== Luke's POV ==
I don't know why I made the dumb ass mistake to take a seat right next Maddie today in study hall. With the way she looked at me as soon as I sat down, there is not a question that she's going to tell Ashton all about it later.
I don't get up and move though, cuz I'm not a f*cking pussy. If Ashton wants to try and fight me, I can take him. Probably. But who cares, it's not like he has the balls to actually hurt me anyway. Especially because he's a sensitive little angel now or something.
I still don't get what the damn problem is. She hates me for absolutely no reason even though she was obsessed with me not even three months ago and is suddenly kissing Ashton's ass.
I didn't do anything wrong! Like, so what if it was initially for a bet? I was attracted to her and I still am.
But no, she ran away from me and right into his arms. This would be a heck of a lot easier if she hadn't done that. Hell, if she hadn't done that there wouldn't be a problem. I'd have gotten laid and there would be no reason to try to take a girl away from Ashton, because he wouldn't have a girl.
Yet here she is, looking fine as hell next to me reading one those stupid comics. I bet that's his. Of course it's his; she's so far up his ass that there isn't a chance that it isn't.
She licks her lips, a small grin playing on them, before she turns the page. I have to forcefully shut my mouth to keep myself from drooling at the thought of her doing that before she's about to suck my dick instead.
She's very quick at catching me staring and she flicks her eyes toward me, a split-second glance at best. Her hair falls in front of her face and she sits up, clearing her throat and wiping it out of her eyes. Not one more glance is stolen after that.
You know, I bet she's still into me, at least a little. The way she was interested in me, that doesn't go away in an instant. She has to still be into me. The only problem is that girls, especially hot girls like her, always seem to think Ashton's better. Always.
Which is so un-f*cking-fair considering how much of a dick he is. I bet he's only dating her because he knows he'll eventually get it in. At least I was straightforward about it.
I groan loudly enough for her to hear, but she still refuses to look at me. Pushing my AP Biology textbook to the side, I wish I could groan for the rest of eternity. I guess I push it a little too far because it falls off my desk with a loud smack on the ground.
Maddie and the few other people who didn't decide to get early release all jump but I don't make a move to pick it up. I'm too busy getting turned on over the tiny whimper that escaped her lips when it fell. God, I'd love to just...ugh...
This is so pathetic. It's Friday, the day before Halloween, and I'm sitting here trying to do homework and still thinking about how much I hate Ashton. I wish one of my plans would work already so he can get what he deserves and I can get some damn closure already.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, Calum will do his job perfectly and I can weasel my way back in and sleep with her, too. Just to put the icing on the revenge cake.
From the corner of my eye, I see her stop reading and pull out a pen to write something down. She's left-handed, which I don't know why I find cute. What the f*ck? I wipe the smile that the thought caused right off my face and turn my head more; enough to see what she's writing but not enough for her to notice.
In big, girly handwriting I can see what she writes perfectly: Is it wrong that I think Peter Parker is cute? Not as cute as you though ;)
Ugh, please. I think I might vomit up the taco I ate for lunch. That's so gross. It doesn't help that it's on a post it, which Ashton always used to pass us notes on every day during English, from middle school up until last year. I'm going to be sick.
She pulls the note off from the stack and fumbles to open the comic book back up with one hand, aiming probably to stick it onto one of the pages. I watch as her pen rolls to the end of the desk while her attention is on that. It tips off the desk and, impulsively, I reach down and grab it.
Maddie's breath audibly hitches when she sees me going for it. I sit back up to hold it out to her and, god, I am going to get so much shit from Ashton for this.
"Thanks," she mutters slowly, plucking it from my hands. She hurriedly turns forward again without making eye contact with me.
"Yup," I answer, despite her not paying attention to me anymore. She's back to writing another disgusting note that I don't care to read. It's easy to tell that she's trying so hard not to look at me.
I'll never be able to figure it out. What was it that I did that was so bad that I can't even pick up a pen for her? I didn't murder anyone or anything.
I fight another groan from coming out and lean over again to grab my phone from the front pocket of my backpack. I feel her watch me, but I don't pay any mind to it. Even if she is into me, Ashton's brainwashed her into thinking it's not even cool to talk to me. Dick.
It's best I stick with the plan I've established.
You have to try and talk to her again, I text Calum. He's my last hope.
It's silent on his end for a long time. I think he's in Home Ec now, or something gay like that. Eventually, though, he does reply.
I can't.
Why the f*ck not?
He told me the story already, about how he was too stupid to think through that essay scheme he devised himself, and I don't see it as a drawback. The moment he told me he was doing it I knew it was a mistake. Ashton and him are in the same damn English class, so it's a wonder to me why Maddie didn't figure it out sooner.
Either way, he can still squeeze himself in between them. There are a dozen reasons he could tell her he made up the assignment that don't involve him trying to get with her. Like, he really needed extra help with his essay writing but didn't know how to approach her about it. Come on, Cal. Think for once.
She likes him too much. not going to like me better ever.
Have some confidence, Cal.
If he is in Home Ec right now, he's right across the hallway from me. His annoyance with me is radiating from him all the way here and I can just see him rolling his eyes at the text.
lol, funny. she knows about Lily and is still with him so idk what you want me to do. you're on your own Lucas.
But what was it that made Maddie start to like Ashton and stop liking me in the first place? She had to have liked me just as much before as she does him now, if not more. So what drew her to him that pushed her away from me? Our answer to this problem lies in that.
I close my eyes and try to think of the events between all three of us that led to them dating. I certainly can't make Ashton do any of the things I did, that's for sure. His main goal in life now is to stop me from doing them ever again, whatever they are. But...there's something...
Wait. I have an idea. A few, actually.
