Only in darkness can you see the stars. ~Martian Luther King. Jr.
There was still a week before school started. It was late Saturday morning about ten o'clock. Auntie made us a hair appointment for noon so I got myself out of bed and got ready.
I showered, dressed, and went down stairs for breakfast.
Shelly was out doing something for her restaurant. She had one built here and is getting everything set up and ready for opening night. which was the Friday the same week school started.
Pax was downstairs still in her pajamas watching YouTube on her phone.
"Pax, why aren't you ready?" I asked, slightly irritated. "We've got our hair appointment today."
"Ah shit! That's today?" She asked, jumping up.
"Yeah, genius! In two hours!" I smacked her on the back of the head.
"Stop hitting me!" She smacked me back. "God, you're so abusive." She sat back down and continued on with her phone.
"Go get ready!" I yelled, exasperated.
"Right!" She jumped back up and ran to her room.
"Did you have anything to eat!?" I asked, yelling from the kitchen.
"No!" She yelled back, probably from her bedroom.
"I'm making cereal!" I screamed and got back a yelled, "Ok!"
I grabbed two bowls, grabbed LuckyCharms and FruitLoops, grabbed the milk, then started pouring it all in. Once I finished I stuck a spoon in each bowl and grabbed my LuckyCharms before sitting on the bar stools.
Pax came in a couple minutes later, dressed and ready to go. She wore high waisted blue jean shorts and a white long sleeved crop top with a pair of white converse and her ugly aqua green hair was pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head.
I slid her bowl of cereal towards her and she dug in.
"What color do you want to dye your hair?" I asked through a mouthful of LuckyCharms.
"I was thinking maybe rose-gold?" She questioned. "I wanted a lighter hair color, you know? Something that wasn't so dark."
"Yeah I get it. The first time I dyed my hair it was dark dark purple. I wanted a dark color to reflect on how I feel inside," I nodded. "And know that I don't feel so dark I want a lighter color too."
"Which color?" She asked.
"I was thinking maybe silver," I said.
"OMG, Yes!" She squealed. "That will look so amazing! And we'd look so good together!"
"Calm your tits, honey," I told her. "No need to go all fangirl on my hair. It's just hair."
She rolled her eyes at me. "Come on its eleven." Pax grabbed her now empty bowl and put it in the sink. "Auntie won't be back till later so we need to stop by the restaurant for dinner."
I nodded and put my bowl in the sink following Pax to the garage. She got into the drivers side and I into the passenger, then started our way into town.
I leaned my head against the window, watching the scenery go by, the radio was on low with Pax humming along. We sat in comfortable silence. Sometime we needed this. Silence. Just us together, not talking, but knowing the other person was there for us.
"How you holding up, babe?" Pax asked softly. Sometimes she needed to be the one who talked first.
"I don't know," I answered honestly with a sigh. "It's all so familiar and all the same but so different. It feels good to be back but there's this underlying pain."
Pax took hold of my hand and the car fell back into comfortable silence. We drove the rest of the way into town like that.
+++++
"Appointment for Mathews," I told the person at the front desk of the hair salon.
"Paxton and Emma?" She asked.
"That's us," I smiled.
"Alright come on back," she led us to two chairs next to each other. "Your hair dressers will be right with you."
A couple minutes later two hairdressers, one male, one female came over to Pax and I. I explained to the male, Ryan, what I wanted and he got right to it.
Three hours later, Ryan was blow drying my hair. I kept my eyes closed because I hated it when the heat would blow into my eyes. Pax had fallen asleep about an hour ago in the chair. Her hair was done. She got a hair cut; it know reached her shoulders so it took less time then mine to dye.
"Alright, Love, you are done," Ryan announced shutting the blow drier off. I opened my eyes and smiled at what I saw. My faded black hair was long gone, now in its place was curly silver hair that went down to my breasts.
"I fucking love it!" I grinned. "Thanks, Ryan."
"No problemo, Chic-a!" He smiled.
I kicked Paxton in the leg which startled her awake with a very attractive snort.
"Wha-?" She asked still half asleep.
"We're done," I told her, standing up and stretching.
"Damn, girl. You look hot!" She smirked then turned to the mirror to look at herself. "Not as hot as me but still hot." She winked at herself and ran a hand through her hair.
We walked over to the front desk, paid, left a tip, and got into the car with me driving.
"You want to go on a tour of the town?" I asked. "Its only three, so we've got some time to kill before heading over to aunties."
"Yeah let's do it!" She was excited. I was too even though it would most likely bring back past memories. I was glad I got to share this with my best friend, my sister, my family.
"So, we'll start at the school then go from there," I put the car in reverse and back out of the parking spot, turning around, I put the car in drive and headed off towards the high School.
"This is where we'll start school on Monday," I Said. We were taking a tour around the school outside because we couldn't enter. "The middle school is across the street then the elementary school is a bloke away." Just thinking about school and being this close to them had my heart racing and memories swarming my head.
"You, Ok?" Pax asked. "I know it's hard but I agree with Dr. Constance and auntie. This will be good. These places don't hold power over you. You're a strong, independent women, that was dealt a bad hand, you've over come most of it, now you just need to overcome the trauma and PTSD."
Pax wrapped her arms around me for a hug. I hugged back immediately. "I'll be with you every step of the way along with auntie. You have people that love you and care for you. Nothing like what happened will ever happen again." She vowed.
"I love you," I told her. "Your the fucking best."
"Duh," She said. "Now carry on my wayward son!"
