Lillian clutched her things as she anxiously waited for Cassie by the doors of the cabin. Though they had not even begun the trip to Cassie's family's house, Lillian already felt like she was not going to keep down her morning breakfast. She took in deep breaths and shut her eyes, knowing the anxiety would only grow the nearer they got. If she could not calm herself now, then she was not sure how she would react once she finally reached Cassie's home.
"You're not going to pass out, are you?" came the cocky voice of her girlfriend.
Lillian glanced up at Mitsuki. They'd already spoken a little in the morning, but she supposed it was only natural for Mitsuki to wish her off as well.
"It'll be okay," Mitsuki said, wrapping her arms around Lillian.
Lillian leaned her head into Mitsuki's hair, trying to stop her trembling limbs. She wished she could kiss Mitsuki, but the chances were too high that someone would witness the act.
At the sound of footsteps, Lillian quickly broke apart from Mitsuki and watched Cassie descending the steps, Marc following her behind with her luggage. She could already hear the motor running of Cassie's uncle's car outside.
"You'll be back tomorrow evening?" Marc asked.
Cassie slowly nodded.
Lillian awkwardly clutched her things as Marc quickly kissed Cassie before opening up the door for the both of them. She wished she could kiss Mitsuki good-bye. She supposed a spare moment of eye contact and a weak smile would have to be enough.
Lillian threw her luggage in the back of John's truck. She climbed into the backseat, not expecting Cassie to join her, but her newly-found sister did all the same.
"I'm going to throw up," Lillian muttered.
"Just calm down," Cassie whispered, reaching over to squeeze her hand.
"I think your family will enjoy a surprise visit," John said from the front as he began steering away from the cabin, clearly unaware of what was to prevail at the house. Lillian glanced out the window as the cabin faded, wondering how different her life might be when she returned.
"I'm not going for a fun visit," Cassie told her uncle.
"And what is it that you're visiting for?"
"You'll find out soon enough," Cassie grumbled, leaning her head back against the headrest. Lillian did the same, trying to calm her rapid heartbeat and nauseous stomach.
Though it appeared Cassie had dozed off about a half hour into the trip, Lillian couldn't do so. She wished she was back at the cabin snuggling with Mitsuki or distracting herself by helping Cherie with business. The brunette let out a deep sigh. She knew she had to do this deep down. She still wasn't sure what she'd say to her mother when it happened, but at least she was finally facing her fear after two years.
Lillian was nearly calm until they began entering into a suburban area. She watched Cassie slowly stir and rolled down the window, trying to get some air into her face. Lillian was afraid she'd throw up all over the back of John's car.
Lillian flinched as Cassie reached for her hand and squeezed it once more. Lillian turned, noticing the softness in Cassie's eyes. She was giving her a look of reassurance.
When John finally did pull up into the driveway, Lillian shakily exited. She had not visited the house since that one December that they'd all done Christmas activities together. Life had been much different then. Lillian slowly gathered her things from the trunk and began heading up the porch with Cassie, trying not to cry from the stress.
Why can't I get ahold of myself? Lillian thought.
Cassie was acting strangely calm. Lillian imagined it had to be harder to interrogate someone who had been a constant figure in her life. Why was Lillian so worried about speaking to a stranger?
"Thanks, John. See you tomorrow for dinner, maybe?" Cassie said.
"You don't want me to come in?" her uncle asked confusedly.
"It probably would be better if you didn't," Cassie replied. "I promise I'll explain everything later if you don't hear about it."
Her uncle gave Cassie a look of worry but nodded, getting back into his car. It was just beginning to pull out of the driveway when Cassie clutched Lillian's hand again and knocked on the door.
Lillian could hear people moving inside and shut her eyes, taking in a deep breath. Her legs nearly faltered as none other than Jane Black herself answered the door.
"Cassie?! What are you..." Her voice trailed off at the sight of Lillian, her eyes glancing down to their conjoined hands.
"We need to talk," Cassie said sternly.
"Cassie! A surprise visit?!" Diana called from inside. She peered past Cassie's mother, staring at Lillian. "Oh, you brought one of your friends?"
Lillian could see worry in Jane Black's face, and that vulnerability was enough to slowly calm her. Why was she the one stressing? She was not in the wrong.
"Do you know why I'm here?" Cassie asked her mother, her voice barely faltering. "Do you know why I brought her here?"
Lillian watched Jane Black slowly step back. "You don't understand..."
