requested: no
scenario: park chaeyoung has been hurt so many times that her heart almost couldn't take it anymore. it was littered with scars but there was one spot that was still clean and pure — the spot where her best friend since the start of time claimed. and she hoped to god he wasn't like the rest.
pairing: song mino x park chaeyoung
genre: angst, heartbreak, eventual fluff
au: high school au
word count: 3,616 words
status: edited
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"the heart is the most hardworking muscle in your body. but when it's damaged, it's just like skin. it scars. and scar tissue can be very dangerous in a heart. it weakens it. and eventually, a heart full of scars stops working."
- meredith grey, grey's anatomy s14 e15
friend after friend, boy after boy. all of them seemed different but guess what? all the same. each have no respect for women in general, and break my heart like the last. maybe they were right. i shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve.
but there was only one male i trusted. that male? song mino. i met him when i first came to korea and he tried his best to communicate with me in the little english he knew. i remembered giggling and trying to talk to him in korean, and we bonded from that. ah, those good times.
the good times when we didn't know the horrors of the real world, one of them being love. fucking. love.
'it's one of the best things you'll ever get to experience!' everyone told me the same shit, sugarcoating everything. even my own sister! someone i trusted to tell me the brutal truth no matter what.
you may be wondering, do i hate my family after all of that? no. i don't. i just wished they had told me the truth about love earlier, because now my life revolves around heartbreaks and falling into meaningless love. and i'm well aware i have a fragile heart, but i guess i don't care anymore. the scars in my heart will just accumulate.
"yah! park chaeyoung! why didn't you wait for me?" mino ran up to me, hand on my shoulder as he stopped to take a deep breath whilst panting.
"sorry! i was distracted today..." i apologised. "will you forgive me?"
mustering the best puppy dog eyes i could and a pout on my lips, i hopefully looked at him.
"okay, now that's cheating." he took his hand away from my shoulder and huffed, running his hands through his black hair. "fine."
"thank you!" i dragged the 'you' as we walked to our lockers which were next to each other.
"what class do we have?" he asked tilting his head to the side.
"maths then science. after break, we have korean and music. and for the last two periods we have history and art." i recited to him.
"ooh! art!" he clapped his hands like a child on christmas day. "i love art!"
"i know," chuckling slightly, i took my maths and science books out and placed the unneeded books back into my locker.
"hey babe," a deep, familiar voice whispered in my ear.
"oh my — !" i turned around and caught sight of my ex, kim taehyung, right in my face. "oh fuck. mino, help me please."
i tugged his shirt to get his attention. since that wasn't working, my hand snuck up inside his shirt and pinched his stomach.
"what the hell!" he jolted and i smiled triumphantly.
"okay, great. now help me please." i turned to him and whispered with pleading eyes. "he's not gonna leave me alone!"
"fine." mino seemingly bit the inside of his cheek before opening his mouth. "yah, get your hands off of her!"
"ah, song mino. this brat's 'best friend'. trying to be superman again today?" taehyung rolled his eyes. "why not let her just come with me?"
"oh fuck no, you bitch." mino's face scrunched up into a disgusted look. "you're barely an adult and you already sound like a pedophile. no wonder she didn't stay with you longer than a month. and your breath smells like shit too. do you want a mint or something?"
"you piece of shit!" he growled.
"it can't be helped if it's the truth," mino casually shrugged. "no come backs again? i'm disappointed but not surprised. then again, you have about -10 iq so..."
"please tell your friend to shut up..."
"maybe he'll shut up if you quit annoying me, you retard!" i glared at him. "now, if you'd just let me go so i can go to class on time —"
"oh, fuck going to class on time — ow!"
"thanks for letting me go," i winked. "now please leave me alone."
we walked away from him and fist bumped.
"thank you..." i lay my head on his shoulder. "really, thank you."
"it's no problem," he smiled. "always willing to help you."
"you wanna know something?" the doors to math opened and we walked to our seats.
"sure, what's up?"
"you wanna know why i wear my heart on my sleeve?" that question visibly got him thinking.
"sure... only if you're comfortable with telling me."
