"I'm setting an alarm for five-thirty," Dallas said, sleepily fiddling with his phone. "We'll get up, eat some shitty café food if it feels safe enough – that place across the street opens at five – and we'll put a plan together for the day. Sound good?"
His statement confirmed just how physically drained he was. Never had I known Dallas to call it a night without planning out the entire next day – and sometimes the day after that, too. It wasn't like him to say we could plan something out in the morning. He liked to be prepared to the point of overkill, and so did I. I'd adopted that trait from him after years of his mission techniques rubbing off on me. We lived by the idea that it was always better to be over prepared than under prepared.
I watched his tall frame in the glow of the flickering lamplight as he tossed the thin, worn out comforter to the foot of the bed and shoved his still damp hair back. The muscles in his back were visibly tight beneath his shirt, showcasing his stress. My palms itched to touch him again, to feel his skin at my fingertips. I wanted to massage away his tension.
"Tali?" His voice was low. "Did you hear what I said?"
He got in bed and scooted back to sit up against the headboard, watching me with questioning eyes.
I nodded and rubbed my eyes, blinking a few times and saying nothing. I cleared our gear and casework off of my side of the bed, laying it on the floor a few feet away. Dallas and I set our pistols on our respective nightstands and I slipped into bed beside him, shuffling around until I decided I was as comfortable as I was going to get, and I pulled the string on the lamp, cloaking the room in darkness. The only light came from headlights as cars passed by the motel.
A deep, tired sigh came from Dallas as he adjusted his position and finally laid down. I felt him pull the covers up, and I could hear his breathing become quieter, but I knew he wasn't asleep.
I stared a hole through the stained wall, listening to the incessant sound of water dripping from the ceiling. We had our backs to each other, but I could feel the heat radiating off of Dallas's body. His warmth enveloped me like a comforting hug and I smiled, despite my miserable state.
As I lay there unable to fall asleep, I forced myself to think of happy memories with Dallas, rather than dwelling on our current unfavorable conditions. Occasionally, Enrique Bellucci's cruel eyes would emerge in my head like they were glaring right into my soul. I'd do my best to shake away his image, replacing it with Dallas's smiling face, but it wouldn't be long before another villain's likeness would appear, crashing through the wall of happy thoughts I was trying to build – it was more fun stacking "happy bricks" than counting sheep, I suppose.
Around one o'clock, I glanced at the clock with stinging eyes. I was sure the whites of my eyes must've been a flaming red by then. They burned like they were, anyway.
Trying my damnedest not to wake Dallas, I slowly rolled over and inched my way closer to him, instantly feeling a little better when I felt more of his body heat. I nestled my face into the pillow, finally ready to pass out, but a soft mumble of something indecipherable paired with a deep groan filled the silence, and I realized my efforts to not wake my bedmate had been unsuccessful.
"Tali? You okay?"
His voice was gentle, yet steady in a way that said he was ready to leap from the bed and go hunt down whichever sorry son of a bitch was plaguing my thoughts and preventing my rest. I couldn't help thinking that the gruffness laced in his words was sexy, like his panty-drenching morning voice. There had always been something about the way Dallas muttered sleepily in bed that instantly shifted my priorities and made me want to climb on top of him. It was like a switch flipped in my internal programming and lust was taking over.
Fuck, I'd missed that feeling!
"Just too much on my mind," I whispered back, scrunching up my flattened pillow.
Dallas groaned again and the bed squeaked as he rolled over to face me. I'd closed my eyes, trying desperately to ignore my libido and force myself to finally sleep, but I could feel his eyes on my face.
"I really missed this," he said softly and tucked a few stray hairs behind my ear. "I really missed you... Us."
Maybe sleep could wait a little while longer...
My eyelids felt like they were weighed down with cinderblocks when I opened my eyes to see him gazing lovingly at me, still brushing his calloused thumb back and forth over my cheek.
"I did, too."