==Maddie's POV==
The bell rings to end the school day and I waste no time getting out of my seat and into the hallway. That was the worst study hall ever, with Luke sitting so close to me. He hasn't sat next to me, or near me at all, since Ashton threatened him. It scared me shitless. I don't want to think about what he's trying to do.
The walk to my locker consists of me looking back every two seconds to see if he's following me. Which he isn't -- he goes in the opposite direction to get to his locker.
He isn't trying to chase after me, he didn't say a word to me, and he even did something nice for me. Those simple facts don't soothe my fears like they should, only intensify them. With tomorrow being Halloween and Calum clearly helping him with some plot, I have no reason not to be paranoid over Luke.
Michael's standing by my locker when I approach it and he waves at me, "Hey, Dee!"
"Dee?" I smile, spinning the combination lock. He nods.
"Since you call me Cael, I thought it was appropriate you get a taste of your own medicine."
"Fine by me," I say, and he grumbles something about how I should be annoyed. I grab my Precalc book from the bottom of my locker and shut the door again. That reveals a very unhappy Michael Clifford standing in front of me.
"Should I dress up as kale for tomorrow?"
We start walking toward the exit of the school together while I give him the affirmative through my laughter. Michael agreed to take me to the mall with him to get my Halloween costume after school. Ashton's already bought his and, now that I'm finally not grounded, my mom agreed after lots of begging to give me some money for one. I figure right after school is the best time to go to ensure that Luke won't be there to bother me.
"What are you actually dressing up as tomorrow?" I ask him once we're settled in his car and out of the mess that's the school parking lot.
"Pikachu," he answers proudly, "I have a onesie and I don't really care."
"How punk rock of you," I say and I've never seen the kid smile so much in his life. He spends a whole minute smiling to himself, proud that someone said it besides him, before he returns to the conversation.
"I finally convinced Mills to be Misty," he says, looking over at me for a split second, "We never even dress up. But this year she wanted to be something hot. So I told her about how Misty wears a crop top and she was all over it."
There's no question there as to why Milly suddenly wants to dress up and be hot on Halloween. All she's talked about for the past week is my brother. She won't let it go and it's making me sick to my stomach. That's primarily why I have been avoiding her, anyway.
"What are you guys doing this year?" I pause. I have no idea what Cooper is doing, but since Milly has such a huge crush, she's probably known for ages. "What do you normally do?"
"She's dragging me to Calum's stupid party," he groans, "We always went out for Chinese food on Halloween, since we were in middle school and thought we were too cool to trick or treat. I guess, um, your brother told her about the party when they were all drunk. She thinks that's as much of an invitation as she needs."
Michael's squirming in his seat just talking about it. It's horrible that they're such great friends and he would do anything for her, yet she'll ruin a tradition they share just for a boy. A boy like Cooper, nonetheless. I feel so bad and kind of like it's my fault -- he is my brother after all.
"Why is she dragging you with her?"
That's a dumb question. Milly may be brave enough to chase after a guy who continually makes her feel bad, but she's not brave enough to go to a rich, popular kid's party by herself. She's taking advantage of how much Michael likes her and is bringing him, someone who makes her feel safe, along to watch her fawn over another guy.
"She wants me to try and make him jealous," Michael snorts.
Okay, so maybe I was a tad wrong. She knows he wants to date her and is using that to her advantage. For my brother.
He shakes his head in disbelief as we pull into the parking lot of the mall. I can read the look on his face clearly: Why would I ever make him jealous?
But let's face it: Cooper wouldn't be jealous, at least not visibly, if she brought a model to the party with her. He just doesn't care. His main focus is Lily, then sports. Everything else is 'whatever'. She shouldn't even try.
"You should come trick or treating with us," I offer while Michael tries to find a parking spot. He declines the invitation quickly, which I expected as soon as it left my mouth. Watching me and Ashton be coupley isn't any better. He can barely stand us during art.
"I'm cool with going to the party," he sounds like he's trying to convince himself, "Cal's loaded and he always talks about this. He probably has really good catering or something. Plus, I have to be there to tell Cooper off if he's mean to her again."
To see him still care like that when he's being treated so poorly makes my heart hurt. I wish I could do something to make tomorrow better for him, but there's no way I'm going to that party. Ashton wouldn't allow it and I definitely do not want to watch what is about to go down between my brother and Milly. I can't forget the fact that Luke will be there, either.
Aside from not being able to keep Michael company, I am extremely glad that I'm not going. I've had enough experience to know that parties are not a place I should be. Ever.
"You'll get through it," I promise him. It'd be easier for him to get through if Milly could treat him a little nicer. It'd be even better if she could recognize what a great person she has in front of her instead of chasing after a boy that's using her to forget about his own issues. That would be a perfect world.
Michael bites his lip and leans back in his seat after he turns the car off. His left arm is outstretched and his hand is still on the wheel. What catches my eye is his rolled up sleeve that has apparently been hiding fresh cuts until now. My stomach flips -- in a bad, queasy way.
He lets out a breath, "I hate parties."
When he turns to me, I'm still looking and he goes into a panic. He pushes his sleeve down and doesn't waste a moment before pushing his door open. I move to keep up with him and my guilt is starting to overcome me.
It was wrong of me to assume that he was better too, just because Ashton says he is. I probably could have noticed he was still struggling sooner too if I wasn't so worried about myself.
"Michael, have you talked to Milly about the hospital yet?" I ask as we walk though the doors. I can't think of anything to say that's right. Of all of his friends, I think I know the most about how much it sucks to talk about your mental disorders. The question is the only thing close to appropriate I can come up with.
It's clearly not good, though with the way he grunts.
"No," he mumbles. At least I'm not stupid enough to keep pushing it.
