"Regina, if you continue assaulting your clothes that way I can't promise I will be able to protect you when they come seeking their revenge," I tease while my wife furiously scrubs at her blouse over the washing machine.
Her brows are furrowing expressing her concentration, causing that adorable little vein across her forehead to pop. She huffs, forcing a ragged breath up her lips and scattering a few loose strands from her face. Despite the murderous scowl consuming her face I still believe she's the most beautiful woman out there.
My wife refuses to acknowledge my playful banter proceeding with her fierce scrubbing. I wrap my arms around her waist from behind, pushing her against the machine and latching my lips onto her neck. Regina abruptly pushes me away, rejecting my touch, leaving me stunned and shocking my soul.
"I'm trying to get the blood out of this expensive blouse, I've had a very trying day Emma," she spits coldly, eliciting a nervous energy to tremble through my veins because she never speaks to me in this manner.
"I'm sorry," I whisper and reach out, gently placing my hands on top of hers to still her anxious actions. "Let me help you," I insist and pull the garment from her reluctant white knuckles. "What happened today?" I softly inquire and spray some stain remover onto her blood soaked blouse.
She exhales loudly and visibly shudders beside me. "It was just a stressful day, nothing you can do to fix," she remarks in a tone that leaves an unsettling sensation deep within the pit of my stomach. We fall silent for a moment because I don't want to open my mouth and irritate her even further. "Listen Emma, I don't think we can travel to Sicily this year."
My eyebrows draw painfully close together as I peek over my shoulder at my agitated wife. "Why?" I simply question, remaining as calm as possible.
"I don't think it's feasible," she breathes and nervously runs a quivering hand through her long tresses. "With the first year of my own practice and Noah just being born...financially," she trails off and rubs the muscles behind her neck that I imagine to be knotting from the stress.
"Are we struggling?" I meekly question and hate myself for not being more involved with our finances. Regina has always been the one to manage our accounts and bills, even when I was working.
"Not...really..." she stammers causing me to believe she's lying just to save me the stress. "We will be fine. It's just a lot right now and I don't think we should be spending money so carelessly."
"Alright, if you think that's best than that's what we will do. Maybe your parents can visit us?" I suggest while my eyes are strained to her bottom lip she's worrying between her teeth. "Regina," I drop her shirt into the washing machine and turn around to face her. "Do I need to go back to work?"
"No, no, Emma you just had Noah. You need to stay at home with the kids. Besides, it wouldn't make much sense. All your earnings would go toward daycare. We will be fine," she assures me and places a quick peck to my cheek.
The kiss is nothing like the usual loving, sensual kisses I'm accustomed to and my heart sinks from the distance between us.
~~~~~~~~
"Are you sure you're okay?" Cora questions with her motherly concerned tone powerfully consuming through the phone line.
"Yes, ma," I exasperate with a small chuckle attached to the end. I shake my head and continue packing my suitcase. "I think you're getting forgetful. I work at a wonderful dentist office and I have this ex wife who is a successful doctor who owns her very own practice. I don't need you paying for our plane tickets," I teasingly explain with my phone tucked firmly between my ear and shoulder.
"And my darling...stubborn ass daughter will not be accompanying you?"
"Of course not," I chuckle despite the ache clenching my heart tightly from the idea of visiting Sicily without Regina. "How dare you suggest she leaves her patients during the busy season."
"One day your sarcasm will run out and then what will you be left with my dear?"
"A broken heart," I breathe and instantly stop packing my suitcase. I slump down onto my bed and exhale out all my anguish.
After a brief moment of silence Cora speaks up again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you my dear. Let's discuss your flight, when will you be arriving?"
I fall onto my back and stare aimlessly up at the ceiling above. "We should be arriving around nine in the morning. It's been sometime since the kids have been on a plane so I thought an overnight flight would suit us best."
"Are they nervous about the travel?"
"Noah is a little bit, he doesn't really remember ever being on a plane, otherwise the others don't seem to mind."
