3 years later.
"Mama." My just turned 2 year old said sticking her head out of her crib. I checked the clock. It was 3am and there was no light gleaming in to my daughter and I's room.
"What baby?" I said rolling onto my side.
"Dark." I got out of the bed and made my way over to the chipped wooden crib. I picked her up and rocked her in my arms. I kissed her head and laid her on the opposite side of my queen bed. I began to drift off.
"Love you." Harper's voice said tiredly.
"I love you more than the world baby girl."
~~~~
"Don't you think he deserves to know?"
I poked at my salad and shook my head no.
"He made the choice to leave me. When he left me, he also left our daughter."
My friend Alana had invited me out to lunch. She of course has to bring up the topic of Seth meeting Harper like she always does.
"He didn't know you were pregnant then."
"Alana, I've told you a million times that I don't want him in her life. She can make that decision when she's old enough too. We sat in silence for a few minutes as we both thought over the situation.
"Violet, look at her."
Harper looked up at me with her big, innocent green eyes that Seth had given her.
"Look!" She stick a picture in my face that she had drawn. There were purple & yellow squiggles across the page.
"It's beautiful." I kissed her head.
"She needs a dad. Your dad left when you were 11 & I know how bad that hurt you. Don't make the same mistake with your daughter."
I picked at my nail polish. I knew she was right. It's not like Seth had left her. He didn't even know about her and I knew if he did know about her he'd be here in an instant.
"I know, but I'm just not ready." My eyes were welling with tears. I scooted my chair back and grabbed my bag. I raised Harper out of her high chair and put her on my hip. I began to walk out the door.
"Violet." Alana said standing up, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
I kept my face straight knowing that if I turned around I'd burst into tears.
"Sad?" Harper said reaching up and touching a teardrop.
"No, mamas okay baby." I brushed her brunette hair behind her ear. I eventually reached my car and buckled my little girl in her car seat. I pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive home. I then remembered that Harper needed diapers. I pulled into the CVS parking lot and walked in with little harpers hand in my hand. I walked straight to the diaper isle. I picked up the normal brand of diapers I buy.
"Toys!!!" Harper screamed. She ran to the next aisle that was filled with toys. I ran after my toddler and grabbed her arm so she wouldn't cause too much trouble.
"Harper Rose, what have I told you about running away from mommy like that." I said sternly. She pouted and began to wail.
"Harper, sorry mama." She stuck her thumb in her mouth. I picked her up and began to walk to the register.
That's when I saw him. The man I never wanted to see again. The man who left my baby and I. The man who ruined my life. The man I wanted to hate, but I couldn't because deep down I knew how much I cared about him.
Seth Wood.
He was looking at the candy aisle and didn't notice me trying to rush by.
"Candy!" Harper Squealed trying to squirm out of my arms.
Perfect timing, Harper.
"No. Not today." I shook my head at her, "We have ice cream in the freezer."
"Ice cream, Ice cream, Ice cream." She started yelling loudly.
"Shhhhhh...." i put my finger over her mouth and rushed over to the counter praying that Seth hadn't heard or seen me. I set the diapers on the counter and passed her a $10 bill. I felt someone approach behind me and I just knew that it was Seth.
"Keep the change." I grabbed the diapers and headed for the door.
"Vi," I heard the all too familiar voice of the boy I once loved. I ran out to my car and quickly buckled in Harper. I pulled out of the parking lot and backed out. I drove down the road as fast as I could until I knew I was far enough away from the store.
What on earth is he doing here? Why is he back in LA? Did his company close? Is he looking for me? Does he know about Harper?
My brain felt like it was going to explode. I put hand to my temple and rubbed it. I pulled into our driveway and looked into the backseat. Harper was sound asleep. Her head was laying on the side of the car seat. Her thumb was falling out of the mouth. I walked to her car door and let her lay on my shoulder. I walked in carrying, Harper, my purse, a diaper bag, and the pack of diapers. These were the times that I wished I had someone by my side, a helping hand.
