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PLEASE DON'T LOSE HOPE!
i also published a new story. it's one of my old ones but i just changed it up a bit. it's one of my favorites because it's so different, so please go check it out!
word count: [3245]
I would have to say that I'm in the same boat as him. That's why I immediately sat upright when he walked in and kind of fixed my appearance like my dad was going to like me any less based on how I looked.
"Hey," I said back to him, scooting over so that he could sit next to me on my bed. "What's up?" I asked him, a bit awkwardly too.
"Your mom and I both noticed that you've been down ever since you got back," he said. His voice was a bit soft like he was scared that he was going to break me. I would be annoyed if I wasn't touched by how much he cared and how much effort he was putting into our relationship.
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that why you guys have been staring at me this whole time?" Then, something came to mind, and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Is this why Jason and Mason kept on insisting that I smile and wouldn't leave me alone until I laughed at all of their jokes?"
He smiled shyly. "Guilty," he said with a smirk. "We're just worried for you. We know it has something to do with your boyfriend, Brandon, but you won't talk to us about it. We respect your privacy—that's why we haven't asked Hazel about it—but I just wanted to tell you that we are your parents and we are both here for you."
I gave him a hug, which caught him by surprise. I think he was delighted though because I could feel his smile. It made me smile too.
"So why did mom send you?" I asked, still hugging him. It was nice to have a father presence again.
"Wow, you're good," he said, letting me go. "We both agreed that I'd be the best parent to talk to you about this, but you can talk to either of us. It's your choice."
"Oh, why is that?" I asked curiously.
"I've learned a lot about relationships in the past years."
"Brandon and I broke up," I said, all in one breath. He nodded, without interrupting me and giving me time to explain things further to him. "We broke up the day I got back from my work with the organization. I went to surprise him, but he was with his first love. He obviously still had feelings for her, or I guess he was just confused about his feelings. Whatever it was, it made me feel like... trash," I say for lack of better words. "Because if he truly loved me, what was he so confused about?" I sigh. "He's in town now. He came by the other day, saying how sorry he is and saying how much he loves me, but I can't- I just can't."
He nodded and he looked at me with such an understanding that it made me invalidated. He didn't look at me with judgment. He didn't make me feel like I made a dumb decision because the guy I love was begging for me to be his again, and I was just rejecting him.
"Well, he obviously loves you if he came all this way to try to win you back," he starts. "Why aren't you taking him back?" He asked, which is valid because I never really got around to saying why.
"I don't want to get my heart broken again," I mumbled.
"That's part of love, kiddo," he said gently.
"I don't want to get my heart broken again by him," I clarified.
"Why? Is that so wrong?"
"Don't you think that's a bit pathetic?" I inquired, but it might as well be like I cried it out.
"You can't go through love and be afraid to do something because you're scared of how it'll look. You should do what makes you happy and what feels right to you." He paused before continuing. "Does he make you happy? Is he right for you?"
"I've never been as happy as I've been when I'm with him," I said truthfully, thinking back to all the moments he made me smile. "It feels like he was made to be with me."
He catches something in my eyes when I spoke because he looks at me curiously before asking, "But?"
"But I don't know if I make HIM the happiest. I don't know if I'm right for him."
"If he came back, he must believe that you fit into his life somewhere," he points out. "It's not like I know your relationship, but can I say something?" I nodded. "I left your mom because I was afraid, and it was the biggest mistake of my life, you know that. It sounds like he, Brandon, was scared too, in a sense." He paused at looked to the side as if trying to gather up his views and plan what he was going to say next. "Sometimes love is confusing and scary, so people run away. I'm not saying that it's okay, but I'm just saying that's the truth of it. I'm also not saying that he deserves your forgiveness because I know that I didn't deserve your mother's forgiveness. I'm saying that you need to see things from his perspective and decide what is best for you. Make sure that you don't leave with any regrets either." He states one more thing before he leaves. "For what it's worth, Brandon seemed to have loved you very much when I met him. I don't think he could have ever loved that girl as much as he loved you. I was kind of worried he'd propose to you." Actually two. "It's okay to still love someone so much, but having to let them go. It'll hurt, but if you think it'll hurt less than that's what you need to do."
"I love him. I don't think I can ever stop loving him," I whispered.
What I didn't say was that I couldn't see past his betrayal to get to my love for him because it'd be too real, because I'd have to say goodbye to him again. I wasn't strong enough to walk away from him twice. Not yet.
❅ ❅ ❅
Brandon came back around and knocked on my door again. For the past few days, he's been coming around like clockwork. After each day, his visits became less frequent and shorter. Each time, it was the same. He knocked, said he was sorry, then left. This time, I was waiting for him.