"We will be at the airport waiting for you all to arrive." A small squeal escapes my mother in law's lips. "We are overjoyed to spend the next two weeks together. It's been far too long my dear."
"I know ma. I miss Sicily so much. Would you believe that I actually miss being on a horse," at the acknowledgement we both chuckle softly, a giddy grin breaking across my lips.
"I'm sure Bandit will take to your family rather quickly," Cora comments and I can just hear the smile dancing across her mouth.
"I can't wait to take the guy out," I confirm and day dream about the wind in my hair and leaving all my worries behind me as I race toward the sunset of that old familiar field.
~~~~~~
"Are you sure you can't come mama?" Noah modestly inquires as he peers up at his other mother. His green eyes are blinking, batting those long thick eyelashes, persuading Regina's mind to follow him.
"I'm sorry honey, I have to work," she concludes and pulls our youngest into a tight hug. Her soft pink lips are for once free of makeup as they linger in our son's shaggy hair. "I'll see you as soon as you come back," she vows before Noah pulls away and swings his backpack over his shoulders.
Regina takes her time hugging and kissing our children goodbye while I stand off to the side twitching like some caffeine junkie. My stomach is flipping sending wave after wave of nausea to crash through my body. This isn't right. Nothing about this moment is right in my mind.
Sicily is our place. That's where Regina and I fell madly in love. Where we spent an entire summer enveloped in each other's arms, learning every secret and detail that made us who we are. Our place where our first son was born and Regina proposed. Our place where we were wed and vowed to spend the rest of our days just as much in love and proving that eternal love for the rest of our lives.
Instead, we've parted ways. Broke our vows. Destroyed our love and happiness. And now, I'm on my way to our home, without the one person who should be by my side every step of the way.
"Please call me when you land," Regina pleads with her fears pulsating in those big brown eyes.
I blink away my train of thought and nod politely. "Of course," I murmur and gather our luggage to push through this awkward moment. I just need to force some space between us before I lose my mind.
The kids say one final goodbye and wave to their mother as they shuffle their things into the airport. I'm following behind, but then a warm hand is reaching out. I glance down and watch as her delicate fingers curl around my forearm. My body sparks and sizzles from the contact because it's been forever since the last time we touched.
"Have a safe flight Emma and please take care of my babies," she implores in a tone that provokes my eyes to flick up toward hers.
The sun is shining down in just the right angle, washing over her flawless face. The light illuminates her eyes into that warm honey color that always seems to kick start my heart. I swallow thickly and examine the way her emotions are displayed so vividly across her face. Her eyes glisten with tears clinging to those worried eyes and my heart breaks all over again.
"I always do," I softly reply and offer her the most sincere smile I can muster up over my aching heart. "Merry Christmas Regina," I whisper causing Regina's breath to hitch.
I slowly pull away from her gentle touch and walk away before I cave and cancel this whole trip.
~~~~~~~
"Noah, you have to stay in your seat," I hiss, lifting my son back into his seat, provoking his little feet to kick viciously in protest.
Henry's eyebrows skyrocket as he watches his little brother flail about and whine pathetically. My hand flings over his tiny legs to still his actions before he kicks the back of the seat in front of him.
"No, mommy!" He cries defiantly, causing every head nearby to turn and glare at us.
From across the aisle my wife leans over in her seat and pouts as she watches our son rebel against me. She stretches forward across the aisle and rests her hand on Henry's armrest.
"Noah," she sternly calls his name but there's still a soft motherly tone wrapping around her voice. Our son pouts, folding his arms across his chest and snaps his head toward his other mother. "You need to stay in your seat. I know this is a long plane ride, but you have to be good, okay?"
"I just want to get up Momma," he whines with his full bottom lip pouting out. "I feel weird," he grumbles bringing his knees closer to his chest.
I sweep his hair to one side and lean down to kiss the crown of his head. "We are almost there bud, I promise," I mumble into his thick locks.
