Irene kept her focus on work more than ever these days. It kept her distracted from her relationship problems with Miguel and the realization that she still had feelings for Lillian. In addition, it continued to secure her favor in Lynch's eyes. As long as she was working for the Preservers, he would hopefully be convinced of her loyalty.
That was not to say that Irene wasn't thinking of herself more these days. She was beginning to realize the path she was destined to take, but she had not taken any of the larger steps to fulfill those goals. Irene wasn't sure how long it would take, but she'd get there eventually.
Irene tried to focus on her sheet of papers as she jotted down notes on the yellow pad beside her. She listened to the faint hum of the air conditioning and ticking of the round clock in the distance. It was so eerily quiet in the office. She was beginning to miss the loud ruckus of living in the cabin with the others. The days were never as boring back then.
Work was becoming tiring, and her pen began drifting on its own, drawing lines up and down the paper as her mind wandered. She grunted, knowing she should be focusing, but she flipped to another page, allowing her hand to work again. When the sheet was filled it up, she folded it and shoved it in her pocket, staring back at her paperwork.
She wondered what Lillian was doing right now.
Irene threw her pen down and sat up. She wasn't supposed to have those thoughts. Lillian would most likely never forgive her for her betrayal. She had no way of knowing what Lillian was up to these days. And maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe...maybe she'd found someone else.
Irene's fists curled as she thought of the day Cassie had taken Elijah from her. She knew Lillian had to be a part of the operation. Surveillance footage had shown so. A part of her wished she had just gotten a glimpse of Lillian's face that day. Would it have changed anything?
Irene let out a yawn, her eyelids growing heavy. She hadn't been sleeping as much as she craved. It was difficult for her to continue sleeping in the same bed as Miguel when she dreamt of Lillian at night.
Her blue eyes peered upward at the clock. Ah, the work day had ended already.
Irene packed up her things and slipped out, uttering quiet good-byes to her coworkers. She headed down the street, watching other workers return from a long day. At this moment, Irene craved nothing more than a home-cooked meal and a nice bath. She returned to her apartment and found her mother inside, tidying the kitchen.
"How was work, dear?" her mother asked asked.
Irene set her bag down and stretched her arms. "Same as ever."
"I'm glad they weren't making you work late tonight. You were gone awfully long last night," her mother commented.
Irene rubbed her neck. "Yeah, not today. I may be working extra though for a bit. There's been a lot of incoming information about human-born whereabouts."
"Don't work yourself too hard, dear. Miguel is worried about you," her mother warned.
Irene was quiet. She wasn't sure what Miguel was concerned about anymore. She suspected he didn't care much for her either, that he was using their relationship as some kind of coping mechanism as well.
"I'm going to take a bath. It's been a long day," Irene said.
"All right. Dinner will be ready in about an hour."
Irene nodded and headed to her bedroom, drawing a warm bath for herself. She let out a sigh of content as she settled down into the warm tub, watching steam rise off of the water. She leaned her head back, trying to calm her rapid thoughts.
She sat quietly for a while, the warm water beginning to lull her off to sleep. The sound of the door opening jolted her awake from whatever doze she was drifting into.
"Oh," she muttered, watching Miguel step inside.
"Sorry, didn't realize you were bathing," he said, turning his head away and beginning to rummage through the bathroom cabinet.
There was something awkward about him seeing her body these days. She didn't feel like it belonged to him anymore. Maybe it never had. Her hands crossed over her chest, as if to hide the breasts that Miguel had seen time and time before.
"You're home early," Irene admitted, beginning to reach for her white towel.
"Yeah."
Slowly, Irene stood, letting the water drip from her body as she wrapped her towel around her and pulled the drain.
"Aren't you hot?" Miguel asked, finally turning to face her. "It's hot enough to feel like a sauna in here. The weather outside isn't much colder either."
"A warm bath helps me relax," Irene replied, tucking her towel in place.
"I'm surprised you're home before dinner. You keep working late," Miguel noted, reaching for his toothbrush.
"Not tonight," Irene said, taking it upon herself to exit the bathroom before their conversation descended into any more awkwardness. Miguel wasn't quite done with conversation yet though. He followed her out of the bathroom and sat on the bed as she gathered her clothes.
"What are you staring at me for?" Irene asked.
"Do you want to try to make this work?" Miguel wondered.
Irene slowly turned her head. "What?"
"You said you were trying, didn't you?"
"We both didn't think that was working well," Irene said. That had been before her realization. She no longer wanted to put any effort into loving Miguel. Whatever had once been between them had vanished almost entirely.
