, "We'll leave you to your morning. I'm glad you're doing better, Samantha."
She began to walk out of the room and Marshall followed suit. He shot me a glance as they left, winking as Samuel lowered himself in the seat next to me.
"I'm sorry about him," Samuel said as soon as the door was shut.
"Don't worry about it."
He sighed. "I know you want to see Will, but the chiefs want to talk to you before you see anyone else."
I nodded. "I should have figured as much."
"You don't have to see them right away."
Instead of responding, I looked at Samuel. He was staring at my sheets. Underneath his eyes were dark circles and his hair was beyond repair. The side of his head, where there used to be an ear, was now covered with red and inflamed skin. He wore a long sleeve shirt, and I was beginning to think it was supposed to cover the rest of his injuries.
"How long has it been since a doctor looked at you?"
Samuel looked up, confused. "I don't know. I'm good."
"No, you're not. Get Marshall back in here."
He groaned. "Anyone but him."
I set my mouth in a firm line. Samuel squinted his eyes and looked at me, twisting his lips into a frown. "If I do this, then you have to tell me when you're not feeling okay. No exceptions. You feel pain, you tell me or a doctor and we'll take care of it."
"Then you have to tell me the same thing and let Marshal look at you."
Samuel groaned. "How about we just agree to tell each other these things, and forget Marshall?"
"Absolutely not."
Samuel grumbled something and pulled out his phone. He typed away, hopefully texting Marshall, then put it on the desk beside us. Silence stretched for a moment, but I could tell Samuel was uncomfortable.
"What is it?"
He looked up. "I'm just thinking about you."
My voice quieted. "About my leg."
He nodded. "And other things. What are you thinking?"
I shrugged. "Same. And you."
A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. "If I'd have known this was all it took to get you to think about me, I would have done it ages ago." I grimaced, but Samuel laughed. "Bad joke?"
"Horrible."
He laughed again, then grew sober. "How are you doing today, though?"
I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice from shaking. My initial reaction was to sluff off his concern, but at that point, I knew Samuel would never believe me. That, and realized I didn't want to pretend, anymore.
"I'm not fine."
Samuel reached for my hands and buried his face within our fingers. "That's okay."
"You?"
He let out a heavy breath. "I'm not fine, either."
We sat in silence for what felt like hours. I wish I could say I had earth-shattering epiphanies in that time, but my brain was numbed. Everything I ever knew was gone or changed, including pieces of myself. The very person I wanted to stay away from was now the one person I needed and wanted. I was too broken to care about what I once dreamed of. Those dreams were gone and there was no getting them back. I didn't know what the future held, and for once, I didn't want to dream about it. For once, the present was enough.
"It's kind of fitting," I suddenly broke the long silence. "In a sick and twisted way."
Samuel sat up and looked at me. "Care to elaborate?"
"We're both missing pieces of ourselves and that only happened because we're supposedly supposed to complete each other."
He glanced down. "That's kind of a morbid way of putting it."
"Maybe."
Samuel paused, then looked back up. "Do you think we complete each other?"
My brow furrowed and I continued staring at the ceiling. "I don't really know what to think. I know that since I met you both our lives have gone to Hell."
"I know, I know. None of this would have happened if I didn't find you."
I shook my head once, then turned to look at Samuel. "I don't know if that's true, or not. I don't know what would have happened. What did happen is horrible and there's a lot that I wish I could change. But, I can't change anything and neither can you. So, now, we're both left in the aftermath of it all with nothing but each other."
Samuel refused to look at me. He was staring holes in my sheets and his shoulders were stiff. I grabbed his hand that was resting next to me and squeezed, willing him to look up. When he didn't, I grabbed his chin and directed his gaze back to me.
"We're both left in a horrible mess of things with nothing but each other to keep us sane. But, I don't think that's such a bad thing."
He was quiet for a moment, searching my eyes. Then, he told me in a soft voice, "I don't think so, either."
What might have been a smile framed my next words. "You're not such horrible company, you know." I glanced to the mangled flesh where his ear once was and felt a pang shoot through my heart. I tried to keep my voice light, but I wasn't sure I actually managed it. "You might need me now anyway. I doubt you'll be able to hear. And, I might need you. I won't be able to walk, and I don't think a three-legged wolf is set up for success."
Samuel stiffened and bowed his head, gripping his neck. "It shouldn't have happened. You were bitten and it wasn't your choice."
"I know."
"It was more than just your leg. It shouldn't have happened."
"I know."
I ran my hand along my neck and shoulder, before stopping short. There was only minimal bandaging- if you could even call it that. The place I knew James had bitten me was a minor inconvenience compared to how the rest of my body felt. This only added to my fears.
When Samuel remained silent, I shook my head and looked to the ceiling. By now, I practically had all the ceiling tiles memorized: each bump, each crevice, each discoloration. They were the only things keeping me sane in moments like this.
Finally, I closed my eyes and whispered the thing I'd known since I'd woken up. "I'm going to change. To shift."
Samuel closed both of his hands over my own. "Probably."
"That's why everything is healing faster."
"Yes."
I worried my lip, trying to keep the tremble out of my voice. "Will I die?"
"Probably not."
"How much time?"
"We're not going to think about that right now, okay?" Samuel reached to brush away my hair but kept his hand on my cheek. His voice grew deeper as he smoothed his thumb against my skin. "This never should have happened. I never wanted you to change. Not if you didn't want to. I know I said some things at the beginning of all this, but I was acting out of anger and I didn't know what else to do. I know that's not an excuse. I know this is insanely messed up."
Samuel broke off and forced out a long sigh. His jaw was stiff and he refused to look anywhere but at the wall. After a moment, he closed his eyes and said, "Now the choice was taken away from you completely."
I nodded and watched as Samuel crumpled before me. His head was lowered so I couldn't see his face, but that enough spoke volumes. Samuel was always able to put on a mask when he needed to. At least, he was able to until now.
He took in a ragged breath. "I just wish I was there to stop it."
I reached for Samuel's cheek, but he kept his gaze hidden. After a moment I sighed and looked around, trying to form what I wanted to say.
"I wish," I started, rubbing my arm. "I wish you were there, too. I realize that, now. I never wanted to leave, not at the end, anyway. I've spent so much time running and all it's done is hurt, everyone. I'm not going to say that everything is okay because it's not. But for the moment, we're both alive and getting better. Let's just face everything else when it comes, alright?"
When Samuel didn't respond, I grabbed his hand and tried to pull him back to the present. "Thank you," I told him. "For staying, for saving me, for fighting Bray, for helping everyone."
Samuel slowly looked up at me. "Always, Samantha."
"Remember that." I gave him a small smile. "I'm going to need you, now. There's no use in fighting it, anymore."
He mimicked my expression and kissed my hand. "As long as you're there with me."
****
Merry Christmas!
One more chapter and an epilogue. Hope you guys enjoy. Don't forget to vote and comment if you did <3 Let me know your thoughts!
Mquistey