Chapter 9-
SUB'S POV
I dropped the plate and walked away, not caring who saw. I was done with life. I was done with everything in existence. I walked out of the cafeteria with my head down and my teeth grit. I was too slow.
I couldn't win Sky over. Sure he had warmed up to me a little with my simple gestures, but I was just a friend.
I
Was
Just
A
Friend.
What made Ty so special? Was it his hair? His looks? Was it the fact that he had known him longer? Was it just the simple fact that I'm not good enough for him?! I try and try to impress him. I exceed in everything I do. All my life I have been on the top of things. Except this...
I showed him my strength in the Hunger Games. I showed him my kindness with that damned soup cup. I was caring to him when he was cold and he wanted to "chill" while watching Attack on Titan.
I showed him that I am much better than anyone else. Why has he not at least given me a passing glance? He's never looked at me with the awe he does when he looks at Ty.
What more does he want? What is it that Ty has that made Sky fall for him? What do I have to do to get him to love me?
As I walked through the halls I felt the fear of some recruits. They didn't want to cross my path in fear of angering me further. Was I stomping that loud? Did I show that much anger?
I didn't care. I went into my office, involuntarily slamming it shut, not aware how angry my movements were. I stood there, not knowing what to do. Why was I not good enough?!
I grabbed the potted plant on the bookshelf next to me and I threw it as hard as I could against the wall. The noise it made almost satisfied me. Almost. I kicked the same bookshelf until the wood splintered and my foot hurt.
It wasn't enough to help the growing lump in my throat. It felt to be growing larger and I couldn't breathe right. Almost how it feels when you're about to cry, but it wasn't. I wasn't going to cry. It was pure anger.
Stupid Ty. I imagined kicking him in the ribs as I kicked the chest in the corner. More splintered wood. I hated him. The frame for the chest almost broke as I kept kicking it. I hated Ty!
I almost growled as I continued kicking, not caring for the ache in my foot. Why can't he die?! Cracks became louder and I did not stop. I was blind with anger. WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?!
Finally the chest broke into a bunch of sticks and planks, dropping the few contents onto the floor. I saw the paper I had doodled on laying on the floor.
Dyes and sticks cluttered around where the chest was. I bet Sky and his new BOYFRIEND are smooching it up right about now. Not caring about me. It was all about "Skylox" wasn't it?
Skylox Skylox Skylox SKYLOX SKYLOX SKYLOX SKYLOX!
The very thought of it disgusted me! I had to do something about it. I couldn't just let Sky love someone who is just so WRONG for him!
I am to be with him. ME. I didn't hate Sky for telling Ty, I just couldn't. He was naive. Ty was slick. Whereas I am smart. And strong. I am BETTER than everybody else, Sky belongs with ME.
I gripped my head and wanted to scream. But I couldn't. This base was full of recruits and they wouldn't hesitate to barge in here if they heard me. I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself. The words Sky said echoed in my head.
"I think I love you!"
Those words should've been said to me! I was angry and depressed at the same time. I didn't care what happened to anybody else, I just wanted Sky. I was being possessive, yes. But it was true. I felt a pull to Sky.
His smile, his laugh, and his childish ways pulled me towards him. His jokes and will to make us happy and listen made me close to him. His good looks and soft hair made me like him. But his ranking and power made me completely fall for him...
What had started as a childish crush had grown into something greater. Something that had confused me for a long time, but now I see. I had always craved power and to be better than everybody else. Sky had what I needed.
I shook my head, staring down at the paper at my feet. The simple word "SkyZero" stared right back. I... I love him. It shouldn't be about the power! I should love him for him, and I do! I swear it! But I knew that deep down I wanted it. Probably even more than his love, which I have been begging to have for so long.
I was too late to confess my love. I was hoping to be able to warm up to him a bit more before I told him how I feel. I thought I could do it before Ty grew a pair and said it but no.
Sky was the one to admit to Ty. To that DOG. Why in the Nether would he say it to him?! I was so confused. I loved Sky! But he didn't love me...
It was then I realized what it feels like to be heartbroken. Sorrow clenched my heart and I dropped to my knees, dreading the pain in my foot, my head, and my chest.
I finally let a weak sob out, clenching my eyes closed. It had been so long since I had let any kind of noise out, I almost forgot what my own vocals sounded like. See what you do to me Sky?
I bit my lip in an attempt to hold back the noise. My shoulders quaked in sadness as I kept quiet with my depression. I just wanted you to love me...
WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?! I held my hands to my temples harder, trying to squish the memory of his confession out of my head.
He didn't love me, I'm not perfect, Sky loved another man! My thoughts spun, leaving me wanting answers on how to be happy again. I dropped onto my side, my knees coming closer to my chest.
Somehow denial turned to anger turned to heartbreak had turned to numbness. I laid on my side for maybe 45 minutes just staring at the paper laying next to my head.
I didn't want to feel anything. That love I had tried to give was thrown back into my face and tore out my heart and does Sky even realize it? No. He probably doesn't even care, to be honest!
I felt the anger spike in my heart and I knew I had to calm down. I had to stop and think. I wiped the old tears off my face. First I need to replace the flower pot and the chest. Then I can patch up the bookcase later.
After that it should be time for lunch. Plaster a smile on my face and no one should notice a thing. It would almost be like I was never heartbroken.
I stood up and got to work. I hurried and got some clay and wood before anyone could wander into my office and see the mess. After I replaced the flower and the chest, I piled my belongings in the chest.
The sticks and dyes were the first to go in, then the butter badge Sky had given me when I joined. I stared at it for a few seconds before tossing it in. I didn't want to think of it.
I was about to put the paper back in too when I looked at it. SkyZero. It wasn't just a fantasy I made up, it was once a goal. One that I will never reach now. That dog took him from me.
I folded up the paper and placed it in my back pocket. I don't know why really. It gave me comfort. Just because Sky thinks he loves Ty right now doesn't mean he will later. Once Ty screws up, Sky will be running to me. I know it.
I guess I'll just have to give everybody a push in the right direction. I can skip lunch today. I have more important things to take care of. For the first time that day, I smiled quite a bit.
:)
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(A/N: so yeah, there was a look in Sub's pov, which is something I don't think I've done in a while. I want him to he as mysterious as possible, but I still want you guys to see in his "demented" mind a bit. Yeah it's just a shortish chapter about his reaction to hearing Sky's confession.
This was just a quick mental break down that'll lead into something greater, which you guys will find out about if you stick around :D
I'm trying to be optimistic here because school is already nagging in my ear... Btw sorry if my writing sucks as bad as my English teacher says...
Anyways, see ya later!!)