We take the escalator up to the second floor where the Halloween store is without speaking. Michael drums his hand on the railing of it while I search my brain for anything good to say. By the time we get to our destination I still have nothing.
"Look, Maddie, don't even bother. I know it's wrong. Your boyfriend tells me enough," He breaks the silence while I lead him through the aisles of costumes to get to the Robin one. "I'm not going to try and off myself again. I'm pretty okay compared to how I was."
I stop in front of the costume and look at him. His frown looks like it could be permanent. What I want to do is beg him not to and tell him he's loved and all of that, but I'm not exactly the poster child of staying clean. I also know that if he's anything like me, it wouldn't make much of a difference.
"No, I get it," I say instead, "Sometimes it feels impossible to stop. Not everyone can get better as easily as Ashton. Just be careful, okay?"
"Eye eye, Dee Dee," Michael salutes me with a hint of a smile. He's trying to lighten the mood and change the subject, which I'm completely open to. If I were to discuss it any longer it could trigger me. At this time of year, avoiding that is all I can do.
I run my fingers along all of the bags and look for my size. At such last minute, there aren't very many left. There is one small, though, all the way in the back. I pull it from the rack and turn to pay so we can leave, but Michael's fixated on the package curiously.
The girl modeling the costume is blonde like me, but that's where the similarities stop. Her boobs are at least a cup size bigger than mine and she actually looks hot in the over-sexualized version of Robin's uniform. Which I'm sure I won't.
Michael can't find his words, stammering, "M-maybe you should try it on."
I shrug, turning the package over and reviewing the measurements as if I understand them. There are other, similar costumes that I could get if I feel uncomfortable in this one, so maybe I should.
"You know, um, make sure you fit in it and everything."
"Yeah, I will," I smile at him and ignore the real reason he wants me to try it on that's pushing at my mind while I head to the back by the changing rooms. He'll be pretty disappointed anyway. I certainly will not fill it out like the girl he was drooling over.
I step into one of the booths and pull the curtain shut. The deep breath I take in is habitual. I've always, always hated trying things on at stores, even before what happened. There is something about the florescent lighting and closed in space that makes me feel dizzy and more ashamed of my body than usual.
The fabric of the costume is shiny and slick when I pull it out. The top is red, its neckline low and Robin's 'R' emblem is printed on the right of the chest. I shrug Ashton's varsity jacket off before replacing my own shirt with it. Even without the green miniskirt on, I already feel weird.
I stare at myself in the mirror in front of me and sigh. Well, at least, I have to admit I fill it out more than I expected.
Quickly, I push my jeans down and slip the skirt on. It barely covers my butt and I can't pull it down much without my stomach showing.
Imagine if I had worn this last year, I think to myself. Just as fast as it came to mind, I shake the thought away. Everything that happened still would have, maybe even sooner.
To keep my mind off if it, I search the bag for the accessories. There's a yellow utility belt that I hook around my waist and green fingerless gloves, which are the same shiny fabric as the rest of the costume. They reach all the way up to my elbow, covering each and every scar I've made on my wrists since I got here. The yellow cape ties easily around my neck and I slip the small black mask over my eyes.
I don't exactly feel uncomfortable, just weird. Not even in my days in California where I tried as hard as I could to be attractive did I wear something this revealing. I turn to the curtain behind me and see Michael's converse right on the other side as he waits to see me. My stomach bubbles with anxiety but I push it open.
"Nice mismatched socks," is the first thing he says, quietly. I look down at my socks, one pink and one blue. I feel his eyes scanning up my body, then, but I keep mine fixed on my feet.
"This is so weird," I mumble, crossing one of my legs in front of the other. Shouldn't I feel like a hot girl before I try and dress up in something hot?
I glance back up to see Michael running his tongue along his bottom lip. Oh, god. It's hard enough watching Ashton do stuff like that, knowing exactly what's on his mind.
"Well, I know Ash will definitely love Halloween this year," he says.
"Shut up," I force myself to laugh and hide myself behind the curtain again before he can get the image of me in this costume ingrained in his mind. The skirt and belt are pulled off while I add just a bit above a whisper, "I'm already scared about tomorrow."
"What? Why?" Michael's hearing is clearly faultless.
I pretend I didn't say anything and continue to undress. He says my name while I pull on the ribbon that ties the cape and it falls from my neck.
"He tells me all the time how much his family loves you, don't be scared."
"It's not that," I answer just as quietly as before but I know he hears.
"Ashton would never forgive himself if he--"
I reach out and pull him into the changing booth with me to stop him from his guessing game. He's trusted me with something he hasn't told his best friend, and I'm about to do the same. If only I'd thought about the situation before I acted, though. You'd think I would have. Michael's eyes bug out of his head when he sees me without pants on.
"Stop looking!" I exclaim and my voice cracks. Nervously, he slaps his hand in front of his eyes. I pick up my jeans from the floor and put them on as fast as I can.
"Y-you're the one who pulled me in here!"
"Sorry," I say, reaching up to pull his arm down for him as soon as I'm fully clothed. I still haven't taken the top off yet, but I don't want to give him a chance to peak. "I want to explain but I can't do it through a curtain, especially not when Luke might be right around the corner."
Michael furrows his eyebrows. I can tell he's struggling to keep his eyes on my face and I just want to get this over with.
"Tomorrow will be a year since, uhm.." My throat is raw already, but I'm going to do my best to keep from crying. I can't cry every time I think about it.
Recognition spreads across Michael's face. This is the one time that I'm thankful Ashton told him all about me. I wouldn't be able to say it out loud without having a nervous breakdown. He doesn't say a word at first, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tightly instead.
"I haven't told Ashton," I say to his chest, "I hate not telling him something when he's told me everything."
Michael pulls away from me and what I've said surprises him for some reason. He goes red and I can't be sure if it's because he can't keep his eyes from wandering even when we're talking about this or something else.