"Hi," I greeted him with a shy smile.
He looked surprised. His eyes were wide, and his hand was still in the position to knock. He let it fall to his side awkwardly. "H-hello," he said after stumbling on his words quite a bit.
"What's our adventure today?" I asked him softly. I just wanted this to work out. I wanted this to work out so bad.
His face broke out into a bright grin, and it made everything better, even if it was just for a short moment. I guess I just had to hold onto that a while longer.
After a car ride, we arrived at the destination he had in mind. It looked familiar. When I got out of the car and looked around, everything hit me on at once. I stumbled backward a bit, taken back by what I saw.
"This is when I first told you that I liked you," he told me, leading me to the same area he led me to all those months ago. It's the same set-up and everything. Big tent, big screen, big everything. "It was only fitting that we come back here because even after all this time, even after everything, I still feel the same way for you the way I did that day. The only difference is that I probably feel more."
He allowed me a moment to look around. I felt my knees growing weaker so I sat down—but it was more like me falling down—on one of the seats.
"I feel like it'd be appropriate if we watched a video of us."
The video started, and I immediately feel myself start to cry. I put my hand over my mouth as the video continued to play. The clips were all of our relationships. It wasn't any big parts of our relationship. It was just all the little things that had made me fall in love with him more.
There was us, in bed together, with him kissing my nose and me kissing his. It was the first time I had slept over at his house.
There was him pulling me into the pool from even before we became a couple.
There was Brandon and me in the car dancing along to his song, 'Summer on You,' after we heard it on the radio for the first time together.
There was Brandon in the studio writing 'Personal.'
There was my reaction when I first heard it.
There was me in the audience of one of his shows, after we had announced that we were together to the public, singing along with him.
There was Brandon and me building a fort that actually worked until he stood up in it and it fell on both of us, causing both of us to laugh.
There was me laying my head on his lap while he played the piano, and him leaning down to kiss me.
There was just us. So much of us.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I sobbed. I sobbed so hard. I sobbed like no one was watching. I sobbed so loud that Brandon had to pause the video.
He turned to look at me, I think. I couldn't really see him through my tears, but I didn't need to see him to know that he was looking at me all worried. "Did I do something wrong?" He didn't say again but I know that's what he must be thinking.
I shake my head profusely not wanting to hurt him again. How can I break his heart again when he's already so broken from all of his other heartbreaks? How can I do that to someone I love? How can I do that to myself?
I turn away from him, scooting even further away when he reaches out to touch me. I just needed a moment. "We need to break up, completely," I hiccuped, unable to find the strength to look at him when I break the news even though I know how cruel that was. No matter what he did to me, I didn't want to be that same person to him. I just couldn't bring myself to look at him. "We need to not see each other with hopes that we're going to get back together. We need a clean break."
I brushed my nose and gathered the courage to turn back around. "You need to find yourself and find happiness in your life. You need to be completely happy with what you're doing, not just content and be yourself for the whole world to see. You need to stop worrying about what people think and take a stand in front of management and be unapologetically yourself, so you can do what you love without feeling like you're just doing someone a favor." I wiped my tears so that I could fully see him. It made me falter a bit, seeing how depressed he looked. He kept on opening and closing his mouth like he wanted to say something, wanted to object, but didn't know what to say to change my mind. I think it was because he knew my mind was made up, and he was just trying to make sense of it. "You need to find yourself. You need to find who you were before me, before Melanie, before Charlotte. You need to remember that love isn't just all about heartbreak and that our break-up doesn't have to be like that. You need to understand that you are capable of love and capable of loving someone fully. You have to understand that I'm not ending it because I don't love you. Sometimes relationships just end and you have to accept that."
I didn't say it but my tone just said, "Please. Please believe me. Please do this for me."
I wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand like we always used to do, but I knew that'd be too much for the both of us. I settled with placing my hand beside his so that our fingers were touching but just slightly. "We have to be apart because I need to find a life without you first. I need to be on my own and do my own thing without worrying about our relationship every second because that's not how love is supposed to be. It's not how I want to imagine our love to be because our love is so much more than that. I don't want to hate you or for you to hate me because I think that'd be a true heartbreak. I know I said this all before, but this is important to me and this time I mean it," I emphasized, ignoring the voice in my head that was telling me to take everything back. "I need to be Eliana Violet before I can be Brandon Arreaga's girlfriend. I need to learn to forget what you did and convince myself that I can be someone's first choice. I need to get over your betrayal and be 100% okay with it. I was almost there. I was almost stronger. I was almost at the point where I didn't let love define me, but I'm not there yet, so I can't be in a relationship."