"I'm sorry I didn't stay and cuddle with you that day you weren't feeling well," Miguel said.
"You didn't have to," Irene answered, trying to avoid eye contact. She was silently cursing to herself. She had given Miguel false hope when there was none.
"Come here," Miguel said quietly.
Irene paused for a second. She knew Miguel's character enough to know he would grow suspicious if she avoided him. Slowly, she approached, feeling her stomach clench with each step.
Miguel stood and reached forward, grabbing onto her bare arms. She only got a quick glance of the lust in his eyes before he leaned down to roughly press his lips against hers. Irene made a sound of surprise, kissing him back even if deep down she didn't want to.
She shut her eyes, feeling tears begin to sting them. She didn't want Miguel's rough lips on hers or his strong hands squeezing her arms. She wanted Lillian's soft touch instead.
Irene broke away first, catching her breath. She was about to push Miguel away or say something, but he moved from her mouth down her jawline, beginning to trail kisses along her neck. Irene felt numb as he did so. Her body barely felt electrified.
"Miguel," she said quietly, trying to break things off before he went too far.
He was too distracted with her to pay attention. She gasped as he hoisted her up and practically threw her onto the bed. She glanced up at him, shocked, as he leaned over her and began kissing her again.
No...Irene didn't want this.
His hands slowly began peeling away her towel, and she snapped. Her hands gripped his and pulled them away. Miguel broke off the kiss, staring at her in confusion.
"What are you doing?" she breathed.
"Elijah's gone. I understand that now. We probably won't see him anytime soon. So what? We can have another kid," he muttered, leaning down to brush his lips against the side of her neck again.
"Get off me," Irene growled.
She felt Miguel pause, then used her arm to jab at the side of his neck. He let out a cry of pain and sat up, looking at her in shock.
"What the hell? I thought you wanted to make things work!" he exclaimed. "Isn't this one way we can do that?"
"You're disgusting," Irene sneered. "You think children are just replaceable? Elijah isn't dead. He's still alive. And even if I don't get to see him anytime soon, I'm happy knowing he's okay."
"What do you want then?" Miguel growled. "You don't want marriage. I thought maybe you might want this. You said you—"
"Forget what I said. I don't want any more children," she stated firmly.
Miguel stared at her in disbelief. "What?"
"I'm re-evaluating myself right now. I can't answer your question. I don't know what I want just yet. But I know I don't want any more kids."
"You didn't seem like that was the case when you agreed to marry me."
"I'm not a baby-making machine for you!" Irene exclaimed. She paused, letting out a deep sigh. "I guess I'll just say it now. I had a pregnancy scare a couple years ago, during the first winter we were here. And I was terrified. I didn't want to bring another child in this world just so it could suffer."
"Elijah wasn't suffering!" Miguel argued. He paused, shutting his eyes. "Why did you keep something like that from me? Why didn't you tell me what you were feeling?"
Irene narrowed her eyes. "It doesn't matter. I still can't believe what you just proposed," she said, sitting up and wrapping her towel tightly around her.
"Then I don't know what our relationship is anymore. You don't want any of the normal things in a romantic relationship," Miguel growled. "What do you want? Do you want me to get out?" He leaned forward, as if to grab her again, but Irene pushed his hand away.
"Don't touch me," she warned. "I don't want you touching me anytime soon."
"Then what? You want me to just break things off now?"
"I need to think," Irene argued.
"So do I," he coldly replied.
Irene stood up and moved away from the bed, beginning to put her clothes on. She ignored Miguel's burning stare and the uncomfortable tension in the room. She was disgusted and infuriated. She didn't even want to look at him.
"I'm going on a walk," she announced.
"You're just going to run away like you always do," Miguel argued.
"Don't come after me," Irene said.
"Wasn't planning to."
"I think you should stay with your parents tonight," Irene said as she moved toward the door.
"Fine."
Irene gripped the handle and slowly exited. Her parents peeped their heads down the hallway, obviously hearing the yelling. Irene ignored their stares and headed toward the door.
"I'm going on a walk," she told them.
"Irene, is everything okay?" her father asked.
"Miguel's going to stay with his parents for a little bit," was all she replied.
She stepped out of her apartment and walked down the hall, twirling the slip of paper in her pocket that she'd slipped in earlier.
When she cooled down, she would have to face Miguel again. And when she did confront him again, she was going to call off their relationship for good. Even now, she twisted her engagement ring, slowly pulling it on and off to see how her finger would feel without it.