He opens his mouth, then shuts it, and repeats that cycle a few times. I wouldn't know what to say to me either. He knows that my fears aren't going to leave with anything anyone could say.
"We all hide things," he finally says, "I mean...f*ck...I mean...I love Mills and I'm still hiding shit from her. Don't sweat it, Mads."
"I just don't want him to worry about it. He already worries enough."
"Maddie..." Michael trails off and then shakes his head, "Never mind. You don't have to tell him if you don't want to. But about what happened -- history isn't going to repeat itself and just stick with Ashton because he'd kill a man to protect you. I know it'll be hard as hell not to think of it but try not to. I want you to have fun. You deserve it."
"Thanks Cael," I can only bring myself to give him a crooked smile and I reach out to hug him again.
Michael rests his chin on my head and breathes out, "Of course, Dee."
He leaves me then to finish getting dressed. As expected, I don't feel any better. I may even feel worse. I have to tell Ashton about it soon, in detail if I can. He'd be the first I explain the whole night to, but there's no one else I'd feel better telling. Having this eating me alive and him being oblivious to it when I know for a fact he doesn't want to be is making it more painful.
I'll go into it without saying anything, but the moment I get a flashback or start to have an anxiety attack, I have to tell him. It's only fair to him.
"You're going to be okay, Mads," Michael says to me while we walk through the mall after I pay. I look at him and he's staring down at me sadly, "Ashton wants to make your life as good as you make his, he has his heart set on it. That's why I'm not a huge piss baby about your relationship."
"Piss baby?" I giggle and he grins.
"Yeah. That's what Ashton called me when I complained to him about Milly and Cooper. I like you and that's obvious but I can't compare to the way Ashton feels about you. No one could. Remember that if he ever screws up, okay?"
I nod. Michael's his best friend and may even know him better than Cooper does. Now I know, truly, that I'm right in trusting Ashton fully. This isn't a joke and he's not a bad guy. Whatever Luke and Calum want to tell me is beside the point.
"He's a really great person, isn't he?" I say, my voice full of fascination. I'll never be able to say that it isn't surprising to me. A boy who pushed me down on the playground at school when I was 10 is now my very caring boyfriend. No jokes, no bullying.
"When he wants to be," Michael shrugs, but he's still smiling.
"Who is?" Ashton says from behind and sticks his head in between us. We all stop and I turn to see he's dressed in another ridiculous outfit and his name tag is hanging from around his neck.
"Definitely not you, assbutt," Michael answers and Ashton rolls his eyes with a snicker.
He wraps his arms around my waist and tilts his head down to look at the bag I'm holding. For some reason something clicks in my head and I don't want him to know that I got it. I don't need him fantasizing about it while I'm not there. So I hide the bag behind my back and smile to pull it off as playful.
"I forgot you guys were coming up here. I was just heading to work."
"Were you, really?" Michael teases, "I thought you wore jogger pants the color of khakis because they were fashionable."
"Hey, listen bud, these are 84 dollars and worth every penny!" Ashton shakes his finger at Michael and I look down at his pants. The fabric at the bottom is white, in contrast to the beige tone of the rest of the pants, and the cuffs fit tightly around his ankles with elastic. How those could be worth so much money is beyond me.
I lean back and look at the rest of Ashton's outfit with a smirk, "What does 'Been Trill' mean?"
"It means you...uh...shit. I should know this. You kinda..hmm.." He stops, reading his shirt from above, "You know what? I'm more concerned about what's in that bag."
He tries to take it from me but I keep it out of his reach. I never told him I was sure I was being Robin, so it has to be bothering him not knowing. But what else would I be? The only reason I'm dressing up is for him, and it's such a cute idea that even with the revealing nature of the costume I couldn't resist.
"Mikey, what is it?" Ashton asks once he gives up, pouting at his friend.
"It's a nun costume," Michael deadpans, which causes him to groan and return his attention to me with the same sad look.
"It's a surprise," I say and he perks up.
--
Halloween is the one day of the year that I never particularly enjoy. When I was a kid, I liked dressing up but that was the extent of it. I didn't like candy, I resented trick or treating, and even in disguises I felt out of place. I did not like Halloween.
Now I absolutely hate it.
I don't think I could hate any day more than today. It's still a normal day and I'm trying to remind myself to be excited for spending time with Ashton. But it's different.
It's entire atmosphere surrounding the holiday makes me sick. It's what's nostalgic in the worst way possible. The last time I saw festive Halloween decorations, Ethan and Jake were convincing me to leave the party with them.
I squeeze my eyes shut and will the memory to go away, but it only makes it clearer. From an outsider's perspective, I've been trying to decide how to style my hair with this costume for two hours. In reality, I've been pushing vivid memories from my head and hoping they'll stay away long enough for me to think about my hair.
Maybe I should stay home tonight. I'll tell Ashton the whole story and he'll understand.
"Put it in a ponytail. Ashton likes to have something he can grab," Cooper laughs and I jump. He's leaning against my doorframe in what looks like a construction worker costume. I couldn't tell you how long he's been standing there.
"Can you not say shit like that?" I ask, adding under my breath, "For just one day?"
Bile is raising in my throat and my hands are shaking. I could start crying at any moment. It would be great if it wasn't in the presence of my brother.
To my dismay, he walks right into my room and plops onto my bed. He's shirtless underneath the light-reflective vest and he pulls his hard hat off to run his hand through his hair.
"If I didn't say stuff like that, what would I talk to you about?"
I ignore him, pulling my own hair out of my face and pinning it back with bobby pins. Cooper did help me out, just not in the way he thought. All I know is I'm not giving Ashton -- or any boy -- something to grab. It's bad enough that I'm wearing this outfit.
