Days passed and Calum and Sienna barely spoke a word to each other. When they did talk, it was only a few words just so it wasn't obvious to the guys that they were upset with each other.
Well, Sienna was upset with him, but Calum seemed perfectly fine.
Michael, Ashton, and Luke didn't notice anything off about Calum apart from the fact that Sienna wasn't by his side.
Calum just happened to be better at hiding emotions than Sienna was. He hated how things ended with Sienna and he hated that they ended at all, but she'd walked away from him the first times her feelings got hurt. The more he thought about that, the angrier he became.
Calum was an expert at keeping his heart off his sleeve. He was incredibly good at making it hard to read his emotions. A skill that came in handy for getting Ashton off his trail.
Sienna got sick of sitting around watching Calum laugh and carry on with the boys as if nothing were wrong.
It didn't matter to him, Sienna reminded herself. He actually is fine. I'm the one pretending.
She couldn't sit there, faking smiles and pining over Calum, so she went to her bunk to call Niall.
He always knew what to do.
"Ni," Sienna said softly, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. "I'm so sick of just sitting here."
"Then, go out and get some air, babe." Niall suggested. "Go to the nearest park and take a walk. Go get a nice iced coffee. Go get your nails done." He suggested. "Just do something to get out of your head for a while."
"Maybe it would be nice to have a distraction." Sienna realized.
"Exactly." Niall said simply. "Go take your mind off everything, babe."
"Okay." Sienna decided.
"Atta' girl."
"Thank you. I love you." Sienna said before quickly ending the call.
She climbed out of her bunk and grabbed some of her things.
She put on one of her favorite outfits. She fixed her makeup. Whether she liked to admit it, cleaning herself up and getting dressed up made her feel a bit better.
She didn't feel like such a wreck on the outside, even if she did on the inside. That was something at least.
She grabbed her purse and stepped off the bus.
Her boots thudded on the pavement as she stepped down, attracting the lad's attention.
"The show isn't for hours!" Luke called to her from where the four lads were playing football in the lot by the bus. "Why are you already dressed?"
"I'm going out!" Sienna called, walking in their direction.
"Out where?" Ashton asked as she neared them.
"Out." Sienna said, a smile on her lips as she strutted by them. She slid her sunglasses over her eyes.
She wished she didn't, but she hoped Calum was watching her.
She never turned to check, but he was. His eyes were glued to her.
Her hair was in thick, beautiful curls that bounced when she walked. She wore a yellow and black plaid tight skirt and matching tube top.
The thick black knee-high boots she wore made Calum's knees weak.
"You've got some drool." Michael joked, pulling Calum from his thoughts.
"What?" Calum shook his head slightly before processing what Michael had said. "Oh, fuck off, Mike." He shoved him playfully.
His eyes went back to Sienna.
Her makeup looked natural. Her tan stood out more against the bright yellow outfit.
Sienna passed the lads and headed for the front of the arena.
"Tell David I'll be back later!" She called to the boys.
Sienna walked happily, feeling much better out in the sun and fresh air, around the front of the arena and to the corner of the street.
The arena luckily was on Main Street. So, anything Sienna wanted to do, she could walk a few blocks and do it.
Sienna stopped in a few of the stores she saw, mostly just the ones that looked interesting.
She didn't buy very much. She just enjoyed walking around looking through the shops.
She took Niall's suggestion and got her nails done. That took some time, but Sienna enjoyed the distraction.
She spent the time humming to whatever song played through the speakers around the nail salon, tapping her toes to the beat without noticing, and making small talk with the woman working on her nails.
Sienna got solid black stiletto acrylic nails. Her new manicure only boosted her surge of happiness.
She felt independent. Out on the town by herself, shopping and getting her nails done.
She felt young, and free, and confident.
She stopped and got herself an iced coffee, as Niall had suggested, before walking back to the arena.
Security let her through the gates, with a quick, "Hello, Miss Hemmings."
The lads had been on the bus playing Fifa when Michael looked out the window and saw a bright yellow skirt.
"Enna's back!" He cheered.
She'd been gone for most of the day. They'd begun to worry. Luke tried calling only to discover Sienna had left her phone in her bunk.
All of the boys quickly hurried to the door of the bus.
Luke threw the door open and looked out at Sienna as she approached them.
Shopping bags in one hand, iced coffee in the other, fresh manicure on her nails. Luke realized why she had been gone for so long.
Michael whistled at her before laughing. He earned a glare from Luke who went back to standing with his arms crossed over his chest like an angry father.