"it's because i'm a fool. all guys are the same, no matter who i date. take me and the moment i say no to sex — relationship is over." i took a deep breath. "my family told me love was amazing. they said it was the best feeling in the world — but they didn't tell me that i had to go through so many just to find out who. and i was desperate, didn't know any better. so i learned the hard way. and i think i've found him, as in the one, but i don't want him to be loving me when i can't even love myself."
mino pulled me into a hug and my hands started clinging onto his sweater.
the boy i love was hugging me.
—————————————————————
seeing her like that makes my heart break and it hurts me more when she says she thinks she found the one. i wish it was me but that wish was a bit far-fetched.
usually, if it were any other girl, i wouldn't bother that much. but chaeyoung is the literal light to my life, the dark sky that helps me glow. she's the reason why i haven't transferred to a school that focuses mainly on art and she's the reason why i do all of that shit for her.
it's because i care too much.
after seeing her heart continuously get cut after cut, scar after scar, it starts to hurt mine too. but no matter how many cuts and scars she gets, i'll still love her.
i believe that scarred hearts can heal. yes, the scars will remain because they'll be a reminder of how shit the rest were and that one spot for the perfect one will remain clean as hell because it deserves to be. no matter what happens, i'll forever be with her, best friend or not.
"class is almost starting," i whispered. "you can hug me later. in fact, i'll give you all the hugs you want, okay? we can go to mine or yours and we can cuddle for as long as you'd like. my parents love you, they don't mind."
i felt her head move up and down on my chest, and i took that as a yes. she slowly took her head off and slumped in her seat, the sleeves of her hoodie covering her whole body and arms. unfortunately, the teacher came in.
"okay class! textbooks and workbooks out now. textbook page 273, questions 1-50. i don't expect you all to finish it, but i need at least half done." she wrote on the board as the class groaned. "you may talk quietly with your friends. now, get on with it."
we both immediately started on the first question, speeding through it. until, i reached a bit of a hard question.
"chaeyoung-ah," i lightly shook her arm. "help me with question 37j, please."
"oh, that." she leaned over to look at my book and started lecturing me.
"okay, thanks chae." i grinned at her.
"no problem," she gave me a quick smile and immediately went back to her work. i will admit, over the past few weeks, she's been a bit odd. only sparing me a few glances in class, forcing her smiles and laughter, not waiting for me to walk to school together... not to mention she's been getting really distracted when we're together. but i can't really do much anyways, she'll tell me if she feels the need to i guess. it's up to her.
chaeyoung took up my mind for the remainder of the day. the way her eyes would constantly dart around the class, corridors and halls alike.
i don't know how i'm supposed to feel anymore. hate for the guys she's dated? love for her? confusion because of how she's been acting for the past few weeks?
oh my god.
oh. my. fucking. god.
i just realised. did she find out about my stupid crush? then again, i was pretty damn obvious. the glances i gave, the stupid smile i always had whenever i saw her, being especially nice to her and being especially protective of her. i'm such an idiot.
"yah, song mino!" a familiar male voice spoke to me. blinking my eyes, i looked up and saw seunghoon hyung. "stop daydreaming!"
"sorry hyung," i pouted. he rolled his eyes.
"come on, let's go to science." i took my stuff and passed up my workbook to my teacher on the way out. she nodded and we were on our way to science.
"so what's got you thinking?" seunghoon asked. "it's unusual to see you thinking."
"oh, shut up." i scowled at him. "and i was thinking about chaeyoung."
"oh, your best friend and crush." he nodded his head. "what about her?"
"i think she may have found out about my crush on her. judging by the way she's acting, one minute really clingy and the next ignoring me, and i'm pretty sure she doesn't like me anyways. she said she already found the one, but she doesn't wanna confess to him because she doesn't want him to love her until she can love herself."
"well, mino, so much for that thinking." he snorted. "i'll text you later."
i nodded and we walked into science class.
i just want the day to be over.
———————————————————
staying true to my words, i let her in when she knocked on the door. leaving her stuff by my bedroom door, she almost immediately plunged face-first into the bed.
"come cuddle me," she made grabby hands in my direction and i chuckled, laying down behind her and hugging her by the waist. we talked aimlessly, telling jokes occasionally. but slowly, sleep embraced her body as exhaustion took over. she cuddled deeper into my chest, soft snores departing from her lips.
as i was about to fall asleep, a small, soft 'ding' begged me to stay awake. carefully taking my phone on my table, i opened it and went to see the messages.
oh, seunghoon-hyung texted me like he said he would.
okay.
maybe he's right.
maybe she does like me.