The covers slipped back down when I lifted my arm, reaching up to grab his hand. His caress of my face halted as I slid my fingers between his and brought his hand in mine down to rest between us. I held his hand against my chest where I was sure he could feel my heartbeat, and I mimicked his actions, rubbing my thumb back and forth over the top of his hand.
Dallas's eyes bore into mine. Minutes ticked by without a single word spoken. We continued to lie there, drenched in each other's love and warmth, breathing in each other's air. It was reminiscent of years back, many nights lying wrapped up in one another beneath that old aspen tree. We were just as much lost in the moment now as we had been back then.
Damn. I'd forgotten how good it felt just to be in his presence.
"What are you thinking about so intently?" Dallas's voice was barely audible.
"How easy it is to forget," I said and immediately regretted telling him the truth.
His brows drew inward and even in the blackness of the room, I could see a glimmer of pain infiltrate his vibrant eyes.
"How easy it is to forget me?"
The question, though not a surprising one, seemed to echo in the silence. His words hung in the air unanswered for seconds that ticked by like hours. I couldn't recall the last time a single sentence had cut through my reinforced rock wall of emotions the way his just had. My heart dropped to my stomach and a cold sweat took over my body.
Finally, I shook my head, propping myself up with my elbow on the pillow. "That's not what I meant..."
"No. I know what you meant, Tali," he said with a gentle, though pained tone. "It's so hard to go years without seeing someone and try to hold on to the way it felt to be with them. I know."
I could feel tears brimming in my eyes and I tried desperately to blink them away.
"I didn't get a chance to memorize the way things felt with you before," I started to explain. "I guess I took it for granted that you'd always be by my side. I never thought I'd lose you, Dallas. I thought you were invincible."
"You mean I'm not?" he feigned shock, managing a soft laugh.
It was hard not to smile when Dallas smiled, but I couldn't bring myself to this time. His jokes were futile.
"I don't think I ever tried to take pictures in my mind when we were together then. And it wasn't like I had a photo album or home videos of memories with you to look back on and help me remember," I said, noticing the sadness overtake his features as I spoke.
I knew he felt guilty about how secretive our relationship had been. I wondered how negatively it had affected him over the years to not be able to flip through a photobook or scroll through cheesy selfies of us kissing like a normal couple. We'd never had the luxury of going out to dinner or the movies together. We couldn't make stupid faces at each other in photo booths at the fair. We couldn't take a stroll through the park, hand-in-hand. Our relationship had been one big secret to protect ourselves, but in the end, it had only hurt us more.
I continued. "When I thought you were dead, I started trying to save memories of you in my head since that was all I would ever have of you – us – again. I focused so hard on remembering the way every little thing felt with you, thinking if I focused hard enough, I could keep those memories and feelings forever like they were brand new. And it worked for a little while. It did. But as months turned to years and years went by, all those things that I thought I could keep fresh in my mind for eternity started to fade. The way your arms felt around me... The sound of your laugh... The feeling of your lips on mine... Yes, I still remember it all, but I couldn't remember it as clearly until I found you again. I guess it's a bit of a shock to the system to realize how easily the memories we hold so close to our hearts can start to disappear."
I'd been staring off into the dark abyss, mumbling the majority of my explanation. I didn't want to look at Dallas while I talked about fading memories. I didn't want to see the surely evident hurt in his expression. I didn't want to look at his face and feel responsible for his sadness.
I hadn't even begun to cope with the idea that I'd been wrongly blaming myself for four years for the murder of my lover that had actually never happened. Given our current dire circumstances, devoting time to processing that newly discovered bombshell was not an option yet. Knowing that that information festering in the back of my mind was going to rain holy hell on my heart once this mission was over, the last thing I wanted to do in the meantime was allow other un-pleasantries to seep in and invade my time alone with Dallas. Un-pleasantries like discussing foggy memories.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore, Dall," I said a little too hurriedly and nestled down into the covers once more, trying to bury myself in the warmth of the blankets and the man lying beside me. "I'm sorry."