I walked up the steps to my apartment building and struggled to press the elevator button. A blond teenager pressed it for me and I thanked him. We both got on the elevator and rode in silence. I got off before him and walked down the hall, setting down my purse in front of the door. I unlocked it with my free hand and immediately took Harper rose to her crib. I turned on the baby monitor and set it next to the stove as I began to prep dinner. It was only 3 'o' clock but my mother and siblings were coming to have dinner with Harper and I tonight and I wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
After the potatoes were peeled and cooking I began to clean. Our 1 bedroom apartment was small so it shouldn't take long. That's one positive thing about having such a small living space, less cleaning! I longed to be able to afford a house for Harper and I, but on top of daycare and bills a small apartment was the only thing that could fit into my budget. Despite what Seth had said in his voicemail I didn't end up getting the promotion at work. I had to pick up a job after Seth had left to be able to afford everything & my photography office didn't want to work with my hours, so I had to quit there and go work at the photography shop in the mall. I also picked up a job at the local thrift store that was run by some family friends.
I cleaned up the kitchen first, wiping down the counters and stove. After that I worked on laundry. It took me an hour to get all the clothes folded and put away. I started to put all of Harper's toys back in the toybox and just on cue she began screaming for me to get her out of the crib. I went into my bedroom and picked up my crying little girl. As soon as she was in my arms the tears resided into sniffles.
"Mama." She said burying her head into my shoulder. I rubbed her back and went into the living room, setting her on the couch. I turned on Dora and finished cleaning.
"Mamaw and Uncle Chase will be here in a few minutes."
"Yay!"
"and Aunt Ivy is coming over!"
Harper's eyes lit up, "Baby!!!" She squealed.
"Yes, you'll get to see the baby." I chuckled. My older sister, Ivy, had gotten married around a year and a half ago to a guy, named Kevin Hathaway. They met through mutual friend and instantly connected. They have the kind of love story everyone dreams of. My sister found out she was expecting a baby 5 months ago. Harper loves laying her head on her stomach and talking to the baby. Harper may only be 2 and 3 months, but she is so smart!
After a few more minutes and discussing what was going on in Dora, the doorbell rang. I quickly got up and went to the door. My mother, Gloria , and my little brother, Chase stood at the door.
"Mamaw!" Harper squealed running into my mother's arms.
"Oh hello my dear." She showered my toddler with kisses.
"Hi Chase." I said embracing my brother who was about 5 inches taller than me. Chase was 18, and a senior in high school. All the girls were all over him. Of course he was cute, with dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes, but he was also sweet and genuine which I think is what drug most of the girls in.
"Hi Violet."
"Ivy should be here any minute. I called before we left the house and she said she was on her way." My mother said shutting the door behind her. I shook my head. I hadn't seen Ivy in nearly a month which must be a high score or something! Ivy was 1 1/2 when I was born, so we had always had a super close relationship. We saw each other nearly 3 times a week, but with all the pregnancy symptons Ivy hadn't been able to get out of the house much.
"Play wit me." Harper grabbed on to her uncles hand a dragged him to the toybox. She got out a minnie mouse cash register and they began playing store. I hugged my mother and she squeezed me back.
"How are you sweetie?"
"I've been better." I said smiling. My mother gave me a concerned look her eyes wrinkling at the sides. My mom was young for having three grown kids. Ivy had been born when my mother was only 16, and then me a year later. When my mom was 20 she married Ivy & I's father and a year later she had Chase. Eight years later my father took off, leaving my mother behind to raise a 12, 11, & a 7 year old by herself. She was so strong and helped me get through so much when Seth left me.
"What happened?" She asked me tucking blond strands of hair behind her ear.
"Well, today while I was at CVS I-"
The doorbell rang.
"I'll tell you later." I placed my hand on the door handle and opened it.
"Baby!!!!" Harper screamed rushing over to her aunt. Ivy giggled and leaned down to hug her niece.
"Yes, I brought the baby." She patted her stomach.
"Hello dear." My mother said.
"Hi mom, Hi Violet." She said obviously tired from walking.
"Come sit down." I opened the door wider for her to walk in.
"Thank you." she collapsed on the couch and sighed, "This baby is getting the best of me these days."
"Trust me it'll just get worst from here." I sat next to her and place her feet on my lap. "Have you thought of any names yet?"
"Ya, actually. If you don't mind mom, I was thinking I could maybe name him Matthew?"