"Something more appropriate, maybe?" I suggest once I'm finished. Or something way less triggering.
He falls back against my pillows and I realize I haven't figured out what shoes I'm wearing. I keep my eyes off of his exposed chest, because ew, while I walk to my closet. What the hell looks good with Robin's uniform?
"Appropriate? Like how the girl I'm in love with is probably cheating on me with some college guy or something?" He calls out from behind me.
I stop rummaging through my stuff and look behind me at him. He pulls his hat off again and throws it over his face. He won't stop beating himself up over it when he doesn't even know the truth.
"Don't you two normally match on Halloween?" I ask, turning back and considering my beat up pair of black converse. I can vaguely remember when the two of them were in eighth grade and dressed up as a doctor and nurse.
The Converse are thrown back into the pile of shoes before I continue my search. With the material of the costume and how feminine it is, they would definitely not compliment the costume. I pick up a few others and each are not what I'm looking for in the slightest.
I drop the pair of shoes I'm holding and let my head fall into my hands. This is reminding me too much of last year. I spent so much time getting ready and trying to impress those boys, as if being judged was the worst that could happen. Yet here I am doing it again. Ashton couldn't give a shit less about my shoes.
Cooper grunts and I hear my bed squeak as he stands up. I don't bother looking up. My nausea has become significantly worse and if I make any movement I may throw up the small amount of what I've eaten on these shoes.
"We do. But I haven't seen her enough to plan it at all," he clarifies, "I told her what I was being multiple times though. So, um, she'll do something. Hopefully."
He pauses and I still haven't lifted my head. His presence is apparent for the next few minutes by the strong smell of his body spray and his heavy breathing. He refuses to move.
"Wear black boots, if that's what you're so worried about," He finally says quietly, "I think that's what Robin wears. Are you okay?"
I look at him now to see how much pain showing concern is putting him in. To be quite honest, he looks more constipated than concerned.
"I'm fine, thanks," I breathe out. So far so good; no blowing chunks. I take my black lace-up boots with me as I stand up.
"You look pale. Are you pregnant?"
"Since when does looking pale equate to being pregnant?" I force a bit of laughter and walk past him. All I want is to be with Ashton already. Being with him will stop the countless flashbacks from occurring. Or at least I hope it will.
Cooper shrugs, following me, "I don't know."
"Can we go?" I ask once my shoes are on.
I don't care if trick or treating doesn't start for another half hour. As much as I'm afraid the events of last year will repeat themselves, I'm not getting anywhere away from my fears by being here. In the back of my mind, I know that Ashton and his family will do nothing but keep those fears from being a reality.
"Milly is going to Cal's party," I warn Cooper as we drive to Ashton's. I can't stop pulling the top of this costume up. No matter how much I do, too much cleavage is being revealed.
I adjust the mask on my face while Cooper takes a deep breath, "So?"
"I just thought you'd want to know."
"I made out with her once, I didn't ask for her hand in marriage," he clears his throat.
Actually, you made out with her twice and everyone but her can see right through you.
He turns off the car in Ashton's driveway and I suddenly feel even more nervous than before. So much so that I can't bother worrying about Cooper and Milly. What if wearing this is a mistake? What if it makes Ashton too excited and it is a repeat of last year?
What if I'm asking for it again?
No, Maddie, no. This isn't going to happen. It's all going to be fine. Just because you had one terrible Halloween doesn't mean the rest are doomed. You said it yourself, Ashton's the last person in the history of the world to do that to someone.
"I'll see you later," I tell him, overlooking his poor excuse, "I hope you and Lily work things out more tonight."
"Me too," is all he says before starting to back out as slow as possible and forcing me to shut my door. It isn't long before I'm left alone to face my fears.
I drag my feet walking to the house and wait before ringing the doorbell. Who in their right mind decided that the end of October was the perfect time for girls to dress up in the most revealing things imaginable? I'm freezing my butt off and Ash takes forever to come to the door.
It's clear, once he does, that everything I've been fearing is nonsense. He's already dressed in his Batman costume and he looks like an absolute dork. Tonight is going to be the total opposite of last year; it's going to be fun.
What I did sort of expect is his reaction to my own outfit. I mean, he's still Ashton. His mouth hangs open and he doesn't make a move, even, to open the screen door for me.
"Maddie!" Harry shows up behind him in half of his Spider-Man costume. He's holding his mask in one of his hands and a sucker in the other, "You look pretty!"
I smile and flick my eyes over to Ashton. He's staring, taking it all in. You would think he was looking at a rare, first-edition copy of a comic book or something. It's weird.
"What, uh, what he said," he holds the door open for me. As I'm walking further into his house he goes on, "I see what you did there, pretending it was something else so I wouldn't expect it."
Well, Ashton, that isn't exactly what I was doing. In fact, maybe it would have been better if he would have expected it. That way he could revel in the thoughts of how I'd look in the costume when I'm not in his presence.
He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. Even with how often I get this feeling with him, I didn't expect to feel so happy when he did stuff like this today. Now. But I feel safe with him, the times he's especially attracted to me included. Because I trust him.
I lean back into his chest and turn so he can kiss me.
"I don't think Robin is supposed to kiss Batman," Harry giggles. He's still standing at our feet and looking up at us. Ashton shakes his head at him.
"Today, they can kiss, Hare," he looks back to me, "A lot?"
Any day but today, Ashton. I roll my eyes and smile at him anyway. I have to try and forget, at least for a little while.
His mom comes into the room and greets me. She isn't dressed up, but she has a camera in her hands and Ashton groans as soon as he sees it.
"Mom, can we not be lame in front of Maddie?"
