Alex's hair was ruined when we walked out of the back door, walking into a gazebo like patio. He was dreached in sweat, just slipping his clothes back on and running down the stairs, me obviously going to follow him.
He walked out into the rain, letting it dampen his clothes and washed over his face lightly. His eyes were closed as he put his chin up in the air, just breathing in the fresh air the rain made. The drops hit off his arms, slowly trailing around and dripping off to the ground.
He looked like something out of a dream or out of a movie. The moments me just staring at him, letting the rain calm him, slowing his breath.
I slowly padded over to him, me in just boxers, the soft rain hitting off my bare shoulders. I slid my hands around his waist, swaying slightly with him from behind.
"You look like an angel, Alex," I said softly into his ear as I let my chin rest on his shoulder.
"Jack, you have to stop thinking I'm such a perfect person, because I'm not," he said, his eyes still closed as he edged his face towards mine, letting his nose rest on my forehead.
"You're my perfect though. Even your flaws are perfect to me," I said, letting my fingers stroke his V, hearing his breath grow shaky.
"How is it possible for you to think the world of me?" he asked. He was so precious. Why couldn't he see how perfect he obviously was to me? If he could only see with my eyes.
"You are my world," I sighed, feeling him slowly turn around, wrapping his arms carefully around me, stroking my back with his careful fingers through the fabric.
How was it that I didn't get us really? I saw his perfection, even in his flaws. But, then again, he was only human. Maybe he felt as if I exaggerate too much.
"Jack, will you just..." he started, his eyes tearing up. I was confused at why he had tears. I felt my heart crack in the slightest bit as a sob broke out of his throat, him just clinging onto me so tight. So needily.
"Alex, what's wrong, baby?" I asked in a whispered, feeling his fingers softly stroking the bit of hair at the scruff of my neck.
"Jack, I'm not perfect. You know I'm not. M-my parents hate me for being with you. They haven't spoke a word to me in weeks," he said through sobs, his voice just braking too many times.
When had he told his parents about us? I hadn't been with him anyway, knowing nothing about his visit. But it made my stomach churn to see him crying about him being... himself.
I felt as if my heart had been torn out, only for me to be tortured even more of having it cut my from inside out before.
"Alex, you can't let them ignore you just because of you being you. You can't let that get to you about something like this," I said, feeling my voice thicken as tears trailed down my cheeks.
"Just, Jack, don't call me perfect. I'm anything but that," he said, him seeming as if he was cowering from something, letting me hug him so tight as he hid his face into my bare chest. His hands just clung onto my shoulders, the feeling of nails being dug into me not bothering me at all.
"Alex, I know you're not exactly perfect. But you are the closest thing to it. Never deny it. I will crush my heart and let it break into millions of piece if you deny what I think about you. Just believe me," I mumbled, feeling a lump in my throat.
"I'm not!" he screamed, pushing me away. He folded his arms across his chest, a sad frown on his face.
"My life is just a charade to you. I act all happy all the time even though really I'm hurting. I'm hurting when I leave you alone at any moment for any length of time, I'm worried about you, I'm worried about myself. I am just another... another actor on a stage," he said with a huff at the end.
"Alex.. What are you saying?" I asked, feeling as if my eyes were going to just fall out of their sockets for how much the tears were falling. My perfect, angel being unhappy. It was unheard of.
"My parents hate me for being with you. I'm disowned by them. At least you have a father who cares about you. And when you do be all happy, just because of my charade, I feel as if my guts are getting plunged with daggers, feeling so fake and untrustable."
"Alex, I don't get what you mean. You're scaring me," I sobbed, Alex smiling a sickenly sad smile.
"I thought of suicide, Jack, and I came darn close," he barely spoke the words, more so mouthing them. I felt my body was going to fail me, my knees giving away, me falling to the floor in a bout of tears and sobs.
"Why?" I asked, voice so broken my throat hurt.
"It was before you and I got together. I had feelings for you for such a long time, trying to keep normal, keep the charade going. You were going out with Holly at the time. The time just dragging on and on, me feeling as if knives were cutting me up every time you came back to house with her.
It made me feel as if I was hiding away, just living in a shadow of someone I wasn't, just watching every pointless day pass by. It got too much. I got a razor and-" but I interupted him with so many loud, heart aching sobs. A single tear dropped from his eye, him trying to blink away the tears.
He... He was suicidal?
It irritated me the way he just stood there with his jaw clenched as he watched me cry, not even bothering to comfort me. I noticed his fingers scratch at his skin roughly before he continued.
"But I didn't. I knew you couldn't live without me being your friend," he said, spitting at the use of the word 'friend'. "You would just be a suicidal, death obsessed teenager again. I went on for your sake, watching every kiss you and Holly shared, continuing even though it hurt so bad."
"A-Alex," I whimpered, my arms weakly beckoning him over to me, him walking over to me with shaky legs.
It sucked. Crying for sadness always sucked. It made a ring in my ears that just made me want to shoot a bullet into my brain.
Alex sat down infront of me, me instantly crawling into his open arms. Alex never had to comfort me. It was strange, new and foreign to me.
Him wrapping his arms around me so protectively, me letting the tears fall as his word rang in my head, his soft murmurs giving me no comfort.
He swayed me carefully, letting me know it's okay. It sure as hell wasn't okay. Alex had just revealed a hidden past that just reminded me so much of my own. Feeling so alone and useless, just resorting to ending it all.
Sitting in the rain, tears falling, Alex just soaked to the skin. We were a train wreck right now, our lives so alike.