I was finished, and I was begging him to say something, just anything. However, his mouth just opened and closed again like he was a fish out of the water. That's when I finally touched him, when I finally put my hand over his and squeezed as the last resort.
Finally, he said, "I never meant for you to feel that way." This time, he was the one that refused to look at me. "If I'd know I'd make you feel that way that day, I wouldn't have done something so impulsively. If I could turn back time, I would take everything back," he said so honestly that I felt like if I searched up the word 'honest,' I'd find this.
"But you can't and that's okay." I so badly wanted to reach under his chin and bring his head up to look at me, but I couldn't just do that, not when he's not ready. "People make mistakes. Even people in love. Love isn't perfect either."
"But I'm going to regret that mistake for the rest of my life." He finally looked at me, and his eyes weren't begging me to stay with him anymore. His eyes told me that he knew he had lost me.
"Please don't. I can't move on with that over my head." I gave him a tight-lipped grin. "I also want you to look back and just remember absolute happiness. If you hold onto that regret, you'd just look back at sadness. I don't want to make you sad."
He looked guilty but smiled quite a big smile. "You could never make me sad." He turned his hand and squeezed my head. I didn't even notice that I was still holding onto his hand until that moment. "If two people are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back."
I chuckled. "Do you really believe that?"
"I do."
"Then so do I."
❅ ❅ ❅
I was at my father's art exhibit. It was something that he had been working on for a while now, and he had just surprised the whole family. Leo had helped him out, and during that time, I think my dad even adopted Leo to be like his son. They grew very close, and it was nice because it's like I had another brother. His whole exhibit was based on his family, my mom, and I—OUR family.
Everything was good until Brandon appeared in the middle of the gallery. He sat down on a stool and rested his hand on the mic stand. "The amazing artist behind these drawings asked me to perform today, and I agreed because I relate to his work. I felt like this song describes it perfectly, so here's 'The Good Side.' I hope you guys like it."
"I got the good side of things. Left you with both of the rings. My fingers danced and swayed in the breeze. The change in the wind took you down to your knees. I got the good side of you. Sent it out into the blue. The people danced to the sound of your heart. The world sang along to it falling apart."
The whole time, he was looking down at the ground.
"But I sympathize, and I recognize. And baby, I apologize that I got the good side, the good side of things."
"I got the good side of life. Traveled the universe twice. So many thoughts I wanted to share. But I didn't call 'cause it wouldn't be fair. Then I got the good side of new. Found arms to fall right into. I know how it looked, it wasn't the plan. And someday I hope that you'll understand. I sympathize..."
My dad came up beside me and knocked me on the shoulder with his shoulder. "Thought you'd like the closure."
"I still love him but that isn't enough right now. In my dreams, it'll be enough when we meet each other again. if we meet each other again."
"I'm sure we'll meet in the spring and catch up on everything. I'll say I'm proud of all that you've done. You taught me the ropes, and you taught me to love."
I recognized those lyrics, and it was then that Brandon finally looked up. His eyes found mine almost immediately, and his eyes locked with mine. He was trying to tell me something as he sang. As he finished the song out, I realized that this was his last song to me, his last goodbye.
It was bittersweet because even though we were broken up, our bond was still unbreakable.
❅ ❅ ❅
MONTHS LATER
"So a couple months ago, a video leaked of you singing a song at an art exhibit? I'm assuming. Fans want to know if that'll be the next single for PRETTYMUCH?" The interviewer asked all the guys, but specifically Brandon.
All of them looked at the interviewer then to Brandon, almost uncomfortable for their brother.
Brandon shrugged like the question didn't phase him, but they all knew it did something to him. It woke him up. "That was probably the only time people will hear it. It's just a personal song to me, and I don't feel uncomfortable performing it anymore."
It made him remember Eliana. It made him remember the day they officially broke up. It made him remember the things she asked of him. It made him remember how much he promised her. It made him want to do right by her because she deserved that from him and everything and more.
❅ ❅ ❅
helloooo... please don't hate me. the story isn't over yet, so put away your pitchforks!! THIS IS NOT THE END! THERE WILL BE MORE OKAY!
after the last chapter, a lot of people commented how eliana deserved better and i agree. i didn't want to make eliana THAT girl who forgave too easily just because she loved too much. this was hard for me to write, hard for eliana to go through, and probably hard for y'all to read, but this is the reality.
please don't get me wrong. i love eliana and brandon with all my heart, but it just isn't there time right now. SO VOTE AND COMMENT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT MWAHAHAHAH JK BUT PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON THIS STORY JUST YET