"Ashton Fletcher Irwin! You're always lame," she laughs, gathering us three together in front of the steps. Ashton picks his brother up in his arms, "Embrace it."
He lets her take the picture, but only one. Harry backs his brother up because apparently the kids who are earlier get more candy...and he wants to be let down, cuz he's a big kid.
"You make a very pretty Robin," Ashton whispers to me while Harry starts to get ready to leave. He rests his mask-covered forehead on mine and interlocks our fingers. It's hard to take him seriously in this costume. "They should have you play him in the next movie."
"I'm not an actress," I answer in the same tone, trying to suppress my laughs. We stay like that and I close my eyes, taking in a breath. When I open them again, Ashton is still grinning down at me. He's gotten over his shame from what happened at Calum's and he's returned to his normal, admiring stare.
A flash comes from beside us, forcing us to unwillingly break apart and look. His mom stands there with a smirk, taking the camera from her face. When we make eye contact, she winks at me.
"Mom!" Ashton whines, reaching out and taking it from her. His aggrivated expresion softens, though, upon looking down at the view-finder. He turns it away from me so I can't see, blushing, "Send that to me."
It is still light out when we leave his house to start trick or treating. The three of us are walking in a line on the sidewalk with Ashton in the middle. He has one hand in mine and the other in Harry's and I feel as safe as I could on this day. It's shocking.
A year ago today, I was experiencing the most terrifying moment of my life. Yet here I am, surrounded by every kind of reminder of it, and I'm smiling and I don't have a bad feeling in my gut. A year ago tomorrow, I thought I would never trust a boy ever again. Or at least for a long, long time. It's a miracle that it happened this soon, and with Ashton of all people.
"They like me better," Harry skips down one of the driveways with us, "I think I'm the better Spiderman."
"Oh yeah? Well I'm a better Batman than you, so whatever," Ashton plays along and Harry snickers.
"I'm just the best superhero!"
"No way!" To be honest, Ashton sounds legitimately offended. Now, I can't tell if he's playing along or not.
"Yes way!" Harry exclaims, then looks right up at me. "Maddie, who's the better superhero?"
Well, you can't give me a choice like that. That's like, deciding between pissing Ashton off or disappointing a little boy. Harry, his mask off now, begs me to pick him with his eyes. Ashton is giving me a similar, puppy-dog like look. It truly is a hard decision.
"You do look kind of ridiculous in that costume," I joke, tapping his padded chest with my free hand. He frowns down at the place that I touched while Harry guesses that means he's the winner and jumps for joy. We stop in the middle of the sidewalk just so he can do a happy dance.
"See, even Maddie likes me better!" Harry sticks his tongue out at his brother.
"You guys are mean," Ashton proclaims sadly, but my assumptions are proved false by the way he caresses my thumb with his. Of course he isn't really upset. He wouldn't be.
We continue on forward past all of the houses without their porch light on once Harry stops dancing and grabs onto Ashton's hand again. I've completely eased up and the Halloween decorations have stopped causing any unsettling feeling in me. The whole atmosphere of tonight compared to last year is different and I'm thankful.
Harry sees a house with its light on and runs up their driveway, but Ashton stops me at the end of it. He isn't frowning anymore, in fact he looks bashfully happy. He grabs my other hand with his and looks down at the ground.
"I'm really glad he likes you," he says only so loud for me to hear, "I mean I can't imagine who wouldn't, but..."
"Stop it," I giggle and he opens his mouth to try and argue.
Before he can get a word out, though, an extremely loud intro to a rock song starts into the air to stop him. It reverberates throughout the neighborhood even louder when he pulls his phone from a pocket in his costume that I didn't even know existed.
It's gotten dark out and I can't tell if he's blushing, but he's gotten even more bashful. "I keep it on the highest volume in case you need me at night," he chokes out.
I smile down at my feet. It's even better knowing that the person I feel comfortable with cares so much. How couldn't I find security in him? It's impossible not to when he does little things like that.
"Oh, um, it's Jessica," He sounds confused, and I look up while his ringtone goes on.
It takes me a moment to process who Jessica actually is. How could I forget? She was the one at the party who actually fit in with Ashton. She's the one he liked, slept with, and almost dated. He can believe it himself that I'm the only girl he cares about, but I don't believe it. If he even thought about dating her, he has to care about her at least a little.
I may be the only one he cares about more than getting it on, but I'm certainly not the only one he cares about period.
"She never calls me, so I really should get it. It might be important," His thumb is on 'Slide to answer' ready to be swiped across, "Is that okay?"
"That's fine," I say quickly and he nods before picking it up.
He starts to walk away and I almost follow him, but Harry is still getting his candy. Now I'm starting to feel negative things. It's a bit of uneasiness, since I'm standing alone in the dark, mixed with a lot more jealousy. Jealousy that I wish I didn't have.
Really, I don't get why he wants to date me of all people. Jessica makes him laugh and will smoke with him and drink with him and f*ck him. I'm just Maddie. Very plain, very boring. Very anxious. It stuns me sometimes how he puts up with me.
"Where's Ash?" Harry asks, shaking his little pumpkin bucket so all of the candy inside rustles around. I glance over to see him a few yards away, biting his nails and looking distressed.
I cross my arms to keep warm as a breeze passes, but they're soon uncrossed when I remember to grab Harry's hand. "He had to talk to someone."
"My brother loves you," He says all of a sudden. We've started walking toward Ashton, but I stop us in our tracks at his words. It looks like Ashton doesn't want to be bothered right now anyway.
"He loves a lot of girls, doesn't he?" I say what I was thinking the first time I heard Harry say that. From a seven year old's perspective, Ashton's lustful nature must look like love. Plus, he may care about me but I don't think I'd call it love yet. That idea is kind of scary.
"No, only you."