The rest of the tour around town took us two hours. Our last stop was going to my old house in my old neighborhood.
I made a left turn into the old ratty, rundown neighborhood. House were dilapidated, graffitied covered most buildings, vandalism was everywhere. It seems like there were grey skies and clouds that always hung over this neighborhood.
"Holy shit," Pax breathed. "How did you ever survive this? This place is absolute hell."
"I spent a lot of my time on the streets," I told her. "Anything was better than this place."
I made a right turn onto another street and drove to the house I grew up in. It was empty and covered in hurtful words.
FREAK
LOSER
NERD
WORTHLESS
IDIOT
PATHETIC
UGLY
I took a shaky breath, willing myself not to burst into tears. I promised myself I was not going to shed anymore tears for this place.
I shut the car off and jumped out; Pax following.
"I think this is worse than my house," Pax mumbled. "Jesus, Babe, no wonder you were severely depressed."
"Yeah," I gave a shaky chuckle. "Never thought I'd be back here. It's exactly how I remember."
"Do you wanna go in?" She asked.
"No," I shook my head, taking a step back. "Maybe another day. This is enough for today." She nodded in understanding.
"It's six o'clock now, we should head to aunties restaurant. There will be people there, though. It's like pre-opening or whatever," she took the keys from me and got into the car and started it up. I stood looking at the house for a bit longer.
REPULSIVE
TRASH
WEIRDO
CRYBABY
KILL YOURSELF
WASTE OF SPACE
DIE ALREADY
Words. Horrible, horrible words. I used to stare at all day long. I believed every last one of them. Now, I want to laugh. I can't believe these stupid words hurt me, but words are one of the most dangerous weapons.
I turned around and got into the passenger seat. "Lets go." I told Pax, buckling up.
She smiled at me, put the car in reverse, and drove to aunt Shelly's restaurant.
+++++++
"Hello, welcome to Ornate Kitchen, do you have a reservation?" Greeted the server. She was a High Schooler, seventeen maybe eighteen, will probably see her around school, had long blond hair, face full of makeup, her uniform was probably a size to small.
"Uh no we don't," I said.
"Sorry, we aren't serving anyone without a reservation. Today is by special invitation only," she did not seem sorry at all.
"We were told by the owner of this establishment, Shelly Mathew, that we could come by for dinner," Pax Said.
"What's the name?" She asked, her voice was snooty and annoyed.
"Paxton and Emma Mathew," Pax smiled victoriously.
She typed our name into the computer. "Sorry, there is no reservation with that name," she gave a fake pout.
"Can we speak to your manager?" I asked, trying to be kind even though this girl was pissing me off.
"Look, Just Leave. You don't have a reservation, the owner didn't tell you to come by, go try to steal food elsewhere. This is a respectable establishment," the girl snapped.
"We would love to speak with your manager!" Pax exclaimed.
"Fine Be this way!" She snapped. "Can I get the manager up front?" She said into a little microphone. "He's on his way." She smiled a sickly sweet smile.
"Rico!" Pax smiled brightly. "It's so good to see you!"
"If it isn't Emma and Paxton," Rico, the restaurants manager smiled. "How are you girls doing?"
"We are lovely," I smiled and kissed his cheek. Rico has been working for Shelly a little over ten years. "Auntie said we could come by for dinner. Spent the day touring the town."
"Of course!" Rico said. "Anna get these girls a booth!" He ordered.
"Rico, they don't have a reservation," Anna, pointed out.
"They don't need one," He Said. "Their aunt runs the place!" Annas' face paled and she quickly got two menus, leading us towards a booth.
"Thanks, Anna," Pax Said, sarcastically. "See you around, If we don't get you fired." Pax smirked.
Anna set the menus down and squired off.
"No need to threaten the poor girl," I lightly smacked her arm. "She's scared out of her mind."
"She was being a bitch," Pax countered.
"She was doing her job. We didn't have a reservation and she wasn't aloud to let anyone in without a reservation." I Said, looking over my menu.
"Don't be so nice to bitches," she grumbled. "You spent your whole life being bullied by them."
"That doesn't mean I'm going to bully them. No one deserves to feel the pain we felt," I Said and she sighed.
"I guess your right."
+++++++
Auntie came out of the kitchen and ate a little with us then went back to work. I had the cheese ravioli and Pax has the mushroom ravioli. When we finished we just kinda left. Auntie told us there was no need to pay. She owned the place.
We said a quick goodbye to Rico and Pax said a very sarcastic bye to the server up front.
Pax is going to be the death of me one day.
As promised to Maria and Ales we drove over to the pizzeria. It was just closing up so we got there in time.
After my abrupt leaving everyone thought I died. I didn't blame them. I tried to commit suicide, Shelly flew right over, we stayed for seventy-four hours before we left for Boston. It was in the paper the next day about how I attempted suicide then just vanished. Everyone just got it in their head that I died.
I had to explain to Maria and Ales what happened over the passed three years. I didn't tell them everything just the bare minimum. I could tell they wanted more but I couldn't do that to myself.
I couldn't talk about the darkness, couldn't talk about voices, couldn't talk about anything really.
So, I just told them I was suffering from depression, went to a psychiatric hospital, got better, and now I'm back to finish senior year.
We left after about an hour of talking about some of the things I missed. How they were, what the town was like after my 'supposed suicide', just mindless stuff.
Talking about it made my mood worsen and I felt very tired.
I went to bed that night not feeling well.
I didn't get out of bed the next day.