"I want momma," he cries, sniffling back his tears.
"Okay honey, I'll come over there," Regina agrees while unbuckling her seatbelt. I follow her lead and scoot passed my boys into the center aisle. Regina slips into my seat and I claim hers next to the girls. "What's wrong Noah," she coos and pulls our four year old into her lap, stroking his hair in a soothing manner.
"My ears hurt and my tummy feels weird," he complains into her chest.
"I know, flying isn't always fun. Drink some water," she encourages with his special Buzz Lightyear water bottle. Our son accepts the water, but whimpers again into Regina's loving arms. "It'll all be over soon," she vows, running her fingers methodically through his hair until he falls asleep in her lap.
~~~~~~~
"Mom."
I jolt awake, forcing my eyes to spring to life and take in the dark atmosphere around me. I blink away the sleep and turn my head toward my youngest.
"Noah? Is something wrong?" I lazily question and stretch out my sleepy limbs as much as I can in the confines of a plane.
"I don't feel right."
I frown and run my fingers through his hair before clamping my palm over his forehead. "You don't feel warm," I note out loud and take in his sleepy appearance.
"I know. I just...I don't know how to explain it. I just don't feel...right..." he stammers as he does his best to explain what he may be experiencing right now.
I glance to my left to check on my other three children across the aisle. All three are fast asleep, Harper resting her head on Sutton's shoulder and Sutton curled into Henry's arm. I smile fondly at my adorable teens and turn back toward Noah.
"Do you feel nauseous?" I softly whisper, conscious not to disturb the rest of the sleeping plane.
"Yeah, kinda," he mumbles, pulling his knees to his chest.
"Alright bud, I have something for you." I reach into my backpack and pull out a water bottle and some crackers anticipating that he might not feel so well on the plane. "Drink some water and try to get a couple of these crackers down," I instruct while handing both items over.
My son nibbles on the corner of a cracker as his head falls to rest against my shoulder. I drape my arm around his shoulder, pulling him in closer as my fingers glide through his hair like he's still my baby boy. I place a kiss on top of his head as my eyes drift closed.
"I wish mom were here," my son mutters halting my conscious from drifting back to sleep. I sigh and kick myself for wishing the same thing.
"I know bud."
~~~~~~~~
With heavy feet and sleep still hanging over my family like a darkening cloud, we file one by one off the plane. I trudge behind my cranky daughter who is trying to wobble through the crowd with her crutches, huffing and puffing out her frustrations as people bump into her and step directly in front of her as though she cease to exist. I duck my head to hide the smirk that's spreading across my face from the similarities between Sutton and Regina.
"Oh my," I hear that old familiar gasp ringing in my ears and my emotions bubble far too quickly to the surface.
I don't know how just the voice of this woman is already sending me to the brink of tears. I swallow down all my overwhelming emotions and glance up to discover Cora and Henry waiting with open arms. Instantly, my vision blurs as my oldest wraps his arms around his grandmother. Cora chants the word beddu, over and over again while attacking his face with aggressive kisses, declaring just how handsome he is. The woman has never appeared so small and fragile than in this moment with my son towering over her. She helped raise him the first year of his life, so I know in my heart he shares a special bond with her that the other children don't seem to have.
Regina's father pulls Harper and Noah into a loving hug while Sutton and I trek our way closer. Cora kisses each one of her grandchildren through a dazzling smile that's consuming her entire face. Finally, I sigh and drop my bag next to me. My mouth curls down as more tears fill my eyes and Cora holds out her arms.
I rush into the smaller woman's embrace and wrap my arms securely around her neck while her arms reach behind my back. She pats me lightly before she squeezes, forcing more tears to trickle down my cheeks and land upon her shoulder. I inhale sharply on instinct and allow her warm scent of baked apple pie to wash over me. I can only imagine what goodies she has baked for our arrival.
"Don't you dare cry on me young lady," she sternly scolds, but I know this woman and I distinctly hear the laughter hidden away in her tone.
