My mind was all over the place, I was tired of all this. I was tired of all the lying. Shooting the scenes weren't easy cause I couldn't focus.
Millie broke up with Jacob weeks ago, so her and Finn being a thing was quite possible.
«hi!» a soft voice exclaimed at me. I looked over and it was Sadie with her sweet smile which she always has. I gave her a half smile. «hi.»
she furrowed her brows. «what's wrong?» she asked softly and carefully.
I sighed. How could I explain? «just a lot on my mind.» I gave her a comforting smile.
She stepped closer to me. «no, tell me. Please.» she desperately asked.
I sighed yet again. «it's just- I'm confused. People are lying to me. They won't tell the truth.»
«well, people usually don't tell the truth cause they're scared it will hurt the person.»
«well, it doesn't exactly not hurt when they are keeping it from you and won't tell you.»
«sometimes, a lie is better than the truth. once you know something, you can't un-know it, it's embedded in your mind.»
«I'd rather know than spend my whole life wondering what it was.»
There was a pause.
«it's Finn and Millie right?» she asked as she furrowed her brows.
I glanced at her. I exhaled and answered. «Yes.» shamefully.
«you're not over Finn huh?»
I furrowed my brows at her. «what do you mean? Ive never liked Finn. I don't care ab-» I stopped myself and realized what I just said and how it made no sense. «I get your point.» I sighed.
She smirked at me. «you're not ready for me, are you?» she asked.
«what?! what, no- I'm totally ready for you. I want to be with you, not Finn!» I exclaimed.
«alright people get in your positions, we'll start shooting soon!» one of the crew members yelled.
I turned to him and then back at Sadie who started to walk away to get in her position and I gave her a worried look. Then I looked behind me where Finn stood talking to Charlie. I scoffed and walked over getting into my position.
The scene was rolling, we delivered our lines. God I wanted to slap him there. Retakes, rewrites, reshoots, I was getting tired. I stood there, watching them act. We were inside the house, in the living room. Discussing and planning our next move.
The bell rings and the director yells cut. I sigh and rub my neck in exhaustion.
«hey, y/n, great take.» he said impassive towards me, yet friendly.
I rolled my eyes. «DONT talk to me.» I say irritated and infuriated and start to walk away.
He grabs my arm and turns me around. «what? what did I do now?»
I looked at him with furrowed brows. His sort of bold haircut, his blue t shirt with collar and how his eyes were twinkling. I could feel the warmth from his hand gripping my wrist. It wasn't hard or violent, but gentle and kind.
«you continue to lie to me, not telling me the truth.» I say roughly.
He narrows his eyes and look deeply into mine. He parts his lips. «that's why you care so much.»
I furrowed my brows in confusion. «excuse me?»
«you're jealous.»
I scoff. «as I said, excuse me?»
He pulls away. «you're jealous of me and millie, aren't you?» he whispers.
I felt my nerves, I felt the blood stream through my veins. I clenched my hand. «you- selfish- egoistic- asshole!» I quickly and hardly pull my hand out of his grip. «for fuck sake Finn! Not everything is surrounded around you and Millie! I couldn't give two fucks about you! For all I care, you two may as well screw eachother! I, do not, CARE.»
«you just proved my point.» he responded calmly.
I was taken aback and I parted my lips. My eyes met his eyes, and I saw how he had compassion for me. He cared, he was soft and careful. Not bragging about being right or acting egoistic, he was... empathetic.
«look...» he paused and licked his lips. «I'll tell you what happened cause I care about you and I can't lie to you. But promise me that you won't tell anyone, not even Sadie or anyone you trust.» he said seriously.
I furrowed my brows cause I was shocked at how serious he got. I then softened my face and nodded. «I promise.» I whispered softly.
He still looked at me in the eyes. I don't know why, but an uncontrollable warmth spread all throughout my body and started to head towards my face. Just in time he finally broke his gaze from me and looked around the room, just before my face turned red.
I quickly looked down, feeling embarrassed. Pulling my hair in front of my face, hiding my flushed cheeks. That had never happened to me before. I swear, I just wanted it to go away. I didn't want him to think wrong about me. Not letting him get any ideas. I focused on my breathing and sooner than i thought, my face returned to its normal color.
I finally had the courage to look up again and just in time finn looked back at me, like nothing happened. He grabbed my hand and led the way to a quiet place.
We were outside now. «uhm, where are we going?» I asked curiously as I continued to being dragged.
«my trailer. It's the only place where I feel like no one can hear us. Where we're safe.»
«uhm- ok.»
just as we were approaching his trailer we bumped into Millie who was walking around with her phone in her hands.
«oh my gosh! Hi!!» she yelled out overly positive as always and grinned.
Finn let go of my hand as fast as he could and smiled at her sincerely. «oh, wow. Hi Millie!» he chuckled softly.
«hi.» I greeted her blankly but I don't think she cared since all her attention was on Finn.
«what are you doing here?!» she screamed out and walked closer to Finn. He looked down at her with a big smile plastered on his face.
He looked at me and then back at her. «uhm- nothing special. just walking around.» he chuckled.
«oh good! So you're not doing anything important right now?» she asked.
Finn frowned and shook his head. «no.» he answered straight forward.
I scoffed and crossed my arms in offense.
«good! let me show you something!» she hooked her arm to Finns arm and started to walk away, not even looking at me, as I wasn't there. Finn did the same thing and I was stuck there outside in the cold, alone.
uhm- bitch. Such a fucking asshole. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth. I started to walk to my trailer instead.
______
The next day.
I was on the set, reading my lines and rehearsing them.
«Hey.» a voice was heard next to me.
I turned to it with an expressionless face.
«how are you?» Finn asked. Was he fucking kidding me.