...but it's a low possibility, right?
"are you not tired?" she mumbled, eyes barely open.
"no, not really." i murmur back to her. "go back to sleep."
"only if you fall asleep with me," she cheekily smiled.
"i'm afraid that's not possible. not now, at least."
"then i'm not sleeping until you fall asleep too!"
"you're so stubborn," i playfully rolled my eyes.
"tell me something i don't know. " she sleepily chuckled, hugging me tighter. "you're so cuddly. you're like a bear, you know?"
"i know," i caressed her head. "go back to sleep, my flower."
"okay." resting her head on my chest, i admired the way she slept so peacefully as snores left her mouth. smiling, i closed my eyes and rest my head against the pillow.
maybe he was right.
———————————————————
"kids, wake up! dinner is ready." mino's mom shook us awake from our little nap. "you guys are so cute sleeping like this. at least i already took a picture."
"eomma!" mino whined, eyes closed. "please delete it..."
"never. i'll show it to my grandchildren."
"eomma!" he dragged out the m. "please!"
"i'll leave you alone now, see you downstairs." she winked as she walked out and closed the door.
"sorry about her," he apologised, sitting up. "she can be a bit too much at times."
"it's fine," i chuckled, leaning my head on his chest. "i think we should go eat dinner, though."
"yeah, let's go." he stood up first and climbed off the bed the bed after, shoving my phone into my pocket. following mino down the stairs, i looked at the delicious food that was plated on the table. breathing in the delicious aroma, i smiled.
"woah, aunty, the food you made smells so good!" i sat on mino's left, smiling like a child on christmas day.
"thank you so much," she smiled warmly at me. "dig in!"
grabbing my plate, i took some rice and kimchi, adding on some vegetables and meat. taking my first bite with consisted of the meat, vegetables and rice stuffed together, i moaned at the taste of the food.
"mmm~ i should learn how to cook like you," i chuckled. "it's even better now that i taste it."
"eomma, this is really good." mino said with his mouth stuffed. his mom whacked him on the head, telling him not to eat with his mouth full. "sorry eomma..."
we continued eating in silence after that, the occasional compliments arising.
now, it was late and i needed to get home. thanking her and him, i bowed and quickly left. on the walk to my home, i thought about him. i thought about us.
what were we anyways?
i couldn't exactly label us as best friends or boyfriend and girlfriend. it was far too confusing.
quietly coming in the house, i greeted my mom and my dad since they were sat on the couch, watching the latest episode of 'nailed it!', laughing at the cake fails. going up the stairs, i bid my parents goodnight and kinda just landed on my bed. hiding my face in my pillow, i screamed.
what really are we?
———————————————————
the next morning came and i was woken up by my mom — wait... is that mino? what's he doing here?
"huh?" i rubbed my eyes. "mino? what... what are you doing here?"
"i know it's kinda weird that i'm here, but your mom let me in." he smiled softly at me. "come on, get up. i wanna bring you somewhere."
———————————————————
"are we in a carnival?" i gasped, looking at the stalls and rides that littered the area.
"yes," he chuckled. "come on!"
he dragged me to a rollercoaster ride that screams were being emitted from.
"oh fuck no," i stared at him wide-eyed, shaking my head slowly. "no."
"it'll be fun, i promise!" he laughed and i shook my head.
"next!" the guy at the counter said, and mino pushed me towards the ride. sitting down, i gripped the safety bar tightly.
"song mino, i'm gonna murder you in your sleep later."
"kill me later, but let's have fun now."
the car started moving slowly, going up the hill. gripping the safety bar even tighter, i squeezed my eyes shut.
"if i die now, i'm gonna haunt you for the rest of your miserable life." i whispered to him, kicking his leg. "asshat."
"open your eyes, scaredy-cat." he chuckled. "look, we're going down soon!"
"isn't that more of a reason why i shouldn't open my eyes?" i did open my eyes to glare at him, but it was a very bad timing.
a very, very bad timing.
we had started the wild ride and my hair was all over the place. the people in front and behind us were screaming either in joy or utter fear, while some were doing both. my scream was in utter fear, and mino's scream was in joy.
"this is so fun!" he shouted amidst the wind slapping our faces continuously.