Sienna sipped her coffee as she came to stand at the base of the stairs below them.
"Where were you?" Ashton asked, breaking the cycle of Luke always being the overprotective one.
"Out." Sienna shrugged sweetly.
The look of rebellion in her eyes made Calum smirk.
"Out where?" Luke asked.
"Did some shopping. Got a manicure." She tapped her new nails against her coffee in her hand.
The more she smiled, the less angry Luke became.
"Nice nails." Luke said with a smile, glad to see Sienna out and smiling. Despite the hours he'd just spent worrying about her, he hadn't seen her smile like that in days and couldn't bring himself to scold her.
He'd been keeping a close eye on her for the past few days. Her energy had been off and her smile wasn't quite the same as always. He'd been worried. Seeing her smiling now was a relief.
"Nice legs." Calum said without thinking, earning a reflexive slap to the back of the head from Luke. "What?" Calum groaned.
That was it. That was all it took for all the contradictory feelings to come flooding back.
Sienna wasn't sure if she wanted to smile, cry, or slap him the way Luke had.
She'd felt happy and content when she was distracted, but the second Calum spoke to her she'd gone right back to heartache.
She didn't show it though. She couldn't in front of everyone.
I'll just stay distracted, Sienna thought. I won't be thinking about it. Therefore, I won't be upset about it.
Good plan, she told herself though she didn't know if she actually believed it.
Sienna made sure she kept herself busy after that. She wouldn't give herself a chance to think about Calum.
She went out to see the fans. She tried reading a book, but couldn't sit still long enough to focus. She went with the boys to soundcheck and to her own surprise was able to get through it without crying over Calum or beating herself up.
Sienna wanted to talk to him. She wanted to know how he was feeling; if he was truly fine with the way things ended between them. She wanted to know if he missed her. She wanted to know if he had feelings for her, real feelings. Not "I like you but no strings attached" feelings, but "I like you and I want something real with you" feelings.
She wanted to ask, but was afraid she wouldn't want to hear the answer.
So, she didn't and wouldn't ask.
~~~~~~
Sienna purposely stood on the opposite side of the stage for the show to avoid Calum. She couldn't handle him watching her and smiling down at her when she felt like she might fall to pieces any second over him.
We didn't even date, Sienna thought. I'm pathetic.
When the boys started Amnesia, Sienna knew moving to the other side of the stage wouldn't save her.
"I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted." Of course Calum's eyes found their way to Sienna. He couldn't stop himself. "And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine, are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?"
Don't you dare cry, Sienna scolded herself. You didn't even date him. Why are you acting like he broke your heart?
Sienna's eyes met Calum's and the realization hit her.
Because he's different, she realized. Things are different with him. Or, at least, they were.
"If what we had was real, how could you be fine?" Calum sang, looking away from Sienna before it was too obvious. "'Cause I'm not fine at all."
Sienna had to get out of there. She felt pathetic, standing below the stage pining over someone who was completely fine without her, or at least seemed to be.
She rushed through the security pit that would lead her backstage.
Calum immediately noticed she'd run off. He wanted to throw his bass down and run after her. He wanted to hold her and tell her how much he cared for her, but he couldn't.
It's Luke's cousin, Calum mentally groaned. I can't be with her.
Michael and Luke also saw Sienna run off. They shared confused glances. Luke turned to look back at Ashton. Ashton gave him a small nod and slowly stood from him drums.
Amnesia was Mike's acoustic guitar solo anyway. No drumming was needed. So, Ashton hurried off stage after Sienna.
He quickly rushed backstage, searching for her. He asked some of the crew if they'd seen Sienna. One of them finally pointed him in the direction of the boy's dressing room.
He entered the dressing room and heard a soft sound coming from the bathroom.
"Sienna?" Ashton asked quietly, knocking gently on the door. "Everything okay?"
"Just a bit nauseous." Sienna lied, but the thickness of her voice gave her away.
"Enna," Ashton pleaded. "just open the door. Tell me what's wrong."
"I can't." Sienna cried before burying her face into her hands to muffle the cries.
"Why not?" Ashton worried.
She didn't answer him again. The only answer he received was the sound of her muffled cries through the door.
Sienna fumbled with her phone. Tears streamed her face as she dialed the familiar number.
"Hey, babe." Niall's calm, happy voice came through the phone. Sienna didn't know why she couldn't form words. More tears streamed her face and she sniffled into the phone. Niall's heart started to race, realizing something was wrong. "Sienna?"
She croaked out three tear-filled words in between cries.
"I'm not okay."