==Ashton's POV==
"'Sup?" I ask once I'm a ways away from Maddie.
Jessica never calls me, like at all, so I'm kind of concerned. I mean, she really does not like to use her cell phone for calling purposes whatsoever. It's probably nothing, but I can't just leave her calling me without making sure.
"Ash," She says drowsily. It sounds like she's drunk dialing me, but she's never done that before either. It's scaring me, creating a pit at the bottom of my stomach, "I really, really need your help,"
The way she says it can only make me more fearful. The more she talks, the less drunk she sounds and the more unstable she actually sounds. I keep my eyes on Maddie while Jessica continues. I can't let her get hurt while I'm worried about someone else.
"I think, um," she stops. I hear her smack her hand on her forehead, "I think someone put something in my drink."
"What?!" I exclaim. I start to bite my nails; I could rip an entire one off right now. Of course it's something like that. If it were anything else, I'd tell her to find someone else to help her. But I don't trust anyone else to do something about it that I could do. I can't be aware of the same thing that happened to Maddie happening and not to something, especially when it's one of my best fricken friends. "Where the hell are you?"
"Calum's," she gulps, "I'm in Mali's room, I think. Luke brought me here. He's coming back soon, I think. I don't know!"
Crap. F*ck. You've got to be f*cking kidding me. Of course it's Luke's doing. Of course Luke would drug my best friend. He knew it would get me there and, as he hopes, Maddie too.
"I feel like I can't...even move, Ashton," she's started crying now, "Please, I'm sorry I know you're with your brother tonight but I want to go home."
"Hey, calm down," I head toward Maddie and Harry in slow steps, "I'll be right there, okay? Luke won't get away with this."
On my watch, he won't walk away from it alive. If he's lucky, he may survive enough to be in a wheelchair. That's it, though.
"Thank you so much," she squeaks and then the line goes dead.
"Hey, we have to cut this short," I say as I approach them, biting my lip. I don't know what to do. I don't want Maddie to think I'm leaving her to go to a party for Jess, but I don't want to bring her either. It's a Catch 22 in the worst way.
If it were up to me, I'd be cuddling up with her right now or making out, something good. That Robin costume makes me want her so much more, as odd as that sounds. But it isn't up to me and this time I have to choose Jessica. I can't let her experience that trauma too, not if I can stop it.
"What?" Maddie and Harry ask at the same time. Harry is upset, while Mads is just confused. As far as she knows, Jessica invited me to do body shots with her in her basement and I couldn't resist.
"Sorry, little man. Batman just got a call and he has someone to save. You understand, right?"
"Are you really gonna save someone?" He asks hopefully. We always go to every single house in our neighborhood, but right now we've only covered, at most, half. I feel bad letting him down but there's nothing else I can do.
"Yes, so we have to get to the house really fast, okay?" I bend down with my back toward him and he gets the hint to get on. I'm speed walking in the direction that I think my house is in. If it's not, I'm in major trouble.
Maddie struggles to keep up and I want to slow down but I can't. Luke has probable come back by now. It's only a matter of time before... f*ck. I can't think of it! What a shit head. I could kill him, I really could.
"What's going on?" She's huffing when she catches up to me.
I have to put it in the nicest way possible without triggering her. I can't make up a lie because any fabrication would be complete bull. Like I said, if it were anything else I wouldn't be doing it.
"Jess is in trouble," I say vaguely, "Big trouble. With Luke."
I put Harry down once we're a few houses from ours but he knows to pick up the pace. We're in my driveway in no time at all and I push him inside after telling him what to tell my mom. This is so shitty, what the hell.
It clicks in Maddie's head and I can visibly see her mood shift. I've decided to take her with me, so long as she wants to go. But she's staying in the car, windows and doors locked.
She gets into my jeep without any explanation and I screech out and down the street. The worst part is that there are all of these kids I have to make sure not to hit on my way there.
"Do you mean what I think you mean?" Maddie whispers. I take a second to look at her and she looks sick to her stomach.
"Yes. I'm sorry Mad, if it were anything else I wouldn't be doing this."
"No, I'm happy you are," She crosses one leg over the other, then switches them. "I just don't want to see it."
"Of course not, just stay in the car."
Lucky for me and hopefully for Jessica, Calum's house isn't very far away and with speeding it feels like it's right around the corner. I park the car at a spot far down from his house and get out, pointing at Maddie before I shut the door.
"Don't let anyone in, don't unlock the doors. Call me if you need me."
She nods, staring out at the huge house that's lit up in the night. At least a hundred people are standing outside in their sluttiest or stupidest costumes and stumbling around drunk already. There's tons of children walking through the neighborhood, too.
Well, of course. Rich people give out the best candy.
I sprint all the way there and up the stairs and thank god that I'm a soccer player the whole time that I do. It would slow me down significantly if I wasn't.
The house is more crowded than usual. The whole school must be here, but I can't stop at anything. Not Cooper, Lily, or anyone. I push past them all. I even see Michael standing by himself in his god-awful Pikachu pajamas but I don't say hi. I'll say hi after.
When I get to what I think could be Mali's door, I expect it to be locked. But I don't kick it open and try it just to be sure. From inside I can hear Jessica whining, "Stop!" and it makes my blood boil.
Very much to my surprise, Luke didn't actually bother locking it and I'm let right in. Just as the door swings open, I see that Luke (also dressed as Batman) has a bottle of perfume in his hands, Calum (embarrassingly matching Michael, as Ash Ketchum) is laying in his sister's bed, and Jessica (wearing a stereotypical butterfly costume) is standing upright. Upon seeing me, Luke puts what he's holding down and Calum sits up. I feel like I'm on a really bad episode of punk'd.