I rolled my eyes and brushed him off and walked away from him.
«okay?» I could hear him mumble behind me.
Not even bothering to ask what was wrong.
I continued with my rehearsing. Trying to focus which seemed almost inevitable. My hands started to shake, and I was continuously tapping my foot uncontrollably. I slammed the script on the table out of frustration. My hands were rubbing my forehead and I let out a big sigh.
«hey, you ok?» Caleb asked.
I looked at him and smiled and nodded.
«you sure?» he asked. I nodded yet again.
«Alright, but tell me if you're not ok.» I nodded yet again.
This scene was just me, Caleb, Finn and Sadie. We were discussing. It wasn't a big or a long scene, but we still had to shoot it.
The director said that we could take a break. So we started to chat.
«yeah, I saw them. They look awesome.» Sadie answered Caleb's question.
«yeah, I can't wait to actually use them. It will be so cool.» Finn added to the discussion.
They all looked at me cause I didn't say anything and they were waiting. I looked at them and raised both my eyebrows and responded with. «mhm.»
«I mean- in the finale. The military is involved. Like, that's insane.» Sadie continues.
«I've heard that one of us might use a gun, or atleast a weapon.» I add.
«that would be so cool!» Caleb exclaims as finn agrees.
«I hope that I'll get to use it, imagine.» Finn said dreamingly.
«you probably won't.» I harshly respond with an emotionless face.
Finn looks at me and then smirks slightly. «why so?» he softly chuckles.
I roll my eyes. «your character, could never.» i say impassively yet irked.
«I mean how can you be so sure-»
«cause he can't do shit.» I interrupt Finn.
He furrows his brows and narrows his eyes at me. Caleb and Sadie are quiet. I just keep staring. We could all sense tension, and it got filled with awkward silence.
Finn scoffed. «okay...»
I shook my head and took a deep breath in.
«why are you so upset?» Finn chuckled almost as if he was mocking me.
«not like you care.» I walk away and bump into him on purpose.
Not long after, Caleb runs after me. «heeeyy, what's going on?» he stops me.
«Finn being an asshole.» I spit out.
«what did he do?»
«is telling me lies, acting two sided, and ditching me for someone else the moment he has the opportunity.»
«have you told him how you feel?»
I chuckled. «no, he wouldn't listen anyway.»
Caleb furrows his brows and shakes his head. «wait, you two are like best friends, I'm sure he'll listen to you. I mean you guys were in Ireland all alone.»
I look over at Finn and how he's communicating with Sadie. «those were different times I guess.» I say softly and vulnerably.
«just tell him.» Caleb says comforting.
I look at his eyes and I nod and smile. He smiles back.
«Finn, can I talk to you?» I walk to him.
«what's up?» he asks as we approach a more quiet place.
«you probably deserve to know why I am so mad, it's not fair that you don't know.» I pause. «it's cause how you treated me yesterday, just blowing me off for Millie.» I scoff.
«okay.» he answers.
I look at him offended. Is he- like- for reals?
«uhm- yeah, I just thought that you should know since you deserve to know it.» I add.
He curls his lips. «okay.»
I was taken aback. «what happened yesterday, hurt my feelings, Finn.» I lean in trying to make him understand.
«I'm sorry.» he responds blankly as if it didn't mean anything.
«is that it?»
«what more do you want from me?»
I scoff. «forget I said anything.» and I walk away.
«hey, y/n!» he yells at me. I turn around.
«come with me after shooting.»
I took a moment to think. «okay.» I accept. I really should've known better, but there was something about him that made it impossible for me to stay angry.
_______
we were walking around the set in our normal clothes.
«but why did you blow me off for Millie? Just like that?» i ask him.
«I like Millie.» he says calmly and smoothly.
«like—- like, like?» I stutter.
«I just like her.» he responds not fully answering my question.
«still, what were you and Millie doing?»
«nothing.» he says enigmatic.
«come on Finn. Please.» I plead.
«nothing I said.» he repeats himself.
«but like, do you like Millie? Like have a crush on her?» I ask subtly.
«do you like Sadie?» he snaps back.
I look at him. «Yes.» i respond calmly.
He nods his head.
«wait- are you and Millie a thing then?» I ask curiously.
«are you and Sadie?» he asks smoothly.
I chuckle. «touché.»
«but yesterday, you were going to tell me the truth.» I continue.
«what truth?» he asks.
«the truth about you and Millie I guess.»
«I don't remember that.»
«DONT act like you don't remember Finn. We both know exactly what I'm talking about.»
«well, I don't.»
I stop and look at him with a death glare. He chuckles. «what?» he smiles at me. I couldn't help it but let a little smirk out, I mean how could I resist his laugh?
«you're such an idiot, wolfhard.» I say teasingly as I playfully roll my eyes. He chuckles as he puts his arm around my shoulders and we start walking again.
In that moment, I completely forgot about everything. I was just enjoying his company as much as possible. But my senses kicked in.
«no, but seriously Finn. you were so eager to tell me the 'truth' and now you don't want to tell me.» I change the tone and vibe.
«look, I said it's nothing, alright?» he exclaimed.
«why are you lying to me?» I snap back. «you said that you wanted to tell me the truth and then Millie showed up and now you're acting like it's no big deal.» I add frustrated.
He takes a moment and licks his lips. «I lied! There wasn't anything that I wanted to tell you. I was just kidding!» he bursts out.
I stare at him, completely amazed at how a person can be like this. «you're kidding. you're fucking kidding.» I say irked.
He shrugs his shoulders. «sorry.»
I push myself away from him. «why would you even lie to me in the first place?» i say fed up.
«I don't know.» he says softly.
What was going on with Finn? Why is he like this? Why won't he tell me the truth? I couldn't even trust him anymore, what the fuck happened?