He lifted our still-clasped hands to his mouth and pressed his lips to the back of my hand. A sizzle of electricity danced across my skin and coursed through my veins, seemingly traveling all the way to my heart.
I opened my eyes again to find him smiling sweetly at me, and he moved to hold my hand against his chest the same way I'd been holding his to mine.
The tears were reemerging in my eyes, but I was too exhausted to ward them off this time. I let them fall, feeling warm liquid glide down my cheeks and land on my pillow.
"We don't have to talk about it anymore, Tali," Dallas whispered and wiped away one of my tears.
He grabbed my hand again and slowly, as if to ask permission with the gentle look in his eyes, he shifted our position in the bed until I was lying flat on my back and he was settled comfortably on top of me.
Dallas gazed down at me with love and concern written all over his face. I knew he wanted so badly to fix everything, to stop time and erase the last four years. We both wished we could rewind and keep December sixth from ever happening.
Lying there beneath him, I promised myself that I wouldn't allow the past to disrupt any more of my time with Dallas. Though we were both determined to find a way to stay together this time, there were still no guarantees that that would happen. It terrified me to no end to imagine losing him again, but I had already made up my mind that I wasn't going to let that happen. I didn't care how many high ranking intelligence officials I pissed off in the process. I was bound and determined to stay with Dallas David this time. We were going to make it work, no matter the consequences.
"Stop letting these things run your thoughts, Tali," Dallas whispered in my ear as he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to my neck. "Focus on me instead. Just me."
The mood had shifted and there was a heaviness around us. The air was thick with craving and desire. I was suddenly more concerned about making sure I could touch every inch of his body than worrying about how many masked assailants were likely hunting us at that very moment. I had never allowed myself to get lost in anyone the way I was with him. I'd never let my guard down with any other man. Only Dallas. And that's the way it would always be. Only him.
The maddening noise of dripping water faded as the sound was blocked out by my lover's enchanting whispers. Dallas began kissing a long, slow trail down my neck, across my jawline, and over my collarbone. My eyelids fluttered shut and I forced my brain to push away all the nagging frustrations so I could focus solely on him and how good he was making me feel.
"How do you do this?" I muttered, my words coming in gasps with each touch of his lips to my exposed skin.
I could feel his lips curve into a confident smile as he continued his line of heated kisses over my chest, just above my covered breasts.
"Do what?"
His words were muffled, but I could hear the smirk in his tone. He knew exactly what I was talking about.
"Make me forget about everything else in the world. Make me let my guard down and give you complete control. You're the only one, Dallas. No one else can make me feel like this."
"No one else is as madly in love with you as I am either," he noted in a humorous voice. "Which is their loss, cause I'm one very lucky bastard."
I probably laughed a little harder than necessary at that, but it felt so good to laugh – especially since he was the one making me laugh and smile. It seemed like it had been ages since I'd had a good laugh.
"I want to make you feel so good, Tali," he said, staring so deeply into my eyes that I was sure he could see through to my soul. "I want to give you the world."
I smiled and shook my head, running my fingers through the little wisps of hair at the nape of his neck. "Just give me you. That's all I want."
A sweet smile tugged at the corners of his mouth despite his serious expression and he nodded.
"I love you, Natalia Dobreva, with every fiber of my being."
Our clothes were quickly discarded to the floor in a rush of blissful sighs, moans, and declarations of our devotion to each other. Time stood still as we became one again, our hearts entwined, our need to be closer to one another ever growing. I was lost in him again. Only him. All he had to do was flash me those mesmerizing hazel eyes, and boom, my heart was in his hands just like old times.
But this was different than old times, though. This meant so much more. The way each touch felt. The intensity of every kiss. The insatiable need to prove more and more to each other how in love we were. It was all so much more than before, and I loved every second of it with my whole heart. I knew for sure that these new memories together were ones I could not forget. They could not fade. I wouldn't let them. Because this time everything meant more, and every time could be the last time...