I sniffle and squeeze her once more before I reluctantly slip out of her arms. My mother in law doesn't allow me to disappear so quickly though. Her cold hands slide up either side of my cheeks and holds me firmly, wiping away my happy tears.
"Oh how I've missed you my dear," she confesses through a watery smile.
I chuckle while I'm sniffling to keep my leaky nose from causing a bigger mess and smile lovingly at the woman who is my second mother. "I know," my fingers curl around her delicate wrists and squeeze some reassurance into her touch. "I've missed you too."
"And what about me? Am I just chopped liver to you?" Henry chuckles his deep joyfully laugh as I quickly untangle myself from his wife and hug the older man as tight as possible.
"You look good Pops," I comment and pat his pack playfully. "I'm not going to lie, when Cora said you two were growing too old to travel this year, I thought for sure I would find you with one foot in the grave."
My father in law curls his upper lip in distaste, just like his daughter and shoves my shoulder playfully. "Mind your manners, Emma. Last time I checked, you aren't so young anymore either." My nose scrunches in disgust. "Forties, right? Just keep inching your way closer to the finish line," he teases.
"Alright," I growl and bend down to pick up my backpack while all four of my children laugh at my expense. "I'm not that old."
"Time only moves faster from here on out," Cora chimes in as she gestures for us to vacate the airport. "Soon, you'll be our age."
"Oh god," I groan in the most pathetic tone and follow my in laws back to their car.
~~~~~~~
"We will let you get settled, but as soon as you are all done packing I expect all of you in my kitchen," Cora smiles fondly with her husband's arm draped lovingly over her shoulders.
I smile at the older couple and wonder how the hell they remained so happy after all these years. Henry was mayor of his town and Cora owned her own restaurant, so when the hell did they have time for one another. Granted, they only had their one perfect child to raise, unlike the four Regina and I couldn't wait to have.
"I promise," I reply as my feet shuffle toward the addition that was once my home. I peek over my shoulder just needing one more minute before I am faced with a tower of unwanted emotions. "As long as you promise that you have cannolis for me," I tease earning myself a small nod in confirmation from the older couple.
I smile and turn my attention back toward the addition that isn't so tiny anymore after the Mills added onto it. My hand reaches for the doorknob and I plead with my fingers to stop quivering in fear. I quickly turn the handle in hopes that my children won't see the apprehension pulsating through my blood right now.
The door swings wide open with a small creek that informs us just how old this place is. That old familiar scent wafts through the air and its Cora's floral scent mixed with her cleaning supplies.
Still attending to this place once a week I see.
As much as I beg myself not to...my eyes slide over to the queen size bed that Regina and I once shared. A wicked pain surges through my chest like a hand pelting it's way through my sternum and stealing my heart; squeezing the organ unbearably tight until I no longer have the luxury of a simple breath.
So many glorious memories flicker across my mind, but all I can truly see are raven locks in disarray, enchanting brown eyes glowing with love and affection and tan smooth skin. The calming scent of the ocean breeze somehow fills my nostrils, along with the scent of sunscreen, lavender and Regina's familiar scent when her legs are parted.
It's suddenly suffocatingly hot and sticky in this room, despite the nippy temperature from outside. My cheeks flush crimson as a sweat breaks along my neck and hairline.
"Uh, mom?" I blink and whip my head around to find four curious eyes glaring at me. "Are you gonna move so we can all go in?" Sutton questions, leaning heavily onto her crutches.
I swallow the massive lump swelling in my throat and step aside for my children to enter.
"You alright, ma?" Henry inquires, clasping a hand upon my shoulder and dragging my mind back to the now. "You look like you've seen a ghost," he laughs and sweeps passed me not truly caring for an explanation.
And oh god did I see a ghost.
Her ghost of our passed is going to haunt me every single day while we are here and I wonder how stupid I was to plan this trip and think her memory wouldn't consume my every thought here.