"Amanda, right?" I confirm, pointing my hand at her.
She nods at me.
"Are you married or seeing anyone right now?" My heart is beating out of my chest and I am buying time right now. Can she see through my bullsh*t? I am desperately trying to make conversation to make up for the fact that I have no idea how to come up with an idea to pitch.
"Where are you going with this?" Amanda looks at me sternly and her hand is now covering her mouth. I think she knows I am full of sh*t. How do I tell her that I have no idea where I am going or what I am doing here?
"I read somewhere that we want what we can't have in life and I want to put that theory to test."
"Shut up Mia, you're just thinking of Kent right now," inner voice corrects me. Do I want him because I can't have him or do I just want him? Isn't all form of writing inspired by real-life scenarios?
"You don't want him, Mia!" Inner voice corrects me again and I agree. I don't want to want William Kent.
"How so?" Amanda edges me to continue.
"I want to go to a crowded bar wearing a wedding ring Saturday night and then I want to go to the same bar next Saturday night without one. As part of my research, I want to document how many people hit on me with a ring and how many people hit on me without one." Please don't see through my bullsh*t.
"Way to make a career out of your infatuation with Kent," inner bitch is applauding me with a standing ovation.
"You could run with that but what do you have immediately for me?" Amanda counters and I am shook.
How is she not impressed already?
"Go ahead Mia, make a career out of your insecurities, I believe in you" inner bitch pats me on the back and lights herself a cigarette.
"How about an article that talks about why we as a generation are obsessed with finding love but are doing nothing to keep it? Why is everyone in New York looking for love but only finding loneliness?" I recommend and I hope she doesn't think I am ripping off Sex and The City.
"You thought on your feet and I am proud of you for doing your best!" Inner voice changes the tone of my inner dialogue and I can't help but feel warm and fuzzy.
"I want it on my desk by 4," Amanda says and gets up.
I think the meeting is over and so is my career.
"We'll be sitting right next to each other," Emily says as she extends her hands towards me. I smile and shake her hand. She smiles back and it's awkward now. I think I should say something.
"I can't wait!" I reply, faking my excitement.
"Welcome to the team. Feel free to come to me if you need any direction," Charlotte says warmly and I have a feeling I will love her. She is in her mid-twenties and is dressed in a pink dress, pink shoes and has a pink bag on her shoulders. I can't wait to fast forward my life to when we all love each other and I am not so terrified.
"Thank you so much Charlotte," I say and flash my biggest smile possible. I already like her and I have no idea why. Maybe it's the pinkness, or maybe I really want to feel like I belong here.
Charlotte leaves and Emily shows me around. The office is huge with video departments, audio centers, marketing teams, and quite a few empty conference rooms.
We get free coffee at all times here and I can't wait to drink to chug some of it down. There is also beer on tap but I don't think I will be drinking at work, ever. Emily is sweet and friendly. Since she's been in my shoes not so long ago, I think she knows how scary this can be and I am glad. Everybody deserves an Emily on their first day of work.
"So, do you have a boyfriend?" Emily asks me. It would be an awkward question in a professional setting but since this is what we do for a living, it's research.
"Nope, what about you?" I deflect.
"I have a girlfriend,"
"Are you guys in love?"
"I hope so," she says and I can sense her hopefulness in those words. She tucks her red hair back and smiles sweetly at me. She has a toothy smile, the kind that reminds you of popsicles on a hot summer day. I can't help but feel her warmth. I think I might have found a kindred spirit.
I want to tell her about Kent but really what is there to tell?
We get back to our desk after a complete round of the office and I sit down with my large cup of coffee.
40 mins later and I am still staring at the blank word document. I still haven't found the words to my first article I need to submit in a few hours.