I start toward Luke anyway, because whatever this is, I know he planned it. But Jessica intercepts me, wrapping her arms around me in a big hug. One so tight that not even I can force my way out of it. To do that, I would probably have to hurt her, which I can't do. I mean, shes a girl.
And isn't the whole reason I'm here because I'm trying to save her from being hurt? What the f*ck?
"I'm so glad you came!" She holds the hug much longer then needed and I can, at least, smell liquor on her. She stumbles back finally after what I count to be a minute and 17 seconds.
"I thought you were drugged?" I get the chance to ask before she slams her face against mine and starts forcefully making out with me. Her mouth tastes like Long Island Iced Tea and it reminds me of last year, when I would willingly do this all the time. I don't like it.
I push her off of me only seconds after I hear the shutter sound of Calum's iPhone. He tosses it over to Luke with his eyes practically bulging out of his face, which is understandable. He should be afraid. I could kill the both of them in a record thirty seconds. He could count on that.
"Go find Maddie. I'll take care of this," Luke assures Calum, who rushes out the door. Jessica stands there awkwardly, watching me. I can't believe she would knowingly be a part of this. They've got to be paying her big bucks to do this to me, considering, you know...she's one of my best friends.
"She's not even with me," I growl. That's technically true; he isn't going to find her anywhere in this house. He should know me well enough to know I wouldn't let her go anywhere in such a crazy party by herself.
"You scrunch your nose up when you lie," Luke says matter-of-factly, grinning down at his phone while I sigh.
"Well she isn't in the house, that's for sure."
"Whatever," he shrugs. He's zooming in on the picture that was just taken and laughing. He must think he's so smart to come up with something like this. In reality, he's such an idiot.
Jessica will not leave and continues to stare at me. Or at least I think she is; I have my eyes trained on Luke and that stupid smirk he wears constantly. His tapping on Calum's phone is the most aggrivating thing, especially because I have no f*cking clue what the hell he will do with that photo.
I would figure he'd show it to Maddie. I mean, that is his main focus. But Jessica has a boyfriend too and I really don't feel like getting into a fight with him over something that is entirely misunderstood.
On an impulse, I reach out and pinch the phone from his unexpecting grip and fling it onto the floor as hard as I can. The sound of it shattering is louder than I thought and the phone itself breaks. Luke is no longer confident, his mouth open in the biggest 'O' possible.
"You're lucky it's the phone and not your neck," I roll my eyes and turn on my heel. Jessica calls me as I'm leaving, but I don't want to consider her a friend anymore. With the way things are going, you either choose to be on my side or Luke's. She's clearly chosen Luke.
"You owe me two hundred dollars," I hear her cry out while I near the stairs, "He clearly doesn't want to date me like you said."
I can't stop rolling my eyes at this whole thing. I'm actually starting to think that the only people I can trust are Michael and Maddie. Which is funny, considering both of them are the only people I associate with who I haven't known since elementary school.
I'm over it. At least the confrontation didn't take longer than twenty minutes and I can get back to Maddie. Maybe Harry would be up to going back out and getting more candy, even. I can say it was a false alarm, we can return to happiness, and this can still be a good Halloween.
I really don't want to tell Maddie what actually happened. That would make the situation with Luke change entirely. She thinks it just has to do with him wanting to sleep with her, but it's so much more beyond that. I don't want her to worry about it.
Once i step down onto the main floor, I physically have to shove people away from me. Everyone is packed in here like sardines. Not even I could enjoy myself in this, so I can't see anyone else enjoying it. Michael is huddled by himself in the corner with a bottle of water, just like he was when I entered. I wave in his direction and he somehow spots me above all of the madness.
"Why aren't you with Maddie?" He yells. I shove my way through everyone else to get to him and tell him exactly where she is. His eyebrows weave together, but he shows some kind of understanding at least. "I'll let you go, then."
"Want to come with us?"
"No, I have to drive Milly home," Michael stands up on his tip toes to look over the crowd. I hadn't seen Milly. I should have guessed she was here if Michael was, but it slipped my mind. At the time, I thought Jess was in real danger.
"Where is she?" I turn and jump up to try and get a better view. Now the only recognizable person I can find is Mikey. Cooper and Lily are no where to be found, along with Milly.
"After I refused to make out with her in front of him," Michael sighs and it's my turn to look confused, "She went after Cooper to talk to him. She's being stupid."
"Cooper is being stupid too," I protest. If only he would let things work out with Milly, then I could sleep better at night.
It seems like everything is over and done with between Lily and me, that no one will ever have to find out. But with Luke and Calum knowing, that only leaves Maddie and Cooper in my circle of friends to find out and it's only a matter of time.
I'll tell you one thing, too: Lily's wearing a Captain America costume.
"I don't care. Go, be with your girlfriend," Michael motions toward the door and I nod. I ruffle his hair underneath the hood of his onesie and he glares at me. I guess I still can't do that, even when his color is fading.
I push by everyone else to get back to the front door and struggle to get it open. As soon as I can, though, I'm smiling again. Maddie's in that hot Robin costume and now she's all mine and I'm all hers.
Grabbing the lanyard of keys from my pocket and walking hurriedly down the sidewalk, I'm satisfied. I think I handled that pretty nicely, and in a timely manner too. I unlock the door to the Jeep as I near it. A nervous feeling hits me right in the gut as soon as I do; something is missing.
I pat every pocket I could have put something in to make sure Luke didn't steal anything from me. My phone, wallet, keys...everything is there. But then I realize what should have been obvious to me.
Maddie's not in the car.
((OK IM SORRY AGAIN THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT HERE IT IS. it was originally going to be longer but I thought what the hell I'll leave it on a cliffhanger lmaoooooooo. I hope you guys like it!!! let me know what u think.
i have to go to bed now tho bc i have class in the morning so :***))