His hidden past just shaking me up so much, reminding me of my own.
We were fuck ups.. Sure everything was fucked up. I couldn't deal with the moment, just practically crying until I felt my heart was in my throat, the sobs catching.
"Let's go inside," Alex murmured, pulling me up to my feet. He guided me to the door, me just laying on the couch as soon as we entered, cuddling up into a ball with a pillow tight in my arms.
"Can I try to kiss away your tears?" he asked quietly, leaning down to me, letting his tongue lightly lick up the salty tears, leaving tiny kisses inbetween.
"Alex, I love you," I whispered, Alex just responding with many more little butterfly kisses, trailing from my cheek to the corner of my mouth.
I caught his lips with mine, me suddenly finding myself grabbing onto his hips, pulling him ontop of me.
Just giving him soft kisses and holding him tight, Alex stared into my eyes.
"I am glad I didn't do it. I would never of actually have been with you if I had," he whispered, letting his lips just lay on mine.
I was glad too, glad I didn't have my best friend gone, my one and only. I was also glad my attempt to kill myself had failed, for I would of never felt the way I did for Alex, finding him just to be another pointless friend.
"I love you with all my heart," I whispered. "Never make me or yourself sad like that again."
"I don't plan on it," he said, the soft, light smile that he wore so well on his face. He kissed me the one more time, just laying in my arms as we looked blankly at the walls, me just wondering, why did this boy love me so much to drive him to be suicidal?
---
The rain soon stopped, the sun low in the sky. It was about six when Alex escaped my hold, hopping up from couch carefully and waltzing over to the door which lead to the kitchen.
My eyes were glued on the movie we were watching. Alex had put Home Alone on to cheer me up a bit, it working as I had a soft smile on for the better half of the movie. But still, I didn't quote it.
I sighed as I flicked off the television, getting up from the couch and walking through the door to see Alex working at some pots at the stove.
"What're you making?" I asked, a smug smile on my face as he had allowed me to just stay in my boxers all day. One thing that I enjoyed to do.
"I'm just making noodles," Alex said, tearing a flavour sachet open and tapping the content into the pot.
"Lazy fuck," I said, the smile still on my face. I say he was glad I was in my usual good humour, insulting him in a non offending type of way.
He hummed in agreement, picking up the pot, bringing it over to the sink, letting the water seep out. Putting the pot's content in two bowls, Alex walked over to the table with them in his hands, grabbing forks on his way.
It was nice to just sit and eat dinner with him. We always just stook to a bit of small talk, never getting into important conversation. We just talked about stupid things, him actually bringing up gay porn.
"You watch porn?" I asked him, him nodding and taking another sip from his cup.
"Am I not sexy enough?" I asked, standing up and bringing my hands to float over my chest.
"You are, Jack. Just you are not a sex thing to me. You are my love," he said, picking up the bowls and cups, throwing them into the dishwasher.
"So we don't have sex do we?" I asked, Alex walking over to me and sliding his hands around my waist, him fingers going down under my waistband.
"No. We make sweet, sweet love," Alex said, his lips moulding against mine. Of course I wanted him. Why wouldn't I?
He quickly brought his hands up and around my neck, dragging me throught a door and to the stairs. But he just sat down on the staircase, his face in level with my waist.
"It is not possibly to make sweet, sweet love on the stairs, darling," I said to him as his fingers trailed along the V in my hips.
"I don't care," he said, his voice sounding a bit rough, it so much more manly than usual. And a hell of a lot sexier.
I heard a growl escape my lips as his hands lowered down my boxers, his hands teasing. His lips made a devious smile, his bright white teeth on full show.
He was so hard to resist. I didn't hesitate to pull his hands out, just grabbing his face in my hands, nearly ripping his head off of his neck as I pulled him quiet roughly up to me, our lips smashing together, the ecstacy leaving my legs feeling as if they were shaking. I just fell ontop of him, his back hitting off the multiple steps hard, him biting down hard on my lip. The pain meant nothing, the force just what I focused on.
"Bite me again," I groaned, his eyes a bit devilish, his teeth just nibbling on my bottom lip with much effort, the pain being nothing but pleasure to me.
His hand wrapped around the back of my neck, him pulling himself closer to me as I forced my tongue in, getting a few sharp bites. I felt numb with pain, it feeling glorious for some reason.
"Take me to the bedroom, Jack," Alex asked, me feeling a little bit of a laugh rumbling out of me.
"Why?" I asked, mouthing the corner of his lips.
"Just fuck me, okay?" Alex said, me smiling as his cheek grew a light shade of pink.
You haven't had to ask for such a while, I thought, me standing up and letting him run up the stairs, him throwing off his tee shirt as he went.
Kicking my boxers off, I ran up the stairs, seeing his sweat pants and boxers thrown on the floor around the hall, the bedroom door just ajar.
"Alex?" I said in a sweet voice as I opened the door, him attacking me as soon as I entered the room.
He mouthed soft kisses along my neck, pulling me towards the bed. The usual tingles, the usual warm feeling of just needing the closeness.
It was as if I had already blissed out, just wanted his kisses, his bites, his touch, his hold.
I just needed him forever in my arms.
I kissed his soft lips with my bitten and swollen ones, just doing as he said, following his instructions, me not needing any more than his feel. His lips on mine. His hot breath on my neck and then the ecstacy of the last moment, just letting my mind explode into a million, a billion pieces. Just letting myself fall limp. Just letting myself fall asleep with me in his arms, him holding me close. Holding me tight as I fell asleep, hopefully staring at me in awe just like I did every single night.