My mother's eyes filled with tears.
"Oh sweetie, I would love that." She bit her lip.
My mom had had a stillborn birth when she was 30, right before my dad left. The baby's name was going to be Matthew. She really blames herself about the death of her son. She say's she didn't take good enough care of herself, but my mother is one of the healthiest person I know.
Ivy nodded her head in excitement.
"Baby!" Harper pulled herself up on the couch.
"Oh my, look at you go big girl." Ivy said guiding her with a hand to make sure she didn't fall. Harper climbed up in front of Ivy.
"Baby." She cooed laying her head on my sister's stomach.
"How sweet!" I rubbed my hand through her hair, "Well, let's eat!"
After, everyone was sitting around the table with foods on their plates we began to eat. Harper was in her highchair and had somehow managed to get a bunch of mac'n'cheese in her hair.
"Chase, put your phone away!" My mom scolded, "This is family time!"
My brother nodded yes and stuffed his phone in his sweatshirt pocket.
"This is really good, Violet." Ivy said stuffing some roast in her mouth. Everyone else agreed, even Harper!
"Ya, good mommy."
"Thank you everyone."
"So, tell me what you were going to tell me earlier." My mother spoke.
"Oh, uh...." I bit my lip not really wanting to cause any uproar at dinner.
"I forgot." I lied.
My mom narrowed her eyes at me, studying me hard.
"No you didn't. You know I can tell when you lie."
I rolled my eyes.
"It's really not that big of a deal. I just saw Seth at CVS today." I said shrugging my shoulders trying to brush it off.
"What!?" My mother pushed her seat away from the table and stood up. The screech from the chair made Harper cover her ears and pout.
"Did you talk to him?" Chase said acting like a protective brother.
"No, I-"
"Did he see you?" Ivy questioned.
"Yes, but-"
"He saw you?!!!" My mother's face was boiling red.
"Let me talk!" I screamed. "Harper ran into the candy aisle and he was in that aisle. I rushed to the register, but he saw before I could make it out. I didn't even make eye contact with him! I don't even think he knows for sure if it's me!"
My mother pressed her hand to her head.
"You do know what this means, right? If he finds out about Harper you are going to have to let him see her and be in her life if he wants to."
"I know..." I whispered.
"Why the hell is he back?" Chase said
"Language." My mom said.
"Sorry, Why the heck is he back?"
"I don't know, now can we please just finish dinner." I whispered. I realized how bad this situation was and my family's reaction just made it so much worse. My mom finally sat back down and we finished dinner in silence.
"Come on baby, let's get you in the bath." I walked over to her and began to unbuckled her from the highchair.
"Let me do it, Violet. Mamaw never gets to give you a bath, huh?" My mom smiled at Harper. Harper shook her head no and lifted her arms up to her grandma. My mom took her out of the highchair. "Come help me Chase?"
"Do I have to?" he groaned.
"Yes, you do."
Chase stood up and reluctantly followed my mom into the bathroom. I sat down next to Ivy. She hand both her hands on her stomach.
"He's kicking." She smiled placing my hands so I could feel his little feet.
"Awwwhhh! I miss having a little monkey inside of me!"
"No you don't! Not when you have to go pee every five seconds." I giggled at my sister's remark.
"So, what are you going to be doing about this whole Seth situation?"
I lowered my head.
"Ignore it." I said ashamed.
"You know you can't do that, Violet."
"I know, I just can't face him. He broke me so much Ivy, so much. I don't want him to hurt our daughter, i'm scared."
We were both silent for a second.
"You know," she whispered "I would've done anything for my father to be able to walk me down the aisle, anything. It was something I had dreamed of since I was a little girl! And when my wedding came I realized my daddy wasn't going to be there. I think growing up I had always held on to the hope that someday dad would come back and be able to be their for us, but as I was walking down the aisle with my little brother instead of my dad, I realized he was never coming back. Not that I don't love Chase, it's just......different."
Both of our eyes were filling with tears.
"You know Seth would want to be in her life. You know he would. And he'd be a great dad. You saw the way he took care of his younger siblings. He'd want to be there for his daughter. You have to tell him Violet."
I have to tell him, I know I do.