"We want to talk," Cassie said, continuing to speak for Lillian.
"Jane, is Cassie out there? Invite her inside!" she could hear Cassie's father call from inside.
"Just a second, dear. Cassie's brought a friend along. I need to talk with them for a second," Jane Black answered, her voice shaking.
Lillian couldn't help but clench her free hand into a fist. There was no reason to be scared. This woman was already terrified just by the sight of her.
Good, Lillian thought. I hope she's scared.
"Let's go into my bedroom," her mother murmured, waving them inside. Lillian slowly stepped in, trying to ignore the confused looks of Diana and Cassie's father, especially when both she and Cassie refused to greet them. Jane Black led them down the hallway into the largest bedroom of the house. She watched Cassie's mother slowly shut the door and lock it.
"Your father will just have to nap on the couch after lunch," Jane Black muttered to herself before finally turning to face them.
"You're a damn liar," Cassie began, marching toward her mother.
"Cassie, stop!" Lillian said, grasping the girl's arm. Cassie was still tense, but she stopped her approach, letting her arm drop. Lillian then slowly turned, finally looking up at Jane Black, her mother. She could see the similarity of their eyes, in the way they both interlaced their fingers when they got nervous.
"You know who I am," Lillian said, staring up at her.
Jane Black gulped. "Yes."
"Then say it," Lillian commanded.
"You're my daughter," Jane whispered, slowly taking a seat on the bedside. She watched the woman place her hands into her face and let out a quiet groan.
"You can at least look at her," Cassie growled.
"Cassie, stop. This is my conversation with her," Lillian said calmly.
"I never thought that—"
Lillian cut off her mother. "You thought you could just walk out on my life and never see me again? Fate is a fickle being. If you knew who I was, why didn't you say anything earlier?" Lillian asked, watching as her mother slowly made eye contact with her again.
"Because I didn't think you recognized me. I thought I could pretend—"
"You're wrong. I did recognize you, from the moment I saw you that day in December."
"How did you find out?" Jane gasped.
"I heard you speaking to Cassie on New Year's Eve."
"But you didn't speak to me."
"No, I didn't, and I should've sooner," Lillian stated. "I was disappointed with what I heard. I didn't want to cause any drama, but this was something I should've addressed a long time ago. This is something I've been holding in for a while. So, Mom, is there anything you'd like to say to me?"
Jane Black paused, staring up at her. "You've grown into a very beautiful young woman. You look an awful lot like your father, I suppose, but your eyes..."
"That's all you have to say?" Lillian asked. "That's all you have to say to the daughter you abandoned?!" She felt Cassie grab onto her own arm now, reminding her to remain calm. Lillian took a deep breath. "I just want to know why," Lillian spoke quietly. "Why did you do this to me?"
Jane Black let out a sigh. "Cassie already knows this. Did you overhear it too?"
"Some of it," Lillian muttered.
"I was young and mentally unwell. Even given the proper resources to care for you, I was scared of myself and of the future. Don't you think I feel guilty? Some nights I wake up in terror and guilt, remembering the child I lost years before," Jane stated.
"But you never came back," Lillian said breathlessly. "You clearly had the means to."
"Because I had met Cassie's father and had my own family!" her mother argued.
"You had a family! You had a family before that!" Lillian snarled.
"I gave full custody to your father. I never intended to be a part of your life," her mother explained.
"Then why did you visit that day?" Lillian wondered. "Why visit and then not even speak to me?"
"I was guilty. I wanted to see you. I think your father thought things could go back the way they were, but I already had another family. I realized as soon as I had come to that house that I had made the wrong decision, that I wasn't supposed to try to be a part of your life. Where is your father now?"
"He's dead," Lillian answered simply. "He's been dead since I was nine years old. If Cherie hadn't found me, I'd be dead too. I thought maybe you'd come after me. You'd rescue me and raise me like a mother was meant to, but you never came. I'm glad Cherie raised me after my father died. She was a better mother to me than you ever would be."
Lillian could now see tears gleaming in Jane's eyes.
"Don't think for a second I never cared about you," Jane Black said, her voice wavering with tears.
Cassie opened her mouth to say something, but Lillian shushed her, waiting for Jane to continue speaking.
"I still thought about you. I still think about you," she corrected herself. "I've thought about you a lot more now that I know Cassie has come to know you. She tells me great things about how, how nice of a person you are, what a gentle soul you have. That's what I always wanted you to grow up to be. I left for your own sake."