"you have a crazy idea of what fun is!" i shouted back, barely able to hear my own voice from the damn wind.
as the ride slowly halted to a stop, the safety bar was pushed up and we got out. i cling onto him like my life depended on it, following him like a lost puppy.
"you have a fucked up idea of what fun is," i grumbled.
"what's your idea of fun, huh? studying?" he rose an eyebrow at me.
"actually, yes. and reading too! there are so many good books out there, mino. and there's so little time to read them! why do you think i try to finish at least one book per month?" i pouted. "books by r.l stine especially! the fear street saga is the shit."
"okay, you book worm. now, why don't we get some cotton candy and play some games?" i ruffled my hair as i whined.
"fine!" looking around, i saw a stand with huge letters that said 'cotton candy'. people were starting to line up, so i dragged him there. we got there just in time as the line grew longer. mino fished for his wallet, taking out a few thousand won to pay for the candy,
"hello! what pattern would you like?" the kind lady asked.
"could you do a flower if it's alright?" i asked, my mouth watering at the sight.
"sure, dear. it's no problem!" she smiled and got to work. i couldn't help but watch in awe as her skilled hands shaped the flower and added more floss.
"all done!" she handed the beautiful flower to me. "that'll be ₩5,000 please!" mino handed the money over and smiled.
"thank you auntie!" she waved bye to me. after taking a picture, i shoved it to mino, forcing him to take a bite.
"you paid for it, so you deserve to eat it too!" he chuckled and took a large bite from the side.
"we're gonna get diabetes, chae." he said, mouth full.
"but it tastes so good!" i moaned. "i'm sure we won't get diabetes from a one-time candy overload!"
we went on to play some games and he did, indeed have a magic finger. he managed to win at every stall we went to, no matter how big or small. we decided to split the stuffed animals in half, so 3 for me and 3 for him. i took the chipmunk, eevee and dog while he took the cat, deer and whale. he took the cat because it reminded him of jhonny, his own cat.
"that was... fun." i whispered softly as we sat on his bed.
"i know," he lay down, feet entangled with mine. "you know, so many people asked me if we were a couple."
"really?" my heart jumped.
"yeah," his smile made an appearance. "i told them no, but i also said something else."
"what did you say?"
"i wish we were, though." my heart immediately started to jumping jacks as butterflies flew around my stomach. "do you?"
"yes," i slowly curled into his chest, looking up at him.
"you made me realise what love really is. it was never about falling in love with the first boy that told me i was pretty, nor the first person who paid lots of attention to me.
"love, was about finding someone who would love you unconditionally and would wait for you forever. and you... you've been by me everyday and every second of my life without a single word of complaint leaving your lips. you stood by me even if it broke your heart. and i'm sorry for not realising this sooner, but i'm just glad i realised before you got tired of waiting for me."
"yes, it hurt me to see you with others. yes, it hurt to see you cry over them. but i knew that if we were truly meant to be, you'd realise. whether it be earlier, now or later, i didn't care. i just prayed you'd realise and you did. so don't be sorry, because now that i have you, my heart is completed.
"i can't promise you rainbows and sunshines all the time, but i can promise you happiness. loving you is the best thing that has ever happened to me and i can't help but be thankful. you're worth more than those guys who just want your body. you're worth so much more than that. and guess what? i could never get tired of waiting if it's for you.
"i could never hate you no matter how much i tried because you're the light of my life, and you're what keeps me going." tears were already streaming down my face, and soft sobs were escaping my mouth. i didn't deserve him. he deserved someone who wasn't as scarred as i was, someone who wasn't tainted like i was.
"you deserve so much better," i mumbled, hugging him tightly.
"no, i don't." he kissed my forehead affectionately. "i deserve you, and you deserve me."
with him, i believe the scars in my heart can slowly fade away. if not, they'll just become apart of me, a learning experience. something i went through, and something i learnt. none of those boys i dated before him were my first love, because song mino is truly my first love.
i love you, song mino.
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i love you, park chaeyoung. your heart is perfectly fine the way it is, because i love you just the way you are.
who cares if you're not as pure?
who cares if i'm not your first boyfriend?
truthfully, who cares?
because i don't. the only first i need to be, is your first true love.
scarred hearts don't heal.
but overtime, the scars can change.
they can become smoother, softer.
and some scars can even fade away.
-meredith grey, greys anatomy s14 e15