"You keep saying that," Lillian growled. "I understand. You were young, close to my age. I don't know if I could've handled a marriage and child at this age. But what you did only saved yourself. You left my father and I to fend for ourselves. You knew the danger we were in, didn't you?"
Jane Black slowly nodded. "But listen, Lillian. Your father and I agreed it was the best that I stay away. Please don't think for a second that I despised you, that I hoped you died. I named you. I loved you. I still love you."
"Mom, how can you even say that?" Cassie asked coldly.
Jane now turned to her other daughter. "Cassie, I'm sorry for lying. Lillian said she didn't want to ruin our family by bringing this up. I didn't want to ruin your friendship. I recognized Lillian the second you brought her here, but I didn't want to tell you. I should've."
"Lillian and I are close," Cassie argued. "We're as close as sisters."
"That's good to hear."
"What now?" Cassie asked quietly.
"I don't know," Jane Black answered helplessly.
"There was a time when I wanted you to be a part of my life," Lillian explained. "I told Cherie to look for you. I thought I could bring back the mother I always wanted, but she never existed."
"I'm sorry, Lillian. My apologies will never be enough. I'm sorry," Jane breathed, her voice shaking.
"I appreciate it, but I can't forgive you, at least not just yet," Lillian stated. This was so unlike her. Irene had often scolded her for finding good in everyone, but Lillian couldn't see any redeeming qualities in this woman. "You hurt me, more than anyone has before. What would happened if you found out I died? Would you have cared? Or would you have never known?"
"Lillian, stop. I wasn't intending to never find you again," her mother quietly said.
"But you were! You never once looked for me, never checked in on me past that day you visited. You can't claim that you loved me and felt guilty for leaving me when you never did anything about it. I'm glad you found a family you cared about, I really am, but you never gave me that reality. And, look, you don't owe me anything. I'm an adult. It's not like you can legally adopt me now. But it would've been nice to know that you were looking out for me when I was suffering."
"Cassie?" Jane asked, turning her attention to the girl beside Lillian.
"I'm with Lillian. I always felt strange about what you told me that night. My vision of you is skewed even more now that I know the daughter you left behind was Lillian. You've always been motherly to me, but I can't keep thinking of you as this angelic figure who does no wrong. We're all adults. We've all made mistakes. You've made a big one."
"What do you both want me to do?" Jane Black complained, beginning to weep. "This all happened years ago."
"You need to tell the others," Cassie stated firmly. "You need to tell Dad and Diana, most of all."
"But, Cassie—"
"If you're worried about revealing stuff about spiritkeepers, you can omit all that. But the truth still stands. Lillian is your first daughter from a previous marriage, and she's my sister. You can't keep hiding that when you've done it for twenty-three years already."
"Is that...is that really what I should do?" Jane Black asked.
"I think it's the right thing for you to do," Lillian spoke quietly. "I'd like to get to know my other sister. I think she deserves the truth as well."
The middle-aged woman wiped tears from her cheeks.
"Fine. I'll announce it. I'll announce it right now," Jane Black said, standing up.
"What you say isn't going to make me forgive you," Lillian told her.
"I know that," her mother stated. She glanced at Lillian, frowning. "Can I at least hug you? I haven't seen you in—"
"No," Lillian stated firmly, taking a step back as Jane Black approached her. "You're a stranger to me. I don't want affection from you. I wanted to know the truth and wanted to speak to you. Cassie and I will stand with you as you tell everyone. But that's all."
Jane Black slowly nodded and opened the door. Lillian walked down the hall, feeling angered yet also empowered. She'd finally stood up to the woman who had caused her so much pain. A part of her though also sympathized with the shaky figure of her mother.
No. I can't feel for her just yet, Lillian reminded herself as she stepped into the living room. Diana and Cassie's father were sitting in the living room while Jane's parents, her grandparents, sat on a nearby couch.
"Mom, what's wrong? Why do you look upset?" Diana asked, standing up.
"I-I have an announcement to make," Jane Black stated, her voice quivering.
Lillian stood her ground next to Cassie as Jane slowly began to speak.
"Cassie didn't just bring her friend here today for fun. I-I know this girl," Jane stated. Though Lillian could not look at the woman, she could see Jane Black's stare burning into her.
"What do you mean?" Cassie's father asked.
"I was married briefly to another man before you, Virgil. This girl—Lillian—is my first child," Jane Black announced.